


This Was My Heart

by Meichiri



Series: This Bond of Red [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blindfold Sex, Blood and Torture, Dubious Consent, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Eros & Psyche Inspired, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Foreshadowing, Internal Conflict, Loss of Virginity, Minor Cassandra Pentaghast/Varric Tethras, Minor Fenris/Female Hawke, Old Gods (Dragon Age), Older Man/Younger Woman, Romance, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Suicide Attempt, Worldbuilding, two-person love triangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-02-28 06:07:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 102,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13265313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meichiri/pseuds/Meichiri
Summary: Evelyn was born with a soulmark that she couldn't read, one that her parents determined to hide away from the world. It was only after she was taken to the Circle of Ostwick, through a childish mistake, that she knew what her mark meant: Fen'Harel.





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Walking in Circles](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5725846) by [Milee_Cosgrove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milee_Cosgrove/pseuds/Milee_Cosgrove). 



> This story is un-beta and as English is my second language, mistakes are unavoidable so please point it out to me so if you notice something.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A girl with a forbidden mark on her wrist learned about the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revision date: 15/08/2018
> 
> The first chapter has been beta-ed by Ember Leo (Thank you so much for your great help!). It included new parts and scenes!

Evelyn Trevelyan had always accepted her parents and their strange ways.

"Do not, under any circumstances, let anyone see your soulmark."

That was their first teaching as far as she could remember and follow. Her childhood in the castle their family called home were spent studying under the strict supervision of several governors, learning the proper etiquette that any noble child should have, and yet there was not even a single occasion where she could put her learning to use.

Her parents had a habit of locking her away in her room when someone came by, or throwing a thick blanket over her when they were in a carriage taking off to someplace. They were also sure to keep her arms covered up, even in the hot summer of the Free Marches, and were always particularly concerned with her left arm, making sure her wrist was kept from even her own view. Her elder siblings were also not allowed to look at her arms, and most of the time they couldn't even talk about the topic of soulmates.

Whenever she was able to get a peek of it, like when it was late at night and her parents' watchful eyes were no longer present, she always made sure to stare at the words, her fingers caressing every letter.

She still couldn't read her mark; the strange letters simply didn't look like any of the languages she had seen in her textbooks during her study hours. They weren't too big but would certainly catch the eye. She would trace the name every night, eyebrows furrowed, wondering just what it actually meant and thinking how strange it was to have your fate handpicked for you from birth. She wasn't all that bothered by it and was more frustrated with the constant hiding and lying. It was exhausting, and the fact that she didn't even know what the name meant felt like some weird kind of betrayal. She wasn't responsible for the name on her wrist, so why should she be punished?

Eventually, her persistence and curiosity won a small victory when an elven servant told her that her mark was written in the Elven language. He couldn't tell her what it said, though, as he was born in the city. Apparently, even among the Dalish, only the Keepers can read and write properly.

So, her soulmate was an elf, she concluded, somewhat excited that she finally knew something about them. At the same time, there was still a sense of distance unlike what she had expected—she had thought that by knowing just a little bit about her soulmate, it would feel less strange. Perhaps it was because she didn't actually know that person. Nevertheless, Evelyn wondered if this was the reason her parents were so keen on keeping it a secret from the world. Bann Trevelyan shouldn't have his reputation tainted by having one of his children destined to bond with an elf, after all. She set the thought aside and continued on with her life, a good daughter as always.

One day, a few months after her seventh birthday, the curtain in her room suddenly burst into flame when she was taking a particular hard scolding from her governess for making another mistake in her exercises. The look on her parents' faces when they ran inside the room was one she had never seen before.

Even as a little girl, Evelyn had gotten used to keeping certain things secret, so when she heard murmurs of The Circle and Mages she was immediately suspicious. She knew what secrets looked like.

It was a strange day when she was taken from her home, with her parents reminding her that she needed to keep her own secret covered up. They threw scarves and bits of material at her, reminding her to wrap up that wrist, and just keep her mouth shut unless she wanted to cause trouble.

Evelyn wasn't quite sure how to react when they brought her to the Ostwick Circle. She couldn't deny that the building was gorgeous—all tall and sharp edges, overlooking the water—and that the change of scenery excited her naïve child's mind. But this still all felt much too fast, and she certainly wasn't expecting to have others preparing to take her blood. When she asked why, they smirked at her, and ignored her question, leaving her to imagine the worst.

xxXxx

Evelyn sighed as she stared across the room. There they all sat, books in hand, excitedly pointing at pages and repeating phrases. They didn't include her. They never included her, and it was something she thought she would never get used to. Sometimes she felt like it was a mistake coming here to the public hall instead of just locking herself in her dorm room. She had one entirely to herself after all, with the other female mages refusing to stay even one night with her. Part of her wanted to go back to her parents, with all the hiding and the secrets, but such things were impossible now. She knew that all too well. Maybe she should have been more diligent and wrapped her wrist with the red fabric her mother gave her. Maybe she should have been more careful.

_The young apprentices were excited at the prospect of having another child joining them_ _,_ _and at first,_ _all was_ _well. They would show her around,_ _guiding_ _her_ _in_ _the daily schedule_ _,_ _and_ _in_ _what was expected of them. She quickly got used to her new life, realizing that it wasn't that_ _different_ _from before, all hiding and obeying_ _. T_ _he only difference was that she now had to do things on her own, but it was a change she welcomed._

_The children of her age loved to show off their soulmarks, still too young to understand that even if they had one, the chances of them ever_ _getting_ _out of this place to find that person was slim to none_ _. Nevermind that_ _soulmarks were supposed to be_ _a_ _sacred secret, shown only to their chosen one. She would look on as they tried to spell and read the names, feeling envious that_ they _, at least, could read their marks._

_Sometimes, one of them would ask about hers, but she always tried to deflect_ _their_ _questions_ _,_ _or_ _claim_ _that her wrist was scarred and the mark was distorted because of it. She tried to avoid them more and more each time the question was asked, but eventually,_ _the_ _day came_ _:_

" _Why do you always keep your wrist covered up?" a voice called._

_Evelyn looked up from her book, staring up to meet the face of a young boy. He had dark hair and big eyes, his hair swept to the side, but not enough to hide his pointy ears._ _Evelyn recognized the young elf._ _She had_ _seen_ _him around_ _,_ _here and there. He was, apparently, a young Dalish mage who_ _had_ _wandered too far from his clan, only to be taken by the Templars._ _Her gaze drifted downwards_ _, landing on her wrist and the red fabric that covered it up. She had listened to her parents' words._

" _I have a scar." Evelyn shrugged, not feeling too concerned about the boy's question._

" _So? I've seen elves here with worse than that. Seems like you're hiding something." The boy poked at Evelyn's wrist._

_She was quick to pull it back, resting it against her chest. "Don't do that."_

" _Do what?" he asked, obnoxious grin and all, poking at her hand a few more times._

" _Stop," Evelyn groaned, slapping at the boy's hand. "Stop that."_

" _Everyone_ _says there's something_ _wrong with your wrist. Tell me, tell me, tell me," the boy continued, and it was the final poke to the hand that pushed the young girl too far._

_She stood up, the book falling to the ground with a soft thud, her eyes narrowed and dark. "Since you're so terribly curious, and don't know when to stop, I'll show you. So you can leave me alone, and run and tell all your friends that are so bothered," Evelyn muttered_ _. She_ _loosened the red fabric and_ _shoved her wrist in the boy's face_ _. Only Keepers could read Elvish so she should be safe showing her mark to a child, right? She_ _naively assumed so,_ _but what happened next sealed her fate_ _._

_His eyes widened and his_ _jaw dropped_ _the moment her bared wrist came into view_ _. H_ _e brought up a trembling finger, pointing at Evelyn. "Y-you're—how can that be?" The boy stepped back,_ _overcome with fear_ _, still pointing at the girl. "Stay away! Stay away! You belong to Fen'Harel! The Dread Wolf! How dare you come here?"_

_Evelyn saw heads turning. Everyone was staring at her, muttering to each other, wondering what was going on. She wanted to run_ _away, to hide from their accusing gazes_ _, but the boy stood on her seat, grabbing Evelyn's arm and holding it up for everyone to see._

" _Look, everyone! Look at this! The Dread Wolf's soulmate stands right next to me!_ _His name is right here on her skin_ _, and she doesn't even care! See for yourself, if you don't_ _believe me!" He yelled out for the whole room to hear._

_Evelyn watched with wide eyes as dozens and dozens of elves and humans gathered around. They stared curiously, their murmurs filling her ears, and she watched as one dark-haired elf approached, staring at her wrist with narrowed eyes._

" _Is it true?" he asked. "Are you really who he says you are?"_

_All Evelyn could do was nod numbly, not truly_ _understanding_ _what was happening_ _,_ _and yet wishing so badly_ _that_ _she could grab that red material and hide her wrist forever. When the older elf immediately ran, darting behind the crowd and whispering to his friends,_ _Evelyn wanted to cry_ _._

_"It's true! It's true! Evelyn Trevelyan is the Dread Wolf's soulmate! She showed it to me herself! My Hahren had taught me to read the old tongue before so that mark's definitely the Trickster's name!" the young elven boy who started all this continued to shout out his discovery as he ran away from the room._

_More gasps were heard, many elves in the room started to line up, pointing and crying out at the_ _mark_ _on Evelyn's wrist. The humans looked on with curiosity in their eyes that were quickly_ _replaced_ _with surprise and distrust once their elven friends finished whispering in their ears, mostly explaining what her_ _mark_ _meant. She bowed her head in shame, tears_ _flooding_ _her eyes, and her heart beginning to ache._

_She should have just listened to her parents._

Evelyn rolled her eyes at the memory. That was a long time ago and she had been stupid to reveal such information. Whenever she walked the halls now, she saw how everyone averted their gaze, looking down at the ground to avoid eye contact. They were terrified of her. Loneliness was something she was used to, but being feared… It was an interesting thing to experience.

She heard a few whispers nearby, and Evelyn looked up to see a group of elves pointing at her. A few of them gasped when Evelyn looked their way, and she rolled her eyes at their reaction. The humans and city elves were less severe in their reactions, as they didn't grow up with tales of Fen'Harel. Still, being caged in this Circle meant that rumors traveled fast, just a few Dalish mages were enough to let everyone know to avoid her, even when they didn't truly understand what it meant. This was a typical day for Evelyn. She was used to their anxious stares and sighs of relief when she left a room.

It almost didn't make her want to cry anymore. Almost.

xxXxx

Being constantly isolated meant you had to keep yourself occupied, so Evelyn took to the libraries, spending almost all her free time with her nose in a book. It quickly became fun, interesting facts filling up her mind, and she took extensive notes to review later on. While she liked to read about everything, Evelyn particularly enjoyed reading books about Elvhenan and  _the People_  as they called themselves.

She could still recall the despair that filled her heart the first time she read about Fen'Harel under the dim candlelight. Soulmate of an Elven god, the god of Lies and Betrayal! No wonder her parents tried their best to hide her and her soulmark away! She could almost imagine what ran through their minds when they first understood the meaning of her mark back when she was still a babe.

She had cried her eyes out that night, wishing for someone to be there, to tell her that it was alright, that even if her soulmate was Fen'Harel, it wasn't the end of the world. She could live with this.

And she did learn to live on with this burden. She learned to accept, and acceptance led her back to the desire to know more about her mate, and thus came years of spending her time in the libraries of the Ostwick Circle to learn about the Elvhen people. From their deep, long history back before the humans dominated Thedas, to how magic was once as natural to them as breathing, she learned as much as her resources allowed.

It was hard at first. Books about Elvhenan were usually written as propaganda by humans. Original elvish books were extremely rare, and she had no idea how to read them in the original language. Those she could read were, at the very least, badly-translated documents that gave conflicting accounts. Evelyn had spent countless nights and days comparing different translated versions of the same book to create a barely-functional dictionary and worked her way up from there. And that only happened if she was lucky enough to get such documents. More often than not, she had to write requests to the Enchanters for those things, and they always wanted something in return. Fortunately, her family wasn't lacking in gold, and her parents would do anything to make sure she remained obediently within the tower. Though, sometimes, Evelyn had to wonder how long they would continue to put up with her demands until they decided it was enough and cut her off.

When it was time for a class, she would sit in a corner and spend the whole time to just listening to the lecturer since no one had the guts to talk to her, let alone send notes or play pranks with her. The only times Evelyn had any proper conversations with anyone were the one-on-one lessons with a senior mage or a professor. Even then, with them always acting like Evelyn could turn into an abomination at any moment, she could hardly form any meaningful bonds. Instead, she had learned to perform her tasks for the session as fast and as well as she could to shorten the time, so her tutors could 'escape' from her sooner. After all, there was no point to keeping them around longer so they could hate her more than they already did, even if her speed caused others to gossip that she was only so "good" and "talented" because of Fen'Harel's "blessing".

When she wasn't studying, she still did her duty as an apprentice. Cleaning, making potions, gardening, kitchen duty, she did them all, and she was always alone. The only ones who dared approach to look at her straight in the eyes were the Tranquil, and most of the time she couldn't decide whether it was better. It scared her to look at those who had been cut off from their own selves simply for what they were, while their bodies became slaves to the Chantry, and know that it could be her one day if she wasn't careful enough.

Generally, the Templars didn't dare to touch her. Her reputation as 'the cursed bride of the god of betrayal', and her noble name were shields that protected her from most of the harassment. But it certainly wasn't an easy thing to witness such things happening to other mages, so as much as she resented the way they treated her over a name, she still set out to use those names to protect the others when she could. It didn't protect her from being isolated or feared, but that was fine with her. She wasn't looking for a reward when she helped them.

Sometimes, very rarely, some of the elves approached her when they knew that she was having trouble with her research, but more often, it was she who forcefully cornered them when she knew for sure they were Dalish. They still feared her, that she knew, but the ones who didn't flee at the sight of her had cooperated enough to answer her questions. They couldn't help her with the text itself, but knowing how to pronounce certain words or phrases, to compare them with Common books, was certainly valuable enough in her quest for learning. Some of them even prayed when she left and she wondered if they thought being "nice" to her was their way of appeasing the Dread Wolf, hoping it would protect them from his wrath.

Evelyn's demands to her parents still continued throughout the years—gold, texts, relics, even research from other towers and Orlais' universities, they never stopped. But despite her anticipation that, one day, perhaps an "accident" from the Templars at the request of Bann Trevelyan would stop her blackmailing for good, nothing ever happened to her. Maybe her parents were just that afraid of the sin of killing their own child, even if said child was a mage who had clearly taken an interest in dangerous topics.

Eventually, she reached a stage where she could actually read the original Elven text. From that point on, it was a different kind of hardship.

The books she read revealed to her the suffering and loss that the Elven people had faced throughout time. Oppression, debauchery, torture, rape, slaughter, blood magic, and slavery lasting beyond death to eternity, not by the hands of the humans - those only came much later - but by their own people, the leaders meant to protect and guide them. Evelyn had no doubt that this kind of information would turn the stomachs of adults, much less another child like her. Yet, to be honest, she found such knowledge fascinating. It was funny and sad to hear people whispering about Fen'Harel as if he were the ultimate monster, while here she read about ancient elven nobles who were even more monstrous. She had heard about the kinds of horror that happened daily in the Tevinter Empire, and yet they still looked like nothing compared to what these ancient records described.

Throughout the years, she wondered just how powerful the Tevinter Empire had been to be able to conquer mighty Arlathan, and why the Dread Wolf betrayed his fellow gods. Was there a war between the gods? Did they had anything to do with the Veil due to their intimate connection with the Fade? Or was it truly a sin committed by the Tevinter magisters? There were too many questions with too few answers, and she couldn't be sure what was true.

Still, she read on, charting the questions in her notes, each daydreaming of a future where she could seek out an answer for each of them. And each day, she delved deeper into Elven lore and spells. She wasn't allowed to practice them. She barely had the power to even attempt to do so, and even if she did, the books mostly contained only second-hand information about the effects, not the methods themselves.

Even so, having this knowledge was better than nothing. After all, the books were her only friends and mentors, the only things that brought comfort to her in this prison.

xxXxx

The Fade that Evelyn entered during her Harrowing was a sea of flame.

She could hear the voices of the mages and Templars she knew from around the tower begging for forgiveness. Begging  _her_  for forgiveness.

_We're so sorry!_

_Have mercy!_

_Please spare us!_

The shadows of them crawling at her feet, begging for mercy as if she was a god who could decide their fates. Evelyn just didn't know what to think.

"They deserve this," a Rage demon said from its spot at the top of the stair. "They torture you, hurt you, hate you for something you have no control over."

It slid down the steps to stand right in front of her. She could feel its words worming their ways into her heart.

"They treat you as if you are nothing, even after you've protected many of them. What's the point of sheltering these ungrateful creatures?"

The demon stomped on an illusion of a mage, wrenching a horrible scream of agony from them as the flame from its foot consumed the mage.

"You can do this to them for real. With the right word." It held out a flaming hand to her, and for a moment, Evelyn could see and feel it—the ecstasy she could have by letting out her rage.

But then she remembered the tears she had seen in those mages eyes whenever they lost a friend to the Templars. She remembered the empty eyes of the Tranquil, the lost look on the faces of the young children when they first arrived at the Tower.

She remembered the laughter of the young mages over silly jokes as she listening to them. She remembered the childlike wonder they had when they first learned a proper spell.

She remembered the innocent children she had seen as she passed through the halls to reach the top floor for her Harrowing.

Her answer was clear.

And the sea of flame turned into a sea of ice.

xxXxx

When Evelyn opened her eyes in the real world, the Templars were in the middle of pulling out their swords while the First Enchanter was begging them to wait just a little more because, apparently, it has only been around half of the time a normal apprentice could have.

Ah, so the Templars  _were_  itching to get rid of her then. Too bad for them.

She came to thank the First Enchanter in person that evening. He ignored her, as usual, but it was okay.

Everything remained the same afterward. Until the news about Kirkwall came.

xxXxx

Evelyn wasn't all that concerned when their Circle fell. Well, not exactly... She did care about helping the other mages out of their prison and surviving this battle, but she didn't have any intention of joining the rebellion for good.

"We need you, Trevelyan," one woman said. "Someone of your talent is needed in this fight for our freedom!"

"The elder mages are looking to stay out of this fight but you know we cannot. The Templars will kill us all when they have a chance!" said another young mage around her age.

"You are Fen'Harel's bride, Evelyn. With you on our side, we can do this!" This time it was Rennard, the elf boy who had exposed her secret, who came forward.

It was funny to see a few elves and humans encourage her to rebel, to join forces when they had all been so quick to push her away. But at the same time, she understood their desperation. Years of living within the Circle had shown her the kinds of horror that befell those who had magic in a world that feared it.

Now, the mages probably thought that having the mate of Fen'Harel on their side might give them some kind of advantage, whatever it might be, but that wouldn't do. She knew that as long as magic could still be contained by Templars, to be denied by the Chantry and only available to a select few, this war and this struggle would continue. So in the end, she ignored the Circle mages with their words of encouragement and set out on her own with a new purpose:

_To find a way to bring magic back to everyone in this world._

Perhaps it was an impossible goal for a young, inexperienced mage like her but this was what she chose to do, to see mages being able to live free from their prison, to ensure that the Circles were forever destroyed. She had learned and accepted a long time ago that one way or another, people would die. She had seen mages who fought for their freedom being put down like animals, and she had witnessed mages who tried to live in their shackles obediently being trampled upon for no reason other than because their oppressors could do so.

That belief was simply reinforced when Templars slaughtered the mages in her Circle despite most of the latter's effort to avoid being a threat. That night, when she escaped that blighted tower, stepping through the blood of mages and Tranquil alike, was the night she believed more than ever in a world where magic was integral to the world, and no Templar could take that away.

Of course, she didn't plan to just rip out the Veil. No, she would find a way to do it gently, to let things move as gradually as they could. Just because one  _could_ do something, that didn't mean they shouldn't avert as much damage as they could. It would take years, but she didn't mind. As long as she no longer had to see what had happened in that tower throughout all those years, she could endure this.

She wasn't a saint who did everything for the greater good, though. Her goal was selfish, too. A large part of her just wanted to see this world as it had been in the eyes of the ancient elves. She wanted to see magic and wonders that had long been erased from this world, existing only now as stories and records that even the elves have forgotten about. To be able to witness even just a small part of it would be enough to make her happy, and she was determined to do so.

And so, all alone, she ventured into the unforgiving world.

xxXxx

She spent months and months traveling around Thedas, practicing the few elven spells contained in the books she carried with her when she came to rest. She would venture into to old ruins and unearth ancient artifacts that had been buried away for millennia. Her hands pulled out books covered in dust that no one dared to touch, special touchstones hidden away under layers of spells which often took her numerous attempts of either finding another way around or trying different dispelling rituals to deal with them.

Sometimes, it was pure luck that she got her hands on something valuable but most of the time, she had to pay for it with sweat and blood and a lot of mana. The only reason she hadn't died yet was due to her knowing enough about Elvhenan to see hints most other people wouldn't notice.

She didn't completely cut herself off from the rest of the world, though, as she still made contact with human settlements and Dalish clans here and there. It was mostly for trading food but also to exchange knowledge with the Keepers and keep up with current affairs around Thedas. Most of them were wary of her, which wasn't a big surprise given how few humans were interested enough in elven culture to ask about them; but by showing respect, mindfully covering her mark, and not staying with them long enough to arouse suspicion, she was safe.

The few times they managed to discover who she was, she either was lucky enough to run away really fast or they were too shocked and scared to do anything to her.

She had spent so many years avoiding the name Fen'Harel out loud, but it was stuck as permanently in her mind as it was on her skin. The sorrow and resentment of childhood had given way to curiosity, and a desire to know him better many years ago, so when she discovered the truth about him, or part of it, it was heartening.

_The God of Rebellion!_  How could she not see it before? Given how much wrong knowledge had been passed down and distorted through time, of course, the stories about her soulmate could have been changed too.

The revelation gave her a new boost of motivation to continue on her way. She might not actually know Fen'Harel as a person, but knowing that somehow the person whose fate connected with her also had the same purpose gave her a better sense of direction. However, she didn't have much hope of actually meeting him. She knew well that there were people who couldn't find their soulmate despite a lifetime of searching, and with the fact that hers was a god who was even more elusive and unknown than a random human saint of the Chantry, the likelihood of her meeting him was slim to none.

It didn't matter, she could still live on, thankful to fate for being connected to him making her who she currently was, and that was enough. Even if she still felt incomplete, this current life that she had was still enough, and it was all that mattered.

xxXxx

Evelyn came to Haven mostly wanting to find out if she could meet directly with someone who worked for her family or, if she was fortunate enough, with one of her siblings. Even if her parents had abandoned her, they were still family and she just wanted to know if they were okay. But what greeted her there was waking up with her hands cuffed by a Seeker who was completely prepared to kill her for her apparent sin of destroying the Conclave, and everyone in it. Most horrifying of all, there was a hole in the sky, and a mark on her left hand that hurt beyond all reason, yet somehow could mend the Veil.

When one of her new acquaintances, Varric, offhandedly mentioned that it was his companion Solas who had kept Evelyn alive while she was out cold, all she could think about was the fact that he must have seen her soulmark and might turn on her at any moment. That, combined with everything else, had made her so distracted that she didn't notice that the look on Solas's face when he saw her was completely different from the reaction elves usually had.


	2. Finding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They found each other. Or rather, he found her. And it scared him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think that this chapter would almost double the number of words from the first one. This both excites and worries me...
> 
> Revision date: 25/08/2018. Thank you EmberLeo for beta-ing this chapter!

Solas stood with his back rested against his shack, looking over Haven. The cold air bit into his skin but he didn't mind. Somehow, he would even welcome it if it could push away that growing dread within him, but that would not be possible. Before he knew it, he had taken down the covering spell on his left wrist and was staring at that permanent ink stuck to his skin.

Her name rested there, and while it has been a year since he discovered the name Evelyn Trevelyan on his wrist, it still felt like a dream—some kind of a cruel joke that a demon or mischievous spirit would play. Thousands of years being alone, mocked by his brethren for apparently lacking half of his soul only to wake up and find this on his wrist. This whole time, he'd hidden it beneath a layer spell and always kept his entire arm covered up, banishing any thoughts about the mark's implication whenever it came to his mind. But then, it happened…

_The prisoner was so small on her cot in that dark prison. He could feel the power of his Anchor in her left hand and he gritted his teeth. This was not his plan, none of this was, but he had to make do with what he possessed now._

_He spent the next seemingly endless hours trying to contain the Anchor whenever its power flared up, threatening to destroy this mortal girl. He simply could not let her die, not if he wanted to continue his plan. In a quieter moment when the Mark ha_ _d_   _died down a little, he took the opportunity to observe her better._

 _Pale skin, long dark hair gathered into a loose braid, a somewhat thin and petite figure for a human_ _,_   _but still undoubtedly different from that of a female elf. She was easy on the eyes and yet utterly unremarkable._

_Just what had made her survive despite carrying his power?_

_Solas wondered as he lifted her hand to inspect the Anchor once more, noticing that the bandages around her wrist had come loose._

_And then he saw it_ _: h_ _is name._

_This was not possible. Fates couldn't be this cruel—he had decided to not look for her, to simply accept that she would die together with this world in his process of remaking it. He had decided to never know her, to simply accept that he would always be alone!_

_And yet here she was,_ _lying_   _there unmoving_ _,_   _with his Anchor burning in her left hand and his name on her wrist._

 _He felt_ _sick_ _. That twisted burning inside his heart that appeared the first time he saw his soulmark_ _had_   _returned once more to scorch_ _him,_   _but he couldn't stop staring at her._

_It took him a while to calm down and let his breath return to normal. He quickly rewrapped her wrist, fortunately right before the Seeker came back to ask him to join the fight outside. For once, he was glad to run into a battlefield and let it all out._

_He poured his frustration into spells that_ _rained_   _down upon the demons around the Rift. Maybe, he thought, just maybe she was someone who thought it was a novel thing to tattoo the name of Fen'Harel onto her skin, maybe her mate was someone who happened to be named as such by their parents. Maybe, he prayed, maybe…_

_But when she appeared with the Seeker and introduced herself as Evelyn Trevelyan, he knew that it was all futile._

He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of all this but couldn't. He wanted to scream and curse at fate for doing this to him but there was no point in doing so. No, what he needed to do was to ignore it and continue on with his plan like before, as he had decided. The People needed him and this… revelation changed nothing.

Even if she was an innocent who got caught in the way of his plan for the Magister, even if she was his… there were still sacrifices that needed to be made for-

His attempt at self-control stopped abruptly when  _she_  walked toward him. She looked uneasy but a smile appeared on her lips.

" _Hello,_ _pleased_   _to meet you,"_  she said softly, reaching up to tuck a strand of dark hair behind her ear, her cheeks flushed in the cold.

He was a little taken aback by her use of his language, but he tried not to give her too much credit for knowing a basic greeting.

" _Hello_ ," he replied, straightening himself up. " _How may I help you?_ " he asked, a hint of bluntness in his voice. He couldn't deny that he was testing her a little, just to see if her Elvish went further than a simple hello.

She looked a little surprised by his tone—and probably by the fact that, despite looking like a city-elf, he was speaking perfect Elvhen—but she hesitated only a second before answering,  _"I just want to say, 'thank you'. Varric had mentioned that you were the one who kept me alive while I was in_ _a_ _coma, and I have not had a chance to express my gratitude."_

This time he couldn't conceal his surprise. To hear the language of his People being used by someone that was not Elvhen was something he had not expected after he left Uthenera to venture into this shadow of a world. Granted, her pronunciation was incorrect here and there, and some words were wrong, but a human who could do this, especially in this time period, was completely unheard of.

" _You are welcomed. But I assume you are not here just to thank me_ _..._ _?"_  He prodded a little deeper, already having an inkling of what she wanted to say. If she could speak the Elven tongue, it was only logical to conclude that she knew about Fen'Harel and what he was.

Just as he expected, her smile disappeared at that question, her breath quickened and fear flashed through those blue eyes.

" _Y-yes, my soulmark—"_

" _It does not matter."_  He cut in before she could finish saying out loud the truth they both knew, and also what he didn't want to acknowledge.  _"Who you are connected to is not my concern and I shall not reveal it to anyone unless you want to._ _On t_ _hat, you have my_   _word_ _."_

Her shoulders dropped visibly at that and a small sigh escaped her lips. They curved upward into a grateful smile as she talked.

" _Thank you. That_ _is_ …  _very kind of you. And forgive my forwardness, but you seem to be very knowledgeable about the Fade_ _,_   _as you had been able to control the Mark. I had only seen such records of similar spells in the ancient Elven ruins and I want to know more about them_ _._ _"_

Before he knew it, he had spent the entire morning with the Herald. (He refused to call her by her first name, much less his soulmate). There were moments where they switched to Common as she was not fluent enough, but it was still so exciting to be able to speak normally in Elvhen outside of the Fade! Even more so when his conversation partner shared the same interest in the Beyond and Elvhen culture without being apart of his organization. He had tried to keep his expression neutral, but the excitement still peeked out here and there from under his mask.

Eventually, she had to leave, and as Solas watched her disappear into Haven, his heart grew heavier and the burning came back once more.

_This should not matter._

xxXxx

She was brave, and reckless too.

He discovered that soon after she started to take him with her on missions. She hated fighting and would prefer to solve problems with words, but she did not hesitate to use force when the situation called for it. And he had to acknowledge that, for someone so delicate, she had a very strong kick.

He had seen her putting herself between defenseless people and bandits, sometimes even using her own body as a shield to protect them.

He always gave her the same scolding after each battle when he helped to heal her, that she should stop being so reckless and seeing herself as expendable. And she would promise to not do it again, only to break her promise the next time they were attacked.

xxXxx

She was pragmatic.

She did not shy away from looting abandoned houses, towns, or corpses for that matter. It was so different from the sheltered mages that usually came out of the Circle, even more so considering her background as a noblewoman.

The dead have no use for money, food or weapons, she claimed while her hands were pocket-deep in the rotting corpse of a Templar. The stench was unbearable but she hardly gave a wince. Later, she would explain that years of living alone as a mage, dodging Templars and large settlements, meant that you had to get used to such things.

She made a face when Varric mentioned her noble upbringing, pointing out that with her being raised in the Circle before she even turned ten, any noble status she might have was lost long ago. But contrary to her claim of no longer being noble, they could still see some upper-class manners in her, particularly in the way she talked, walked and ate. It was not overly obvious, but they were there. Trevelyan said that it mostly to make travel easier, though. She explained that when you displayed certain types of behavior, people tended to trust you and be more generous toward you than someone who acted like a beggar or a barbarian.

Solas just wished she would stop spending so much time trying to loot everything she could get her hands on. Even so, he had to admit the Herald had a talent for finding things in the most unexpected places. Just how did she know there was a brand-new, top-notch set of armor in a box hidden in a tiny crack of the mountain, anyway?

xxXxx

She was single-minded and very throughout when she set her mind on something.

When she and the Iron Bull had set out to hunt a dragon that had been terrorizing a small village, they spent days tracking it back to its nest, to strike in the night.

At first Cassandra had suggested that they fight directly with the dragon when it came to the village, to save time. But the Herald argued that it was better to fight the beast far away from the place, to reduce damages, and to check if the nest needed to be exterminated too, in the case it was too close to a human settlement.

Unfortunately, the cave was close to a village, so they could not avoid the fight. The only silver lining for them was that the dragon was young enough to have only had one drake in her cave. But in the end, after slaughtering the beast, Trevelyan had a sober look on her face as the rest of the team butchered their prey.

"She and her mate didn't have a choice in what they did," she murmured, mostly to herself but was enough for him to hear.

"Nor did we have a choice. They would have continued their attacks," he said—a statement, not an explanation.

"I know." She said nothing more.

So he knew that she was kind, and if he still had any doubts about that, she dispelled them a few days later.

"I used my own money and rations so don't worry that you'll lose your share. And I can always hunt for more. I won't starve from just losing a meal or two so stop worrying."

That was her answer the first time they saw her giving her food and money to a pair of siblings before instructing them to go to Haven. No one said anything more after that.

xxXxx

Solas had realized a while ago that aside from the time she had to spend with others for the sake of the Inquisition, she would spend most of her time with him, and it scared him. In the beginning, Solas had done a good job at avoiding her, as much as he could while still allowing his opinions to have a voice. It was easy at first, he would just avoid her gaze if she came too close, keep himself at a distance and maintain his mask as a humble apostate. What she asked, he would answer, but he did not try to explain beyond that.

But when she kept returning despite his aloofness, he simply could not avoid looking straight at her, or knowing more about her. Whether it was because she found delights in having someone who shared her interest in magic and the People, or that their 'connection' was the cause of her attachment to him, he did not know, but he could not simply turn her away whenever she came running to him with a big smile and an Elven artifact in her hands.

Their exchanges revolved mainly around the topics of the Veil, the Breach, the Fade, and magic, but underneath all that, it was still enough for him to realize that she knew more about his People than she let on. Probably more than any modern elves in this broken world, and this fact both rankled and delighted him.

Yet, respectful and knowledgeable of Elvhenan's achievement as she was, she did not put his people on a pedestal. Her remarks about the darker, shameful sides of his people showed him that.

She was a clever, curious little thing, and her thirst for knowledge could only be rivaled by his. With her origin as a Circle mage, he had thought during their first conversation that she was only interested in magic as part of the physical world, and would avoid any topics connected directly to the Fade—namely demons, and spirits. But when he first mentioned them, her reaction was completely different than what he had anticipated. It was pure excitement and happiness without a single trace of fear or suspicion.

It saddened him that her learning was hindered because she was not a dreamer and thus could not manipulate the Fade to her advantage, but soon he realized that the Anchor was changing her, so he approached her in her dream.

The very next morning, before he left his bed or was even fully awake, she was already there to drag him up, demanding he teach her how to walk the Fade. He was happy to, at first, walking with her through dreams and old memories, answering all of her questions about the long-forgotten past. But there was a limit to how much he could show her, with her being who she was, and the knowledge she possessed. One wrong move from him could reveal everything to her.

Trevelyan was a bright student who had exceeded all of his expectations despite her status as a human. She always had something to ask him about the Fade, and when she did not, she would just request stories about them instead. She could spend hours just sitting there listening to him, devouring everything he could give her, something he would gladly let her do up until one night when their conversation turned heavy with something else - something that he had hoped would not arise between them.

He was telling her a story about how a Spirit of Love had guided two soulmates to each other despite their distances across Thedas and when he finished, he noticed the look in her eyes. It was a sort of admiration, amazement, with a touch of unmistakable attraction that made his heart ache.

He fought back the yearning to touch her, and instead chose to absently mention that he was only attracted to elves, and that he had no soulmate. If his words actually hurt her, the Herald did a good job of hiding it. She just simply moved on to another topic like nothing had happened.

Their interaction in the Fade gradually ceased after that. Eventually, they stopped altogether after he claimed that he had taught her enough for her to safely learn and maneuver on her own. She simply thanked him with a smile on her face, and they fell back to only meeting in the physical world, something he was grateful for. But even if they had stopped talking in the Fade, he still continued to observe her.

xxXxx

He had seen how she talked with others, noticing the way she would carefully dodge any questions about her past. They all knew that she came from the Ostwick Circle and she didn't join the Mage Rebellion, but chose to go on with her own research. It did not take much for him to conclude that whatever happened to her, it must have been connected to him, or rather, to the name Fen'Harel. This thought gave way to a little guilt and regret in his heart, but he pushed them down.

She was clearly uncomfortable with being the Herald of Andraste, that much was clear. But she didn't turn away the cries for help from people that approached them. However, the sight of people looking at her with adoration unsettled her.

"They love me because they think I was sent by Andraste," she said at one point, after refusing once again the offerings from Haven's merchants. "Had Cassandra or anyone else in the Chantry said anything different, they probably would try to stone me, or at least run away screaming for the Maker instead."

Her tone was dry, obviously spoken from experience, and he had to hold back a wince while pushing down his guilt a little further.

xxXxx

Sometimes, he could see her looking at the Breach with a strange, calculating gaze, but every time he asked, she always tried to deflect it with some awkward jokes. He had stopped after a first few times, not wanting to make her wary of him.

As their organization grew, the Herald also became more at ease in her interaction with other people. She would talk more about what she saw during her years of traveling around Thedas, not just what she'd learned about the People, but also other topics, such as human cultures, languages, foods. Despite her claims of trying to avoid large cities and crowded places, she certainly wasn't as sheltered as he thought.

"Shite. And here I thought you only know about those stupid elfy things!" Sera had shouted the first time the Herald told them during a dinner about a secret kind of potion that would cause uncontrollable itching that could only be cured by having the victim jump into a fire and then into icy water constantly for three hours. Apparently, it was a recipe in an old book she once had that talked about unusual spells.

"Even I have to take some breaks from my research, Sera." Trevelyan smiled over her cup of red wine, and then gave the rogue a stern look. "And no, I won't tell you how to make it as I don't have that book anymore. But even if I did, I don't think I want to see you causing even more trouble for anyone."

The young elf threw out a few curses and left them to their meal, but the Herald paid no heed to that and just resumed cutting up her food.

"I suppose I should thank you for not give into that. It would not be pleasant for us if Sera ever got her hands on such thing." He chuckled.

"Oh, I'm sure it wouldn't be. But to be honest, even if I do still have that book, and am feeling generous, I don't want to give it to her after that stunt." Trevelyan rolled her eyes, clearly remembering the accident with the Dalish clan they encountered last week.

It had started out so simple and mundane with some trading and questions about the nearby ruins, but then Sera started to talk, and the next thing they knew, weapons and curses in the Dread Wolf's name were pointing at them.

Cassandra and the Herald did manage to defuse the situation and they were allowed to leave without a fight, but obviously, they would not be welcomed by that clan for a very long time. Trevelyan had been furious and forbid Sera to leave Haven for a whole month.

He was grateful for it, since, with her almost always taking him with her whenever they had a chance to go near a ruin, he would less likely have to make contact with the young elf. Sera and he simply did not get along. She was young, obnoxious and impulsive, and she regarded anything connected to the People as old ruins and trash despite the very blood that flew through her veins.

To put it simply, Sera was the opposite of Evelyn Trevelyan in every imaginable way, as if fate wanted to mock him.

Had Ev—Trevelyan been an elf, with all of her curiosity and respect for Elvhen culture, her eagerness to learn, and talent with magic, he would not think twice about getting close to her physically, maybe even fall in love with her, despite his aversion to having such a personal attachment.

But she was not.

She was human. Young, fragile, and mortal. She was to die with this world along with everything else, for it to return to its true form. And once she died, their bond would dis-

"Are you alright, Solas?" Her voice startled him from his thoughts. A small crease laid between her brows as she spoke, "You look worried. Is something wrong?"

"No, it was nothing. I was just thinking about what we will see in Redcliffe, that is all."

Yes, it was nothing. There was nothing at all.

xxXxx

He looked at her dream in the Fade, once again unsurprised to find her sitting in an Elven ruin, her back leaned against a statue of the Dread Wolf. She looked at ease with a small smile on her face as she turned the pages of the book in her hands. For all of her avoidance of speaking about her supposed soulmate, the Herald seemed to take great pleasure in staying near 'him', even just indirectly. Why did she still find the heart to feel so after what happened yesterday?

 _The meeting with Grand Enchanter Fiona was not going well_ _when_   _the revelation that the mages had allied themselves with Alexius came to light. The tension in the room was thick and he_ _had_   _hoped Trevelyan might be able to sway the Grand_ _Enchanter's_   _opinion by appealing to her as a fellow Circle mage_ _,_   _but everything went to hell when another mage_ _entered_   _the room._

 _He was an elf with dark hair_   _swept to one side,_   _and a scar across his face. His haunted eyes were dominated by exhaustion, but the moment he laid them on their group, on the Herald to be exact, his face contorted in pure rage._

_"What is she doing here?" The elf pointed a shaking finger at her with his teeth grinding._

_Solas looked at Trevelyan and found her face has turned to an ashen color while recognition appeared in her eyes._

_"Ah, Rennard, the Herald of Andraste is here to offer an alliance with us," Fiona quickly said with a confused look on her face._

_"Really? Her?" The elf sneered. "The Herald of Andraste? An alliance? You've got to be kidding me!"_

_"Rennard…"_

_"No, Grand Enchanter, you don't know what's going on here, do you? None of you in this room know what is going on, that's why you can stand near her like that."_

_"Rennard, don't—" this time it was Trevelyan who spoke but whatever she meant to say, it only enraged the young mage even more._

_His voice increased a volume higher as he stomped forward and placed himself between Fiona and the Herald._

_"Shut up, you bitch! I bet you didn't say anything this time, did you? Of course, you_ _wouldn't_ _. If they know what you are, you wouldn't be alive to even have the gall to be here." He turned to Cassandra. "Tell me, Lady Seeker, have you ever_   _wondered why_ _your dearest 'Herald' refused to join our cause? Her research of Elvhenan, no doubt. But do you know why she's so interested in such a thing that she would abandon her brethren to their deaths?"_

_"Sto—"_

_Quickly, Solas stepped toward him but Rennard just shoved him back._

_"She is the soulmate of Fen'Harel! The chosen mate for the Dread Wolf! The cursed bride of the Elven God of Lies and Betrayal! Andraste's Herald? Hah, what a joke! As if I would believe the Bride of the Maker would choose a tainted creature like you. I heard that you survived the destruction of the Conclave? I bet it was you who killed them all for your mate, wasn't it!"_

_At that moment, the air in the room changed completely._ _Shock,_ _apprehension, and_ _disbelief_   _were palpable on everyone's face. All eyes were on Trevelyan but she just stood there with her eyes pointed to the floor and her hands tighten into two shaking fists._

_In all these months that he knew her, Solas never saw her so small, so vulnerable._

_"Enough!" Solas swallowed the bile in his throat as he walked forward to put his hands on her shoulders only to realize they were trembling too. "Please excuse us, Grand Enchanter Fiona, Magister Alexius, but perhaps we can continue our discussion in another time? Our Herald is unwell at the moment."_

_"O-of course, we'd gladly to speak more of this matter tomorrow," Fiona stammered and nodded her head toward Alexius who responded in kind. Rennard opened his mouth trying to say something but one furious glare from Fiona shut it down so he just stomped out before them, but not without throwing a curse at Trevelyan first._

_With that, Solas guided the Herald out with_   _one_   _hand on her back_ _and_   _the other holding her left hand. Her fingers were cold as ice as they held tightly onto his. Her_ _breath was_   _labored and he did not need to look to know that she was trying to hold_ _back tears_ _._

_They were just at the main door when the Seeker caught up to them to put a hand on Trevelyan's shoulder._

_"Wait, Herald. Is what he said true? Are you really the soulmate of an Elven god?"_

_He swung his head toward the woman, a snapping_ _remark prepared_   _to leave his lips when Varric cut in._

_"Oh, for Maker's sake, Cassandra! Don't you see the state she's in? Leave your question out for another time!"_

_And just like that, they had finished for the day._

_Later in the night when most people_ _had_   _gone to the tavern for their dinner, Solas brought some stew back to_ _the shack Trevelyan had locked herself in_ _. He knocked on the door at first but when there was no answer, he simply opened it to find her sitting with her legs up on her cot. Her armor and boots gone, she_ _wore_ _only a simple tunic and trousers._

_"I brought you some food," he said simply._

_She looked up to where he stood in the doorway. Her eyes red and nose blotchy, her breaths were uneven but there was a small smile on her face._

_"Thank you… and I'm sorry."_

_"For what?" he asked as he closed the door._

_"For seeing me like this. For making you intervene like that. All of your hard work trying to help me hide it_ _is_   _for nothing now."_

_He just shook his head while passing the bowl to her. She took it with a nod but didn't pick up the spoon_ _. I_ _nstead, she laid the bowl on her lap._

_"Do not mention it. I am sorry too, for not stopping him sooner," he murmured, not wanting to look at her before continuing, "Do you… hate him?"_

_"Who? Rennard for knowing and exposing my secret? Or Fen'Harel for being my soulmate?"_

_Solas did not answer because he was not sure either. Trevelyan must have taken his silence that he meant both so she let out a sigh._

_"No, I don't hate Rennard. I don't hate the other Circle mages for avoiding me either. And I don't hate Fen'Harel at all."_

_That made him turned his head._

_"You… don't?"_

_"No, yes… maybe, when I was still a little girl, but now... not at all. It wasn't the Dread Wolf's fault for being my soulmate. And I'm very sure if he had a choice, he definitely wasn't going to choose a lowly shemlem as his bride."_

_"Do not say that!" He frowned. "Never say such things about yourself!"_

_Trevelyan's eyes widened at his outburst as he realized his slip up. They both looked at each other for a few seconds before she cleared her throat._

_"Well, what I meant was… just like me, Fen'Harel didn't have a choice in this matter so how could I hate him for something he has no control over? The_ _last I heard_ _, he wasn't the god of Love and Destiny to have any power to do anything about it. And the mages… I don't hate them for_ _being scared_   _of something they have no knowledge of_ _. I_ _t's natural for them to be afraid of the name "God of Betrayal". But—"_

_She took a deep breath._

_"I resent them! I resent the fact that they let their fear_ _dictate_   _how they treat me when I've never done any harm to them! I resent the fact that they use me as a scapegoat to bear their frustration and pain—"_

 _Tears started to flow down her cheeks as she spoke and he willed himself to not stretch out his hand to catch them. Instead, he let her_   _continue_ _._

 _"Rennard, he was the one who told everyone who I am back when I first came to my Circle, you know? He was the first one who asked me to join the rebellion after our Circle failed, too." Words pouring out of her mouth between her hiccups. "Given the fact that I refused him and his state today, he must have lost many friends during this war and blamed me for it. But how could I have anything to do with it_ _?_   _I'm just me, I don't have anything to do with the Dread Wolf aside from some knowledge about him. Even if I join the rebels_ _,_   _it won't change much. Not as long as the rest of Thedas_ _is_ _still afraid of magic_ _,_   _and only a small group of people has access to it. I know that well! That was why I left to-"_

_She suddenly stopped mid-rant, seemingly to catch herself._

_"'That was why you left to-?' " Curiosity rose inside him_ _, but_   _as he expected, she just shook her head._

 _"No… it was nothing." She bit her_ _lip_ _, quickly_ _deflecting_   _the topic. "Still, I suppose that even_ _with things turning_   _out like that, we still need to talk to them?"_

 _"I suppose_   _so_ _."_

_"I'm sorry for making you hear me ranting like that." A humorless laugh was heard._

_"We are… friends. It is only natural for me to listen to you when you need it." He hesitated, unsure of the words coming out of his mouth. "It is only fair given all the times I made you listen to me."_

_"If I remember correctly, it was me who make you talk." She laughed, the_ _sound of it lightening_   _his heart. "But… we are friends?"_

_"Are we not?"_

_She tilted her head as she looked at him and slowly, a smile bloomed on her lips as her eyes twinkled._

_"Thank you, Solas."_

_That night, he realized three things._

_First, he hated seeing her tears._

_Second, Evelyn_ _had_ _the most beautiful smile that he_ _had_   _ever seen in his long life._

_And third, he had to leave her as soon as he could._

_He could not say that talking to her that night was a mistake because he had managed to ease her trouble but the discoveries he made…_

Shaking his head, he looked at Evelyn again and wondered what she would do if Fen'Harel actually appeared before her.

Would she run away from him? Would she run to him, declaring her devotion to him? Or would she scream her hate at him for the mark on her wrist?

But none of those mattered. Once the Breach was closed, he would be gone, there was no point in dwelling on such a thing…

xxXxx

That foolish,  _infuriating_ ,  _ **reckless**_  woman!

How could she do that? Throwing herself away like that when she should have run away!

No.

Solas shook his head as he stepped through the heavy snow, bracing himself for another gush.

He knew very well that was what she would do. She would rather let herself to be killed than let the Magister advance any further, just to buy a little time for the people of Haven. But knowing that did not make it any easier.

Evelyn had been acting strangely toward him ever since she and Pavus returned from that spell that displaced them into a future. They did not say all the details but from what they described, it was, without a doubt, something that shouldn't be allowed to come to pass.

He knew that she had met him, or an older version of him, to be exact, as Pavus has been throwing remarks about what an unexpected man Solas was, which annoyed him to no end. The only silver line in this was that they definitely had not made any connection between him and Fen'Harel yet. His older self must have been careful in his interaction with Evelyn and Pavus—however short it was.

Solas had thought that, with Evelyn starting to put a distance between them, it would be easier to leave her now that everything has been taken care of—the Breach was finally closed after they had managed to convince Fiona to join them. They had ensured that the secret of who Evelyn's soulmate was would not get out and fall into the wrong hands. There shouldn't be anything else to force him to stay.

But now,  _this_  happened and he simply did not know what to do anymore other than blindly search for her through the snow, rocks, and trees.

It was infuriating to feel like this, to feel this way toward her, simply because of the words that appeared on their skin against their will…

There was a shout in the distance and then he saw it, he saw  _her_  being carried by a running Cullen, a wooden stake protruded from her side.

_No!_

The next thing he knew, he was pouring all of his magic into her wound while gradually pulling the object out of her.

She was pale, too cold and unmoving, her breath was faint, almost non-existent. She was not supposed to be like that, this was not like her at all! She was supposed to be full of life! Right now, she should have opened her eyes and joked at him for looking so worried like that!

_Please! Stay with me!_

He chanted and chanted, calling upon all the healing spells his current power could manage. He cursed his weakness and yearned to return to his former self where a single spell from him could have healed her. He begged her to open her eyes and look at him, promising that whatever emotion they held, whatever was to be pointed at him, he would gladly receive it just to see her gaze once more.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he could feel her move, her fingers clenched lightly in his palm and he couldn't help but tighten his hold on them.

But that night she did not wake up and for a while, he thought he would never see her blue eyes again.

It scared him.

On the second night, he realized the Anchor was keeping her too deep in the Fade for her to come back.

She needed a reason to wake up, something more important than just the lives of Haven that all depended on her. Perhaps… it was arrogant of him to think such thought, but he couldn't help it. Even if it was just a gamble, he couldn't let it pass if he wanted to see her again.

And so, within the Fade, Fen'Harel came to her.


	3. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Underneath the "her" of the daylights was a "her" that only came out for the Wolf to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very cheesy chapter. I thought I passed through that phrase long ago already but apparently, I didn't. I wonder if this update will make some of you vomit sugar and rainbows?
> 
> Revision date: 18/09/2018. Beta-ed by EmberLeo

Evelyn wandered aimlessly in a fog-covered world, unsure of where she was, not knowing where she wanted to go.

Why was she here? What did she want to do? She couldn't remember.

It seemed like months and years had passed and yet it also felt like it was just a few seconds. Somewhere far away, there were familiar voices calling her but she couldn't recall their names.

Her side felt painful like something has been stuck in it and then removed, but she saw neither scar nor wound. Nothing at all.

She just kept wandering around like that for seemingly an eternity until something suddenly changed in the air.

Her heart quickened and she felt a chill travel down her spine while goose bumps appeared on her skin. It felt like something was pressing up against her entire body, making her want to run.

The fog in front of her  _rumbled_  and then she saw it: a paw appearing from the midst of the white air.

The next paw came down, pressing into the cold ground to push its owner further. Moments later, an enormous wolf walked slowly toward her. No, it wasn't right to call it a wolf, it was more accurate to call it a monster that resembled a wolf, with its six red eyes staring at her. It was the size of a mature dragon, its slightly-open mouth revealing white fangs the size of her arms. Its black fur left trails of swirling dark smoke that looked like shadows given form.

Evelyn took a step back, her heart now thundering within her ribcage. She wanted to turn around and run but as she stared at those eyes, something in them prevented her from doing so.

The wolf stopped about four strides from her and didn't attempt to move any closer than that. It, no,  _he_ —her gut was telling her the wolf was a 'he'— just stood there, simply watching her.

She was sure the wolf had a name. It was right on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't seem to make herself recall it.

The beast continued to stare at her for a while. Then, much to her surprise, he tilted his head and let out… a sigh?

"I knew you would be confused—"

He  _talked_?

Ignoring her surprise, the wolf continued, "—but I didn't think it'd be this bad. It seems that I have arrived just in time."

No, there wasn't an actual voice coming out of his mouth. It was more like a voice within her head, or something that surrounded him, rumbling in the air and through her body. A voice she felt more than heard. A voice she would know anywhere, and yet couldn't remember if she had ever heard it before.

"W-who are you?" she asked, unable to keep the slight tremble out of her voice.

"I am the one whose name you have always carried with you, Evelyn," he replied, voice surprisingly gentle for such a creature. "Don't you remember? I am the one whose statues are your favorite places to rest against."

Instinctively, she looked down at her left wrist, her other hand slowly unravelling the bandage around it to reveal the black ink beneath.

"Fen'harel…" she whispered and the very next moment, she was on her knees.

 _It hurt._  Her head hurt so much. Memories were pouring back into her, and she couldn't stop them. Overwhelming joy, pain, despair, loneliness, curiosity, anger, resentment, desire, a lifetime of emotions hammering into her head and crushing her heart.

_It hurt! It hurt! It hurt! IT HURT!_

It felt like her whole being was about to burst open and compress at the same time. She couldn't breathe. It felt like she was going to die. Maybe she was-

Suddenly, there was a physical pressure on top of her head, and then the pain within her eased. She let out a whimper as his voice wrapped around her.

"It's okay, do not panic, da'len. It will pass but you must calm down first."

Evelyn realized that the wolf—Fen'Harel—was pushing his snout on top of her head. Normally, she would find such a scene quite funny but with the state she was in, she couldn't find the strength to even smile. Instead, she followed his instruction and tried to even out her breathing.

It worked; she felt the pain continue to recede. Eventually, her breathing returned to normal and she found enough strength to look up to him as his nose left her head, but not enough to stand.

"How are you feeling now?"

"T-thank you, I feel better now. What just happened to me?"

"An unfortunate effect for those wandering the Fade for too long outside of their dreams, who are not dreamers," he said. "Normally, it would make one go insane due to the Fade constantly changing around them to match their emotions—usually fear. In your case, because you have the Anchor, it just makes you forget, so the Fade cannot shape itself around you. That is why all you can see now is fog."

As he spoke, the space around them distorted, shaping itself until she found they were in some kind of forest. The sunlight shone gently through the branches, warming the dried patch of dirt she was kneeling on.

It felt… peaceful, the feeling that she used to have back when she was still travelling alone, spending her days in Elven ruins without much care for the outside world. With that thought, she finally had a full comprehension of what was happening.

 _Fen'Harel, the Dread Wolf, the God of Rebellion and Freedom was here._ Her soulmate  _was here_ _,_   _and he just helped her!_

Biting her lip, Evelyn fidgeted with the hem of her robes, neither sure what to say next, nor if she should look at him.

He must have seen her hesitation because, after a moment of silence, he spoke again.

"You seemed surprised. I thought you would have considered the possibility of us meeting each other long ago?"

This made her look up. "I-I did… about how we would meet, I meant. But all of that was just a little girl entertaining herself. I've never—I've made peace with the fact that I might never meet you even once years ago."

"Well, it seems to me that you were wrong, because here I am." Fen'Harel chuckled, his deep rumbling resonated through her and there was something in it that made her smile.

"Yes, you are. But… why are you here?"

"You needed my help, and so I came," he explained. "The Anchor may help to keep you sane within the Fade while you are walking outside of your dream, but it also holds you tightly here—and with your wound in the physical world, you could not wake up on your own, so I must come for you. Had you more control over the Mark, to expand your dream and protect yourself, this would not have happened."

Evelyn nodded. "I see." Now, she started to feel little light-headed over what just happened. "But how did you know that I was in trouble in the first place?"

"Why should I not? I have been watching you for a long while now. We are connected, if not by the marks on our skin, then because of our interest in the Fade, Elvhenan, and magic. Should I not know when someone has been lurking around the ruins of my homeland?"

It made sense to hear it, but at the same time, there was something missing that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Not to mention there were also thousands of other things she wanted to ask him, all the questions that Solas had been unable to answer. Having Fen'Harel here was surely a once-in-a-lifetime chance for her!

But before she could ask any further, he stepped forward and used his snout to push her forehead backward.

"I know you have questions but now is not the time for it. You must wake up now. Your friends are very worried about you."

She rubbed her forehead. "But I—"

"No 'but'." He said firmly, then spoke in a gentler tone. "Listen to me. You must focus on the Anchor and push yourself out of the Fade now. If you can do it, I will have some presents for you."

"Pardon?"

"When you wake up, find your apostate friend. He has received some clues from me, and will guide you to my first gift. Once you get it, we can talk more."

His eyes glowed and the mark on her hand started to shine as well. She could feel the pull as the scene around them dissolving into pieces and ashes. She looked back at Fen'Harel and nodded.

"I understand. But please, promise me that we'll meet again."

"We will. I give you my word, Evelyn."

The next thing she knew was darkness.

And then there was light.

xxXxx

The next few days passed in a blur. She took in the state of the Inquisition while recovering from her wound. Doubt and failure weighed on her heart, but heeding Fen'Harel's words, she asked for Solas's advice and was be able to confirm the suspicion she'd had this whole time: the orb was Elven. But more importantly, with the guidance they received from the Fade, they managed to reach a place that could protect everyone. Solas mentioned that it was thanks to some of his spirit friends. Guessing her soulmate probably didn't want anyone else besides her to know it was him, she accepted her friend's explanation without comment.

The fortress looked imposing from where she stood, and for a moment she wondered if they were in the right place. But as she took the first step into the large courtyard, she knew they had found their new home. The Elven magic here was old and faint at first glance, but if a mage delved into the foundations, they could feel how deeply the spells had taken root.

Evelyn didn't have much time to dream, and when she did, Fen'Harel didn't come to her. It both did and didn't bother her. She saw her encounter with him as an impossible miracle that had somehow managed to happen—asking for more would be too greedy, even if he did promise to meet her again. But she did want to see him, to get to know more about him—not only because he was soulmate but also because he was her savior, and a great source of knowledge about the past.

Even so, she didn't have much time to dwell too long on it. As soon as everyone had somewhat finished settling down in Skyhold, Cassandra sought her out and asked her to be the Inquisitor.

She had thought it would be the biggest surprise of the week for her, but she was wrong.

xxXxx

Here she was again, in the ruin where she discovered the truth about Fen'Harel.

The green vines covered the collapsed and broken pillars, the gentle sounds of leaves swaying in the spring breeze, the chirping of little birds on the tops of the trees, and the sweet smell of wildflowers — this was where she had spent days basking in the warm sunlight while translating the old texts that hid the ancient truth without a care in the world. This was the place she yearned to return to the most when the real world seemed too much for her to bear.

She was resting against the Dread Wolf statue as usual when she felt the trees beyond the crumbling wall move. She thought it was a demon at first, and was fully prepared to banish it away from her dream just like Solas had taught her. When Fen'Harel appeared from the shade, she just froze in place, hands still held up in mid-air.

He stared at her before letting out a laugh through his nose. "Ah, good. I see that you did take your lessons to heart."

Heat spread through her face, she quickly regained her composure.

"Sorry!" She coughed before looking at him again. "You… came."

"Of course, I did." He huffed, strolling toward her before pushing his giant nose against her forehead. Again. "I did promise you, didn't I? Don't tell me you thought I was just saying that to make you listen to me. I chose not to come sooner to let you have some time for yourself first."

"Uhm…" Once again, she just rubbed her forehead since she couldn't find anything to say.

"But enough about that. What do you think of my gift? Do you like it?"

It took her a few seconds to realize he was talking about Skyhold, but when she did, she couldn't help but smile.

"I do. It's wonderful. Thank you so much."

He seemed pleased with that, and she could even feel him smiling as he was watching her, which was quite incredible given the inscrutable expressions of a wolf.

"That is good to hear. But I suppose you are the one that has more questions?"

"I do! The orb—"

"It was mine," he stated simply. "It  _is_  mine but the Magister stole it from me. Originally, I had thought such a creature messing with it would simply result in his death."

Fen'Harel voice dropped down a timbre through the last part and she could feel his anger resonating through the air, "But I was wrong and he survived—"

He suddenly stopped there. For a short while, he remained silent before letting out a sigh. "Thankfully, your appearance at the Conclave has stopped him from doing far worse damage than he currently is, and for that, you have my thanks, da'len."

She nodded and asked. "Why didn't you do anything to stop him? Right now, I mean?"

"I want to, but with my current power being weakened by both the Veil and the side effects of my long sleep, I cannot." He shook his head, now sounding more annoyed than angry. "I am sorry that my powerlessness has burdened you with this responsibility."

"It's okay, it's not your fault. It's just pure coincidence that this fell to me. But I am grateful, because all of those events have allowed me to meet you." She truly meant it.

"Really?" Did he sound… pleased?

"Yes, I've wanted to meet you ever since I was a little girl, you know? Ever since I knew what my soulmark means, I've wished to meet you, even just once. But I also made peace with the possibility that it may never have come true, with you being… you and all."

"Is that so?" There was definitely a smile in his voice now.

"Truly! There are a lot of things I want to ask you. Solas has taught me a lot, but I still want to know more!"

"Well then, here I am! What do you want to know?"

Evelyn immediately asked her first of many question, and so that night and many more nights after that, he showed her…

xxXxx

If Solas had thought before that he knew Evelyn well, the ensuing months proved to him how wrong he had been.

With Fen'Harel, she was… different. She asked more, she expressed her opinions more, and she made no attempts to control her emotions or conceal certain aspects of herself, something that he only discovered after he came to her in this form.

It hurt him a little bit to know that even with all the time she'd spent with 'Solas', she still hid away part of herself, and that he did not know her as well as he thought, but the joy of truly  _seeing_  her made him forget all of those thoughts.

Each night of meeting her brought him happiness that he never realized he needed. For each secret he revealed of the old past to her, he learned a new thing from her.

And somewhere along the way, he began to wish that he never had to wake up.

xxXxx

He learned that she was actually very emotional. It was only after years of learning to control and protect herself that she was able to appear as the Evelyn they saw during daylight.

She had cried each and every time he showed her the plights of his People thousands of years past. She raged each time she saw an injustice happen, and even though they both knew she couldn't do anything to the old memories, she always reacted. She would stand up and run toward the images, as if wanting to intervene, only to remember that it was pointless.

Then she would cry looking upon the victims of Elvhenan, trying to reach out to them, only for her hands to pass through.

It happened every time, but she never stopped crying, and he eventually became reluctant to show her such things, hating to see her tears.

But she always insisted that he show her everything, claiming that she was only that emotional because she repressed so much during the day, and that once the tears passed, she would be okay.

He agreed only because of the fire in her eyes.

She also wanted to see how he repaid the tormentors with what they deserved. He could not let her see everything fully, so he substituted the images of his past self with a smoky shadow, making it blurry enough that it wouldn't leave too much impression on her mind. Most of the time before she woke up, he would cast a spell to dissociate her memories from his waking self, too.

He had explained to her before that he could not let her see his true form for various reasons. When she accepted his words with a smile, he was not very surprised, given her penchant for respecting people's secrets. She simply focused on his memories, laughed, and applauded every time he showed off one of his victories against his enemies using only pure wit.

It certainly did wonders for his pride.

xxXxx

She was surprisingly feminine.

Not that she wasn't before, but he was surprised by how much she loved to be a 'woman' given her pragmatic nature. It was not that she liked to cover herself with makeup and expensive perfume like Dorian or Vivienne, but she enjoyed dresses, flowers, embroideries and knots she could make on her own. She loved beautiful and cute things.

In the Fade with him, she would often appear in a blue dress that gently swayed above her ankles as she walked. Her hair would be braided loosely down her back, smelling faintly of magnolia and something sweet, so unlike the usual tight braid wrapped into a bun that he saw when they were awake. She looked so much younger, so much more innocent, and it made his heart ache to think about Evelyn-the-Inquisitor, serious and sober, who only allowed herself to smile or chuckle, never laugh.

Many times she would go barefoot to enjoy the sensation of dried leaves and dirt underneath her feet as they strolled through a forest, or let the wet sand on a beach stuck between her toes. As they talked, her hands would always find something to touch, a little wild blossom between branches or a long blade of grass that she twiddled between her fingers, a colorful seashell to press against her ear, or a dried broken branch that she swung around with each step she took.

One day, he took Evelyn to a flower field that he had often visited ever since he was a little boy with his Shalelan. A distant memory that somehow still remained with him despite millennia having passed since then. The place had been trampled upon and burnt to the ground during one of his battles against a sadistic high lord loyal to Andruil, but here in the Fade, it remained unchanged, forever vibrant in his memories.

She has taken quite a bit of time doing something to the flowers with her back to him before turning around to place a flower crown on his nose.

He must have looked so funny with all of his six eyes crossed to look at the tiny thing on his giant wolf snout, because she then doubled over laughing.

"Sorry, I made it too small then! Let me do it again, maybe with more white and pink and less red!"

She seemed more concerned that she made her gift to him the wrong size and colors than that he was a giant wolf wearing a tiny flower crown.

If his brethren saw him like this, they would probably laugh themselves to death and yet, somehow, he just could not care less. Simply put, he was content to spend the rest of the night lying there for her to place various flower decorations on him.

xxXxx

She told him her past, from her childhood within her noble household where her parents hid her away from the world and expected absolute obedience, to her transfer to the Ostwick Circle. She told him about how the young apprentices and older mages had welcomed her, only to ostracize her the moment they knew she was different from them. She told him how she discovered who he was and how it sparked years of self-learning to stave off despair and loneliness. She showed him her fear, and empathy toward those who denied her, when they themselves became victims of oppression, and the injustice the Templars inflicted on those they were supposed to protect.

 _She was eleven when she first saw a Templar doing something to an older apprentice in the middle of the night. She wasn't supposed to be out of bed like this but she was thirsty and had forgotten to fill her jug during the day_ _, and_   _there was no one else in her room to do it for her. The woman was_ _crying between_   _the moans of the man and the sounds of rustling fabric. Evelyn made a noise and the Templar jumped away from the mage_ _. He_ _held up his swords_ _,_   _preparing to smite_ _,_   _but when he realized it was the Trevelyan child everyone avoided, he just quickly tucked himself away and left. The woman collapsed to her knees, with her shaking hands, she hastily fastened her robe while throwing glances at Evelyn. There were no thanks or even nods of acknowledgment_ _. The_   _mage_ _,_   _too_ _,_   _ran away_ _,_   _to leave the young girl standing there, trying to process what she_ _had_   _just witnessed…_

He saw the bloodshed she had witnessed during the Mage Rebellion, and what came after.

 _She ran along the hallway,_ _leading a_ _group of children and injured mages that were still in their sleep clothes_ _, the blood splashed_ _on them_ _vivid red_   _against the white linens. She didn't hesitate each time they_ _encountered_   _the Templars, she_ _just struck_   _them down without thinking. The only goal in her mind at that moment was to get everyone out_ _,_   _and she didn't dare to slow down, afraid that a clear look at the bodies of mages and Tranquil alike on the ground would shake her out of her trance, rendering her vulnerable._

 _It wasn't until they had all escaped to the main yard, where the older_ _,_   _harrowed mages announced that they'd killed all the Templars in the fortress_ _,_   _that she finally had a chance to limp away,_ _finding_ _a corner to empty the_ _contents_   _of her stomach. The smell of blood finally_ _penetrated_   _her_ _senses_ _, her hands and body were sticky with the red fluid_ _, making_ _her want to claw her skin off to get rid of it. But there wasn't time, they all must gather_ _what they could, and flee_ _to a more secluded location to made plans before more Templars came._

 _On the whole journey, no one asked her if she was okay_ _,_   _or even walked near her. They all gathered and clung to each other but not_   _to_ _her. No one came to her as she walked alone. It was only after they were sure that it was safe to rest that some of the mages_ _came to_ _talk with her, but it wasn't out of concern_   _for her_ _, they just wanted_ _her to_   _join their rebellion. The desperation was clear on their faces._

 _With their group_   _dividing_ _into two_ —  _the majority wanted to stay neutral and the rest wanted to fight_  —  _they needed more people than ever_ _. Rennard_ _believed that she could be a valuable ally. As pitiful they were to her, her answer was clear from the beginning_ _. The_   _images of empty-eyed corpses_ _littering the_   _ground remained with her for months after that._

He felt her joy of her first taste of freedom when she left on her own, and the hardship and failure during the first months in which she, a sheltered young woman, tried to support herself while pursuing her passion.

 _She was so hungry and thirsty that she couldn't think clearly_ _;_   _it was only pure luck that she stumbled upon a clear stream of water before passing out. With her thirst finally resolved, she was forced to use the_ _remains_   _of her strength to search for berries and wild plants before she could move up to hunting small animals. It was lucky that she had the_ _presence of_ _mind to pick up some small herbal journals with her when leaving that cursed fortress, or she would have accidentally eaten a poisonous mushroom or two, and then die needlessly somewhere no one knew. But she couldn't allow herself to die here, not before she reached her goal!_

His soul sang with the happiness she found when she discovered the truth about him, Fen'Harel, the (false) god of rebellion.

 _Why didn't she think about this before? She wasn't cursed, Fen'Harel wasn't a monster like they said! Her soulmate was a good person and she was so proud of him. She hoped that they could meet one day_ _,_   _but even if they didn't, within her heart, she would still_ _be grateful to_   _him for indirectly making her into what she was now._

Deep down, he knew there was something more that she did not tell him but his pride over her high opinion of him simply blinded him to it. Later, when he thought back to this moment, he should have seen it coming.

xxXxx

She was a hopeless romantic who loved stories about soulmates with happy endings. Not to mention, she had an unexpected mischievous side too.

She revealed to him that she knew Varric and Cassandra were matched to each other but neither of them was willing to admit it and just pretended they were linked with someone else or unmarked. When he asked why she did nothing about it, she said that it was more fun watching the two of them fumbling around each other. Sometimes, Evelyn would play pranks on them by saying 'innocent' things that implied she knew their secret and was going to reveal it, only to back out at the last minutes claiming that it was a completely different thing.

No wonder the Seeker and Varric were so reluctant to be both in the same room with her these past weeks!

She loved to watch people dancing and singing, too, so he presented to her the best of what he had witnessed over his lifetime. Songs that drove people to tears, poems that inspired fire and love in their hearts, exotic dances that seduced even the most cold-hearted men—he would let her enjoy them throughout the night while he watched her eyes shine in the moonlight. Sometimes, she would clumsily try to dance along only to fall flat on her bottom and blush furiously at his obvious attempts to suppress his laughter.

xxXxx

"Your fur is so soft!" Evelyn exclaimed as she rubbed her face into his side, her dark hair seeming to merge with it. "How can they call you the Dread Wolf when you are this cuddly!"

"I think you are the only one in both worlds who can say that…" he mumbled—if he could blush in this form, he would. "And I think the same thing happened yesterday, and the day before that, too."

"But you  _are_  so soft!"

Yes, they did have this conversation before. He was sure of it now.

It was more than two months after he started being with her as Fen'Harel that he discovered Evelyn was a very affectionate person. Once she had learned that he welcomed her touch, she always found an excuse to have physical contact with him. She would lean against him when they sat together to watch a memory, hiding her face in his fur when something scary or embarrassing happened. When he revealed something distasteful about his past, she would stroke beneath his maw to comfort him.

He was not sure if Evelyn realized how differently she acted around him compared to her usual behavior. He had guessed that, since he was the first person to be so close to her, she was unconsciously trying to compensate for years of being denied the touch and love of another living being. In a way, he could even describe her behavior around him as clingy, were he someone else. But he was not 'someone else', so he welcomed her touch, and only regretted that he could not reciprocate in this form. Her kisses and hugs to greet him each time they met in the Fade were something he looked forward to each night.

It had been a while since they changed their habit of using the night for exchanging knowledge and helping her practice. Now, most often, they would simply choose to enjoy each other's presence.

There were days where they ran through the high mountains in the northern lands with her on his back, holding tightly to him as the winds and cold bit into her face and hair. Other days were for playing hide-and-seek within old forests, where he was the predator lurking between the trees, searching for her, only for her to suddenly jump onto his back from one of the higher branches. Then they would end up playfully chase one another around until she was tired.

There were also days where they enjoyed swimming in a quiet lake. She often tried to splash water at him, only for him to counter her attacks with his far more powerful ones, knocking her back. Her laughter could be heard across the lake. After that, Evelyn would let herself float in the water, her hair and dress fanned around her, seemingly sleeping. It gave him a few silent moments of just watching her, until she opened her eyes, lips curved into a smile. The Fade around them sending him the affection in her heart even without him looking at her directly.

Currently, his beloved had calmed down from her gushing over his…  _cuddliness,_  and now was just resting her head near his three left eyes. 'Vhenan'—that was what he had been calling her in his mind for a while now. He could not remember when he has started to call her that, but it was a truth that he only dared to keep in his head, never saying it out loud to her.

She sighed contently, hand stroking softly under his eyes. "I wish we could stay like this forever."

Truly, it was more than once that he had wished the nights would last forever.

xxXxx

Yet, as they continue to bond, the guilt was also eating away at his insides, leaving his remains to rot with regret and fear. Sometimes, that abyss opened up when he was alone in the rotunda, trying to finish a particular part of his work. Other times, like today, when he took her to that meadow again so she could have some space to practice manipulating the Fade, as he lay there watching her try to change the colors and shapes of the plants around them, the seal on top of that chasm within him simply broke open to let him taste the bitterness in his mouth.

It had been awhile since he started to have the thought of finalizing his soulbonding with her, to make her completely his. However, doing so would mean that he would not be able to destroy this world to rebuild it—to do so would also kill her.

If it hurt to even think about making her cry, he could not even imagine what it would feel like to know that he killed her, to never be able to hold or see her again.

But the Veil had to be removed so that his people could return to their former selves, even just parts of it. His people needed a future, a chance to rebuild. He had no intention of letting them worship him and the Evanuris like the old days. He no longer wanted to let his people reign over the other races either, even if those beings didn't have the same potential as elves.

His times with the Inquisition had changed him too much for him to return to his old opinion, but he knew better than anybody that even if he managed to convince most of the elves to just focus on the rebuilding effort, wars would still happen. The humans would try to take back the lands they considered theirs, and many of the elves, aside from fighting back the invasion, would crave revenge and domination.

In the midst of all of that, he would have to keep himself alive at any cost to mediate the forces and bring forward peace between his people and the remaining humans. But how could he stay alive when Evelyn would most likely be long gone when those events happened? After all, knowing her, she would definitely die trying to stop him first before he could completely tear down the Veil. And if he managed to live on after she died, would he still be himself, or would he become a shadow, twisted and broken, no longer qualified to lead anything left alone the People? And—

"Fen'Harel, are you okay? Why are you so quiet?" Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts as her hands touched his cheek. She was looking up at him with a line between her brows, her blue eyes were full of worry and concern. "Can I do something for you?"

If he somehow could hide his love away, to protect her from everything, could he be sure that she—with her soft and gentle heart—would not kill herself out of grief and hatred for him?

No matter how much he thought about it, either his people's future, he, or she would be destroyed in the end. He had once thought that he knew what it meant to carry the whole world on one's shoulders, but now, he realized that he knew nothing.

"It is nothing," he replied, nuzzling his snout to her cheek. "You are here, so there is nothing wrong at all."

Yes, he knew nothing at all.

xxXxx

Dorian had stopped bothering Solas with his teasing after both he and Evelyn has insisted that they were just friends, but once in a while, he still saw the look the Tevinter mage was sending them out of the corner of his eye whenever he and Evelyn were too invested into their conversation about elven artifacts.

As much as he loathed to admit it, having Evelyn play the proper Inquisitor certainly did wonders to dispute the rumor of her having any romantic relationship. But at the same time, having seen the real Evelyn within the Fade, who loved to dance and play, who loved to smile and laugh with all her heart, he resented the fact that she didn't feel safe enough around anyone in the physical world to let her guard down. Not even with 'Solas'.

The most enthusiasm she showed anyone was whenever she talked about magic, and the various theories about how the Fade was affecting this world even with the Veil. That meant it only happened when she was with him or Dorian, and maybe Vivienne when she wasn't in the mood for insulting apostate mages. Like right now.

"So, you think that the thickness of the Veil can influence the bonding process between two soulmates? Making them even more in-tune with each other than a normal bond?" Dorian asked as he threw another log into the fireplace next to their table.

"Yes, at least I think that it has more effects on soulmates who are mages," she confirmed. "Solas, what do you think?"

"It makes sense, mages are connected more strongly to the Fade than normal people. For them to develop their bonds beyond that of the norm would not be strange," he hummed. "But I do find it unlikely that a single instance of sexual contact can make that much difference."

"I wasn't talking about just sex," Evelyn blushed slightly at that. "Soul bonding isn't just about having physical pleasure with your mate, the courtship, talking and just spending time with each other before and after are all important too."

"True, my dear." Vivienne chimed in. "But we all know that that the first time a pair of soulmates does it is the moment their bond is complete. That's why their mark will turn red. After that, everything they do is more for reinforcing the bond, ensuring that it'll always stay strong. But Inquisitor, what kind of influence on the bond were you talking about?"

"A heighten sixth sense, be able to sense the mood and even the health conditions of their mates, to seek out each other in their dreams within the Fade on their own, instead of just relying on pure luck here and there. That sort of thing, aside from the usual magic and control boost. But of course, those two also have their own upgrade too."

Listening to Evelyn made him consider what would happen to them—or to her, to be specific—if they ever fully bonded. What would happen to her magic if it received influence from him, given the strength of their connections to the Fade? Evelyn was already strong enough, to begin with. If she received his power too, especially with the Anchor allowing her to link deeper to the other side, it was possible that his soulmate would become something almost on the level of the high noble mages back in Arlathan, below only the Evanuris, but above all others. Not only that, it was possible that her lifespan would also—

No, he thought too far already.

"I see. That theory of yours is actually quite in line with what we in Tevinter have observed about the dreamers, with them being able to access the Fade at will and all. Shame that we don't often have enough of them, and places with a thinned Veil to test it," Dorian let out a sign. "Alexius was actually quite invested in research about soulbonding, you know. He and his wife Livia were soulmates, so it was a surprise that he was able to live on for years after her death. Normally the surviving mate can only last at most seven years after such thing. But…"

Dorian trailed off as if losing himself in memories before picking up. "Perhaps it'd also explain his obsession with Felix afterward. Even if Alexius managed to survive Livia's departure, his mind just simply wasn't the same."

"You said that Alexius has research about soulmates? Did it have anything to do with his son?" Solas inquired.

"Yes, definitely. Since Felix was born without a soulmark and couldn't benefit from soulbonding, Alexius has tried to see if there were any ways to create artificial bonds with several other mages whose children, or even themselves, were also unmarked, but there were no results. And even if he was, I don't think soulbonding could save him from the Blight sickness. Many people have tried to do so in the past in most cases having no success and some others… well, they ended up infecting their mates too."

"Do Tevinter mages research a lot about soulmates, Dorian?" Evelyn tilted her head and he could see that excited glint in her eyes.

"Of course, we do! Unlike your Southern Chantry who forbid the research of soulbonding, imprisoning and going out of their way to separate your mages from their soulmates, we in the Imperium encourage people to learn about soulbonds and even help them to unite true love! Ahh, it was one of the remaining good things about the Empire." The Tevinter mage smirked as he glared at Vivienne, and Solas could already see where this conversation was going. "We even have laws allowing spouses who aren't destined by fate to each other to accept the soulmates of their husband or wife into the family to create even stronger bonds between all four people."

"Your people only do so because it helps you gain power. Who wouldn't want an army full of skilled mages that can perform more powerful and accurate spells?" Now it was Vivienne's turn to sneer. "But one fatal mistake happens to the soulmates of those people, and you'll get an army of crazy, unstable mages that can become abominations at any second. And the ones that can remain sane usually don't live long either. Furthermore, isn't it basically a tradition in your Imperium for a spouse to keep the soulmate of their husband or wife as hostages?"

"It is true as you say, but originally, that law  _was_  created with the benefits to the soulmates in mind. And it's still better than being a hypocrite who sings about the soulbond being the ultimate blessing of the Maker that everyone has the right to have, only to withdraw it from those who need it the most!" Pavus just shrugged, leaning back further against his chair. "Normal people can have their soulmate to better themselves physically and mentally, why can't the same happen to your Circle mages?"

"And let them create more rebellions like our newest one?"

"The reason they rebelled in the first place was because the Southern Chantry oppressed and denied them what should be theirs by right!"

"That's too short-sighted! For the greater good of all Thedas, we—"

"That's enough!" Evelyn stood up and slammed her hands on the table. Hard. "We were having a normal conversation for once, why do you have to argue like this?

"Inquisitor—"

"Vivienne, I know you believe that the Chantry do it for the greater good and all, but don't just dismiss the atrocities they've done to the Circle mages like they were nothing. What they do goes against their very teaching and you know it! I'm pretty sure that you've witnessed it yourself too."

Then she turned to her Tevinter friend. "Dorian, thank you for everything but right now, I cannot continue this. Perhaps we can talk later?"

"Of course, whenever you wish, my friend."

And with that, Evelyn stomped out of the room, leaving the two mages silently to glare at one another.

Solas didn't stay to see what happened next, instead opting to chase after his love. He found her above his rotunda with her back against one of the rails. Her breaths were heavy and a frown still remained on her face when she looked to him.

"Sorry for ruining your dinner like that," she exhaled. "I just can't really control myself when it comes to the soulmate topic."

"It is understandable. I do not blame you at all, ma falon. It  _is_  a sensitive topic, after all," he said gently as he held out a hand for her to grasp. She took it. "Having a soulmate is one way for a person to gain power, power that will breed fear, greed and a desire for control."

"I know…" she muttered as she stood before him.

Yes, power would inevitably breed darkness, and with Evelyn marked to be with him, a 'god', it was natural for her to be sensitive, and even scared of this unforgiving world, full of those who would want to destroy her for things she had no control over. It was wise of her to always keep her guard up and be vigilant like that, as much as he hated to see it.

But of course, no matter how much preparation one had, sometimes, you simply couldn't control what was to come. That was what he learned a very long time ago, and once again, it was proven right by that meeting.


	4. Conflicting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were conflicts. Both outside and inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revision date: 13/06/2018

After that incident in Redcliffe, no one in their group talked about what they have heard from Rennard, not even Cassandra. In fact, when Evelyn approached the older woman about it, what she received was a hard and disappointed look.

"Inquisitor, I am hurt that you'd think that I may treat you different because of that?" Cassandra huffed with her arm crossed over the front of her armor. "I may serve the Maker but I do not judge people differently just because they belong to a different god. And furthermore, it'd be foolish for me to alienate you simply because of your soulmate when you haven't done anything to endanger the Inquisition."

Cassandra's statement has made her almost tear up right then and there had Evelyn wasn't used to control herself. It felt so strange to be trusted by someone only on the merit of yourself and not because of your connection to someone else and yet, it also left her heavy with guilt when she thought about Cassandra's reaction if she ever discovered what Evelyn planned to do in the future.

But despite the Seeker's cooperation and the promise from Fiona that no one would know about her soulmate, and Evelyn did believe her, somehow the secret still came out.

It started out so simple, just a formal dinner in Skyhold with many guests from around Thedas coming to either plea them support for the Inquisition or other diplomatic purposes, but then, one of the guests, a baron whom Leliana has noted to have some underground connections to the Imperium, opened his mouth.

"I heard that you are interested in elves, Lady Inquisitor?" He smirked and already, she could feel something was very wrong.

"I am interested in anything that could unite people and benefits Thedas as a whole, baron Arnford." Evelyn smiled pleasantly but her head has already run through several scenarios of how this would turn out. "Elven people are a part of Thedas, far longer than any of our current kingdoms are. Why shouldn't I interest in having them as our allies in the war against a common enemy?

"Oh, certainly, my lady! This is a dangerous time after all, and there's no reason to turn away any allies one can make." Arnford laughed. "But tell me, is it truly all there is to it? I've heard that before you joined the Inquisition, you were a researcher who focuses only on ancient elven culture. Did that have anything to do with your soulmate?"

She could feel her blood chilled to ice within her veins as the man talked. Trying to control her breaths and expression, she just tilted her head and gave him a confused look. "My lord, please forgive my cluelessness but I must ask what did you mean about it?"

"What I meant was… did your research and interest in the elves have anything to do with the fact that your soulmate, Fen'Harel, is a god of theirs, the God of Betrayal at that?"

Just like that time with Rennard, the whole room stood to a still at that to the point that one could hear people breathing. Vivienne was the first to break the silence.

"My dear Baron, just where on Earth did you get such a nonsense thing?" she laughed lightly but from where Evelyn sat, she could see the gleams in the First Enchanter's eyes that promising pains to the foolish man if he kept talking like that.

But the man didn't seem to notice it, he just waved his hand. "Some of my friends in Tevinter who knew Magister Alexius told me. I didn't believe it at first but then I thought 'such a serious matter shouldn't be kept a secret', so now please excuse my forwardness, Inquisitor, but could you confirm to us to us about this matter?"

All the eyes were staring at her now and she felt like they were trying to strip away all of her layers, leaving her completely vulnerable to be devoured by the wolves.

Josephine leaned forward preparing to say something but Dorian intervene, he must have realized that she could do this on her own.

"Tell me, baron Arnford, what exactly should I tell you?" Evelyn said in a casual voice as her eyes swept over every noble that was sitting here, her hands loosely laced its fingers together on the table. "I cannot admit what you said is the truth with reasons I'm sure everyone here can already guess. But if I were to deny this matter, people will say that I lie because why shouldn't I?"

Arnford opened his mouth but a glare and a hand gesture from her shut him up.

"If I were to show you my soulmark and reveal the name of my chosen one to everyone here, doesn't that mean that I will just inevitably asking for every single man in Thedas to come and claiming to be my other half? And that has not touched the fact that isn't it is in the teaching of the Maker that one should only reveal their soulmark to a trusted one closed to their heart? I am sorry, dear Baron, but you and I have just met, so pardon me if I wasn't so bold to do such a thing with you yet."

At that, everyone laughed loudly while the baron's face started to turn red. He must have realized that he just made a serious etiquette mistake since everyone knew that you just simply didn't ask about a person's soulmate before the couple themselves revealing it. Evelyn waited for the laughter to die down before continuing.

"Furthermore, all aren't we here to discuss the unification of Thedas against Corypheus? I do not believe that it has anything to do with who is my soulmate? True, people may call me the Herald of Andraste but before that my priority is with the Inquisition, the people of Thedas and the defeat of the Magister. Who I am connected with isn't going to change the fact that I am devoted to this common cause!" she paused to take a deep breath before looking straight into the man's eyes. "Have we come to an understanding, baron Arnford?"

The baron just mutely nodded as the other noble muttering in agreement with what she just said. As they were chattering with each other, Evelyn watch as the man slumped against his chair and while she could still see his jaw clenching, at least for the rest this dinner, they were safe.

xxXxx

After that dinner, Dorian, Josephine, and Vivienne were the first ones who sought her out in her room.

"Evelyn, we are sorry we couldn't stop him in time." It was Josie who spoke first. "I should have prepared for this, I know about your soulmate but I didn't think that anyone would actually discover and bring it up like that!"

She certainly didn't expect this. "Wait! How did you know about it? Cassandra promised me to not tell anyone."

"Leliana told me."

Of course, Leliana would know, that made perfect sense! She was an utter fool to think that no one in the Inquisition would try to dig up her background! There was no point in denying it now.

"I see." Evelyn signed, awkwardly patted the ambassador on one shoulder. "It's okay, Josie, it wasn't your fault, it was mine. I should have known better and be prepared for such things myself."

"Ah, so that's why you were so upset that time?" Dorian murmured. Evelyn could see his jaw tightened before he looked at her again. "Understandable, really. Forgive me, Evelyn, I should have noticed the reason for your distress better."

The remorse in his voice made her wanted to tear up. He didn't ask more about her mark or want to discuss what it was like to be bonded with a 'god', all he cared was that his talk has made her sad.

"Now now, my dear. It is not the time for you to cry." Vivienne came forward to hand Evelyn a handkerchief. It was only then that she realized tears were falling down her cheeks.

"You… don't want to ask or complain about anything either?" She sniffed, tried to keep the trembling out of her voice but failed.

"To be honest, I am quite perplexed by this but what I feel doesn't matter," the First Enchanter said bluntly. "What's important right now is that we have a large number of Theda's nobles knowing who is your soulmate. While you've done an admirable job of deflecting the issue, they—I am quite sure—are still very eager to share this knowledge with the rest of the world."

"Indeed." Cassandra nodded as she, Leliana, and Cullen and appeared at the stairs. "The Chantry won't like this."

And that was an understatement, Evelyn thought dryly, remembering the looks people threw at her back at Ostwick and then Redcliffe. If it was only the looks, she could handle it but then she also remembered the reaction of some of the Dalish clans when they discovered her identity. They weren't… very peaceful events, she had to said, with her running for her life while the elves chasing after her with swords and bows. She still even had some scars to remember them too. At that, she shuddered.

"The guests had not yet leave Skyhold so maybe we can still have time to prevent the damages," Leliana said. "I've already sent out our agents. They will spear around rumors to displace this."

"And I will take care of any questions from our more distinct guests so don't you worry about it." Josie nodded with a determined look in her eyes. "You should continue to focus on your duty as the Inquisitor, just leave this to us."

She looked around to see everyone's faces and for once, she hoped, maybe for once, things wouldn't go so badly. Maybe for once, it was even possible for her to walk the world with her secret being in the open and yet nothing bad would happen.

xxXxx

The meeting today was a complete mess. Evelyn thought bitterly as she rested against a small corner in the garden, hidden away by the bushes and trees.

" _So, we have news about an assassination in the making and the Wardens had all disappeared. We also have trouble with depleting resources because people are pulling out their support." Evelyn nodded, brows furrows over the war table. "Anything else we need to know about?"_

" _There are rumors about a fringe group of Tevinter mages having more activities than usual," said Leliana._

" _Not the Venatori?" Evelyn asked._

" _No, they call themselves Red Scales who worship the Old Gods. Most Tevinter Magisters dabble with blood magic in one way or another but these mages believe that blood is the only one true power," Cassandra explained. "Our spies reported that there've been a higher number of missing couples from all around Thedas, many were last seen with slavers."_

" _Couples?" This caught Evelyn's attention. "Don't tell me those couples are…"_

" _Yes, they were all bonded soulmates." Leliana confirmed her suspicion. "Slaves that bonded together are prized in Tevinver. They provide better labor due to generally better health, last longer and… better entertainment. It makes sense that they are better sacrifices for blood magic too."_

" _Why are they intended to expand their power now?" Evelyn sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. "Do they want to fight Corypheus with their own force? Or are they just trying to take advantages of the current climate while everyone else is fighting each other?"_

_"Nothing more conclusive yet, I'm afraid. The Red Scales are very elusive, most of the time, even in Tevinter, not many people even remember that they exist. But currently, there are sightings of them over here, here and here." The spymaster said as she moved pieces of figures to certain points on the map._

" _Keep your eyes on any sighs of them for the time being then. We may still have enough times to deal with those mages compared to everything else."_

" _Understood, Inquisitor. And Josephine, what do we have left for today?"_

_At Leliana's question, Josie hesitated and Evelyn had an inkling that she was not going to like what the woman was going to say, even more so than the previous ones._

" _The agents said that the alienages in Orlais are being cracked down on because some elves there declaring that since you, Fen'Harel's soulmate, exists, it means that their gods are coming back and will topple the empire," Leliana reported. "The nobles there are not quite impressed with us siding with the elves, despite our effort of disputing the rumor."_

_Evelyn exhaled again, rubbing her left temple with her fingertips. "I guess there are more?"_

" _The more radical members of the Chantry are demanding for you to be declared as a heretic," Josie slowly stated as she looked at her parchment. "They say that you're a fraud using Andraste's name to corrupt the Chantry with your god. And…"_

" _And…?"_

" _Some of them are calling for you to be burned at the stake publicly for opposing the Chantry…"_

" _That makes no sense," Cullen exclaimed. "When did we even remotely do anything that said the Chantry is our enemy?"_

" _Having a leader whose alleged soulmate is an elven god, apparently." Cassandra gritted her teeth. "And we can't even have the Inquisitor show her wrist out to dispel it because it's the truth."_

" _I'm sorry—"_

" _No, you don't have to say sorry for this, it is not your fault. We can deal with this." The Seeker shook her head._

" _What we need is something that can calm down people even if it's confirmed that your soulmate is Fen'Harel. Perhaps…" Leliana trailed off and Evelyn had a feeling she wouldn't like where this was going. "Perhaps what you need is a lover who can always stay with you and show people that for all the screamings about you being disaster bringer and worshiper of a heretic god, nothing happens to you or your lover. We can also prove that despite Fen'Harel's name being on your skin, he's basically non-existent too."_

" _Leliana, are you telling us you want a man to live with Evelyn to prove that a god doesn't exist?" Josephine looked at the woman like she's grown a second head._

" _Yes."_

" _And how on earth are we going to find someone who's reliable and convincing enough to do that?" this time it's Cullen's turn to growl. "We can't just find a man outside of the Inquisition to do that. And no one within our organization can act like that with the Herald either. We can't just shove a man next to her and say, 'he's her lover'. To make people believe us, we'll have to get him to talk, eat, sleep and do things further than that with her to actually convince anyone with half a brain."_

" _And you are talking about her privacy and even more here. There's only so much one could force her to sacrifice for the Inquisition." Cassandra sighed. "Leliana, I'm afraid this isn't working."_

" _Still, it isn't a bad thing to consider about." The redhead tilted her head at Evelyn._

" _I-I will think about it."_

All of those mess over a name on her wrist! With the Inquisition being so accepting of the news, she had let her guard down, so now when this happened, it hurt more than it should have.

There was a sound to her left and she looked up to see Solas standing there. Her heart had calmed down for a while now but the irritation and wariness still remained so she couldn't smile at him as usual.

"I heard some more murmurs about me," she said as he sat down beside her.

"And what would those murmurs be?"

"There are worries due to my soulmark. They went from worrying about me and the Inquisition as a whole to want to kill me personally now…" She exhaled. "I think it would not be a surprise if one night I wake up to a knife against my throat."

He sighed, resting a hand on her shoulder. "They say that but they cannot do anything to you, as long as the Inquisition is still with you."

"Maybe, but even the Inquisition has its limit. And if it was only me who are being targeted by this then it shouldn't matter much but others are being affected by it too. Aside from people pulling out supports here, the nobles in Orlais are attacking alienages because some people there believe that I'm the herald for the returning of Fen'Harel."

A dark look appeared on Solas's face that she couldn't quite describe, there was anger and worry in there but also something else. He probably felt very terrible now, she concluded. As much as Solas made his disdain for the way the city elves have become and abandoned the original traditions, they were still his people. For him to hear that they were being killed for having hope had to be quite a blow.

"I… see," he spoke slowly, not quite looking directly at her. "I presume there is something else?"

She was about to say it was nothing when she felt his hand on her shoulder squeezed. It didn't hurt but she could definitely feel the force and realized it was his subtle way of saying that she shouldn't hide more because he would know.

"Some of the higher-ups in the Chantry aren't pleased to see a heretic wormed her way into their Church and expanding the influence of her god. There are callings for me to be publicly burnt for all to see."

"I will not let them hurt you. That I can promise you!" He suddenly sat straighter, eyes staring straight at her and her chest throbbed.

Initially, she had planned to tell him about Leliana's suggestion of finding her a fake lover but with the way his gaze rested on her right now, she founded it to be a bad idea.

For months now, she has been trying to forget what she saw in that future in Redcliffe after her meetings with Fen'Harel started but sometimes, during the nights that he wasn't there with her, it was only her and the dreams made from memories.

_She, Dorian, Cassandra, Varric, and Leliana continued to run through the halls and floors, mowing down any enemies they saw without stopping. The wrongness of this world permitted in the very air they breathed as they ran without resting._

_This was how the world would become if one made mistakes when they tried to remove the Veil by force, without a care for any beings in the two worlds. Now that she has seen what could happen if she did it wrong, she couldn't let herself make a similar mistake in the future. But first-_

_They could hear the sound of fighting and explosions from where Alexius was supposed to be. Was someone there before them?_

_They sped up and passed through the door only to find that the battle has ended and amid the dust and blood stood… Solas?_

_Yes, it was Solas but… he was so different. Golden armor and a wolf belt splashed with blood and his back turned halfway to her group, he simply didn't look like her apostate friend that she's always known. He looked like a general, a leader where he was standing, giving orders to some other elves._

_She could see Alexius lying there under his feet, missing parts of his body and she couldn't help but make a sound at that._

_Solas must have heard her because he turned around with his soldier, hands readied to release a spell but at the same time, giving her a better look at his face. He looked thin, filled with a wariness that manifested as the heavy bags under his eyes, a large burn scar ran from above his temper down to his neck. But what surprised her the most was his eyes, those were something belonged to a dead man, soulless and unfeeling. The eyes of a Tranquil._

_And yet, when his gaze laid upon her, various immediately awoke within them. Surprise, doubt, sorrow, regret and… hunger?_

_Before she knew it, she was in his arms. His body bent over her as if he wanted to entwine and absorb her into it._

" _Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn," He chanted her name in a trail of whispering. His face pressed into her hair and neck, his breathing was labored and sounded suspiciously like a sob. For a moment, neither she nor anyone else in the room had anything to say or wanted to move._

_Eventually, he seemed to have calmed down because he finally loosened his embrace but his hands were still wrapped around her shoulders. He looked up and down over her before asking in a wavering voice._

" _Is this a dream? How can you are here when I saw you…?"_

" _That spell didn't kill us, it just transported us through time." Dorian stepped forward to answer Solas's question. Her new companion must have seen she was too stunned to talk for a moment._

_They explained everything to him and in that same time, Dorian proceeded to take the amulet from Alexius's corpse, but before they could take their turn to ask Solas of why was he here, the whole place tremble._

_They could hear from afar something was coming, something inhuman and dangerous. Solas turned to his group and gave out an order for them to go out first, adding that he would follow them soon before turning back to her._

" _The Magister is coming, you and Pavus must leave now!"_

" _What about you? What about everyone else?" she knew they had to return but to leave her friends here like this…_

" _We are already dead, Bookworm." Varric shook his head as he prepared Bianca. "Even if you stay with us, we don't have much time left."_

" _But—"_

" _Listen to us, Evelyn." This time it was Cassandra. "Time for you to go now."_

" _We'll hold them back for you." Leiliana nodded, turning away to leave the room._

_There was no room to argue anymore. They knew this. She knew this. Still…_

" _Solas…" she lifted her head to him, only to find his lips upon hers with his hands hold onto her head. A desperate kiss so full of desire and regret that it completely overwhelmed her and when they finally separated he still didn't let her go, using his right thumb to caress her swollen tips. This time, his eyes were that of a man who has finally accepted his fate._

" _I should have done this a long time ago."_

" _Solas, I…"_

" _I am so sorry, Evelyn. I should have protected you, I should be there for you but I did not and this is the price that I have to pay." He pushed his forehead against hers, his eyes closed. "Please forgive my selfishness for what I have done."_

" _I don't understand."_

" _You will, someday. I know my younger self will not be able to hide it for long if you stay with him for a little longer than you did me, and when that time comes, please remember this, ma vhenan, remember that my feeling for you is true and that I will always love you no matter what."_

_And with that, he just left, leaving her alone with Dorian, but not before he sealed the main door with a barrier._

_The last things she saw of that future were demons and red Templars pushing through the shield, their screams emblemed into her mind._

Evelyn has always thought that knowledge was power but after that experience, for the first time in her life, she wished she didn't know something.

She has been attracted to Solas, and if she had to be honest, she still did. How could she not? His seriousness accompanying with a dry sense of humor has soon endeared himself to her after their first conversation in which he promised to protect her secret without judging her for it. Not to mention, he was also a wise, attractive man with an inquisitive mind compatible with her own, it wasn't strange that he soon became her first best friend and also her very first crush.

She used to steal glances at him here and there, indulged in moments where their traveling forcing them to share their private spaces with each other. She has seen his unmarked wrist and his unclothed chest and back in those days, she sometimes would imagine that because of him being unchained and not caring about her mark, he would accept her feeling and something more would happen between them.

But her crush remained just a crush because she didn't allow it to go further than that. Not after that night where he had not so subtly stated that he was attracted only to female elves. She has respected his preference and dropped the matter immediately despite the hurt. Instead, she tried to find satisfaction in having him as her friend, something that he confirmed when he comforted her in Redcliffe.

However, after she and Dorian came back from that future where everything has gone wrong and where Solas has revealed the extent of his feeling for her, she simply didn't know what to do or how to react anymore. She had planned to deal with this knowledge once she had time after the Breach was closed. But then, Haven was attacked and  _he_  came for her.

Fen'Harel, her soulmate, whom she has expected to never meet came for her.

He didn't demand her to offer her loyalty to him, but she wasn't very surprised by this since she knew he hated slavery and valued freedom more than anything else. But he didn't dismiss or look down on her either. He was kind, accommodating, gentle, even somewhat protective.

He has shown her everything Solas couldn't and more. He had let her experience the long-lost Arlathan with both its wonders and darker aspects. He was afraid to let her see the latter yet still following through it in respect of her demands. He shared his past with her, took her to places that she couldn't reach during her years of traveling due to the limits of her resources, letting her enjoy a freedom and joy that she had not thought possible.

She's always known there were things that he had not told her but she respected it because one simply didn't survive through the things that he did by always being honest, and he has given her more than enough.

When Evelyn was with Fen'Harel, she was different. In the beginning, she has tried to control herself like she did with Solas and everyone else but soon, her walls broke down and she found herself wanting to be free with him. She wasn't sure if it was the effect of their bond but her mark was still black so it wasn't actually completed or maybe not even started yet. She honestly didn't know if either it was because he had no connection with anyone she knew in the mortal world, or because he appeared as a wolf instead as a man that she was unconsciously feeling safe enough around him to let her guard down.

But no matter the reasons, Evelyn was the freest and truest to herself when she was with the Dread Wolf. She was attracted to him, a romantically but not sexually. She knew his true form was that of an elf but seeing his past self whose appearance was partly covered up wasn't enough for her to truly form a connection between the wolf and the man.

Fen'Harel has never talked about their bond or his intention toward her outside of being her new mentor and confidant. If anything, the way he treated must have been more like a loving older brother, and she didn't expect him to be any more than that.

But even so, while Evelyn wasn't a devoted follower of the Maker, she was still a romantic at heart and for that, she has made the decision of saving herself only for the person she loved. But now, she was stuck between her feeling for a (false) god who was intended by destiny for her yet might not felt the same way and the man who she lusted after that also reappreciated her feeling.

She didn't want this. She didn't want to be torn between the craving of the flesh and the soul like this, and certainly, she didn't want to betray both of the men that she cared the most in both worlds like this.

The romance novels Cassandra read always described a love triangle as the most attractive and fun thing for a woman to experience within her lifetime to complete herself but in reality, it was the complete opposite. There was no sweet longing or pleasant throbbing, she was instead filled with guilt and self-hatred, her tongue always tasted like bitter ashes whenever she thought about them and she couldn't help but saw herself as a greedy monster wanting more than she could have.

"Are you well, Evelyn?" Solas's question jolted her out of her thought, forcing her to look up to him. "Was there something else happened to you at the meeting?"

Perhaps, she told herself, perhaps his feeling for her in that false future was just a side effect of his guilt of not helping her in time, a result of him spending an entire year thinking about 'what ifs', him loving a shadow of her. Perhaps with her here as his friend who respected his request for distance, his feeling for her wouldn't grow beyond that of a platonic bond.

"It's nothing. I just worry too much, that's all." She shook her head with a smile. "Thank you, Solas, for caring, for being my friend."

Yes, it must have been that! As long as she was his friend and ensuring this space between them, there would be no lust growing more between them aside from the ember of her little crush, and then she could fully devote herself to her cause and stood with Fen'Harel without any guilt.

xxXxx

"How are you feeling?" he rumbled, trying not to disturb his love too much as she laid against him, most of her face pressed into the fur near his neck while his body slightly curved around hers.

There were days like today where the real world weighted so heavily upon her soul that he had rejected her attempts at learning more of the Fade. Instead, he would bring her to their meadow to rest. They laid underneath an enormous tree that had been lost a long time ago, its long branches spread above them to give a cool, soothing space in the midst of a summer day.

"No, I'm not…" she whispered.

Somehow, even when her answer was like that, he still selfishly felt a sense of accomplishment that he could make her be honest with him, but there was a bit of envy and resentment too. Earlier in the day, right after they left Adamant, as Solas he had asked her the same question and back then, her reply was 'I'll be okay'.

If only she could let herself down with Solas. If only she could be herself with the elf instead of the wolf.

"You are thinking about Stroud."

"I killed him."

He lifted his head instantly at that. "No, you did not. You may be the one who asked him to stay but it was him who made the choice. He knew what he was getting into and he took the responsibility for it."

"But I  _was_  still the one who let him do it, and it was because I was a selfish coward." He could hear the sobbing started to sneak into her voice, so he moved his body a bit to make her sat up and took a good look at her.

Like he expected, tears were trailing down her cheeks now, and he could feel her sorrow trailing in the air.

"I chose him because I wanted to protect Hawke. I knew she had a soulmate who she has already bonded with waiting for her at home. They had a child too," Evelyn said between each wipe of her hands across her cheeks. "I traded Stroud's life, who could have led the Wardens, for the happiness of three people. I let my personal feeling dictated my duty. I am a hypocrite!"

There it was, another little hint of what she was still hiding from him. Evelyn often talked about the how one should have a long-term outlook on things and sometimes, sacrifices must be made for the greater good. He has tributed it as the reason she was so willing to cover up aspects of herself, letting everyone to have their Inquisitor while the real Evelyn was being buried away under layers of doors and locks.

But now, he suspected that what she meant was deeper than that. But this was not the time to think about it.

"Tell me, was there any other reasons you seemed so reluctant to let Hawke fight?" he asked.

She thought for a bit before answering. "Hawke was distracted. Varric told me that he noticed her magic wasn't as strong as before, it wasn't very stable too. At night, when she slept, she seemed to be uneasy and restless. I think being away from her husband for so long is starting to affecting herself. She was a mage, after all."

Ah, that was true, he did notice Hawke was not performing as good as a mage of her caliber should have. Indeed, soul bonding was both a curse and a gift for mages. It gave you more power and control along with a partner who would always stay by your side. And yet the moment you left your bondmate for too long, the strain started to get to you in both body and soul.

There was a time in his youth that he could not understand how people could accept being bonded to someone and suffered the consequence when being apart like that. Back then, he had thought that surely everyone could see that the cons were far outweighed the benefits of having a little bit more power.

But now, with his heart no longer laid within his body, he has finally understood that his thoughts back then were born out of jealousy and his shallowed understanding of what was important and what was not. If he were to bond with Evelyn and have her to stay by his side always then he would gladly be chained by the links of fates.

How ironic such a thought for someone who lived for freedom like him.

Breaking out of his musing, he looked back at his love and could not help but to lean forward to give her cheek a lick with the tip of his tongue.

"You made the right choice, Evelyn." He nuzzled her hair with his nose. "If you had made Hawke stay, it was possible that she would not be able to hold off that Nightmare as long as Stroud did and thus will endanger all of you instead of just one person."

"Even if I did, it doesn't mean I don't feel terrible about it." She sniffed. "I've already caused enough troubles to the Inquisition with the knowledge of our bond being got out. And now I let Stroud died, leaving the Wardens without a leader."

"It is unavoidable, but you have made the best choice in that situation. And even without Stroud, with the Wardens are now our allies, there will still be chances for them to rebuild and atone for their sins. What you must do is to look at the future and not the past." He paused for a bit before continuing, "Evelyn, while I do believe that you did want to protect Hawke, you are not the kind of person who decides serious matters with pure emotion. What you tend to do is that you think just because you are an emotional person inside, everything you do will be affected by it. But to speak the truth, I think it is the opposite."

He conjured an image of her during the day. A solemn woman with her hair tightly braided into a bun, her mage robe and posture were immaculate. He showed her how 'the Inquisitor' talked and walked with those around her, smiles and sympathizes were given with great measures but never laughter. A woman whose physical contacts she made with others only happened during battles or as etiquette gestures. That was the 'her' of daylight.

"You tried so hard to be the woman that people can depend on," he said gently. "Everything you do during the day was acted upon with an unconscious habit of getting the best out of the circumstances. For that, I do not believe that you chose wrong when it came to choosing between Hawke and Stroud."

"You think so?" Evelyn gazed at him.

Her eyes were red, hair mused and a sleeve of her dress has partly slipped off one shoulder. She was a mess, the complete opposite of that illusion he just waved off, and yet, at the same time, she was the loveliest of all. How many times had he wished that he was in his real form to hold her tightly in his arms until her tears dry away? He could not remember and because he was a coward who hid behind the shape of a wolf to cover up for his snow-balling lies, the only thing he could do was to push his snout to her forehead in place of a kiss.

"I know so, my sweet Evelyn."

And there it was. Her smile, her real one, the thing that he treasured the most!

She leaned into his kiss before reciprocate with her own, letting warm and needs to be coiled through his whole being. Closing his eyes, he let himself basked in it while stamping down any desire of asking for more.

Evelyn's lips then left his fur only to be replaced by her cheek and together, they enjoyed the presence of each other until he heard her asked.

"The Old Gods that will become the Archdemons, they were your brethren, the elven pantheon, were they not?"

Well, that was a little surprise there but it also wasn't. Given how much he has told her about Arlathan, with a little more knowledge of Tevinter Imperium, it was not strange that she could eventually deduce the truth.

"Indeed, they were. What do you want to know?"

"Ah, first, why do they still be able to…"

And so, he spent the rest of night answered more of her questions. Silently glad that she has finally felt better enough to return to her usual curious self.

xxXxx

Thinking back about that night, he should have seen this coming but he was so focused on trying to make Evelyn feel better that he didn't think much beyond that.

One night not long after that event, he received Wisdom's call for help and had to leave at once. Evelyn, just as he expected, had offered to help him and together, they traveled without much rest to the plane.

But no matter how much they tried, they couldn't save his friend.

It hurt. Seeing his old friend simply accepted her fate and died like that. She would eventually come back but her memories would not. The experience that made her 'her' could never be recreated again and it hurt even more to know that she died had so pointless from the mistakes of some useless humans instead of fighting for her purpose.

He had tried to take revenge on them, Wisdom's killers, but Evelyn had stopped him. She argued that those fools didn't commit their crime of purpose and it was just simply pure ignorance that originated from Circle teaching.

He had initially wanted to shove her aside and get on with his goal when he noticed that she was crying. His Evelyn was crying for him, for Wisdom. The woman he loved was crying for his friend whom she has never met but still felt the lost because Wisdom was important to him!

He could not do it. He could not break her heart to get to his revenge, and yet he did not know how to deal with this pain either so in the end, he just collapsed on his knees and wept.

"I had wanted for you and her to meet. You would have loved her—"

He could not finish what he wanted to say because it hurt. He was ashamed of himself for letting Evelyn see him like this, uncontrolled and weak but he could not stop his tears. And then, he felt her arms around him for the whole time he sobbed his heart out. He felt more than heard her crying next to his ear and they clung to one another.

He did not know how long they were there but after he finally calmed down, Evelyn had a different look in her eyes.

It was the sort of look that one had when they made a decision that could change the world and everything one knew of. A sort of look that declared finality and acceptance. A look that carried fire within it.

"What's wrong, Evelyn?" he asked, but she just shook her head.

"Everything is going to be all right, Solas. I'll make it right for you, I promise."

That was what she told him and she did not elaborate more after that, opting to give him an opportunity to be alone and collect his thought which he accepted. His mind was too occupied by Wisdom's death that he could not think farther than wanting to mourn for her.

But in the end, he could not bear being away from his beloved for too long so the next night, he sought Evelyn out once more as Fen'Harel, hoping that the touches she reserved only for her Wolf would heal him. But instead, what he's got was her waiting in that fog world where they first met, dressing in her mage robe with her hair down and an unreadable look on her face.

There were no hugs or kisses. What greeted was something that froze his heart in an instant.

"I know you want to take down the Veil, Fen'Harel."


	5. Pulling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They tried to pull each other toward themselves and in doing so, tearing the one they loved apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter originally was way longer but for the sake of maintaining pacing and the flow of reading, I had to cut it into two and save the later half for the next update. I'm very sorry to those who were waiting for the more mature part, I swear the next update will have it!
> 
> Revision date: 17/02/2019, beta-ed by Ember Leo

 

Of all the thing he expected to hear from her tonight, this wasn't one of them.

"I know you want to take down the Veil, Fen'Harel."

She has said it with absolute certainty in her eyes and for a moment he thought that the Evelyn in front of him was an illusion made up by some demons or spirits. But if she was a fake, he would know and right now, the 'her' in front of him was very real, and so  were her words to him.

"When did you find out?" he said slowly, unsure of how he should act when dozens of different emotions were running through him.

"About what you plan for the Veil? I cannot remember the exact moment I  was sure about it, to be honest," she shrugged, stepping forward , but didn't quite reach him. "But the night you told me the Orb was yours, I knew for sure that you purposely gave it to Corypheus instead of him  having stolen it from you ."

"And how can you be so sure I deliberately gave it to the Magister?"

"You are Fen'Harel. That orb was a valuable object to you, there  was no  way Corypheus could have even  get near it without you allowing him to.  Then he knew how to invoke the Anchor despite his short time with it,  which can be assumed that someone else helped him, someone with great knowledge about Elvhen artifacts. And then, you said you were hoping for him to die, that simply confirmed everything to me. If I have to guess, you even gave the Elder One an instruction on how to use it, but it was actually meant to kill him, correct?"

The space around them started to change to a temple of Mythal , with its broken pillars and vine-covered wall. Evelyn walked to a statue of the Dread Wolf, her back to the real Fen’Harel.

"At some point, I realized that you  despaired for the state of this world.  How could you not? You were born and lived in a time where magic was as natural as breathing to almost  every living  being , where feelings and meanings could be converted with just a few words. You must feel like this current world is a wasteland filled with Tranquil."

She stopped there and remained quiet for a bit, hand stroking the back of the wolf statue before continuing.

"Then everything just clicked. Your creation of the Veil, your resentment of this world, your longing for the old one. Corypheus possessed an orb with unimaginable  power and an Anchor that can connect to the Fade. An explosion that was supposed to kill him while opening the Orb. Then I just simply  knew that you want  the Veil to be gone. To bring back the old world. And am I right, my Wolf?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, feeling threatened by this Evelyn who was so much a stranger to him. Who was this woman? Where was his vhenan? But no matter who she was, there was no denying it now.

"Indeed, you are correct," he said but his voice only came out as a whisper. "I want  to —no, I  _ will _ take down the Veil , and destroy this world during  the process. And what  will you do about it, Evelyn? ”

Her hand stopped before dropping down to her side, and he could hear her let out a sigh. Slowly she turned to face him and what came out of her mouth next was the second surprise of the night.

"I , too , wish to see the  Veil gone ."

This time he didn't even have the strength to say anything. Evelyn? Remove the Veil? Her? Agreeing with his plan? Her? Willing to see people die without doing anything? Even if this was the Fade, it was just too absurd of a notion to be true!

" Truly ?" He finally found his voice, even if it came out shakier than he would like.

" Truly .  It’s something I have kept inside my heart for years, even before I left that tower." She smiled and yet he felt like she wanted to cry, "'I wish to see magic return to this world . I don't want to see any Tranquil or mages being abused  simply  for being born . I want a world where magic is a gift, not a curse.' Those are what I've always carried with me ever since I was old enough to understand what it was like to be a mage."

He stood there,  unable to take his eyes off her as she  strode to him.

"When I was still a little girl, I cursed my existence for being bonded to you , but as I grew up, I realized that the person I've become existed because of you,  if only indirectly. I don't know when but at some point in the past, what I felt for you has been changed to  gratitude . The day I discovered what you are , and how history has buried the truth about you , was one of the happiest days of my life. And now, to think that we are sharing the same goal, I…"

She paused there, probably unsure of voicing her  feelings, so he took that opportunity to inquire.

"But why now? If you knew that we have the same purpose, why didn't you tell me?"

Evelyn looked down at her feet for a moment before lifting her head.

"I was afraid, even if we have the same goal, it doesn't mean that our methods are the same, but after what happened that day to my friend Solas, I cannot stay silent anymore," she said with a flash of anger in her eyes. Her voice raised  louder and louder until she was near shouting. "An old friend of his, a spirit of Wisdom was killed by some Circle mages who didn't have a clue about what they were doing. Solas has cried, my friend cried! If only the Veil didn't exist then Wisdom wouldn't have died like that!"

She caught herself there, breathing shakily, and he could see tears gathering in her blue eyes. Warmth and sorrow ran parallel through his body at the thought of Wisdom, and that Evelyn cared enough about 'Solas' to expose her secret to him like this.

Was this real? Was it possible for him and his heart to stay on the same path? But still, he had to make sure.

"Evelyn, you know that people will die,  don’t you?"

She laughed without any humor, her voice sounded like there was something hard caught in her throat , and for a moment, he thought he was seeing himself in a mirror.

"I know," Evelyn replied, hands reached out to stroke under his eyes like she always did. "I know it well, Fen'Harel. But people are dying around us already. The Tranquil in my tower, the halls splashed with mages' blood, the Templars I killed in self-defense. All the mages who gave themselves to demons just for a way to survive. People have and will always die because of others."

She talked about it like it was an  indisputable fact , and at that moment, he once again realized he didn't know her that well even as Fen'Harel. The Dread Wolf might have seen the 'her' of the night that she hid from Solas, and yet, even then, he couldn't see all the things she tucked away in the  shadows .

But here she was, baring herself to him for the sake of her 'friend'. He was a fool.

Then something caught his mind.

"You said that your method is different than mine?"

"I want to take the Veil  down in small parts, to gradually introduce the Fade back into this world." Evelyn rubbed her eyes but he felt the disapproval clear in her voice. "But you, you want to rip the Veil off in one go, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Why? Ripping off the entire Veil like that will cause a tremendous  number of deaths. It would also cause the remaining Evanuris to wake up immediately too. Why would you want to go for such an extreme measure?"

"It is for the better, Evelyn. My people cannot wait any longer. Any day I slow down my plan is another day they suffer , " He patiently explained. "The Evanuris  waking up sooner will also mean that no more  Blights will happen."

"The Creators can be woken up without them being released right away. Just a part of the Veil being taken down is enough for them to gain consciousness and stop calling out for the  Darkspawn . All of that without the false gods actually leaving their prison," she said firmly. "And what's the point of not keeping your people waiting when they too will be caught in disasters  following the Veil's destruction?"

"I have plans to protect the People once the chaos comes. Furthermore, letting the Evanuris gradually  break through their seals  means that they can have time to counterattack once I get to them! It also gives them the chance to gather many of my people under their  thrall ."

"So you do realize that not everyone wants to follow Fen'Harel?" Evelyn looked at him coldly. "If your people will follow the Evanuris while they are slowly waking up even though you have been around long enough to gather your own force and  clear your name, what do you think will happen when the Old Gods suddenly come back and you still  carry the reputation of the Dread Wolf? Who do you think your normal elves will choose? The God of Betrayal or the Oh-so-Benevolent Elven Gods?"

Spirits, but she did know where to stab!

This time, he couldn't stop the growls in his voice as he said, "Even so,  bringing back magic sooner will benefit the People greatly, a group of them might defect to the Evanuris , but under my current influence, most of them will band together and focus on the rebuilding effort of Arlathan."

"And what makes you think they will be able to accept all magic in one go without it blasting into their face first? Your people have been living without magic as an integral part of their lives for ages, Fen'Harel. The moment magic returns to every single one of them, there'll chaos and panic. Most Dalish clans these days only allow a certain number of mages, what would happen to all the young mages that suddenly appear? Maker's breath, how long  would it take them to finally manage that many mages? And how much damage has to happen before they can learn to do that?"

"Do not act like you know enough about my people to predict what they would do!"

"And you do?  Were you able to predict how  things  would go back  when you erected the Veil? Did you  know all that chaos and death would happen? Did you predict that your people would lose their true knowledge of the Vallaslin as slave markings? You didn't! You simply went with the only way you thought was the right one and then  tried to fix the damage from that decision. And now you want to do it again after the Veil is gone!"

Rage engulfed his mind and in a blink of an eye, she was on her back. His enormous paw pushed on her body and his maw was opened wide to reveal rows of white sharp fangs right in front of her face.

"Do not talk to me like you understand what I've gone through! Everything I've done, I did it for my people!"

Yet her face was unmoved.

"Did you truly do all that for your people? Or for your pride, rage, and guilt?"

His eyes  widened at her question and with her next one, he froze.

"Do you truly want the better for them? Or do you just want to get rid of your guilt as quickly as possible? ”

And then he saw it. In his rage, his claws  had embedded into her flesh. Blood was seeping through her mage robe , and even if this place was the Fade , and none of this was truly real, he couldn't help but feel ill in his stomach when the scent of her blood hit his nose. He quickly retracted as if touching her burned him.

What  had he done !?

But  Evelyn , she didn't even flinch as she sat up . Her eyes never left him as she walked toward him. Hands reaching out, she was stroking his cheeks like she always did. As if nothing serious just happened between them.

In her hands, he whimpered.

"Evelyn…"

"Your people can wait just a little bit longer. They don't need you to suddenly save them only for your gift to harm them because they are unprepared for it. What they need is a leader who can prepare them for what  is to come, to teach them the truth without alienating them too much to the rest of the world," she pleaded softly, almost a whisper.

"You once said that my flaw is that I try too hard in controlling everything, even at the cost of myself—I expected  too  much from everything , and from myself , that I get hurt by the simplest things when I could just accept them and move on. You were right. I didn't realize my own shortcomings and I am too young and inexperienced in many things. That's why you are so important to me, because only with you that I can be true to myself while learning to improve it. I respect you and I want to follow your guidance."

Tears were pooled at the corner of her eyes, threatening to fall out at any moment.

"But I also realize that you're so very similar to me. You are so single- minded in everything you do that you always think that there's only one solution to a problem without looking for another way. You are so invested in your emotions that it  blinds you to the bigger picture. Your long life makes you think that you can see far enough. You think that you know better than everyone else."

She was hugging him now, as much as her small body could.

"But, my Wolf, just this time, I beg you , just this time , please listen to me and  believe that things can go the other way. Please give it some  thought before disregarding it. I agree with you that this world needs to be changed soon , but it isn't so late for us to do it in a less damaging way."

Scenarios and possibilities ran through his head as he took in her words. Was she right? Was he so blinded by his own needs that he refused to see things other ways? This world was a broken thing that needed to be fixed but, truly, was it so much better to do things the slow way? That kind of process may take decades, even hundreds of years to finish!

He  had , many times in the past, thought about devising a slower way of bringing back magic to this world too. However, each time he saw one of his own people dying from either old age or oppression , without the means to even defend themselves, he would abandon that plan to push for a quicker solution.

But were those decisions back then just his guilt controlling him?  Was he so eager to get rid of the burden on his soul that he  had been using any reason to justify his hastiness?

Was he wrong?

"Just… give me some time. I need to think about it more," hesitantly, he told her.

Evelyn nodded and right at that moment, he could see her  tears finally run down her cheeks.

But she was smiling.

"As long as you need. I'll always be here, waiting for you,"

xxXxx

"Here is the report for our current supplies from Ferelden and the Free Marches. It is not much but for now, some of our allies have come back to us. Some sanctions have been removed too." Josie handed over the parchments. "It seemed that our agents have managed quite well to subvert the initial reaction."

"I see, thank you, Josie. Hm, more Red Scales appeared around the Dales. I may have to go there for an investigation soon." Evelyn bit the inside of her cheek, eyes skimped through the text. "Have we heard anything from Orlais?"

"Not yet, I'm afraid. But the chance for us to be  granted audience  with the court is high , so your  preparations must still be in order. First, we will need to get our best seamstress to prepare the materials, then Leliana can…"

As the ambassador started to list all the things the Inquisitor had to learn and perform in a royal ball, Evelyn's thoughts wandered to  her meeting  with Fen'Harel.

After that night, he didn't come to her the next day,  nor for many weeks . But she didn't expect him to make an appearance again soon. Not with that stunt she pulled.

Thinking back  on it, Evelyn was almost sure she was a bit touched in the head for confronting him like that, to speak like that straight to his face,  and basically call him a  blind fool. Even if he has always treated her so kindly, his reputation as the Dread Wolf wasn't just  idle words . The pain and terror she felt when his claws dug into her body were  proof of that fact.

But then again, she didn't want to tiptoe around him about the Veil anymore. Not after what happened to Solas and his friend Wisdom.  At first she was truly happy when she managed to deduce that Fen'Harel  shared her goal , but that moment was short-lived when she realized he was going to make a quick  job of it.

And to be honest, she had been disappointed in him too.  She idolized him before, thinking  of her wolf as someone who  was cunning , pragmatic and wise, yet after this discovery ,  she realized he was just as flawed and fallible as any mortal  man who thought they  knew best.

Then again, it was only after this that she knew she loved him as a man. Had he  remained so perfect in her eyes, her love for him would probably be that of Andraste to the Maker —  devoted but unselfish — and somehow, it felt so unfulfilled to her.

Her  w olf was a man who made mistakes that forced him to carry the burden of a whole world, a burden that Evelyn knew even if she lived for a thousand years, she still wouldn't be able to comprehend. Even so, she wished to share his pain and to accompany him on that road to redemption, and by in wanting to do so, she could see where his current plot would lead him.

Regrets upon regrets, deaths upon deaths.

She could see how it would be for him at the end if he went through with his plan and for him, for this world, she knew she had to stop him. But she was a coward who was afraid to confront him face-to-face, thinking about how arrogant she was to dare to offer her help to someone who was basically a god. She was afraid to lose what they had with each other and in her selfishness, she chose to remain at his side as she  had been , a little sister for him to spoil, to entertain and to guide, not  a bondmate for him to love, and surely not as  a partner to walk the path with him.

But what happened to Solas changed her mind. If she were to let Fen'Harel make such an  sudden and drastic alteration to the world, more tragedies would come. Mages who had no idea how to operate properly  while completely surrounded by  the Fade would get their hands on uncontrollable powers. Spirits living near the Veil that didn't want to come to the mortal world would suddenly be pulled away from their home, hurt or  become demons against their will and be killed for it.

What happened to poor Wisdom was a confirmation of Evelyn's predictions while Solas's tears afterward were the final drop in the glass for her to finally confront Fen'Harel.

It was ironic that her Wolf told her that she had the habit of doing everything in a pragmatic way and stamping down her feelings, and yet what pushed her to do so in the first place were often her emotions.

But  what’s  done was done, there was no point in regretting things. In fact, after her initial fear from their confrontation,  she felt lighter than ever, as if an enormous boulder has been lifted away from her chest. Perhaps-

"Evelyn, are you listening to me?" Josephine's slightly louder voice shook Evelyn out of her thoughts.

"Erm, yes?"

"No, you are not." Josie huffed but then frowned with concern. "Are you okay? You've been quite distracted these past weeks."

"No, I'll be fine. I'm just quite overwhelmed with the possibility of having to act like a noble again."

"Ah, that I understand. But worry not, Your Worship, I'll make sure to prepare you for everything."

"Then I'm counting on you, Josie."  Evelyn smiled .

"That's why we must have you practice your dancing first. In fact, I will make sure to leave some  spare time for you tomorrow ! "

At that, she had to bite back a groan and waited only until after Josie had left her room to let it out.

Sighing, Evelyn walked out to her balcony  to get some fresh air and clear her mind. Once again, her  thoughts returned to her  Wolf and the possibility that she wouldn't be able to ever see him again. It was painful to think so , but she  had already accepted that when she decided to wait for him that night.

Even if Fen'harel wasn't going to come back, she knew that she tried her best and in their last moment together, she  had been honest with him. No matter what  happened next, she would still have to live on and push for her goal on her own. After all, even if she loved the nights, the days were still there waiting for her.

xxXxx

"Fasta vass, woman! Do you not only have two left feet but also a right leg too?" Dorian growled as he struggled to stand up from his place on the floor. His impeccable hair and even his  mustache looked like a mess after their owner  had been spun several times and then fell flat on his bottom.

"I-I'm so sorry, Dorian!" Evelyn babbled, hands reaching out to help the  Altus while willing her blush to subside.

"This… is not working the way I thought it should," Josie said and Evelyn thought she saw one of the ambassador's  eyebrows twitch . Quickly, she held up her hands to placate the woman.

"I tried—"

"Is something wrong?" Solas suddenly appeared at the door with the Iron Bull following behind. "I heard Sera's laugh all the way from the rotunda."

"It seems that our Inquisitor needs a better dance instructor than Dorian or I." Josephine sighed, using her fingers to pinch between her brows. "Or we need to find a body double who will dance in her place when the time comes."

"Now, it can't be that bad." Bull laughed. "It must be our Vint friend here is inadequate in his skills!"

"No, Bull. It  _ is _ that bad!" Dorian exclaimed before turning back to her. "Evelyn, I've seen and joined you fighting, and you were basically dancing during those times. This isn't involving you fighting and running for your life, it's just following the basic rules, why can't you do it?"

"When we fight together, we still have some spaces between us," she explained lamely. "I'm not used to having someone so close to my personal space like that, let alone holding me that intimately for a long period of time."

"How did you  get intimate with anyone when you can't even handle someone else touching you?" Bull asked. "The ones who were with you before must be pretty good for them  to not get thrown out like our Dorian was!"

At that, she stiffened. She was sure her  expression didn’t actually change but she could still feel the blush once again  travel across her face. And everyone else must have seen it too because their eyes all widen in  shock .

"Don't tell me you are still a virgin?" Dorian asked in a low voice and for the life of her, she didn't know why she actually nodded to confirm his question!

More silence followed, then Bull prepared to say something but Josephine, blessed her, interrupted him first.

"All right, we are derailing the issue here. We must focus on how  to teach her to dance first!"

"Certainly not me, I am not getting thrown across the room again!" Dorian crossed his arms with a huff.

At that, Bull laughed loudly and stepped forward.

"Leave that to me. I can handle her! I've more experience than you,  that’s for sure," he said as he placed his giant hand on her back, startling her a little.

"Are you sure, Bull? I don't want to hurt you," she warned him with a slight frown. She and Bull  had grown closer after she chose to save the Chargers. She knew the man could take on a lot of things but there was a difference between getting hit by a dragon's tail and being floored by a girl who had no  idea what she was doing.

"There's no way you can screw up with me helping you, boss. Relax and enjoy yourself."

"Then don't complain when it's your turn, Bull," Solas said from his spot against the wall. She has almost forgotten that he was also here. Looking to him, she found his face unreadable despite the slight irritation in his voice just now.

"Bah, if anything, I'm sure the boss will ask for more." Bull waved his hand for the bard to start playing and look back at her. "You ready, boss?"

She nodded.

"Okay, here we go, 1-2-3—"

A few moments later, everyone eyes were on the Iron Bull who was lying flat on his stomach on the floor. His eye bulged out accompanied by a very confused look on his face.

"What… just happened?" he slowly asked.

"I told you, didn't I?" Dorian smile down at him, looking extremely smug.

"No. No, this is just a hiccup. I'm sure it was." Bull quickly recovered and in an instant, he was holding her hand again to get into position. "We can do it, boss. Let's try again. This time slower."

And they did. Again, again, again and again. And Bull finally reached his end when she accidentally threw him into a side table, which was at the other end of the room.

"I give up." Bull flopped down on the floor, his legs folded up so he could rest his chin on them, and his eye stared into the space in front of him. "I give up…"

"So, my dear Josephine, you were talking about a body double—" sighing exaggeratedly, Dorian looked to Josie but Solas, who  had been watching everything, silently came forward.

"Perhaps I should try with her first before we start looking for a backup plan," he said simply and hold out his hand in front of her. "Would you do me the honor, Evelyn?"

"I'm not sure if it's a good idea, Solas," she warned, refused to look at his eyes. "I just keep getting worse and worse. Maybe I'd even throw you out of the window this time instead of just across the room like with Bull and Dorian."

"Perhaps, but I also think that we shouldn't  draw conclusions so fast before trying out other paths." He smiled, his hand this time has taken hold of hers which was dropped at her side. "I'm here for you, don't give up so fast. And I've endured worse so being thrown out of a room ; through the window will not kill me."

"If you say so…" she murmured, tried not to think too much about how his larger hand gently hold onto hers or his other one that was on her lower back.

"Good. Now, for the time being, let forget about the music and more complicate moves, just move your feet along with mine. 1-2-3—"

So, for the first  half-hour , Solas only let her move around with him to get used to the sensation of someone touching her and taking in a sense of rhythm.

Then, he let her move to Dorian, Bull and even Josephine, too, to get her used to other people , s omething the other three were clearly reluctant to  do.

Once she  had gotten skilled enough to not step onto other people's feet too often, she was then returned to him to try out more advanced moves. Of course, she did trip up and stepped on him a few times but compared to the disasters before, she  had improved greatly.

By the end of the  session , she  had been cleared by both Josie and Solas to move onto dancing with proper music in the class. Even so, when Evelyn prepared to leave, or more correctly, bolt out of the room,  Josie reminded her with a sickeningly sweet voice to make sure to practice in her free time. And again, she was sure she saw the  woman twitch when she said so.

Finally freed from that Maker -damned room, she walked alongside Solas to the battlement outside,  seeking some  fresh air from the night winds.

"Thank you, Solas,  you really saved my life back  there ." Evelyn stretched her arms and back, then leaned against the wall. "If I  had continued my previous efforts, I think Josie would lock me up in that room until next week. Please remind me to treat you to those frilly little cakes in Orlais."

"You are exaggerating." Solas chuckled. "But I shall hold you to that."

"Oh, I promise you. Maybe we can have some next week or so when I go to the Dales. There were sightings of the Red Scales there and it's mostly business, but  that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy ourselves."

"As tempting as it sounds, I'm afraid I cannot go with you. An important part of the fresco will be finished soon and I do not want to leave it for a later date. Perhaps, when we arrive at Halamshiral?"

"That would be fine too. But you must give me the cakes with chocolate frosting as a compensation."

"Ah, yes, I shall suffer with the rest of the flavors then." Solas barked out a laugh that made Evelyn  giggle along with him.

Together, they enjoyed the pleasant quiet of the night, even with the noises  from other occupants of Skyhold that could be heard from afar.

"Evelyn…" Solas was the first one to speak after a while. "I want to thank you."

"For what?"

"For stopping me from killing those mages that day, for sharing my grief, for mourning for my friend. For always staying by my side. For everything."

She quickly turned to him to him at that only to be caught by his stare and the sorrow in them. Already, she could feel her own eyes tear up at the memory.

"You don't have to thank me, Solas. If anything, I should  apologize to you." She breathed in and then out. "Had I tried to get our group to travel faster, perhaps Wisdom could still be alive. I should have tried harder for you."

"You needn't blame yourself for that. I have— f or a while now, I have come to term s with the fact that no matter how much we tried, there was nothing more we could do  for my friend than let her pass on peacefully. She , herself , said so but I was so blinded by my anger that I almost took it out on you."

"You lost a loved one. It was only natural for you to be emotional, Solas."

"Even so, it was wrong of me to treat you like that." He took her left hand and squeezed it with both of his hands. "No matter what, thank you, Evelyn."

She just shook her head and used her other hand to envelop his larger ones.

"As I said before, Solas, you don't have to thank me. You are my friend, a very important person in my life, and I would do anything for you."

It was true, even if she  didn't have a crush on him, there was no denying that he was important to her, her first true mentor, confidant, and her first friend. For him, she would face even the wrath of a god. For him, she would do anything.

"You are so very dear to me, Solas ," s he said and when she looked up to him, he was gazing at her with whole new intensity, as if he was seeing her, all of her, for the very first time.

Before she knew it, he was kissing her.

No, it was more like he was devouring her. His hand held tightly to her head and his other arm wrapped around the small of her back to  grip her hip. She could feel her body being crushed  against his almost to the point of  being painful, not unlike the embrace that the Solas in that dark future of Redcliffe  gave her.

She was too stunned to react at first but as his kiss deepened, the rigidness in her body slowly drained away and her mind began to feel like it was floating. Closing her eyes, she gradually let go of all thoughts, but then, an image of a six-eyed wolf flashed through her head.

"No!" she screamed, pushing him away and backed against the parapet, her hands covered her mouth.

"Evelyn, I—"

"Not like this!" she whispered. "I can't—we can't, I'm so sorry but we can't."

And just like that, she ran away.


	6. Entwining*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two souls entwined but have yet to become one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first time writing smut so I would love to have some criticisms about how and what I could improve. Please don't hesitate to tell me what you think of this chapter!
> 
> Revision date: 14/06/2018

She didn't return to her quarters right away and to be honest, she couldn't quite remember where she went before that either, but when she finally laid down on her bed, it was near midnight.

She didn't want to sleep at first but with her still being in Skyhold, and thus, still being near Solas, she quickly decided to force herself to sleep so she could go somewhere that was not here.

In the Fade, she took off to Fen'Harel's personal quarters in his main temple that he had shown her a couple of times before.

It was an enormous room, not richly decorated with obvious luxuries like the Orlesian or Tevinter's architects as one would expect from a god, but it certainly carried a sense of personal taste and indulgence. And if one took a closer look at the materials around them, they would realize that this place could actually put even a king's personal chamber to shame with its tiny but exquisite carving and decorations at places that most people wouldn't pay attention to. The large glass windows, which she knew were certainly be enchanted in the real world, were having their curtains pulled away to reveal the moon outside, lighting the whole room with gentle dim lights.

The central piece of this place was, of course, a giant bed that could easily fit ten people, its black curtain covered down all four corners, opened at the two side and the end of the bed to reveal the soft mattress covered with white silk and the many decorated pillow at the head. She once asked Fen'Harel why he made his room so large if he was just going to use it in his human form, he told her that it was to create the impression that he was actually a giant wolf disguised as an elf, not the opposite. It made people less likely to want to visit his room in fear of being eaten by the Dread Wolf.

Sighing, Evelyn sat down on the edge of the bed. She would love to deny the reason she came here but there was no point in doing so. Not when she had to do what she must in order to get Solas out of her mind.

With a wave of her hand, her outfit turned into silk nightgown, the kind that was popular back when Arlathan was still in its golden age which she used to read about in the past. It was near transparent, long enough to reach the ground if she was standing, its two embroiled straps sat comfortably on her shoulders. Its bust hugged tightly to her chest and one could see her nipples visibly peeking through the thin fabric. The skirt then flared out right beneath her breasts, the two sides were tied together by a thin cord that opened at the front in an upside-down V shape, to reveal that she wore nothing underneath.

Andraste helped her! Just wearing it was enough to turn her dizzy from embarrassment!

Still, she crawled further into the bed, settled down among the fluffy pillows and breathed in, trying to calm down her nerves.

Solas has… pushed her too far and now her mind contained nothing but him. The intensity of his kiss, the desperation of his embrace, the hunger within his eyes— they threatened to devour her and for a moment, she has thought about letting him do so.

But the Wolf within her heart has stopped her from doing so and at the moment, it was the only thing that kept her from going back to Solas. No matter what, she had to erase what her friend has planted within her head.

She thought about the conquests the Dread Wolf had done in the past and tried to imagine how he seduced the unsuspecting females into his bed. Fen'Harel has never actually shown those memories to her. The most she's got to see was right before anything even remotely drastic happened. She had a feeling he didn't want her to see them, but he probably didn't know she's already read enough books about him – even if they were all propaganda – to imagine what happened within his bedroom.

She has felt a bit of jealousy back then, thinking about those elven beauties who caught his eyes or were attractive enough for him to actually do it. Yet at the same times, because she didn't feel attractive to his real self as a man, she's let it go and didn't think much about it.

Now, she wished to cloud her mind with the thought of Fen'Harel, so that Solas would no longer invading her heart. This heart was for only the Wolf to devour and she couldn't let her dearest friend had a chance to do it.

Slowly, she traced her fingertips across her body, feeling the sensation left by the light touches on her skin through the thin barrier of her dress.

Her thighs, her hips, her waist, and her breasts. She stroked them and tried to imagine how it would feel if it were to be her Wolf's human hands, all while trying to block out the thought that he had to feel that her body was too vulgar and human for him to even want to look at it in a sexual way.

She groped her breasts and teases the nubs through the clothes, the throbbing sensations slowly gather to her mound.

If her Wolf were to touch her, would he enjoy teasing her body or would he want to only take from her? She has never been with a man to know how he would act. The only thing she knew was from books and stories overheard here and there.

She reached down below through the trimmed curls, finding that little nub and started to press little touches against it. Her other hand never stopped touching her breasts. Her eyes closed.

Would he want to taste her? Would he want to make her touch him instead?

She pushed a finger between her lower lips to find them already slick. Her breaths labored. She spread her legs wider and let the first finger in.

Would he find her inexperience a disappointment? Or would he enjoy ravishing her and be her teacher in that aspect too?

She moved her hand, trying to find a balance between the thrust of her finger and the rubbing of her palm against her clit. That delicious tightness grew bigger and bigger within her lower stomach.

Would he teach her how to please him? Would he encourage her to show herself to him? Just like this? The thought of him watching her pleasuring herself and being pleased by it was too much and she moaned.

"Fen'Harel…"

Would he kiss her deeply each time she did a good job? Would he reward her with more canal pleasure for satisfying his need?

But then the thought of a kiss pushed her mind to something else, an elf with blue eyes and a dimple in his chin. An elf whose two kisses have twice overwhelmed her.

"Solas…" she whispered before she could stop herself. And then there was a gasp.

Her eyes widened as she pulled her hand out from between her thighs. Pushing herself up, she turned to look at the source of the sound near the window and saw him, her Wolf, standing there with all of his six eyes opened wide like saucers. The sight would have been extremely funny if the source of his surprise wasn't her, basically naked, pleasuring herself on his bed and then moaning another man's name.

Maker's breath, how on earth that she didn't see him standing there?

She let out an undignified squeak before scrambling for the bed's cover, too shocked and embarrassed to even think about conjuring a different outfit.

"Fen'Harel- I- this-" she stuttered, the room seemed to be spinning and she couldn't think straight. Her blood rushed through her entire body and burn her inside out in shame and disgust. Instinctively, she prepared to will herself back to the waking world.

"Evelyn! Wait!" her Wolf shouted and she could feel his magic enveloping her, frozen her in place to stop her escape. The only thing she could move now was her head.

"Please." He stepped slowly toward her but didn't get into the bed to be nearer. Instead, he stood at the end of the bed and for such a big creature like him, he looked extremely nervous, even scared.

"I just want to talk, Evelyn. Please stay. I will let you go now, but please don't run away," he pleaded and at his tone, she could only nod.

The spell holding her was released at that and she slumped against the pillows, heart thundering in her chest. She didn't dare to look at him straight in the eyes and suddenly found the embroidery on the pillows very interesting to look at. He seemed to think so too because out of the corners of her eyes, she could see him looking at his feet.

After a very long while of uncomfortable silence, she was the one who spoke first. "So… you're back?"

"Indeed, I am."

They paused at that for a few more moments.

"I thought… you don't want to see me anymore," she whispered.

"No." He lifted his head up at that. "I want to see you. I've always wanted to be with you again this whole past month. But… I-I was ashamed of myself."

"Ashamed?"

"I hurt you. In my anger, I lashed out at you even though you were right." He said quickly. "These past few weeks, I have thought a lot about what you said and you were right. I let my selfishness gets in the way of everything and I don't think far enough to consider the fact that I may not know everything. My own pride has blinded me but you were there to open my eyes and now, I just want to ask if you would still have me, after what I did?"

Her eyebrows rose up at his question. Even if she has more than once thought about this scenario, it still caught her off guard.

"Do you mean it?" she asked softly. "Do you really want to have me with you?"

"I mean it." He confirmed along with a nod. "If we were to be together and slowly take off pieces of the Veil, it would take years, even decades and even more. Even so, do you still want to be by my side?"

"I do." She reached out to hold his jaw. "I have accepted a long time ago that this path will be a slow one. And now, if you are willing to step on it with me, I can walk through it together with you until the end of the world."

"Stay with me," he murmured, bowing his head to push his forehead against her, his eyes closed in content. "Always stay with me…"

"Always."

Once again, the room lapsed into silence, but this time, contenting and happiness was what created it. Until Fen'Harel asked, "So… 'Solas'?"

At that, she pushed herself away from him. When she looked into his eyes, there was no anger, disgust or hatred, only curiosity, and affection. For her. Even though she has defiled his sanctuary.

Disgust and self-hatred surged up within her. The bitter bile caught in her throat wanted to choke her. She stared at him unblinking, even as tears started to fall down her cheeks.

"Evelyn, what—don't cry, please!" He panicked. Even at a moment like this, he still thought about her first and it only made her cry harder.

"I'm sorry, Fen'Harel. I'm so sorry!" she said between her tears, trying to wipe them away with her hands to no avail.

For a while, she just cried and he was there to lick away her tears, whispering reassurances in her ears. Eventually, she calmed down enough to talk normally.

"There, feeling better?" he asked, giving her once last tentative lick. She just nodded and regarded him mutely. He had to sense her uneasiness to initiate the talk because he then said, "I shall not push if you are uncomfortable to talk about it."

But she shook her head. The least she could do to repay his kindness was being honest with him.

"A couple of hours ago, my friend Solas kissed me."

"And that upset you?"

"It both makes me happy and angry at myself." She glared to aside, feeling uneasy to look straight ahead at him.

"Why?"

"Because I love you!" she said as her tears threatened to come out once more. "I love you with all my heart and yet I lust for him. I've sworn to myself to keep my body only for the person who holds my heart and yet I lust after another man who is also my best friend!"

Her Wolf was clearly taken aback by her declaration. His widened eyes stared at her. He had to be really disgusted at her now. But she couldn't hide the truth from him any longer.

"When he kissed me, I had almost let him go further but then I remembered you so I ran away to the Fade. I thought that if I pleasure myself thinking of you, perhaps I could erase his image from my head and then I could devote only to you. But in the end, the name I called out was 'Solas' and—" She sobbed. "You must really hate me right now."

"Why should I?" His question made her head whipped up.

"What?"

"Why should I hate you for that?" His eyes were full of kindness as they rested on her. He nuzzled his snout against her cheek and hair as he spoke. "You love me, promised to keep yourself to me and when someone whom you fancy reappreciates your feeling, you turned away that person for my sake. And here you are, beating yourself over a something you cannot control. To think that someone like me could be loved by you, it humbles me."

"T-truly?"

"Truly."

His gentle words pushed away the boulder on her heart but the hole was still there. Smiling sadly at him, she sniffed. "Thank you, Fen'Harel. But still, I want to say sorry. It must have been revolting for you to see me acting like that on your bed."

When finished rubbing her eyes and looked up at him, what she found was a very confused-looking wolf.

"Evelyn, why did you say that I find you repulsive?" he inquired with a frown in his voice.

"You are not attracted to human women, that I know very well," she answered, her brows furrowed, feeling extremely uncomfortable to speak about this. "Look at me, I must look very vulgar to you, and for you who have always loved me as a sister to find me spreading my legs on your bed... I'm surprised that you didn't just turn around and run,"

"Evelyn…" This time he  _growled_. "When did I ever tell you that I see you as a sister?"

"You didn't, but I know how you feel about me," she explained. "You've been always so gentle with me, even protective too. And I've shown you all of my undignified moments, climbing and playing with you like that. It's only natural for you to see me as a child. Beside… you have never treated me as a lover before so I know very well you only see me as a little girl—"

She didn't get to finish her sentence because her wolf then spitting out a string of colorful curses in Elvhen. The frustration in his voice was all clear and when he turned back to regard her, she could tell that he was angry, not at her but himself.

"Evelyn, I—" He paused and then sighed. "I am such a fool. I should have said this from the beginning."

"Fen'Harel?"

"Evelyn, Ar lath ma," he said it and her whole world changed. "I could never see you as a sister because I am in love with you. I have loved you long before we even met face-to-face in that fog world. I have and will always love you, ma vhenan."

Tears streamed down her face in happiness. With a quivering voice, she asked. "Say it again."

"Ar lath ma, vhenan."

"Again." She asked once more and he did. She couldn't stop her crying or the warm that was blooming within her chest. With a tearful smile, she said softly, "Ar lath ma, Fen'Harel."

She glomped forward to hold onto him tightly. She didn't care if he couldn't kiss or even hold her as a man. Nothing could really make her happier than this. But then, she had underestimated her Wolf because he rumbled.

"My love, do you trust me?"

She lifted her head from his chest to look up to him. "Of course, I trust you."

"Then please sit back now, stay still and do not panic."

She did as he requested without any hesitation. Once she settled down in the middle of the bed with her legs tucked underneath, he gently called out his magic and gradually, a dark veil made of smokes covered her eyes.

Unable to see, she opted to listen to his sounds. She could sense magic once again moving in the air and after a moment, she felt he was coming closer to her when the bed dipped in front of her.

But what touched her cheeks wasn't his familiar snout or tongue, but a pair of hands.

Let out a gasp, she instinctively caught his hands in hers, feeling the warm and long fingers beneath her own. Moving her fingers up along his arms, she reached his shoulders only to realize that he wore no shirt. She blushed at that, tried not to think about the possibility that he might not wear anything else at all.

Evelyn continued her exploration, using her hands to discover the elf in front of her. The strong but lithe muscles of his shoulders, his long neck, his broad chest, the beating of his heart drumming in his ribcage, and finally, his face.

All the while during her discovery, her love had kept both of his hands on her face, seemingly content with just caressing her. But when her fingers touched his lips, he let one hand go to hold that hand of hers, pressing her palm to his mouth and kiss it. It was such a simple gesture and yet it awakened something within her instantly.

He then pressed her hand to his cheek, signaling her to continue and she did. His sharp jaw, his cheeks, his nose, his eyebrows, her temporary blindness didn't give her the ability to actually deduce how he really looked like, but from what she felt, he had to be very striking to look at.

And then there was his hair. It was in long dreadlocks and she has never touched those before! He also shaved nearly half of his left side too. Yes, he had to be really impressive in person. Chuckling at that thought, she let go of him and placed her hands in her lap, nodding to let him know it was his turn now.

Surprisingly, he didn't try to grope her all over like she did him. Instead, he just first caressed her lower lip with his thumb, stroked her cheek with his knuckles, and then glided his hands along her arms to reach for her hands and woven their fingers together. Once again, such a simple acts and yet they made her felt giddy like a child that she didn't realize he was leaning closer until she felt his lips on hers.

It was so soft and gentle—as if he was afraid she would push him away if he made one wrong move. She could smell from him the scents of forest wood, spices, and something like old books. They felt so warm and familiar, and they reminded her of those moments back then when she was living alone in the ruins, enjoying her research and the quiet nature around her.

He continued on with his sweet little kisses and she enjoyed it at first but then, she grew bolder and wanted more so she pressed on. Her attempt was clumsy but he seemed to understand as he let go of her hands to hold her face and shoulder, guiding her for a deeper kiss. Her hands, meanwhile, has found purchase on his shoulders.

His tongue pressed against her teeth, asking to be let in which she did. When their tongues met and slide against each other, Evelyn couldn't help but shiver in his arms. She was clearly inexperienced but he was patient in teaching her and soon, she realized she was rubbing her thighs together each time he sucked on her tongue. Not wanting to disappoint him, she broke their kiss.

"Fen'Harel, there's something you must know." She could feel her cheeks burned as she confessed. "I-I've never been with anyone before so- I may not be able to please you."

"You needn't worry about that," he said, making her realized that he still kept his mind-voice he used as a wolf instead of switching to his real one. "I do not care about how much you can give me. This, tonight, is all about you. I want to make you happy and love you as I should have long ago but if you are uncomfortable then we can—"

"No," she shouted, pushed forward to wrap her arms around his chest and crushed her body against his. "I want to be with you. I'm just scared, that's all. But I do want to be with you."

His arms wrapped around her and for a moment, they didn't move, just simply held onto each other. Eventually, he gently pushed her back on her folding legs and leaned in for one more kiss which she gladly gave him.

And slowly, oh so slowly, he hooked his fingers underneath the straps of her dress to slide them off her shoulders, fully revealed her breasts to him. With the same carefulness, he pulled the string that held the front of her dress and finally, taking away her garment, leaving her completely bare before him. After that, he didn't touch her right away and she had that distinctive feeling that he was observing her intensely. During all those times, she held her hands tightly in her lap, trying to fight her instinct to cover herself or curl up to hide away.

Evelyn was glad that she had this veil to cover her eyes to not see his reaction to her body. Her Wolf has said that he wanted her and didn't find her repulsive, but months of telling herself the opposite couldn't be undone with just a few sentences from him. It was simply an undeniable fact that she was very different from the female elves that he used to.

Once again, he must have read her mind because he put another kiss on her forehead before whispering, "You are so beautiful, vhenan."

With great care, he lowered her back onto the bed, set her to lay comfortably on a big pillow. Then, he placed his hands on her breasts.

There were delicate squeezes and pushes at first—like he was testing the water. He was more focus on peppering kisses all over her face, jaw, and neck mixed with little nibbling here and there, but soon, he started to play with her nipples. His fingers pinched and rub her nubs until they were hardened and suddenly, she felt his mouth wrap around one of them. She could only mewl against his touches.

He was relentless in his attacks and the fact that she couldn't see what actually going on only set her aflame even more. One of his hand eventually moved down to her lower lips, searching through her curls for her clit and he rubbed teasingly around it and down her slit.

Out of reflex, she closed her thighs tightly causing him to stop his work with her breast. He left his place next to her, with his hands gently opened her thighs, he placed himself between them only to just stroke her thighs to calm her down.

Knowing that he wouldn't advance anything further without her approval, she reached for his hands to give it a squeeze, murmuring, "I'm all right, my love. Please continue. I truly want this with you."

He gave her hand a squeeze in return. Letting go of it, he started to stroke along her slit with his finger a few times before laying kisses the from the inside of her thighs to directly on her mound.

When he spread her with his thumbs, abashment threatened to overwhelm her but she soldiered on, doing her hardest to keep her legs open for his exploration and for it, he rewarded her with a first lick. It was unlike anything she has ever felt before that she couldn't help but let out a gasp that almost a moan.

He must have taken it as an encouragement because he worked his mouth and tongue harder on her and soon, he was basically feasting on her, his hands holding her thighs in place while hers were gripping the cover underneath them like her life was depending on it.

He worked on her methodically, never stayed in one place for too long. His teeth, tongue, and fingers explored her inside out as waves of pleasure coiled through her body, forcing her body to arch against his mouth. It was hot, too hot—as if she was burning.

The knot in her lower stomach continued to tighten and tighten until, finally, it exploded into a white flash within her eyes. When her mind was clear enough to think again, he was still lapping at her, drinking in her release and let pulse of pleasure rushed through her.

Whimpering at the overstimulation, she squirmed out of his hold and blindly reached for him, pulling him up to ask for a kiss, tasting herself on his tongue, salty and tangy, and she could feel his smile against her lips.

"It was so wonderful!" she whispered against his mouth. "I've never felt anything like that."

He chuckled, gently bit and pulled her lower lip before replying, "I will give you more, much more, if you wish for it."

Knowing what Fen'Harel was implying, she nodded to give her consent before sharing another deep kiss with him. Their whole bodies held onto each other and that was when she realized something was brushing against her stomach. Something that was both hard and soft and she knew then that he truly wanted her as she did him.

Such a realization certainly did wonders to her confidence.

Spreading her legs wider to give him access, she unwired her arms around his neck so he could sit up. Touching her entrance, he slipped in a finger, then two, to let her get used to that feeling of being intruding. Even when this was the Fade, where what he did to her body wouldn't have any effect on her real one, he still wanted to treat her so carefully, so reverent, she realized.

And when he replaced them with his tip, her breath hitched a notch.

So slow, so delicately, he pushed in, letting her get used to an inch of him one at a time. It didn't hurt like what she has read from Cassandra's books, instead, it was just a pinch and an unfamiliar tightness. She felt full—like something has always been missing has been put back inside her and for a moment, she wondered if the lack of pain was him manipulating the Fade for her sake or if he was just that good with handling a maiden like her.

At long last, he fully buried inside of her, but he didn't move right away, opting to exchange kisses with her, murmuring sweet nothings into her eyes or lick at the sweat on her neck.

Eventually, she wanted more so she moved her hips, still too shy to actually vocalize her desire and her Wolf complied. It was slow at first with his short thrusts but as she got familiar with that indescribable feeling of him moving inside her, she craved for more. She tried to lift her hips and squirmed a bit in his arms but he only moved just a little faster.

It wasn't enough.

"M-more," she shuttered. "Please, Fen'Harel, I want more."

His hands, which were holding hers against the mattress, tightened at her pleading. "Are you sure? I do not want to hurt you."

"Please, you will not hurt me. I want more of you. All of you!" She clenched around him and he  _growled_.

Complied with her begging, he tightened his holds on her hands, his forehead pressed against her and she heard him muttering, "Ma nuvenin, vhenan."

And then he moved. The long, powerful and sure strokes sliced through her, taking away her breath each time he hit home. She could feel her breasts bounced with each thrust, hear the slaps of flesh against flesh loudly echoed in the room to the point of obscene. There was something thick dripping from their joining down to his thighs and his groans were all she could hear.

No longer content with just holding his hands, she let them go to wrap her arms around him as he did the same to her. Her nails dug into his back, her legs wrap around his waist. Their bodies glided against each other, skin against skin, feeding flames to each other.

With one of his arms wrapped around her back to grip onto her shoulder, his other hand grabbed onto her bottom, he was basically lifting her off the bed now and she could not feel anything else but him. With him filling her to the very core, with his kisses that stole away her thoughts, with him holding her so painfully as if he wanted to merge their bodies together into one being, she could not feel anything else.

All she knew now was him.

She didn't know how long it was but eventually, she felt his movements started to lose their pacing and that aching inside her was becoming too unbearable. They were close, so close. Fen'Harel must have known it too because he placed her back down on the bed but never broke his thrusting, and with one hand, he touched the place where they joined together.

With just a few movements of his fingertips, her mind went blank, the inside of her tighten, ripples of pleasure ran through her whole body and that must have been his undoing because, in her peak of pleasure, she heard him grunted, felt his jerking thrusts into her and something warm flown to the inside of her, filling her to the brim only to spill out when she couldn't contain all of them within her.

He slumped down on top of her but didn't let his weight to rest fully on her body. Searching for his face, she dragged it down to kiss him. It was a long, sweet kiss filled with love and content. He touched her face and it was only then that she realized she was crying, her tears seeped through the black smoke over her eyes to wet his fingertips.

"I love you, I love you so much," she said between each sob.

"And I you, my Evelyn," her Wolf murmured as he kissed away her tears before touching their foreheads together lovingly. "Always."

Then, she felt him moved. Realizing he was prepared to pull out, she stopped him.

"Don't leave yet, I want to feel you just a little longer."

"As you wish."

Held onto her, he flipped both of them over so now she was laying on top of him with his arms cradling her body. All while still kept himself in her.

They laid together inside, listening to each other's heartbeat returning to normal. Her fingers painted small lines on his chest, the corners of her mouth couldn't stop lifting up. His hands, meanwhile, were tracing along her bared body, caressing her hair and once in a while, gave an affectionate kiss to it.

"So…" he spoke first, "Now do you believe that I do find you desirable?"

"Y-yes," she blushed. "I'm so sorry for doubting you."

"No, I should be the one to say sorry." He traced her cheek with the back of his hand. "I was too self-centered and did not think about how my behavior will affect you. These past months, it must have been hard for you."

"I'll be fine. As long as you are with me, I'll be fine." Pausing for a bit, she continued. "Tomorrow, I'll talk with Solas. I cannot let ambiguity remained between me and him anymore. I'll tell him that I cannot reciprocate his feeling."

Fen'Harel stiffened beneath her and she wondered if the name 'Solas' was making him jealous. She felt him gulped, his heartbeat sped up a little bit before he finally said, "Evelyn, I… have something to te-"

She didn't get to hear he finished because just right then, she felt a pull signaling that her real body was waking up and before she knew it, she was no longer in his arms but in her bed and the light in her room made her wince.

"Huh, what—"

"Oh, thank the Maker, you've finally awakened, your Worships!" The servant, a small, young human woman called Layla, exclaimed above her. "Lady Montilyet didn't see you come down to break your fast so she ordered me to check on you. I've been calling you for so long but you just would not even stir. Are you all right, my Lady?"

"I am fine," Evelyn slowly sat up as she replied, putting on a perfect Lady Inquisitor's smile. "Thank you for waking me up. Please leave me now, I'll meet Josie soon."

The maid bowed at that and left. It was only after she heard the door opened and then closed that Evelyn slumped back to her pillow and groaned in frustration.

It felt wrong to be here, all alone by herself when just a moment ago, she was in his arms and almost everything in this world was right.

She could feel the wetness between her thighs but she knew it was all hers. Her body didn't feel any pleasant tiredness. There wasn't any warm but strong body underneath her. There were no loving embraces or tender kisses.

She was all alone here.

Then, something hit her mind.

Sitting up, she undid the bandage around her left wrist and what revealed in front of her eyes didn't surprise her, not that much. It just made her wished that her love actually was here with her in the real world more than ever.

Her soulmark has turned from black to a brown, almost red color.


	7. Exposing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth came out, one way or another.
> 
> Revision date: 14/06/2018

It's been three days since that night but Fen'Harel still hasn't come to her and she was getting worried. It didn't help that the new color of her soulmark has become her newest trouble too.

Evelyn sighed and sunk deeper into her bathtub. The water has gone lukewarm now but she still hadn't found the urge to get out. It was so tempting to just stay in here instead of going outside, especially with how things had been going.

The number of disappearances of bonded couples in the Dales was increasing with the newest cases came from a human village with its neighbor, a Dalish camp. so instead of waiting until the start of next week, she would go there within the next two days to personally investigate. She would prefer to leave sooner but there had been several meetings of her with ambassadors and higher members of the Chantry that couldn't be postponed.

Evelyn cringed as she remembered how those encounters went. It took her, Josie, Leliana, and Cassandra and many excruciating hours to finally convince them that 'No, there was no attempt of spreading heresy by the Inquisition', 'no, the Inquisitor has nothing to do with the rebellion of the alienages', and 'no, we do not support any kind of uprising, our main priority is Corypheus'.

But in the end, it was Josephine—thanked the Maker for Josephine—that has somehow managed to calm down the increasingly agitating visitors. All Evelyn knew that the night before the meeting with the Chantry, the ambassador had met up with some of the nobles who have been 'acting up' against the Inquisition. The next days, most, if not all, of them has taken a complete turn in their opinions toward their organization, voicing supports and pleading alliance, swearing to the Maker that there were no blasphemous thoughts influencing them, even the ones didn't do so simply just announce that they would remain neutral on the matter.

Sometimes she wondered if she should find a way to lure Josie to her side once she and her Wolf starting to rally forces to fight the Evanuris…

But then again, even with their ambassador's hard works, when their guests from the Chantry left, they still tried to throw back some thinly veiled threats about bringing down the Chantry's sword of justice upon those who denied the Chant of Light.

And then there was Solas who has been actively avoiding her ever since that kiss thus leaving her no chance to talk directly to him. In fact, she didn't even have a chance to be in a room with him and other people, let along just the two of them. It was almost like he could sense when and where she was to run away before she got to him.

But at least no one has yet seen her wrist because it was impossible for anyone, not even the Maker himself, could help her wiggle out of that.

She lifted her arm to stare at her naked wrist. Brown red, she has never heard of a brown-red soulmark before. Was it a side effect of her being bonded to her soulmate in the Fade instead of in the waking world? What else would change in both of them with a half-bond like this? There were so many possibilities and all of them were just theories and she had a feeling she simply didn't have the luxury of time to test them out.

For all she knew, she could suddenly gain some new powers like turning into a shadowy wolf or be able to use spells that could destroy a group of armed men with a wave of her hand. As 'fun' as those ideas were, she didn't want to have to explain it to the rest of her companions.

But of course, there were chances that there would be no true change in her being at all, just her soulmark having a new color but—

"Your Worship, are you all right, my lady? You've been staying in there for nearly an hour already?" Layla, the maid suddenly appeared at the door, prompting Evelyn to quickly drop her arm back into the tub, splashing water all over the floor.

"I am fine. I was just deep in thought. Thank you," Evelyn quickly said with a smile but her heart was thundering in her bosom. Did her servant see it? Her soulmark wasn't that big but with its new color and the distance between the bathtub and the door, there was no guarantee that she didn't see it.

"It is no trouble, my lady, shall I fetch your clothes for you? Would you prefer to have dinner in your room or would you like to come down to the tavern like yesterday?" the maid replied without missing a beat.

"No, I shall do it myself and then go to the tavern, thank you. You can leave for the night now if you wish."

The maid left without any complaints at that, leaving her alone once more. Slumping down into the now cold water, she let out a groan.

She had to find a better way to hide the mark, and soon.

xxXxx

He fucked up. There was no gentler way of putting it. He fucked up completely.

Solas slumped into his chair as he recollected the events in the past few days.

He knew he screwed up after that kiss with her on the parapet. Everything happened so fast that by the time he realized fully what he had done, Evelyn has already run away. He could still fix it then and yet instead, he ruined everything like he always did.

It started out so simple then, he just wanted to thank her for everything and tried to find a chance to confess the truth, then willing to bear any punishment she would give him for his deceptions.

But then… she held his hands and looked at him with those eyes, whispering to him how important he was to her, all of his abilities to think rationally simply just… disappeared.

After she ran away, he was initially planning to leave her alone and wait until he could go meet her in the Fade to do what he should have done from the beginning.

What he saw in there made him forget everything else.

She was… beautiful. He did think of her as beautiful many times before, and he had also many times found release for himself with the thoughts of her. But all of those images simply didn't prepare him for what he saw. He once thought that he has long passed the days where he let his impulsiveness ruled his thoughts but seeing her like that, in his bed, completely vulnerable and full of desire like that just reduced all of his controls to ashes.

He wanted her all to himself. He needed to have her all to himself.

And when she called out to him—to both of his names—it broke him.

It was only due to Evelyn's escape attempt that he gathered enough mind to actually act and talk to her about what prompted him to seek her out in the first place.

It was hard to verbally admit his own shortcomings but when his vhenan promised to always stay by his side, everything else seemed so trivial and for a moment, he wondered why he took this long to go back to her.

"Always stay with me," he whispered. Such a simple promise and yet it was everything.

Once he finally got to ask about 'Solas', he came to a very clear conclusion: He is a complete and utter fool.

Not realizing Evelyn still had feelings for 'Solas' was one thing, not knowing that she was actually in love with 'Fen'Harel' was another, and then making her thought that he saw her as a sister and didn't find her attractive… Wisdom and Mythal were laughing in their graves at him right now, he was sure of it.

He was so enraged at his own stupidity that he just threw away all reasons and focused solely on convincing Evelyn that he loved her. It was stupid of him, he knew, but to have her giving her love for him like that, knowing that she wanted him in both body and soul, it was almost like a drug.

Almost—because the real drug was actually having her in his arms and making her truly his.

It was true that she was not very knowledgeable in more the intimate acts and her attempts were clumsy, but they only endeared her to him even more so because the reason for her inexperience was because she wanted to give herself only to him. Him, and no one else.

She was so sweet, so beautiful. It was true that she looked so very different from the lithe, almost delicate body of an elven woman but what she has thought to be vulgar was, to him, the embodied of desire and passion. And for him, to be able to touch her with his own hands, to kiss her and love her as a man, knowing that she has never belonged to anyone else, it was the ultimate ecstasy.

His heart has clung to him so tightly when he made love to her. She has asked him to give all himself to her, to not hold back. All because she loved him, only him.

If only she could call him by his true name instead of 'Fen'Harel'…

And yet he couldn't give her everything in return. All he did was take and take without giving back. If he did, he should have told her the truth from the beginning instead of abusing her trust and using her. He has laid with her under false pretense. Even if Fen'Harel was indeed part of his identity, it was still a fact that she didn't know the whole truth and thus, what he has done with her wasn't that different from rape.

A part of him must have known it from even before he laid with her. That was why when he turned from his wolf form to his elven self, he has chosen to use his old appearance—the one he had had back when he first awoke from Uthenera—with his hair still intact, his real voice still concealed, and her being blindfolded. If that wasn't trickery and rape by deception, he did not know what else to call it.

He was, truly, an utter scumbag.

He would not be surprised if after he confessed everything to Evelyn, her reaction to it all would be declaring him dead to her. She would not try to expose his secret, that he was sure as she would not throw away their bigger goal like that, but her cutting off all of her personal feelings for him would certainly be a possibility.

And to be honest, he deserved it.

If he was a better man, he would have run straight to her after that night to confess and wait for his punishment, but he wasn't. He was a coward and the thought of her looking at with anything other than love and affection scared him even more than his fear of dying alone.

Not only that, there was  _this_. Solas grimaced as he touched his left wrist.

Ever since that night, he discovered that he could sense Evelyn. It was not like he could fully feel her physical pains but he could definitely pick up most of her emotions, especially the more intense ones, and the clearest ones are those directed at 'Fen'Harel'. Sometimes, he could feel her loneliness, during some others, it was her anger and fear concerning her soulmark but most of the time, her yearning to be loved by him when her mind wasn't being occupied enough. And then, during the nights, there were… desires and arousals which caused him to constantly fight against the urge of seeking her out in the middle of the night.

It was a strange feeling, to say the least. It was not as if he has never 'read' emotions before. Back when the Veil was an integral part of this world, with their intimate connections to the Fade and their natural affinity for magic, communication wasn't just made by using words but also by the emotions between the speakers literally transferring to each other. Most people couldn't really hide away their emotions when speaking and others couldn't really ignore them either.

That was why it was so horrifying to witness what the Evanuris had done to their own people. When you could just ignore the agony of your own brethren hammering into you every day, there simply was no redemption for you anymore. It was the reason he became the Dread Wold in the first place as he could not bear to feel those sorrows and hear the cries for salvation every single day.

But even so, what he felt back then, all the positive and negative emotions no matter where they came from, were from the outside being sent to him. What he felt from Evelyn seemed like they both came from her and within him, as if a piece of her has been emblemed into his body.

Not only that, he could now locate her too. When she was too far away, he could generally feel which direction she was at, but when she was within a certain distance, he could tell exactly how close she was to him. But instead of seeking her out like he was supposed to, he just used that new ability to hide from her instead.

At least, that what he has been doing up until now. Yesterday, he overheard from various servants that while the latest Chantry's visitors have been sent home without causing actual troubles this time, there was still an underlying threat of them cracking down on the Inquisition in the future. After hearing that, Solas knew he had to reveal the truth to Evelyn soon and teach her his glamour spell. If anyone found out that her soulmark has changed color, disasters surely would come. Not only they would out for her blood but also announced to everyone in this world that the Dread Wolf not only existed but was actually being active.

He should have taught her this spell right from the beginning back when she sought him out in Haven, but out of paranoia, he chose not to in order to avoid Evelyn figuring out that he has been using it on himself. And because of that, she had to suffer.

The image of his beloved, so small and vulnerable, in that cottage in Redcliffe came back to him. A young woman crying alone, being hated for bearing a name that she didn't ask for in the first place. It was only his pure luck that she actually ended up becoming his supporter but that still didn't justify the treatment she received throughout her youth before she actually committed to the plan of remaking the world.

No more. No more he would let her endure like that again. All the mistakes and sins that he committed, he would bear all of their consequences so that she would not cry anymore. Just like her who has done everything for his sake, for Solas's sake.

Gripping his fingers into a fist, Solas stood up from his chair and left the rotunda. He could feel her now in the library so he headed there. Evelyn currently felt quite nervous, there also the feeling of control and forced confidence which meant she had to be with someone else now, he concluded.

xxXxx

Just like he guessed, she was with Dorian when he got there, talking quietly with each other behind a large bookcase. Having the intuition that this was something important, he step softly closer and listened in.

"… You meant that Alexius didn't show symptoms of bond sickness even after ten years of living without his soulmate?" Solas heard Evelyn asked.

"At least none of the sights whenever I met him during that time. But about four years after her death, there was a period, about a year or so where he disappeared from the public," replied Dorian. "During that time, there were rumors that he was near his end and the bond sickness would take him soon but to everyone's surprise, he came back and acted like nothing out of ordinary happened."

"You did mention that it was possible that him losing his soulmate created his obsession with Felix?"

"Ah yes, I did. There have been some theories that for a survived mate to live after losing their other half, they must be either strong will enough or have something else to live for, but in exchange, they become obsessed with that something. Felix being his only son would certainly give him enough motive to live on."

"But losing half your soul still means that you're not completely you anymore. Alexius lived on but becoming more and more twisted as years passed," Evelyn said, paused a bit and then went on. "I've heard stories about how Teyrn Loghain changed from being a hero to a traitor because years of living without his wife caused him to be possessed by the idea of protecting Ferelden at all cost. Though, with what I heard from Leliana about Loghain, I'm not sure how much of that was true or if his personality was actually like that from the beginning and it has nothing to do with his wife's death."

Hearing this gave him a new worry, to be honest. Even if it was only a possibility, the chance of Evelyn dying starting to look like a danger to the world than just his own. What would happen to him if she died? He had no doubt that even if she did, he would still try to live on for other goals, but with the implication that her death could cause his personality to become distorted, it was unsettling, to say the least.

The last time he did something drastic, he was still himself but with a single act of erecting the Veil, he's changed the whole world and caused untold destruction. If he was to be no longer himself and start acting without a care about any consequences like Loghain or Alexius, this world might very well be… No, it was better not to think about that. He would not let her die.

"Indeed. This theory has not been verified yet so for all we know, it could be just a coincidence as it's the truth that most people cannot survive for long without their bondmate alive." Dorian's voice yanked Solas out of his thought. "Some people can't even survive or live normally if they're being separated for too long. As we discussed before, and like you have seen with Hawke, this is especially true for mages."

"True, Dorian. Also, recently I notice a text in some old book, there was a couple of lines mentioning about brown-red soulmarks. Was there even such a thing?" Solas heard her talk so casually but within his soul, he could feel her caution and nervousness, as if she was treading on ice.

"Oh, brown-red you say? Interesting, I've heard from some magisters about such marks showing on dreamers. It was due to them having sex the first time with their mate in the Fade instead of doing it the normal way, you know."

Oh, Evelyn would have to be blushing very hard right now even if she didn't manage to keep her face neutral as usual. He couldn't see her but her embarrassment was burning up inside him and the determination to hide it felt like ice walls that containing said fire. There was a hint of arousal too, no doubt she was remembering that night they had with each other.

"Was there anything different about them when that happened?"

"Not thing very obvious but there was one mention of a dreamer acting moodier than usual—they said that he was being influenced by his mate's emotions. But only that one case such things happened so maybe it was just an exception, though."

Solas hummed at this, thinking about the times when Evelyn's feeling kept pushing and nudging him. It was quite… distracting at first but overtimes, he has gotten used to it. Maybe Dorian was right and the dreamer in question was just the kind of being easier to be affected.

"But all the dreamers the magisters mentioned, few that those were, all said that they could feel the emotions of their mate and where that person was," Dorian continued.

"Really? They can tell?"

"Yes, but from what I know, that's all there was to it. Apparently, the usual increase in power and control in magic don't come until a dreamer fully bonded in this world. Once they do it here, the soulmarks turn red like usual."

"I see. Did the same thing happen to the soulmate of those dreamers?"

"From what I heard, no, it didn't even matter if those soulmates are also mages. I think since the dreamer has a stronger connection to the Fade, it made sense for them to be gain more benefits from even a half-bond."

So at least for the moment, the only risk of Evelyn being exposed was her mark's new color. There wouldn't be any change in her power and personality that would alert others. Still, he had to act now.

"Pardon me, Evelyn," Solas said, acting as if he just arrived. "I have an urgent matter that I want to discuss with you."

"Solas…" she smiled at him but nervous and shame both radiated within him and from her. "How can I help you?"

"Perhaps we should talk in a more private place?" Solas glanced at Dorian which earned him a huff from the Tevinter mage.

"Fine, fine. You can steal her from me. But Evelyn, do make sure to tell me about those finer details once you two finished." Dorian smirked.

"We can talk in my room if you want," Evelyn said, ignoring the mage's teasing. Her face still carried that pleasant smile but underneath, she felt… uncomfortable, to put it likely. But still, he ignored that and just nodded.

xxXxx

"Well, here we are!" Evelyn exclaimed when they reached the top of the stairs. The whole walk from the library back here she didn't say a thing but during that time, he could sense her nervousness and fear changing to determination, sadness, and guilt. And what fuel them to burn was her love.

Usually, he could feel it rumbling within his chest like a stream of warm water underground but there were moments when the heat enveloped him completely, making him wanted to seek out the source and be burnt by it. Instinctively, he knew those were the times when she consciously thought about him, just like right now.

"I have been wanting to talk with you too, Solas." She smiled at him from the balcony, the sunlight shone upon her face, making her blue eyes even paler than usual. How he wished for those eyes always saw only him. "I—"

"I love you," he quickly said. "I love you always."

"Solas, I'm sorry. I care for you a lot but I—" She paused, inhaled and looked straight at him. "I love someone else. He is the most important person to me and for that, I cannot reciprocate your feeling."

She was so certain, her feelings clear, her heart sang out for her Wolf and it brought him both ecstasy and shame.

"I know. I know that you love him. I know it better than anyone because your love always burnt within me ever since that night."

"Solas, what are you talking about?"

"Please, Evelyn. Please let me talk and after this, I shall bear any punishment you may give me but I need to tell you the truth now." As he talked, he slowly pulled up the sleeve of his tunic, revealing to her his bare wrists.

"What are you—"

"I should have done this a long time ago instead of keeping up this lie." With a sweep of his fingers over the skin, the spell disintegrated to reveal it.

The name 'Evelyn Trevelyan' in brown-red color.

Confusion swelled up within him as he lifted his head to look at her. Widen eyes glued to his wrist. Then, came the anger and denial.

"This is not funny, Solas." She gritted her teeth, her fingers curled into two shaky fists at her side. "Soulmark is not something you can joke about."

"Do you remember those times I took you to that flower field of my childhood where you gave me flower crowns? Do you remember those times we played caught in the forest like children? The times you and I played in the waters or those nights where you simply wanted to lay against me? Those were the happiest days I have ever had in my long life."

"You—"

Yes, she sure remembered them too since there were the only times she could fully enjoy herself in the presence of another person. The thought of it made him smile despite the circumstance he was currently in. At least, at the very least, he knew that for a time, he did make her happy.

"Do you remember what said that night about how I've loved you long before I sought you out in that fog world after Haven? Do you remember how I ask you to always stay by my side, vhenan?"

"I—Fen'Harel?"

He nodded. "I was Solas first. 'Fen'Harel' came later—an insult I took as a badge of pride."

"Why?"

"When I first woke up from my Uthenera, I was… troubled by the appearance of this soulmark. I have spent thousands of years living with the idea that I would always be alone. More than that, I have also decided to take down the Veil and thus condemning this world to destruction, to know that my soulmate, you, exists within it, I was… afraid."

Flashbacks of his youth ran through his mind, of the Shalelan who has traded her life for his, who has given him the first taste of humane touches and affections. He thought of the pleasure he enjoyed as an unbonded male, of political wars, of rescuing slaves and fighting for freedom. He experienced many things, many pains and joys, but none were love because he avoided it.

"At first, I decided to not seek you out, trying to accept the fact that you will die with this world when I unmake it but then, I met you at Haven," he continued. "I saw your soulmark and everything I've planned nearly fell apart but I couldn't let that happen, so I lied. I hid my mark away, planned to just assist you in closing the Breach and then I would leave before anything could happen. But you…"

Panic and pain bloomed in his chest, forcing him to gaze at her, what he saw nearly broke his heart.

Her eyes were red even if there were no tears, her lips trembled and her chest rose and fell rapidly. Even so, he couldn't stop now for her sake.

"You have changed everything," he explained. "The more I knew you the more I found my own conviction weaken but I was determined to keep up the charade. And then Corypheus attacked Haven. You could not wake up and in my panic and selfishness, I thought that I must help you out of the Fade myself and give you a reason to live. So, I came to you as Fen'Harel."

"Then why? Why did you keep silent after that? You think I would expose you to the world?" Her trembling voice was like a knife to his heart.

"Because I was scared—even if you would not alert others the truth about me, there was no guarantee that you still want to associate with me after that. And I- I was selfish, I wanted to stay with you as long as possible. As Fen'Harel, I was able to see all of you, all of yourself that you hide from even 'Solas', I didn't want to lose that."

"Then what about after I told you the truth of what I've been planning? Why didn't you tell me?" she exclaimed in anguish. Hurt and betrayal burned.

"I've planned to. That night after your lesson, I was to explain everything to you, but being so close to you, knowing that you exposed and risked yourself in front of the Dread Wold for my sake, I couldn't control myself. And after that, when I… found you in my old bed, looking like that, and then knowing that you want me in that way, I lost control…" his lips pressed into a thin line at that. "I used you, deceived you, there was no way to excuse that. That is why I am here. To confess and receive your judge—"

"And if I didn't expose my own secret to you, did you ever thought about revealing the truth to me?" This time, she inquired in a thick voice the question he's feared she would ask.

"I-I don't know." He truly didn't know.

"Get out." With her head bowing so low he couldn't see her face, but her voice was so quiet, so contrasted to the piercing pain he felt from her.

"Evelyn."

"Please, leave!" she turned her back to him and he could see her shoulders shaking.

"I shall but before that, I must teach you—"

"I need to be alone right now!  _Please_!" she cut him off and this time, he could hear the tears in her voice.

Reluctantly, he said, "As you wish. But please, seek me out when you can. I must teach you this glamour spell to hide your mark away as soon as possible."

As he arrived at the stair, he looked back to see her still turned away from him, standing in the middle of the balcony. The sun was now covered away by the clouds, casting shadows upon her, and with her arms wrapping around her body, she looked smaller than ever.

He has promised to never make her cry and yet, in the end, he was the one who hurt her the most.

xxXxx

She did not come to him and he spent the next day trying in vain to concentrate on his paintings.

He wanted to say that he was filled with self-loathing but it was untrue, that feeling was constantly drowned out by Evelyn's pain and resentment. And yet, underneath it all, he could still feel her calling out to him.

Even after all this, she still held affections for him. Sometimes, he wondered who was the bigger fool between the two of them.

Still, even if she were to cut off their relationship now, he still needed to teach her the spell soon so he decided to find her again tomorrow's evening as she would leave for the Dales the day after that.

But that opportunity didn't come because the next morning when he came down for breakfast in the tavern, he heard the news that the Inquisitor, Dorian, Varric, and Cole has left before sunrise. Apparently, there was another urgent letter came to Evelyn the evening after her 'talk' with him so she moved her departing time a day earlier.

Foolish girl! At least she should have come to him as he asked her to before leaving! What if someone saw her wrist!

But it was too late now, he couldn't just suddenly leave Skyhold and ran after her less he wanted someone to become suspicious. So now, all he could do was wait.

It gave him a jolt the first time he felt her entering a battle. There was a slight jump, and weariness, but no fear or panic. She also felt 'calculating', if it was the right word to describe that feeling of anticipation, and then satisfaction. The feeling he usually got when everything went according to plans.

Sometimes there was a slight disappointment too and he guessed those were when one of her enemies has done something outside of her expectation.

Just like before, he quickly got used to her fighting and the next three days passed in relative peace where he used his spared time to communicate with his agents and sending out more plans.

During those days, he felt her resentment toward him gradually disappeared and by the fifth day, they have been replaced with relief, a bit of self-hatred and regret, and most important of all, love.

It burned just as strong as he felt the day after their first night together. No, even stronger! He felt her yearning and desire wrapped around him like a blanket. Perhaps her emotions were so clear now because she knew who and where he was so she could direct them to him.

Hope and happiness soared in him and for a while, he thought that he should come to her in the Fade to talk, to apologize again, and to reaffirm their affection. But he didn't.

He wanted to give her space and let her return to him on her own account. She should have had the choice of when, where and how she wanted to see him, he decided and would gladly wait for her to do so.

But on the afternoon of the sixth day, something happened.

He was painting a particular piece on the fresco that depicted Evelyn fighting the Red Templars and he wanted to make it perfect.

Each stroke of his brush was carefully placed, to show her in her blue robe with her staff in her hands, calling out for fire and ice to strike down her enemies, forcing them to their knees.

But when he touched the red tip of the brush on the wall, a flash of panic ran through him, his heart quickened and his hand slipped, leaving a red line across the image of his love.

But he didn't care about it. All he cared now was to concentrate on her, her panic has calmed down a little, but the fear was still there like a dark cloud. What prominent the most was the feeling of anger and determination along with an urge for control.

Everything about her now was rapid, as if she was thinking really fast and soon there were desperation and resentment.

Then, he felt nothing, as if she has suddenly fallen asleep but he knew, this wasn't on her own accord.

He wanted to run to Leliana to ask but couldn't, there was no way for the spymaster to know what happened to Evelyn right away and he couldn't risk anyone knowing that he could sense her. So, he was forced to wait.

He tried to use that time to sleep and find his love in the Fade but he couldn't reach her—as if something was hiding her away.

When he woke up, it was one of the servants who also directed him to meet Leliana in the war room. There, he found out that Vivienne, Bull, and every other closed companion of Evelyn was also summoned.

Once they were all presented, the spymaster held out a single piece of paper and announced the thing he was afraid to hear.

"The Inquisitor has been taken."


	8. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a monster, I'm telling you, it nearly killed me!!  
> It also isn't very exciting but it's necessary for a lot of world building and foreshadowing of the future stories so please bear with me.
> 
> Revision date: 14/06/2018

By the time they saw the first sunlights, Skyhold has already been far behind them.

The chill air of the mountain cut into Evelyn's cheeks, each breath left a trail of mist, it was bitterly cold and yet she felt strangely calm within it.

Perhaps her anger has been partly burned off after a day and a half of secretly crying and seething while still playing 'Inquisitor'.

Or perhaps it was thanks to her 'training section' with Cullen's men. Given the fact that Cullen wasn't very pleased with his recruits afterward, she had to say that she must have worked out a great deal of stress on those poor men.

Even so, her mind was still reeling from the truth she has learned, at for some moments, she thought she would never find an escape.

She spent most of the morning on horse's back reading missives, signing whatever people back in Skyhold needed her to sign before attaching them to the Ravens and sent them away. The rest of the day she talked with her team on various subjects, find pleasures in thinking about anything else but  _him_.

But on the first night when she was alone in her tent, lying on her bedroll, there was nothing else she could do but thinking of him, of what they've shared and the lies that he's spoken both as an elf and as a wolf.

She remembered the evening before Leliana's news came but after he left in which she cried her eyes out, the only thing in her mind back then was  _'How could him?'_

_'How could he lie to her?'_

_'How could he lead her on like that?'_

_'How could he take advantage of her trust to bed her?'_

_'How could he? How could he? How could he?'_

Those questions have burned so strongly along with her anger. But with them burned so strong, they turned to ashes just as quick and now, her head was filled with thoughts about herself instead.

_'Am I that untrustworthy that he could not find it in himself to b_ _e honest with me?'_

_'Did I do anything that seems dishonest to him?'_

_'I don't truly know him as I thought, do I?'_

_'Maybe I am too childish so he assumed that I couldn't handle the truth.'_

_'But isn't the fact that I got angry at him and told him to leave instead of talking calmly a proof that I'm not mature enough anyway?'_

She ran from blaming herself to blaming him and back again until she fell asleep and went to the Fade.

In there, she waited for Fen-Solas to show up and give her clues of what to do next beside thinking herself to death, but since he didn't, she ended up repeating the cycle over the next two days. Playing the Inquisitor, traveling, battling bandits and wild beasts, talking with everyone, thinking until she slept at night. Rinse and repeat.

At least, that would what happened had Cole and Varric wasn't there for her.

On the third day, Cole came to sit next to her while she was writing another letter declining some noble's proposal of marriage (the third one for today, she had to add). He didn't say anything at first, surprisingly, just simply looked at her at first before hesitantly opened his mouth, so unlike his behavior before.

"You are hurt."

"Yes, I am." There was no need to hide it, especially from Cole.

"Because of Solas?"

"Because of him."

Cole thought for a bit before continuing, "I don't understand. He is always hurting. The only times where he doesn't are when he's with you. He spent the days with you and still couldn't wait for the nights. With you, he could forget and be happy. But now, whenever you think about each other, you're both happy and hurt. How can one cause both happiness and pain to another at the same time?"

Hearing the young man said suddenly made Evelyn thought about how Solas couldn't get out of this unscratched too.

She remembered his face when he revealed his wrist to her. She remembered his sad, self-mocking smile and the way he looked so fragile, so unlike the normally stoic and prideful man he was.

She also remembered the fear she felt back when she told her Wolf the truth and the reason she held things off for so long. She remembered wanting to stay by his side for as long as possible, afraid of changes, afraid of losing what they had, but in the end, it was for his sake, even if unknowingly, that she revealed the truth.

It wasn't that different, was it?

He said that he was afraid too. He wanted things to stay the same out of fear of what changes could bring, but he still told the truth for her sake, because he wanted to protect her.

"We make each other happy because we love each other. But…" she said. "But we are also terribly selfish and afraid to lose what we have so we lied. Even if it hurt us, both of us, we still tried to hide, not knowing that by doing so, it would just make things worse."

"How do I help it so it not hurt anymore?" Cole stared at her. "I like to see you two happy. I don't want to see you sad."

"I don't know, Cole, but I believe for this pain, only he and I should deal with it. But thank you for caring about us."

Evelyn smiled sadly at the ex-spirit. Solas wasn't pleased when she and Varric made him to 'grow up', to become more human but she believed that it was a necessary thing. Cole maybe was a spirit but he was also a human now and there was room for change because it wasn't a bad thing. The fact that he was now concerned for her and Solas because he cared for them as friends instead of just following his instinct only cemented further her opinion.

'Change' wasn't a bad thing. But if only she and Solas learned it themselves sooner…

That night, she spent a long time thinking about what Solas has said and how he would feel from his perspective. She thought about how being a near-immortal with a past where lives and events came and go so slowly would affect him. She thought about what she's learned about the ancient elves.

The elves of old would spend months to celebrates and worship their gods. Their society took decades and even longer to decide and introduce new laws.

It was the same with courtship and love—couples would spend decades getting to know each other before even starting to talk about the possibility of marriage. Even just casual relationships could take weeks or even months before they could get into a more intimate bond.

For Solas, despite how hard he tried and the fact that he wanted to change and improve things for his people, must have had a troubling time trying to get used to the fast pace of this current age. Not to mention the fact that he, with his act of creating the Veil, would know better than anyone how wrong things could go when they strayed from the familiar path…

With everything he has experienced, would it be that strange for him to be scared of risking all the good things he has for some gambles that could also potentially sabotage his plan of saving his people? No, it wasn't that strange. In fact, now that she thought hard about it, she could see why he did it. Maker's breath, she probably would have done the same!

But it still wasn't enough for her to calm her anger. True, she did lie to him too, but she didn't lie about her identity as he did, just part of her final goal. But he, he not only led her to believe that 'Solas' didn't see her in that way only to come back and got close to her as Fen'Harel. Even if his attempt at being closer to her ended up making her thought that he viewed her as a sister, there was no denying that he wanted her as a woman.

In the end, deception was still deception and just because she understood his reason didn't mean that she could forgive him.

Would she ever be able to stop being angry? She still wanted to stay by his side but if she couldn't find it herself to forgive him, what would happen between them?

Before Solas, she has never had a crush on anyone, let alone serious courtship so she didn't know what one supposed to do when their lover lied to them. She didn't think she could ask others either since from what she knew, most of them were still bachelors, or not suitable to ask about such a thing unless she wanted to have a lecture about choosing a proper match than an 'apostate'.

She thought and thought until she once more fell asleep late into the night. The morning of the fourth day came and once again, the trip continued.

Until that evening, when they were just finished setting up their camp, Varric came to her, leaving Dorian and Cole fussing over the stew.

He went straight to the point. "So, You and Chuckles are having a fight, huh?"

"Am I that obvious?" she groaned, buried face in one hand.

"For your credit, your acting is pretty on point. But I've heard from Sparkler that you had some 'talk' with Chuckles and the next thing we know, we're already here ahead of the schedule." Varric shrugged.

"To be fair, I did change the departing date because we do have to go there sooner." She sighed. "But yes, I'm running away now."

"Does it make it better?" he just simply asked, and she really appreciate that he didn't touch upon on the 'why' and 'what' made her angry at Solas in the first place.

"In a way. But… even after I understand why he did it, I still can't forgive him now. I-I'm afraid, Varric. I want to return to him but with me cannot forgive him like this, will we ever be able to be happy with each other?"

Her friend thought for a bit then continued, "Do you love him?"

"I do."

"Do you think he will do what he did again?"

"No, I'm very sure that he won't."

"You said that right now you can't forgive him now?"

"Yes."

"In my books about Hawke, I didn't include details about how she and her husband got together. It isn't my rights to mention such a private thing but I supposed she'll understand," Varric scratched his head as he spoke. "Before she and Fenris were together for real, they did share something special for a while before he broke it off. Hawke was mad, really mad even though she did understand the reason or at least part of it."

"And what happened after that?"

"She remained by his side, not because she wanted him to come back but because she cared. Eventually, they learned to be together again, to work out their differences and arguments whenever they came."

"But what about his action that hurt her, did she ever forgive him in the end?"

"That, to be honest, I don't know, she wouldn't say anything to me, but I'm sure that she didn't for a long while before Danarius's death. Perhaps Hawke has forgiven him after they returned to each other, perhaps she's still angry at him about it but doesn't show. But, what I think is—" he paused as if to choose his words before continuing.

"I think, sometimes it's best to not dwell too much on forgiveness and 'what ifs'. Sometimes, it's best to focus on what you can have instead of fearing for the future or clinging to the past. You don't have to forgive him right now, you don't have to forgive him in the future, but you can at least give him a chance for your own happiness."

"For my own happiness?" Evelyn murmured, more to herself than to Varric.

"Yes. Normally, I wouldn't advise someone to come back to the one hurt them, but you love each other and you have never had a chance to obtain happiness for yourself." Varric gazed straight at her as he spoke. "And I don't mean that you should forgive him right away or let him off easy either. But…while Chuc—Solas has his faults and I do believe that he deserves your anger for whatever he did, he also clearly cares for you and you two have been friends from the beginning to make it works. If in the end, you still can't let go of your anger then you can at least say that you did try it with him."

"I guess…"

"And don't you worry, if that time comes, I'll be there to have you get revenge on him. Just like Carver's promise with his sister!" he nudged her with a wink, making her laugh. The sounds of it surprised both her and Varric because he looked at her with an expression full of astonishment.

"You know, this is the first time I've ever heard you laugh." He smiled softly.

"I did laugh before."

"They were your 'Inquisitor's laugh', not your 'Evelyn's laugh'."

She was speechless at that, realizing that Varric did notice things about her more than he let on. The bridge of her nose burned as she looked at him.

"Thank you, Varric. I'll think about it," replied Evelyn with a smile.

"Any times, Bookworm."

"Hey! Are you two done your heart-talk yet! We have an emergency here. Cole's going to make a new type of explosive if you are not fixing this right now!" Dorian yelled from his place next to their pot of dinner which, from the smell and sounds of it, was indeed becoming a danger to their camp.

"Oh, Andraste's ass, Cole, stop putting  _that_  into the pot!" Varric exclaimed, quickly ran to stop the young man from killing them all.

After a disastrous meal, that night, once again laying in her bedroll to look at that ceiling of her tent, she thought about what Varric has said.

Perhaps he was right, she didn't need to forgive Solas right away but she could at least try to work it out with her Wolf.

She thought about those moments they shared in the Fade in those long months. Where she was free to laugh and be herself, where he could tell her his life stories without fear, where they played and enjoyed each other without a care in the world.

With their truth revealed to each other, that simple happiness might no longer be possible but she wanted to believe that they could still be happy together in a different way. Even if there would be pain and sorrow just like now, she still wanted to be with him, just like she's promised. She still wanted to love him.

And she did. She still loved him so very much and the thought of it made her wanted to cry.

She wanted to be happy.

The anger was still there but now, she was overwhelming with the desire to see him, to talk, and to understand. She wanted to know more about him, about Solas and not just Fen'Harel.

For a moment, she thought about going to him in the Fade but decided not to. They didn't part on the best term last time so this time, after she's finished this mission, she would meet him face-to-face. They would talk, and they would think together to figure out what would go from here.

Then, she suddenly remembered what she's learned from Dorian about soulmates who were dreamers, and what Solas mentioned. He could feel her, didn't he? Her anger, her sadness, her joy, her love, he could feel them all.

So, with her thoughts directed to him, she channeled all of her emotions that were associated with him, hoping that he could feel them and know that despite the fact that she was angry, she still yearned for him.

"I want to be with you," Evelyn whispered as she closed her eyes, her heart this time was filled with both the images of a giant six-eyed wolf and an elf with blue eyes and a loving smile.

_xxXxx_

"This is definitely something I don't see every day," Dorian commented as he took in the view before him.

"Tell me about it. Wow, Merill would love to see this." Varric nodded.

Evelyn had to agree with both of them.

The small village and their Dalish camp neighbor has turned out to be a single settlement called Laleal. Most outsiders, when stumbling upon the word 'village', would simply assume that it was populated by humans with a stray few elves here and there begging or doing grunt works; but what they were seeing now was completely different from that reality.

Humans and elves were mingled with each other. The few market stalls they had here were looked after by both humans and elves with Vallaslin on their faces who joked and haggled with their buyers and each other. Children of both races ran around laughing or sharing treats, and she could see in a corner of a house, there was a couple talking affectionately to each other, the human male's hand held tightly to his elven lover. And all the elves were looking healthy with no sight of abuse or sickness.

The only thing that soured such a lovely scene was that if anyone noticed Evelyn and her group, they either looked scared or suspicious or even loathing. She guessed that people here didn't like or see much visitors since this place was so obscured that it wasn't even marked on the maps, not mentioning the mountain and forests surrounding it.

"Wonderful, isn't it?" The mayor, a human man called David with streaks of grey hair on his head, who was standing next to them along with the clan Keeper, sighed and rubbed his temple. "It's exactly because of this that we don't want too many outsiders to come and know about this place."

"I'm sorry, he meant to say why we took this long to actually asking for help from the outside," the white-haired Keeper, Rosal, explained. "Most people, humans or elves don't take kindly to the fact that we in Laleal not only live together in peace but also building families with each other. They all see it as a… betrayal."

"Some of the elves here don't have Vallaslin?" Evelyn asked when she saw an elf walked by.

"Some elves here don't really worship the elven pantheon the same way as traditional Dalish clans, some of them practice the Chant of Light like the city-born. But it's not strange for our human or elves to worship both. Even so, our humans don't wear Vallaslin, it's easier to leave for the outside world to do business when your face is clean."

"The Chantry doesn't come down and attacking you for practicing another religion?" Varric inquired, pointing at the small Chantry at the end of the street.

"We've got that covered. Everyone in the Chantry come from this village and they pay enough lips service to the main church to keep those zealots off our backs. And who would want to come to a tiny village in the middle of nowhere?" David grumbled.

"Still, it's impressive that you managed to keep this way of life—Eh, how old is this village, anyway?" Varric asked.

"Very old. Technically, our community actually has existed since the fall of Arlathan," Rosal said as he waved his hand, signaling for everyone to follow him. "When our homeland fell and be taken by the Tevinter empire, our ancestors had run away from the slaughter, carrying with them their human soulmates who refused to join the atrocities of the empire. For a long time, they wandered around until the Dales were given to the elves. With that, our people settled down in the Northern Dales. Throughout everything, we rarely associated with outside in fear that harms would fall upon our humans for being a part of a Dalish clan—if you could even call us that."

"After the second Exalt March, we all ran here deep into the mountains and forest of the South, where the humans in this village pretended to take over while hid away their elven families." David crossed his arms as they walked. "Still, many were killed or taken. Once the Orlesian army had mostly gone away, we rebuilt everything from scratches on this location. Our elves still have to leave this village every couple of years or so to search for old relics, new blood and to throw off the Templars who wanted our mages. We have quite a few of them due to being born with elven blood and soulbonds."

As the two leaders explained the history, Evelyn couldn't help but feeling her heart warmed up at the way the two men easily used the words 'our humans', 'our elves' and 'families' as if it was the most natural things in the world.

"How many people have been taken from your village?" she asked.

"Eleven," David replied. "It was almost twelve but my daughter, Helena, was able to escape thanks to her soulmate Belraj. The lad stalled those bastards long enough for her to run back to us and call for help. But when we finally got there, they've already disappeared. From the traces they left behind, Belraj definitely didn't make it easy for them. We tried to track them down but it led to one of the old ruins deep in the forest, and we couldn't come in there since it's full of traps and spots for ambush."

"It's been a week since then and many of us don't want to leave our home very far. Most of those who dare to venture into the forest now are either unbonded or blanks but they are quite a few in numbers or doing other jobs—oh, here we are."

They've arrived at David's house where his daughter was waiting at the front door. She was a small woman who looked a quite a bit younger than Evelyn, probably not under into her 20s yet. A pretty thing with short auburn hair and lovely blue eyes. But she was so pale, her face full of exhaustion and there were dark rings under her eyes.

"Dad, you're home." Helena smiled weakly before bowing her head to greet them. "You must be people from the Inquisition. I'm Helena."

They all offered her a greeting before the mayor let them into his house and presented the map of the region.

"Most of the kidnapping cases happened near the old elven ruins scattered across the forest, which is not a surprise since the soulmates of this village love them," he explained, pointing to various places on the map.

"Didn't you say that the ruins have traps?" Varric asked.

"Only the lower levels that dug deep into below are dangerous. The above floors are all clear and they look very lovely too, quite fitting for young couples to share times alone. Aside from that, it's our village's tradition for young couples to go and plant a new tree near the ruins after their first bonding. After that, they often return to take care of their tree."

"So, someone knows about your village's way of life well enough to plan attacks accordingly," Evelyn hummed. "Have anything strange happened before these events?"

"Yes, about a year ago, while our elves were all away, there was an elf came here. He doesn't have Vallaslin so we assumed him to be a city-born. He told us he was a researcher and wanted to know more about the ruins. One of the younger kid took him there a few times and the lad said that the bastard asked quite a bit about us. He stayed for a few days and left." As David recounted the events and she could hear anger rising in his voice. "Nothing happened afterward so we didn't pay much attention until Rosal and his group came back. Two months after all the soulmate couples of this year finished their bonding, they started to go missing. It's been going for nearly a month now! That bastard, I knew there's nothing good from the outside!"

"I understand." Evelyn nodded, tried not to think too much about the last part of what he said. "Helena, may I ask what happened that day to you and your soulmate? Is there anything about your attackers that leave an impression on you?"

"I—on that day, I tried to go into the forest to get some herbs for the halla. Belraj told me not to but I didn't listen! For nearly a month, I was cooped up in the village and I was worried about our tree too so I left anyway." Helena's voice started to waver at the last part and when she found the strength to continue, everyone could hear her sobs. "Belraj chased after me and dragged me back but we didn't even manage to leave the ruin when those men attacked. They were 5-6 of them, He held them off, telling me to run. If—if I've listened to him, if I didn't go there then- then he'd still—oh, Belraj!"

Helena started to cry at that, her whole body shook with each sob and Evelyn couldn't help but to step forward and hugged the girl, whispering comforting words to her. After a while, she finally calmed down enough to continue her story.

"The kidnappers, one of them can use magic. I saw him throwing a lance made from blood at us but Belraj pushed me out of the way. When I heard them shouting, they have a foreign accent… L-like your friend here." Helena pointed to Dorian.

"Well, no surprise here. The Red Scales are from the Empire, after all." Dorian just shrugged with an obvious expression on his face. "But they actually sent a blood mage here instead just normal slavers? Someone is feeling desperate for high-quality goods then."

"Hm, there are chances that they don't actually store their captives deep in the ruins but at another place. Still, we could take a look at there to track them." Evelyn nodded after thinking for a bit. "But we'd need more daylight than just an evening to do so. for all we know, the ruins could lead through from one end of the mountains to the other end."

"Yes, it's near sunset now so you start tomorrow instead," Rosal offered. "You can stay at the tavern. They only have three room for guests there but it should be enough."

"Let me take them there," Helena said, her fingers fiddled with the edge of her apron. "I'm sure they'd need to learn bit more about the ruins and the surrounding places. And I know you still need to work with uncle Rosal and our hunters."

"You sure, Helena?" David took a step forward to place his hand on his daughter's shoulder.

"I'll be okay, dad. It's just a walk in this village. And I need some fresh air, I've been staying in my room and crying for far too long."

"All right, but make sure that once you finish, you run home straight away, you hear me?"

"I know, dad, I know."

xxXxx

The tavern owner definitely didn't like them judging by the mean look the woman kept throwing at them over her shoulder. The same could be said for everyone else in the bar.

"Should we prepare for ambushes in our rooms?" Dorian leaned over to whisper to her and to be honest, she felt like it wasn't a bad idea.

"I'm so sorry. Normally, everyone here is all very friendly and kind. It's just that the disappearances of their our people really hurt them so they're very wary of outsiders now," Helena said as she walked alongside them to their rooms.

Varric laughed. "It's not the first time this happens to us so don't worry, we understand."

The rooms were spacious enough for two persons each so Evelyn decided to share with Dorian. While they were preparing their traveling items and weapons for the next days, Helena was kind enough to go and bring up their dinner to have it upstairs, which was definitely a more suitable option compared to eating in the main hall and got glare at the whole time.

"Thank you, Helena. You shouldn't have," Evelyn said, taking the tray from the mayor's daughter's hands to place it on the small table against the window.

"It's no problem, truly. I just want to help as much as I can." Helena once again fiddled with her apron. "It was my fault that Belraj got caught, and many of others are my friends so…"

Wanting to comfort the girl and yet didn't want to give her false hope, Evelyn stepped forward to put her hands on the girl's shoulder.

"Helena, I shall be honest with you. I don't know whether I can reach your soulmate and friends to save them in times. Or if I can even track the captors at all. But I promise you that as long as there is still something I can do to stop this happens to your village, I will continue to do so," she said slowly and firmly, looking straight into Helena's eyes as she did so.

Helena seemed to take aback by what she said for a moment before a small smile appeared on her lips.

"Thank you for telling me so. Even if nothing comes out from this, it's good to know that someone from the outside cares," she said, wiping away the tears at the corner of her eyes.

"It seemed like it's not just because of the kidnapping that your father hates everything outside your village. And I have a feeling it's the same for everyone else here," Varric chimed in.

"Ah, I'm sorry you had to hear that." Helena sighed before sitting down on the edge of a bed. "It's just that it's been ingrained into our community for generations…"

"Hurt, fear, you remember their faces whenever they came back. Outside is bad, outside is hate, it's hurt to stay out there. They said you should stay inside so you don't get hurt." Cole started his speech from his corner but instead of saying it out loud as usual, he just whispered it this time—not loud enough for Helena to hear completely. Old habits were hard to get rid of, Evelyn supposed.

"Please don't mind him! Please, continue." Dorian waved his hand.

"Ah, yes, as my dad and uncle Rosal has explained to you all before, most of the elves in Laleal would leave once every few years to maintain their Dalish appearance. They travel to trade with other clans, finding relics and bring new blood into our community. But… every time they came back, all of them, even my friends who were excited to leave our village all told me that the outside world is a horrible place."

Helena's lips pressed into a thin line.

"They said that the humans outside oppress elves everywhere and hate magic. Belraj also said that the outside's elves are full of hatred too—the Dalish clans look down on both humans and city-elves, some clans even became bandits, and the same happens with the city-born elves. I-I don't really know if they were telling the truth or just want to stop us younger kids to leave so I want to ask… is that true? Is the outside really that bad?"

The hope and anticipation in Helena's voice were palpable and Evelyn couldn't help but let the thought of lying flash through her head, but once again, the ever-pragmatic trait in her won as she wouldn't give someone false hope just to feel better for herself.

"I'm afraid that your friends and soulmate didn't lie. There is a lot of prejudice and fighting between the races." Before Helena could react, Evelyn added, "But I do not think the world outside this village is that bad. There are good people out there too, and beautiful things can and could still happen despite all the ugliness. I and all my friends here have seen them ourselves. Besides, from what your father and Rosal said, didn't many people in this village are not original here?"

Helena frowned and thought for a bit before offering a small smile that made the corners of her eyes lifting up. "Thank you, it's heartening to know that there're hope out there. And you're right, many of the people who married and moved here were from outside and they're all so kind so it can't be that bad!"

"Speaking of marriage and moving, how do Laleal maintain your numbers of elves anyway? Elves and humans can only give birth to humans so if your elves are allowed to marry humans, shouldn't it decrease your number of elves?" Varric asked, voicing what Evelyn has been thinking this whole evening too.

"About that—if an elf and a human who aren't soulmate have a child together, that child will indeed be human, but if the parents are soulmates, it'll be different. Have you notice some people on the street have pointy ears but not long enough as the normal elf's?"

"Yes, we did," Evelyn nodded, remember a person she passed by before arriving at the tavern. He was as tall as a human male, with an equal muscular body, but his eyes were more elf-like, he has a straight nose too. And his ears were indeed pointy but almost as short as human ears.

"If the parents are soulmates, the child will be born as a true half-elf. And depends on the race of the soulmate of that half-elf that a human or an elf will be born in the future. A human soulmate with a half-elf will create humans, but an elf or half-elf soulmate will bear an elven child. And of course, non-soulmate partners, regardless of races, will give humans."

"Really? I've never heard about such things before." Dorian exclaimed excitedly while Evelyn could hear Varric murmured to himself.

"So that's why Betty looks like that."

Noting to herself to ask him about it later, Evelyn hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose that it's so rare for us to hear such things because normal humans and elves don't tend to get together, and the chances for soulmates to do that are even lower, and that doesn't account for the fact that half-elves may not get together with a soulmate that can produce a full elven child often enough to alert people about this… phenomenon."

"Yes, uncle Rosal said something similar to that. He also said that this particular quirk happens because of the strong magic in elf blood combined with the power of soulbonding. There was a lot of other things that he mentioned too but I don't understand them very much." Helena smiled shyly. "But overall, that's why we have enough elves around here despite the mixed marriages."

"But still, this only happens to soulmate couples and we all know that not everyone can or want to fall in love with their respective soulmate. If you want to maintain such a balance in population for millennia, you basically have to have a steady number of bonded couples of the right combination."

"We tend to have a dreamer once every couple of generations. That dreamer, who tends to live much longer, will be trained to become the Keeper and then use his or her power to locate the soulmates of some of the members of our community and once the clan start travelling, they will find those people to bring them back after confirming that they can trust those soulmates to live peacefully in our community."

"Makes sense." Dorian nodded. "You don't want to let anyone who hates humans or elves in your mixed village."

"Indeed. This tradition has been ongoing ever since the very first Keeper and dreamer, Datishan Manehn, who took our ancestors away from Arlathan to avoid the Tevinter empire." Laughed Helena. " **B** oth Rosal and my dad are descended from different branches of Datishan bloodline, actually. Rosal isn't a dreamer but his grandson is, but it'd be years before my cousin could take up such a duty."

"Still, that'd be a very high number of dreamers this village has. Hm, I wonder if this was due to the constant mixing blood of soulmates, or humans and elves, or both." Evelyn murmured, various theories ran through her head, filling her with the excitement of the prospect of learning new things.

"Now, my friend. I know what that face of yours means but I think we should let dear Helena go home now," Dorian laughed, putting a hand on Evelyn's shoulder to shake her out of her trance. "It's dark already, and I don't think the mayor will be pleased with us tomorrow if his daughter comes home late."

Jerking her head to the window, she realized that he was right. It was dark enough outside. Mentally cursing herself for not noticing it sooner, she quickly stood up.

"I'm so sorry, Helena, I didn't notice—"

But the girl held up her hand."Don't be, I have fun talking with you," she laughed and Evelyn could see that the exhaustion previously in her eyes has lightened somewhat. "This is the first time I get to talk this long to visitors. It was really nice, thank you so much, lady Inquisitor!"

"It wasn't much of a conversation and more like we attacked you with questions." Evelyn huffed but couldn't help but smile along. "And please, call me Evelyn."

"Still, I mean it when I said, 'thank you', Inquisi—I mean, Evelyn." The mayor's daughter shook her head, smiling gently, before standing up and head for the door. "You should all rest now. I'm sure tomorrow will be a busy day for you."

"Let me take you home, it's not safe to go alone at night," Varric offered but the girl declined.

"No need, I don't want to bother you too much and it's just a short walk from here back to my house. I've done it hundreds of times before so please don't worry. You should have your dinner now before it gets cold completely. Diana's cooking is the best when it's hot, trust me. I'm going now, dad must be waiting for me!"

And just like she quickly left but not before exchanging some small talks with the tavern owner and other patrons.

After a delicious meal—just like Helena had said— Cole and Varric have retreated to their room, Evelyn sat next to the window, polishing the blade of her staff with a piece of oiled cloth, however, her mind was focusing on something else.

This village was basically everything she could dream of, humans and elves living and building families together as a natural thing, the acceptance of magic and religions, the children who were loved regardless of their appearance and blood.

She has many times thought about the possibility of whether humans and elves could live together in harmony but almost any times she did that, reality came to hit her in one way or another, constantly reminding her the cruel facts of this world and crushed her hope to pieces. It was hard to keep up the optimism when all you could see was bloodshed, slavery, and hatred.

The only place she could remember where humans and elves lived together without much fighting was her Circle, and they were all facing another kind of oppression.

To know that this place existed gave her hope more than anything she has ever dreamt of. Solas wanted to create a new home for his people and she knew that he would have to accept the fact that there was no way for elves to live in isolation like the Dales in the past, and this place could be a proof that such a thing was feasible. But-

"You like this place, don't you?" Dorian came to sit in front of her, his own staff in his hand.

"Yes, I've never thought I could come across something like this in my lifetime."

"Neither do I. Just to prove it that nothing is impossible, hm?" He smiled. "But I don't think it's that perfect, this village, I mean."

"I saw that too. They hate outsiders, they don't care if we have good intentions when we come here. They don't even want us to come to help until they have no other choices." Sighing, she leaned her against her fist and glanced outside, recalling the bustling street in the evening with people of two races on it.

"Ironic, isn't it? They are so accepting of each other that they reject the world, only allow a small group of people into this place once they passed the test."

"I don't blame them. If I know my home is the only place that I can live in peace, I'd hate to have strangers whom I know hate my house to come too."

"True, my friend, true."

xxXxx

"No, Helena, just no!" David shouted out loud, and Evelyn was sure his voice could be heard from the outside of this tavern. "They have our map, they can go in alone!"

"Dad, please, I can help. That map only shows the ground floor, not the first floor. And our trees have changed the surrounding quite a bit too so it's not that reliable." Helena pleaded, her hands tightened into two fists at her sides.

"Then we can let someone else in the village do it, it doesn't have to be you," her father growled, "there are no reasons it has to be you."

"I think you should listen to your father, Helena." Evelyn tried to placate the girl with gentle words. "It could be dangerous for you. If you want to do something, why not helping your dad to prepare with the hunters."

"It's should be me. Because of me, Belraj was taken so please let me do something to help. I must do something, anything or I can't live with myself, please!" she was crying for real now. "Please, dad, Evelyn, let me do this. I'll just lead them to the main ruin and the top floor, then I'll run back right away. Please!"

Her sobbing definitely worked on the father because after a few moments, he let out a sigh and said, "All right, you can go, but only to the main door, then you come back right away, okay?"

"I promised."

And there was that, in Helena's defense, when they come near the ruins, Evelyn had to admit that the surrounding area looked quite different from what was noted on the map. Several relics and structures had disappeared, replaced with various types of trees, old and young.

"It must be generations since the last time they update this," Varric commented while he looked over a spot where there should have been a large statue.

"Sorry, since everyone here knows where is where we don't really think about changing our own maps as none of us really need them," Helena said from her ahead of them before pointing toward to where they could see a small stream of water. "That stream means that we're near—come now."

This ruin was beautiful despite its state, flowers grew across broken walls, clear streams flowing through fences and pillars, statues and murals depicting stories on enormous doors, with everything here, she could understand why the young couples of Laleal love to come here this much.

Stepping into the main hall, Helena seemed to be nervous with the way she looked around and Evelyn could hear Cole whispered next to her.

"I can do this. I must do this. For him. This is wrong but I must do this. Forgive me, forgive me."

Normally this would simply confuse her but this time, her guts feeling was screaming. The next thing Evelyn knew, she was running toward Helena, screaming, "No! Helena!"

And then the floor collapsed right beneath them.

Dust, debris, and rocks blew into her face and body, leaving scratches on anywhere that didn't have armor on them. When she realized what has actually happened, they've already on another floor, and a quick lookup showed that they had fallen through a second layer and landed on the third floor or so into a narrow hall.

Scrambling to stand up, Evelyn only had enough time to realize that she only had a few scratches thanks to her usual barrier spell before men with weapons pouring out from both sides of the hall.

Quickly summoning her spells, she could see from the corner of her eyes that Varric, Dorian, and Cole were still alive and fighting, but there was blood on their bodies. And worst of all, there were enemies between her and Varric's group, separating them into two groups.

Dodging, casting, dodging, stabbing, jumping, slashing, dodging again.

It was almost like there was no end for the numbers of enemies. They were both humans and elves, and in their midst, there were walking skeletons and Shades too.

The hall was too narrow for her to use the more powerful spell out of fear they would hit her friends too so she could only employ more simple spells at great frequency. Each hit was a calculating move to deter and give her enough time to move away.

She had to find a way to make it to her companions so they could push back their opponent.

There. An empty spot where a rouge has fallen. But before she could run through it, a piercing scream was heard.

Helena.

Whipping her head back in the direction of the scream, she saw Helena struggling against a giant man in vain. Her right leg bent at an odd angle and the girl was trying to stand up on her other leg.

"No! You promised! Let me go! Let him go, please!"

Evelyn didn't have time to think about it.

Lunging herself forward, she blasted a small fireball at the brute to stagger him back without hurting Helena before creating a barrier between her and the attackers, shielding the girl behind her.

Another spell was used to temporarily treat the girl. It wouldn't heal her broken leg completely but it could dampen her pain and reinforce her leg for a while until they found more times.

"Evely—"

"Helena, listen, try to run away when you can!" Evelyn ordered firmly without looking back, most of her attention was on pushing back her foes. Far over on the other side, she could see Dorian's group gradually moved to her.

"But—" she could hear the girl behind her shuttered again but this time, it wasn't Evelyn herself interrupting.

Another large explosion suddenly came and when the dust was clear enough, she realized the path between her and Varric has been completely destroyed and covered with rocks, blocking the whole hall.

Dead end on one side and enemies on another in a narrowed place. Not knowing what happened to her friends now.

They were stuck.

No. There was still a way.

Controlling her Anchor, she created a rift near the wall that pulled her foes with great forces to it. There were screaming and cursing but she paid them no mind.

Once they have been grouped up enough to leave some space for her, she immediately released a blast to stun them all.

Taking Helena's hand, she pulled the girl along. And ran pass the group of paralyzed men.

She couldn't fight them in such a small place with no escape route but if they could go to a bigger place, there would be more chances for her to win.

They ran through the long hall, bypassing little rooms with no other leads. Scenarios rushed through her head as she moved.

She didn't have enough mana to cast various little spells for a long period, but she couldn't cast the stronger ones since they could cause the low ceiling to drop onto them or caught Helena in their blasts.

Traps might be presented but since they were still on the third floor, it could still safe enough to run around like this but it was possible that the enemies have placed new ones around here.

Should she place more glyphs on the ground? Yes, some repulse glyphs were instantly placed behind them. That should give them more times but now should she create wall ices that could block out the way and give them more times to run?

No, that would deplete all of her energy and leave her vulnerable if there were another group. Maybe she shoul-

Feeling Helena was starting to run slower and her breaths heavy, Evelyn realized she couldn't leave very far or risk hurting her companion even more.

She had to fight a spot for the next battle. Now.

Luckily, the next door led to an open hall with high ceiling and without hesitation, she dragged the girl into it.

As fast as she could, Evelyn pointed to a spot in the room while stimulatingly channeling a new trap spell.

"Hide in that corner behind that giant statue. Don't come out until—"

But she never had a chance to finish her sentence.

The moment her spell was to be released, a strong current of energy engulfed her, setting her whole body in hot white pain.

She couldn't move. It hurt. It hurt as if a Templar has just hit her with several Smites and then actually impaled her for good measure.

It hurt.

In her blurry, spinning vision, she could make out the silhouette of their pursuers pouring into the hall.

Then, she heard Helena's scream.

Pushing herself to turn over from her fetal pose on the floor, Evelyn released another mind blast to push back the enemies only to take on another onslaught of pain.

But she ignored it and the feeling of nausea that threatened to escape from her throat. Staggering to stand up, she concentrated to make another ice spell, hoping this one could freeze all of them to at least give them a chance to run.

But it never came to be because before Evelyn even managed to build up the cold, someone hit her from behind and another surge of energy exploded through her body, turning her vision black.

She was out cold before she even hit the floor.

xxXxx

She couldn't tell how long it was.

There were periods when she came out of her forced sleep and during most of them, she was either on the back of a house, being draped over like a sack of goods or in the carriage of some kinds judging by the hardwood floor that jumped up and down on the uneven roads.

The whole time, her head was covered by a small bag that only occasionally lifted up enough for her captors to shove some food or water into her mouth. Meanwhile, her wrists and ankles were restrained with enchanted shackles that sent her pulse of pain if she just even tried to control her mana.

But most of the time, though, she spent staying in the Fade, trying to call out for Solas, for him to locate her, but it was all in vain.

There was something that kept her in one spot. No matter how much she tried to use the Anchor to manipulate her surrounding, there was always an immovable barrier standing in her way, blocking all of her escape attempts.

Each time she thought she has managed to go to a new area, it always led her back to the starting point.

She wondered if her friends were still alive, if Helena was able to run away.

Eventually, the journey came to an end.

They dragged her along the stairs in some kind of building, the air of the place was heavy and humid.

There was the sound of metal doors opening before they threw her onto the floor and rip the bag from her head. Her legs and arms were still linked with chains.

She could hear someone being thrown too before all the doors were closed.

She smelled everything before she could see. The dirty smell of garbage and body odor, the smell of oiled and metal, and worst of all, the smell of rust, not from the iron bars but from blood.

Once her eyes have gotten used to the dark, Evelyn realized she wasn't alone. There were several other cells in this place, filled with people of mostly elves and humans but there were a few dwarves too.

On the left side of her cell was another that contained six people, one of which was Helena, who was sobbing in the arms of an elf with long, white hair tied into a braid, who was probably Belraj. Some elves and humans in the other cells were looking and expressing their concerns toward the couple too so Evelyn guessed that they were the other victims from Laleal.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Helena was whispering her apologies like a chant, she looked unharmed, her right leg was in some kind of clumsy cast but to be sure, Evelyn had to ask.

"Helena, are you all right? Did they hurt you?"

Like she was just broken from a trance, Helena turned to look at her with widened eyes before tears once again trailed down her dirty cheeks.

"E-Evelyn, oh Evelyn, I'm so sorry. It was all my fault. They said that night that if I do that they'd give Belraj back to me, b-but-" she choked on her words before curling up on the floor, prompting her soulmate to gather her back into his arms.

"It's okay, don't cry, it'll be all right." Offering meaningless reassurances, Evelyn once again going over what could be done in this situation. Not only now she couldn't use her magic or contact Solas through the Fade, she had to find a way to save these prisoners too.

Clumsily standing up, she walked to the bars and touched them, confirming that they too were enchanted with similar runes like the ones in her shackles, rendering all forms of magic useless.

For a moment, wariness threatened to overtake her but she shook her head to clear it out. There was no use for panic.

Turning back to sit down against the wall, she mediated her breathing.

First, she had to preserve her strength and saw what she actually had in this situation.

She spent most of her times afterward to talk with other prisoners, asking them their names and how they got caught, what they could tell about the enemies.

By counting the meals and the times the jailors came to change the torches, Evelyn was able to estimate the time passing by and it was the third day when someone different came.

It started with a strong smell of incense and flowers before a woman walked to the door of her cell and stepped in.

She was an incredible beauty with an angelic face that frame with curls of golden hair trailed down her back. Hazel eyes glittering in the dim light and red plum lips curved into a lovely smile. Her white dress was a delicate thing embroiled with gold threads into intricated flowers and symbol. It wouldn't be wrong to compare her to a goddess.

And then with a twitch of the woman's hand, Evelyn's body simply stood up on its own and frozen right on the spot.

_Blood magic._

The woman took hold of her left wrist and, much to her horror, pulled the sleeve up and unravel the bandage to reveal her brown-red soulmark.

A beautiful smile appeared on the blood mage's lips as she held onto Evelyn's hand with both of her own. "I've finally met you!"

Then, she seemed to realize something before taking and step back to give a perfect bow.

"Oh my, where is my manners! Please do forgive me. I am Regina Luxianus, the soulmate of Razikale. It is a honor to finally be able to meet you, bondmate of Fen'Harel."


	9. Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She talked with everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Violence and Attempted Rape tags have been added, just in case.
> 
> 27/05/2018: Changed some parts to make clear that Razikale was still known as female to most people, but 'her' real identity was Dirthamen, who was male.
> 
> Revision date: 15/06/2018

The moment everyone who had a lick of knowledge about Fen'Harel finally took in what the blood mage—Regina Luxianus—just said, the whole space was filled with gasps and murmurs. Once again, that ugly feeling came back when all eyes were on her, looking at her like she was a plague but this time, she didn't care.

All she could think about was what the woman just said.

The soulmate of Razikale? Razikale the Old God of Mystery? The Tevinter god whose real identity was Dirthamen, the God of Secrets and Knowledge of the Evanuris? The very same Dirthamen that Solas has spoken of with nothing but hatred and contempt?

A chill went through her immobile body as she recalled the atrocities Dirthamen had committed. The torments and cries of his victims had scarred the Fade in such a way that even a person with no relations to the ancient elves could actually recall the memories within the dream world if they knew where to look.

She still remembered the sheer horror she felt the first time Solas showed her the results of Dirthamen's research.

"You're lying—"

Before she could even finish, a slap slashed across her face, making her see stars and taste the salty blood on her lips.

"Now, now, it's not nice to be rude, my lady." Regina still kept that angelic smile on her face despite the fact that Evelyn could see the mage's nails have been broken from the force of that slap.

Regina didn't seem to notice her wound until she called to her follower, an elf with no Vallaslin, "Lahuma."

He silently stepped forward to take her hand and heal it without a single word. His eyes were empty as if all the soul and emotions had been sucked out from there.

"Ah, that's better! Now, where are we? Ah yes, you must find it's hard to believe that I am a soulmate of a god." Regina giggled. "But my dear Inquisitor, are you yourself not another proof that such a thing exists?"

Then, she pulled up her left sleeve to reveal her wrist where the name Razikale was.

It was obviously a normal tattoo, inked upon a patch of scarred skin.

 _Great_ , not only she was a cultist blood mage. She was a violent, unstable, cultist blood mage with a delusion of grandeur.

Still, Evelyn needed to know more so she just pretended to not see realize the thing was a fake and asked, "How do you know about me?"

"About you have finally received favor from Fen'Harel? It is a little shameful for us to say but it was pure luck that we discovered that you have 'turned' right before your coming to that tiny village." The cultist sighed dramatically.

Right before she came to Laleal? It meant… Layla! She was the only one aside from Solas who knew about the new color!

Grinding her teeth, Evelyn shoved aside the thought of how Leliana wouldn't like this and instead focusing on listening to Regina's rambling.

"…My trusted servants had prepared to leave after they got almost enough materials for my ritual. But when we got the news that you were coming and that you have officially become a god's bride. Well, some new schedule had to be made."

Then, the woman turned her head to where Helena was curling up in Belraj's arms and said, "But it was all thanks to you that we could succeed so you have my gratitude. I shall make sure to save you and your bondmate last for our great ritual, right before lady Inquisitor!"

"Great Ritual?" Evelyn had an inkling of what it could be but it wasn't enough to prepare her to hear it from Regina.

"Why, to bring back Lord Rakizale to this world, of course. Your bondmate has done a terrific job in locking away our great master so, in order to release him, we need a someone with a strong connection to the Fade and potent magic. And who could be more suitable for that job than you, Inquisitor? Your soulbond to the very person who created the seals makes you a great catalyst to undo it. Not to mention, it'd be a great compensation for your Wolf's sins against the Old Gods."

Dread took over Evelyn at the thought of a vengeful Dirthamen coming back to this world and laid waste to all things he deemed underneath him, turning them into test subjects for his sickening research or worse. But still, she kept on a brave face.

"And what makes you think my Wolf won't come to save me and kill all of you before that can happen? Your ritual takes times, doesn't it? Or else you'd have killed me already."

"Well, it's true that it takes some time for preparation. But your bondmate can only come for you if he knows where you are, right?" Regina smirked, a glint of derangement shone through her eyes. "I know you have not met him physically yet, only through the Fade, or your soulmark would have been bright red already. You must have had noticed you can't go anywhere in the Fade, haven't you? Rest assured, he won't find you as long as my runes are still on you. But the time he manages it, Lord Rakizale would have already waltzed this world."

So these blighted runes not only prevented her from using magic, they also locked her up in the Fade too? Evelyn's knowledge about runes' effect wasn't as extensive as Dagna but perhaps, there were things she could do, but first…

"Let assume that you successfully bring back Rakizale, what makes you think that he wouldn't make you her first personal sacrifice to celebrate her new-found freedom?" Evelyn asked. "Since you know that Fen'Harel was the one who sealed away the Old Gods, and you have been referring to 'her' as 'him', I'll assume that you know Rakizale is actually Dirthamen?

"Indeed, I do know about his true name and identity."

"Then what make you think that he will not hesitate to kill a lowly human like you? In the past, he already didn't care about the lives of her own people and simply use them as ingredients for his research. None of the Evanuris aside from Mythal and Fen'Harel cared. What makes you different?

"Because I am his soulmate! And Lord Rakizale will see that we, the Red Scales, no matter our races, genders, ages are all loyal to him and cannot be lumped to the common folks who do not see his radiance!" Regina replied with such a confidence, an absolute trust in what she said that right then and there, Evelyn knew that there was no way to convince the cultist to rethink her plan.

"I see," Evelyn just said simply. Right at that moment, the invisible control around her disappeared and she was dropped onto the ground like a ragdoll.

"Wonderful! you must have seen reasons now. Ahh, I am so glad we could meet and talk before the great moment! I shan't bother you any further and leave you to recover now. Goodbye to you all, everyone. I shall see you all again soon!"

Regina said it with such a cheerful voice and a clap of her hand that you would think she was talking about having a pleasant tea party in the future, but judging from the silent way everyone was looking at her as she left, the implication was very clear to them.

Once they could hear that the main door had been closed, the whole hall of cells drowned in the crying, questioning and cursing with the main target being Evelyn.

"Is it true? You are Fen'Harel's soulmate?"

"The Tevinter's Old Gods are our Creators?"

"Who the hell is Fen'Harel? Can someone explain it to me?"

"That mage will bring back Dirthamen?"

"Andraste save us! We're going to die, aren't we!"

"You bitch! You must be the reason we're all here!"

"What did you mean by 'Dirthamen didn't care about his own people?'

"The Dread Wolf has come back?"

"Are you really the Trickster's bondmate?"

"That mage should have only taken you! Why did she have to take us too?"

"You're cursed! This is all your fault!"

"Why are you silent? Answer us!"

All the noises piercing into her mind, shaking her to the core. She could feel the curiosity, the disbelief, the hatred, the fear, the despair so palpable in the very air, squeezing her lung and heart.

Biting her lips and shut her eye tightly, she clawed her fingers against the stone floor, trying in vain to block out everything until the pressure became too much to stay silent.

"Shut up."

It was a whisper at first, something Evelyn said only to herself, but as the noises continued to assault her, she found herself repeating it until she turned it into her own weapon.

"Shut up. Shut up.  _Shut up_. ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!"

She didn't realize she had pushed away all other noises until she felt pain in her palms. When she finally opened her eyes, she found herself already standing up, her chest burned with exertion and her nails have cut into her palms from fisting them too hard, leaving trails of blood on them.

And the prisoners, they were looking at her like they would a monster that could escape from it confinement at any moment and kill them all. Sweet Maker, she could even her the fearful sobs from one or two directions.

Flopping down onto her knees, she exhaled, feeling too tired and small for this body. Her heart ached at the thought of how this had to be what Solas often felt when anyone mentioned his other name.

Shaking her head to get rid of the despairing thoughts, Evelyn cleared her voice and said, "I know most of you here are scared of me, the connection I have and what it implies. But rest assured that I shall not harm any of you. I know you all have questions and I will answer them as best as I can, but please be civilized about it. One at a time."

There were whisperings but it took a while until a person, a female elf, came forward.

"Are you truly the soulmate of Fen'Harel, the God of Betrayal?

"Yes, I am. But you are mistaken in calling him God of Betrayal, he is the God of Freedom and Rebellion," she answered slowly, voice loud and clear. She had to do this for her beloved, to dispel as many false assumptions about him as possible.

So, she added, "In fact, he's no god, only an incredibly powerful mage whom your ancestors worshiped. The same happened to the rest of the Creators, they were all mortals."

There were murmurs, disbelieving whispers of 'lies' and 'trickster' before another elf voiced out his question, "What did you mean when you said, 'none of the Creators cared about us, aside from Mythal and Fen'Harel?'

"I mean exactly what I said. The Elven pantheon cared only for their powers and being worshiped as gods. They ignored the cries of the Elvhen, letting nobles indulged in wealth and pleasures that were paid with the blood of slaves while the Evanuris fighting among themselves for more power. The atrocities committed by them could put what the Tevinter Empire's done to shame."

Swallowing, Evelyn took another breath before continuing.

"Mythal, the All-Mother, cared for her people and tried to stop that madness and for it, she was killed by her own brethren. Fen'Harel, the leader of the slave rebellion was forced to seal away the Evanuris before their greed destroying the rest of the world and to avenge her. In the end, Arlathan fell in a civil war after the Evanuris disappeared, its remains were taken over by the Tevinters."

"Lies, all lies. You're just a filthy shemlen. How dare you spilling your lies to us?" Another elf with dark hair and Dirthamen's markings screamed at her, his hand tightened around the bar and shook them uselessly.

"I speak only the truth. Whether you want to believe them or not is your choice." She looked straight at him without blinking. "But let me ask you this, how much of Dalish knowledge was actually written down and not just oral stories passing down through thousands of generations? Can you guarantee that they were all true and has not been distorted by times and malicious intentions?"

When the man couldn't answer her, she added.

"There is a hidden sanctuary in Orlais that my Wolf has built to hide away the slaves he rescued. All the texts and artifacts there contained the truth that had not been modified by the Evanuris's propaganda. If you ever manage to leave here, I can give you the location for you to find out the truth yourself."

"You seemed to know a lot," an elven man with Mythal's markings said. "Did the Trickster teach you?"

"Not really, I learned the language by myself thanks to years of having access to extensive libraries, texts, relics and artifacts and helps from several Keepers. Being human and a mage certainly gave me a lot of advantages to go to places that the average elf cannot. I, too, obtained the truth about the Elven Pantheon and Arlathan myself. It was only a year now since that I first met Fen'Harel and got to confirm everything."

"How do we know that you're telling the truth? Can you prove that you know something that we don't but actually makes sense?"

Maybe it was time to bring out the horrible truth…

"You can't because there are only my words right now but for your second question… The current Elvhen language has been mangled enough that I know even your Keepers can have troubles with translating some of the old texts, and many of those are containing contradictory information. It is a known fact that most of the founders of the clans were noble from Arlathan but do many of you here know that their followers were mostly slaves marked with Vallaslin?"

Gasps of outrageous echoed in the chamber before someone, in a trembling voice, asked, "You mean that the Vallaslin…"

"Yes, Vallaslin, in its meaning of 'Blood writing', is exactly what it means. Markings made from blood magic to ensure a slave could never escape their master. They were signs of ownership and representations of the Gods that the slave masters favored. That was why Fen'Harel didn't have one, because he rejected any practice of slavery, be it mentally or physically."

She then could hear someone declaring her a liar and evil worshiper but she went on anyway.

"But," she said loudly, "isn't your current Vallaslin made from your own special ink instead of blood with your own specific ideas of values? I know it isn't my place to say this but I do not believe that your current markings have the same meaning as ancient ones. You put them on to represent your faith and belief, not because you want to be someone's slaves, you preserve your culture despite all the odds against you, you fight for your own rights. Your Vallaslins are not slave markings, they're your marks of victory."

What she said was true, it was one of the things she and Solas have been disagreeing with each other from the beginning. Despite all the missing pieces of knowledge, prejudices the Dalish and their city-counterpart have, she's seen in them the strength and will that have helped to carry them through millennia of suffering.

Solas looked at them and see mistakes and things that needed to be restored. Evelyn looked at them and see people who tried their best and could be improved with the right pushes. The current elves were not the elves of old, they were their own people and it was a fact that her Wolf needed to accept sooner or later.

Snapping back to the present, she saw that there were fewer insults being thrown at her now. Perhaps her voicing what she thought about the markings had calmed them down enough?

Then, Belraj, who had been silent the whole time, asked, "What do Fen'Harel want?"

"He wishes to create a country where all elves could live in freedom and have rights like every other race."

"Like the Dales?"

"Not really, like the Dales implied isolation and a possibility of suffering another Exalt March. This country will belong to elves but it'd be open for other races who wish to live in quality and peace. It shall be where magic was to be used freely but not at the cost of lives and submissions of others. Where freedom is a right to all, not a privilege to a few."

Technically, she had not actually discussed with Solas about this yet but living and working with him throughout everything she could see the changes in him. He has definitely has become more accepting and opening compared to when they all first started. And now with his true identity has come out to her, along with his acceptance of her proposal to work together, it was a logical conclusion that he would have to make the new home for his people to be opened to others who wanted to join.

Not to mention, despite his pride, her love was too much of a pragmatic man to refuse help and alliances based purely on differences in races, especially when the most dominating population of Thedas was humans and there would definitely be a large number of elves who followed the remaining Creators instead.

Adding to that, as rare as they were, there was also the possibility of elves marrying human soulmates like the people of Laleal and producing more elves to contribute to the low birth-rates.

Non-elven citizenships were surely an unavoidable thing if they want that dream country to exist.

After her short musing, Evelyn observed the reactions of everyone in the dungeon and as expected, there was quite a bit of diversity.

Most of the elves looked very hopeful and excited about having a new home for themselves. Some of them, however, was seemed very doubtful or troubled, probably out of suspicious of the name of the Dread Wolf or the idea that they would have to share their home with humans.

The humans… well, they either looked angry or disbelieving, but at least none of them trying to curse at her yet.

If they all got out of here, she would need to do something about them. As peacefully as possible.

And the people of Laleal, they seemed to be a mixture of everything. Maybe they were happy about the prospect of building a new future without having and yet suspicious about the idea that any humans and elves outside their village could live together?

Helena, in particular, was basically jumping up and down in her bondmate's lap before she crawled toward Evelyn to ask.

"Really? Everyone can live together?" The excitement in her voice was palpable that it squeezed at Evelyn's heart. If only everyone could share the same sentiment with her.

Just to prove what she just thought, a human from another cell snorted.

"Live with the knife-ears? You've got to be joking!"

"And you think we want to share our home with the Shemlen?" said another elf and soon, it turned into the two sides throwing insults and racial slurs at each other.

"Please, stop!" Helena shouted over the arguments, pulling the attention of both sides. "Why do you have to fight like this? What Evelyn said is possible, we from Laleal have been doing it for thousands of years!"

Then, her friends and soulmate joined in which prompted the previous two groups changed their target to Helena's instead.

"You rabbit lovers are a disgrace to our kind!"

"How could you mix your blood with the Shemlen? Have you no shame?"

"All of you are fucking abominations!"

At the sight of these prisoners who cared about such trivial things like interspecies relationship instead of the fact that they all were going to be sacrificed by their captors, rage, and disappointment quickly filled her mind, prompting her to bash her cuffs at the metal bar and screamed.

"Shut up, all of you!"

That certainly got their attention because the whole room became silent and all eyes directed at her.

"Are you all out of your minds? I tried to tell you what you want to know. I only asked you to just be civilized and you all instead of fighting about mixing races and living in a country that isn't going to be born for another decade or so? If you have so much energy like that, why couldn't you try to find a way out of here instead! Do I need to remind you that we're going to become sacrifices for some ritual?

When they were all quiet and didn't reply to her rant, shame and the pressure of reality weighted on them, Evelyn sat back down and said, "I shall continue to answer your question if you still want to know."

And ask they did.

She answered their questions as best as she could while hiding away vital information that could affect Solas or reveal the scoop of his plan; and what she didn't know or unsure, she told them so. Sometimes, to prove the extent of her knowledge, she talked in the old Elvhen tongue, some other times, she quoted old texts from various sources to point out their contractions and implications.

The elves listened to what she said and even though she didn't if they actually believe her or not, they did listen and it was all that matter. She didn't expect them to change their belief after hearing some words from a human, after all.

The humans, out of curiosity, also asked her about the memories she saw in the Fade and she indulged them. She told them about wonders of magic and the pitfalls of greed that plagued all races. She told them about heroics acts done by all species that no one else knew that has left marks in the dream world, the unity they could do and the victories they achieved.

Eventually, their questions ran out and it was time for them to start intruding into her personal relationship with Solas.

"So Fen'Harel came to you in your dream and bonded with you? What was it like? To be favored by the god you worship?"

Someone asked and it struck a nerve.

"He. Is. Not. My. God!" she said each word through grinding teeth. "I've told you that already—He's not a god, he said as much himself. He's just a man who care and love his people and want the best for them despite what they think of him!"

Everyone in the cells looked at her with widened eyes as if she was crazy to talk about Fen'Harel in that way, but she didn't care. This was what she had to do for him.

"He's many things to me—He's my friend, my confidant, my teacher. I respect him, but he's not a god, and even if he really was, he isn't my god. He-" she paused, thinking about those happier times they spent in the Fade, where they only had each other and it was all they needed.

"He is the man I love," she said softly but with how silent their prison was, she was sure they could all hear her.

No one said anything for a long time after that but eventually, Belraj asked. "What is he like? The Dread Wolf?"

Evelyn considered for a moment before replying. "He values freedom above all else and hates anything that interferes with free will. He respected Mythal and believed that she was the best among his brethren because she cared her for her people."

"The Dread Wolf is actually respecting Mythal? That's very hard to believe." She heard someone said.

"Believe what you want. I just telling the truth." Evelyn bit back before continuing, "He's somewhat haughty and aloof, but despite his appearance and demeanors, he hates teas and loves sweet things."

"Really?" a young woman asked.

"Really. He's also kind, attentive, and likes to learn new things. Give him something to talk about and you can't get him to stop or he'll be very disapproved." She chuckled, remembering Solas's face whenever Sera interrupted him. "He can be quite petty at times too, and will argue with people even when he knows that they won't change, and then act all smug when he's proven right."

"He sounds… quite normal," a human man commented from his place in a corner.

"He's a man after all. He made mistakes. He feels joys and regrets, he has his own insecurities just like any of us," Evelyn explained more and when everything once again lapsed into silence, she let her mind drifted back to her times on that flower field with him. Absentmindedly, she said to herself.

"He really is the cuddliest thing in the world. Those flower crowns suit him so well. Ah, I want to cuddle with him again."

"What?" Came the confused faces of everyone who could hear her that snapped her out of daydreaming to realize what she just said.

Andraste's ass, what's wrong with her? She had to watch her mouth more carefully! If they all somehow managed to get out of this place, she prayed that no one would mention this to Solas.

xxXxx

The next three days were spent to get to know everyone as much as she could. She learned their names, their occupations, how they got caught, where they came from. She heard from them about the other prisoners who had been taken away before her arrival.

The captives here came from almost all walks of life. From thieves to slaves, to hunters to merchants to farmers and such. There were even a few mages too. Though most of them were bondmates to another, not all of them were caught alone with their partners, and there were a few unbonded captives who were just unlucky enough to cross path with the cultists.

Aside from that, she tested out what the Anchor could do while the neutralizing runes were still in effect and much to her annoyance, she found out that while she could still create rifts instead of having them frizzled out like her other spells, they were tiny and unstable, randomly located despite her best efforts, prone to explode and give her extreme pain more than usual which forced her to sleep to regain her strength.

The implication of how much blood and lives had been taken to create such a powerful shackle didn't lose on her. Not at all.

She also took notes about the schedule in which the guards came to feed them. It was always three people, but aside from that, there was a single guard called Isaac who came check on only her twice a day. Obviously, the Red Scales wanted to make sure that nothing would happen to their special sacrifice.

What bothered her the most was the way the man looked at her everything he came. It was like she was a piece of meat that he wanted but couldn't have and it angered him and yet at the same times, there was contempt in his gaze like she was beneath him.

At one point, when she and everyone were sleeping, Isaac had opened the door to her cell but luckily, she was alert enough to wake up and screamed before he could even get in.

He left, but she knew he would try to do that again.

It both disgusted her and gave her an idea of how to escape. It would be a risky thing but she knew eventually she would have to try it. The longer they remained, the more of them would be killed.

Ever since she came here, there had been a few times their captors came to take people away. Some of the prisoners had to be dragged away, crying and begging the whole time. Some others went without a word, simply accept their fate. But they always tried to look back at her, something burned in their eyes like hopes that made her want to cry, feeling ashamed of her failure and uselessness.

Today, it was a pair of human lovers being led to their death. The man tried to comfort his bondmate but no matter how many soft words were spoken, it wasn't enough to calm the woman.

Evelyn didn't try to block out her crying. Like with all those had gone before, she listened, committing their last moments into her memory even if the hatred burned her heart painfully.

And as always, Lahuma would be there to look to all of them with an apologetic frown on his face. Helena and Belraj had recognized him as the elf who visited their village a year ago.

Once they all had left, Evelyn wondered if he was a mage apprentice, having a conscience to feel bad but enough greed to follow a magister and enslaving his own people.

Decided to ignore him, she noticed that Helena was singing again. The girl always sang in whispering each night and every time this happened, and being her neighbor, Evelyn had the chance to hear it clear enough that by now, there was a particular song that she had memorized to heart.

Helena never tried to sing too loud, probably out of concerns, not wanting to disturb people around her but today, something different happened.

"Hey, girl, sing louder," a human said.

"Uhm, sorry?"

"Yeah, young lady, could you sing louder, please?" Another person, this time an elf, chimed in. "We elves could hear you but it's nice to not have to strain our ears."

"Are you sure?" Helena asked shyly, a blush feathering her cheeks. "My singing isn't that good."

"Oh, you sing just fine." A dwarf waved his hand from his spot against a wall. "There isn't anything else for us to do so why not sing for all of us for some entertainments?"

Everyone else started to voice their agreements so of course, the mayor's daughter had to agree.

So Evelyn's favorite song started, loud and clear this time for all to hear.

It was a sweet, gentle lullaby that was entirely in Elvhenan and soon, she felt the pain in her soul subsided and it was easier to breathe.

Lips slightly parted to silently sing alone, she closed her eyes.

.

_Oh, beloved of my heart,_

_Close your eyes and listen to this voice._

_Oh, the sun that shines my days,_

_Please close your eyes and hear me out._

_Let me become the moon that holds you close._

_Let me become the stars that shine down upon your path._

_The path to the Beyond is hard and painful_

_But I shall walk with you to the end._

_So close your eyes and enter your slumber,_

_For joy is waiting for us at the end._

_._

And soon, sleep came to her.

xxXxx

Once again, she was in the Fade, wandering within her special-made prison, hopelessly trying to use her Anchor escape.

And once again, after she has exhausted most of her power trying to poke holes into that cursed barrier, she settled down to just sit here, flashing the Mark like a beacon out of hope something in the Fade would notice her.

For a moment Evelyn thought about the possibility of attracting demons, give them her body only to deny Regina the chance of using it and to kill as many Red Scale cultists as she could but the thought about her fellow captives slapped her out of that incredibly stupid idea.

Trying to escape physically was still the best way but the problem was that since she had no idea where they were, there was a very big chance that they could get captured again right away even if they managed to get out of this building, or they could wander around aimlessly until dying from thirst and starvation.

Not to mention, there was a possibility that Regina had made a phylactery from her blood. Even so, she nee-

On the other side of the barrier, she could feel something was coming and she held her breath, heart jumped wildly in her ribcage.

The mist on the other side slowly parted apart and revealed a familiar elf whom her heart always held within.

"Solas!" she cried out, stagged forward to him only to be stopped by the wall between them.

"Evelyn!" he called her name, hands pushed against the barrier. His face bared with all the emotions she could name – happiness, relief, desperation, yearning, and anger.

Was she dreaming? No, she was already in the Fade so this had to be real! Her Wolf was here!

"Solas, Solas, Solas!" she chanted his name like a prayer, pressing herself as close to the barrier as possible. Her nails clawed against it uselessly. "You're here! How did you find me? That cultist said that you can't or it'll take a long time."

"This spell certainly is powerful but once I know what it is, no one can stop me from finding you, vhenan." He smirked. "I may not use it much but I do know how to use blood magic."

Of course, he did! With his background, of course, Solas would know how to use blood magic without a demon's help. She had to apologize to him later for underestimating him greatly.

"Are you all right, my love? Did they hurt you?" he asked and she shook her head.

"No, they didn't get too rough with me because—" Suddenly, she remembered why she was in this scenario in the first place. Quickly look up to Solas, seeing him puzzled by her change of expression, she said quickly, "No, Solas, listen. These cultists, they worship Rakizale and they want to release him from his prison! They're planning to unseal Dirthamen!"

Horror showed clearly on his face the moment that name was mentioned right before it was replaced with cold fury.

"I see." Her Wolf said it so simply and yet she was able to hear all the implications of what he felt and wanted to do, but when he looked back to her, his eyes were warm again and full of concern. He wanted to say something but couldn't and she took this chance.

"Solas, no matter what happens to me, do not let Dirthamen wake up, you have to stop him first. If he returns now we'll all doomed. I will try to escape myself but…"

"Evelyn?"

The words caught in her throat, like a bitter poison that gnawed her from inside out and pushed her to swallow it down but for this world, she had to let it out.

"…but if I can't then at the very least I-I'll have to ensure that they can't use me or even my corpse."

She could see realization formed on his face as he took in the meaning of her words before it twisted into despair and fear.

"No, no,  _no_ , vhenan! It'll be all right! I will save you. You'll be okay, I promise! Don't do anything foolish, I'll come to you!"

"You know you can't guarantee that." She smiled sadly at him, wishing this damned barrier wasn't in the way so she could hold her Wolf again and told him everything was going to be all right. But she couldn't.

"No, but I can try. Listen. Now that I've contacted you in the Fade, I can estimate your general location in the real world. You are at somewhere in the Emerald Graves." As he said, a map appeared next to him with a small human figure placing on a location in the Dales before it was magnified to focus on several specific points of her supposed area. "If you can escape, run to one of these places, my agents will be there looking for you. But if you can't, try to prolong times as much as you can—I and the Inquisition will also come as fast as we can."

She stared intently at the map, trying to memorize the whole thing and commit it into her memory.

"I've memorized all of them now." She nodded to him before starting to tell him all the information she knew about the cultists. From their leader Regina Luxianus, the fact that Layla the maid was a spy, how many prisoners they currently had, to how the runes that imprisoning her worked.

Finally, she asked him about her companion, dread filled her as she spoke, "Solas, did you hear anything about Varric's group? Are they okay?"

"They are all well. Everyone will all come for you. Varric also has been hinting about what he would do to me if I do not treat you right after this."

She choked at that, relief filled her heart at the thought of her friends still alive and well before letting out a laugh, feeling ridiculous about the situation they were in. "It's ironic, you know. Fate truly has a wicked sense of humor."

"Emma lath?"

"I've hoped that after I finished dealing with this mission, I'd come home and talk with you, we could make up and hold each other again. Hell, I've even avoided coming to you in the Fade just so that our reunion would be sweeter. And now…" She swallowed, feeling the bridge of her nose burned, "…Now we're reunited here in the dream world, and we can't even touch! I hate this… I-I want to touch you, Solas."

"And I you, vhenan. Do not worry, once I get you back, we will have all the times in this world to hold each other. You did promise to always stay with me, after all." He smiled—it was a broken and fragile smile but still enough to remind her how much she loved him.

"I did, didn't I? To always stay with you?"

"Do you still want to?" Solas put his hand on the barrier and she did the same.

It was like they could touch each other and she yearned to get rid of this blighted wall to be able to lace her fingers with his. Just like they once did that night.

"I do. I will always be by your side."

Touching her forehead against the wall and closed her eyes, she knew without looking that he was doing the same.

"Always."

It was the last thing she heard from him before she was woken up by the scream of a pair of humans being dragged away from the cage, reminding her of the ugly situation they were in.

They needed to get out.

Now.

xxXxx

"Have you all remember the locations?" Evelyn asked for the final time after sharing the maps with everyone. It was lucky for them that floor was sandy enough to draw on or they would have to visualize everything in their mind.

For a whole day, she has been passing the information and drawings Solas had given her to the three cells neighboured to her so they could do the same to theirs. Plans had been whispered, theories and information about individual skills had been exchanged to arrange tasks for the right people. They would need to divide their group into smaller ones after they got out so each had to have a leader who could guide them to their safe point.

Everyone nodded, their number has dwindled down to the twelfth people of Laleal and twenty-nine others from different regions. Missing the ten who had been taken away, she thought bitterly.

When they all heard the clanging sounds of the door opening, signaling it was the nightly check on her, Evelyn knew it was time.

Ripping open the collar and hem of her shirt, she exposed her cleavage and waist, before lying down, pretending to be asleep. Her body carefully positioned so that when that moment came, her target would fall to either side of the cell.

Around her, everyone also pretended to be sleeping, waiting for their prey to come.

With her eyes closed, all she could do right now was listening to the sound of footsteps coming closer before it stopped and the door was opened.

Then, she felt it. That sensation of being watched like a rabbit by a wolf. The feeling of eyes roaming across her body and made goose bumps grow on her skin.

A hand, rough and raw touched her waist, caressing it and she had to focus hard to not squirm away when it dipped underneath her shirt to grope at her chest.

Pretending to suddenly awaken and let out a weak scream, she pushed at him with no real efforts to edge him on, "Huh—What? No, please, no!"

Her would-be rapist laughed, clearly got turned on by her refusal.

Around them, the other prisoners quietly sat up. Their jailor was too focusing on her to notice what was happening around him.

He pawned at her breast even harder. His other gripped her trousers to pull it down. His foul breaths were all over her face before he leaned down to lick her neck.

_Disgusting. I'm scared. Solas. Don't touch me. Stay away. Die. Die. Die._

The thoughts ran through her head but she continued to play her part, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

His hand hooked into her pants, ran from her stomach to down below and she squeezed hard her thighs together, trying to slow him down.

When he moved his head up enough to lick at her ear, she lunged her head forward.

And bit into his neck.

Her human teeth and weak jaw wasn't enough to reach his artery but she didn't need to do that. Once she has gotten hold, what she needed to do was to tear off a bit of his flesh out to get him off her and she did.

Isaac hollered in pain as he held onto bloody his neck with a missing part while scrambling off her while she spat out the chunk of meat and its blood.

"You bitch!"

He screamed, trying to kick at her but Evelyn was quicker. Using her position on the floor, she swept her legs, as wide as the chains allowed to trip him and when he fell, she took the chance to stand up and got to the other side of the cell.

The moment he stood up again, she rammed straight into him, pushing him against the bars where her companions were waiting.

It was Belraj who caught him first and in an instant, he has already looped his arms around their Isaac's neck. The others around Belraj held onto their jailor's arms and legs, holding him in place.

It didn't take much to break the rapist's neck and when that was done, she immediately took his keys for both the doors and the shackles. His weapons too.

It was a wonderful feeling to get rid of her chains and be able to feel all of her magic again.

It was then she remembered that Isaac's blood still covered her mouth and tongue and she cringed. Using the time waiting for others being released from their cells and chains, she washed her face and mouth, trying to get rid of the salty smell of blood that lingered in her nose.

But once everyone had finally free from their cages, they didn't come out of their prison right away. No, they needed information and it could only be taken from another one of their enemies.

With the superior hearing of elves, they had confirmed before that after Isaac's shift—usually about half an hour after his checking on her—another guard would come to replace him for the rest of the night.

It didn't take much for the rogues of their group to catch that guard, drag him in in almost complete silence and make him talk.

It was only after they've got what they needed - the structures they were in, the numbers of enemies, the locations of the exits, and such - and knocked out the second guard, Evelyn has decided to divide the groups into two main roles, the 'Runners' and the 'Fighters'.

They would try to keep quiet and gather resources along the way out as much as possible, but once they got out of their exists, the explosion glyphs she placed in their cells would explode and draw attention so the Runners – which consisted mostly of civilian and some fighters to keep them safe – would have a better chance to escape the other ways unharmed and reach the safe point as fast as possible.

Meanwhile, the Fighter would run a little slower the opposite directions from the Runners. The night within a forest would give them an opportunity to reduce the numbers of enemies since many of their groups are rogues and hunters.

Evelyn, however, would travel alone to another direction separated from all of them. There was a very high chance Regina put some kind of tracking on her through blood magic so she couldn't go with everyone else to make sure they wouldn't get caught again with her.

Furthermore, in the case she got captured again before she could do 'that', the missing 'ingredients' would force the cultists to slow down their reparation for the ritual, giving the Inquisition more time to reach her.

It was a risky plan but not without merits.

"If anyone of you has a second thought, you should say it now and I'll move you to the Runners." Evelyn looked over everyone as she said, knowing too well this could be a suicide mission for those who wanted to fight against the blood mages and cultists.

There was silence and in the end, no one wanted to change their mind. In fact, the fire in everyone's eyes was even stronger.

And so, their plan went into motion.

xxXxx

Somehow, it was a good thing that the cultists had mages in their ranks. Evelyn and her mages managed to find some staves to use despite them being ill-suited and were able to cast enough sleep spells around to reduce the ruckus.

Once they have all gone outside and after enough time for a safe distance, just like she had calculated, their glyphs went off and the ruin the cultists occupied basically was shaken to the ground – well, more like shaken from underneath up.

Most of the cultists and guards outside ran in to check and helped put out the fire, and the few that left outside were quickly going down with some well-aimed arrows and fireballs.

In the end, she only left after making sure that everyone had run away successfully and was surprised to see Belraj was waiting for her not far into her path, blood still splashed all over him just like her.

"Shouldn't you go with Helena?" she asked but didn't stop running. They had no time for a slow, pleasant walk.

"My Helena will be safe with our friends and relatives," he replied, "but you need someone to watch your back. Do not worry, I'll not risk my life in vain to save you if we're overwhelmed and you get caught again. Instead, I'll make sure to reach Fen'Harel or your Inquisition and lead them back to you."

That might have sounded extremely cold to a normal person but to Evelyn, it was the best thing someone could tell her in this situation so she didn't say anything more, simply looked ahead and continued to run.

She also decided that she liked Belraj.

In the end, no matter how far they ran without actually resting, her worst fear still came true because, by sunset of the next day, their pursuers eventually found them.

They were coming near a river when the ground shook under their feet and without a word between them, Belraj and her both know what was happening.

They ran but only cornered into a cliff above the river and far away, between the tall trees, appeared Regina on horseback with several other followers.

"You are really a naughty little rabbit to run this far from home." The cultist leader laughed without humor as she gazed upon them and Evelyn knew, there was no other way than to fight.


	10. Sacrificing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sacrifice was needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter probably will need some editing again as I was trying to push it out fast.
> 
> Revision date: 15/06/2018

"I assume that you did take my blood to keep track of me then?" Evelyn smiled humorlessly. If she could, she would focus and try to make a Pull right above Regina now but the mage was out of range.

"Oh, so you do know about that? And yet you still try to run away?"

"I am the Inquisitor, I cannot lead an entire organization by leaving my life to fate and giving up that easily."

"That certainly makes sense. But maybe for once, you should lay still and let others do the best course of actions." As the cultist leader spoke, her men starting to draw out weapons. And behind Evelyn and Belraj, a wall of rocks and ice grew, completely block any chances for the two of them to run toward the river.

"Then make me work for it!"

And with it, the fight started.

It was certainly not a fair battle for two persons to fight off more than a dozen various fighters. Worse yet, both her and Belraj weren't really equipped to fight up-close nor they were familiar enough with each other to do it efficiently as a group. And the fact that both of them didn't really have any rest the past day didn't help either.

Focused on taking down the spell-users first, Evelyn rapidly called out a series of ice spikes underneath them while simultaneously placing fire glyphs before her group. While her spells caught many of the enemies, most of the glyphs were neutralized by the mages.

Thrusting her staff into the neck of an attacker who got close enough, Evelyn felt his weight slumped against it for half a second before she pulled it out.

Quickly, she created a Rift to pull enemies off her and Belraj, who was firing arrows non-stop to prevent the cultists from overwhelming them all at once.

These bastards were toying with them, that much was obvious. But if that blood mage wanted to get her, she would have to do it herself!

Evelyn pushed for an opening to aim a fireball right underneath Regina's horse but before the spell could go off, the woman had already on in the middle of her jump away from the oncoming explosion.

Too bad she couldn't blow that witch up in one go but at least she did make her get off that horse. And sure enough, soon there was a series of attacks with various elements from fire and ice to blood aimed straight at Evelyn, forcing her to focus on maintaining her barrier.

Yes, Regina, kept throwing your magic around without thinking about who would get hit!

"What the—?"

Unbelievably, unlike what Evelyn had calculated, all of Regina's spells that have missed her didn't hit any of the blood mage's followers at all.

That couldn't be…? Regina actually went out of her way to avoid hurting her minions?

"Tsk, tsk." The woman chuckled as she strolled forward. "Did you actually believe I would hurt my subordinates just to get at you? Shame on you, lady Inquisitor, how could you think so low of me?"

Gritting her teeth, Evelyn was forced to continue being herded away from the river and separate from Belraj, whom at this point was fighting by swinging his bow and dagger around instead of firing arrows.

Desperation threatened to blur her thoughts as Evelyn realized the pro-longing fight was making her lose the ability to focus, rendered her unable to make more Rifts.

And then one of Regina's blood lances hit her right in the shoulder with such a force that it pushed her flying backward, making her drop her staff midway.

No staff, a broken shoulder, mana wasn't going to last for much longer, the only teammate was a distance away and was dealing with his own fight.

Stuck. No way out. Unless—

Evelyn bit her lips and glared at the men who were closing up to her.

With a wide sweep of her arms, a series of explosions came between her and them.

The spells were not that powerful to conserve energy, but they were enough that it blew dust and wood splinters all over the places, delaying her pursuer long enough for Evelyn to run another considerate distance before she put her plan into motion.

Ice gathered at the tips of the fingers of her right hand. A glyph of explosion prepared to be placed right underneath her.

She couldn't immolate herself since it wouldn't ensure her death right away. With ice, though, she could freeze her whole body, flesh and blood in a single instant. And with a pre-timed explosion, she would be able to turn the fragments into dust, leaving not a single drop of blood for these bastards to use.

And if her explosion was strong enough, she could even take some of them with her too.

Holding up her hands, she forced the ice to form within her, filling the chill taking over her blood.

_It's so cold. Even colder than that day after the destruction of Haven._

In just five seconds, she would become a statue and a second later, all that left of her would be dust.

So, this was the end for her, wasn't it? But not for him, her Wolf was strong and with their bond haven't been finalized yet, he would live through this and create a new home for his people, a Thedas that accepting mages with their magic, and a world where spirits roamed free without people seeing them as evil.

_Solas, forgive me._

It was as if time has come to an end and everything around her slowed down to almost a standstill.

She smiled victoriously at Regina whose eyes now widened so comically on that perfect face. The bitch must have realized what she was going to do but was too far away to stop her.

The ice reached close to her heart and she felt the drumming in her chest growing fainter and fainter.

_I win—_

Yet fate once again had to play with her because right before the ice reached her heart, out of nowhere, Lahuma jumped to her and flung both of them off her glyph.

At the same time, she could feel rush of healing magic ran through her body, pushing away the ice in it.

No, no, no.  _No!_

She heard her glyph exploded on the side. Its heat scorched against whatever parts of her body that Lahuma didn't cover.

She tried to tackle him off, struggling to cast another explosion but it was all too late because soon her body wasn't under her command anymore. It stood up all by itself like an obedient puppet following its strings.

And there she was, Regina Luxianus in all of her glory strolled toward them with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"Wonderful job, Lahuma! You caught our little rabbit!"

Out of the corner of Evelyn's eye, she could see Belraj struggled to fight off his attackers and it was then, she knew even if her suicide attempt was failed, she couldn't give up.

Not yet.

Fortunately, without the neutralizing runes here to control her magic, she could fight against her invisible bondage and she did just that.

Gathering enough mana within herself, Evelyn released a blast of energy that blew up straight into Regina's face.

The blood mage let out an inhuman scream and for a moment, Evelyn found herself being able to move enough to sweep her hands for a blast of ice toward Belraj's opponents. She couldn't reach the river with her distance in time but he could and she needed at least one of them escape from this mess.

"Run!" she shouted at Belraj and without a second wasted, he ran toward the cliff and jumped into the water.

From this height would be very dangerous but there was no choice, all she could now was to pray that he would survive and seek out help before it was too late.

Just as Evelyn has predicted, the other cultists soon overwhelmed and held her down. All while Regina kept holding her face and screaming in agony.

"It's hurt! It's hurt so much! Father, please stop! I've learned my lesson, please, Father!"

What surprised Evelyn the most about the scene in front of her was that Lahuma was not only healing his mistress's face but also hugging her close so tenderly, whispering reassurances and comforted words to her.

"It's okay, Regina. Your father isn't here. And you've done a good job." Then, he lifted his head to look at Evelyn. "See, you caught the sacrifice."

It was the very first time she saw emotions in his eyes and it was something that sent a chill down her spine. His gaze was full of rage and resentment, the kind of look one would have when their most valuable things have been harmed. He looked down at his mistress again and something else in his eyes appeared—something Evelyn knew very well ever since Solas told her the truth.

But as quickly as those emotions appeared, they also went away in a flash, replaced by the usual blank look. And all those times, he didn't stop his healing on Regina.

After a while, he finally finished the job and by then, his mistress had gone into a deep sleep, tears still stained her face along with the blood.

"Secure the sacrifice. We're going back," he said simply, sweeping Regina up in his arms like a groom would his bride and left. Not even once he spared Evelyn a look as she struggled against her captors.

Eventually, someone must have gotten tired of her because a sleep spell was cast and Evelyn knew nothing more.

xxXxx

After returning to their hideout, the Red Scales have taken extreme measures in securing Evelyn.

They tied her hands behind her back, bounded her feet together and put a harness in her mouth to prevent her from biting her tongue.

Even worse, they put a spell on her that prevented her from going into deep sleep and thus couldn't access the Fade. The constant lack of true rest also weakened her greatly, leaving her unable to do anything that required focus and strength.

She was only freed from her shackles for meals and relieving herself, and throughout all of those times, Lahuma was always there to watch her. His face always maintained a blank, soulless look.

It was until the third day, while trying to swallow down some near-inedible stew and keeping her mind clear, that she had the strength to ask. "You love her, don't you?"

The elf didn't say anything, simply regarded her with his usual expression.

"That day, even if it was just a moment, I've seen it. You looked at her the same way my Wolf looks at me, and there's only one name for that—"

"What do you want?" He cut her off, a slight frown appeared between his brows.

"The woman you love is going to release a sadistic god who's most likely going to conquer the world and turn everyone into slaves and you're not going to stop her?

"If she's happy with it then so be it."

He said like it was a matter of fact and for some reasons it made her blood boil.

"And you don't care about your people, about anyone else who will be caught up in this?"

"I don't, but perhaps mistress will. I am very sure that she will do her best to protect her followers." He smiled at that, eyes unbelievably gentle. "She cared very much about those under her, no matter their race or past."

At this point, it should have been apparent to her that there was no use with him anymore but she pressed on. The parallel was too much for her to ignore.

"Let just say that even if everything will happen exactly as your Regina wants, you still want to let her continue to live in that state? Half delusional, half violent, completely obvious to the real world, like she's in some kind of fairy tales?

"And what is wrong with that?" he asked coldly, "as long as she's happy, I don't care if she's aware of the world around her or not."

Lahuma then stood up to tied her up again before gathering the empty bowl and cup. But as he was locking the door, Evelyn heard him whispering, "the world is a cruel place, if forgetting it could help her keep her smile then I can live with it."

She didn't get another chance to talk with him after that because the next day, they came to take her.

xxXxx

The sacrificial altar was placed in the center of an enormous chamber deep underground. There were several small lines carved into its stone surface – which Evelyn had no doubt was to guide the blood – leading to the various smaller altars with their own magic circles.

The whole place was filled with blood, and its smell, that somehow still remained fresh despite the fact that it's been several days since their last sacrifices. It probably took these cultists great efforts to preserve their precious stocks after Evelyn has set free all of the prisoners.

They had stripped her naked and led her to the altar without any leash. Those were unnecessary when you had several powerful blood mages pouring their controls into one single person, after all.

As she laid on the surface of what essentially would be her deathbed, Evelyn tried to ignore Regina's speech to open the ceremony and focused instead of the fact that even if she were to die here, she would not give her enemies the satisfaction of seeing her fear and screams.

A shadow was cast on her as Regina stepped closer, an elaborated ceremonial knife in her hand. Lahuma stood faithfully beside her with his staff in hands.

"This is it, the moment we've been all waiting for! Are you excited, lady Inquisitor?"

Since the spell on Evelyn prevented her from speaking, all she could do was to look at Regina with all the hatred and defiance she could muster. But as expected, the bitch didn't seem to notice anything aside from her own world.

"I know, it's incredible!" she traced the blade with her fingertips and then sighed. "Since you have let loose all of our 'ingredients', I can't use the original ritual as planned but the other one that I designed long ago. It wasn't quite as fast and elegant as my new one, but it'll have to do. I did put great effort into it, after all, even if I don't like it very much."

When the knife cut into her arm, Evelyn finally understood why this ritual wasn't 'fast'.

Cut. Cut. Cut.

The blood trickled slowly into the waiting streams, carrying it to the waiting magic circles.

Her blood flown like a never-ending river and between her moments of clarity, Evelyn wondered if Lahuma's healing magic was forcing her body to half-heal and continuously produce blood to fuel the ritual. And all of these happened while the blood magic kept Evelyn alive, despite the fact that all of her wounds were still open and she should have died from shock already.

But she couldn't think any cleaner than that. Because each cut into her flesh was an additional agony that blurred her mind and her perception of times.

Has it been hours? Or just a few minutes? She couldn't tell. All she knew was pain and despair, but she didn't cry or even let out a moan.

She couldn't fall unconscious because the spell forced her to stay awake so she didn't try to close her eyes either.

She looked straight at her torturer through the pain and each cut inflicted on her.

The magic within the chamber was building up, Evelyn could feel the rumbles transmitted through the air. The chanting of the cultists grew louder and louder as time passed and blending in them was something else.

Something like a song that didn't belong to this world. A song that went into your head and pulling you, replacing your mind with something else.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Evelyn saw her blood floated into the air around the altar, the drops moved and hovered in patterns like they were waiting for something.

And then it came. A long line between her chest that open it to expose her heart.

Evelyn couldn't actually see it but she could see the way Regina's eyes shone brighter at the sights like a child seeing a treasure.

"I wish you could see it, Inquisitor, but your heart is beautiful. And it shall be a fitting gift for our great lord!" Regina said in pure wonder and joy.

The knife came up in the air, preparing for the final cut.

"Oh Razikale, the greatest Lord of all, your servant welcomes you—"

The hands never came down because just when it prepared to do so, a blast of magic hit them, forcing Regina to drop the knife and let out a shriek.

The next thing Evelyn knew, there were shoutings and screaming, and then came the sounds of fighting.

Above her, Regina scrambled to retrieve the blade but someone hit both her and Lahuma with a ball of fire with great precision that both of them were flung off the altar while not a single spark of ember touched Evelyn.

And then, filling her vision was the face of the person she yearned for the most of this world, Solas.

"Vhenan!" He breathed out as he loomed over her, hands tracing her body to break away the force that was holding her immobile. His face was a mixture of rage, pain, and relief but he didn't falter in his task of releasing her.

Finally, she could move but when she did so, it caused a great agony that made her let out a weak moan. She tried to call for her Wolf's name but could not find the strength to do so. Instead, her head turned loosely to the side and she could see what was happening in the room.

Her Inquisition was here. All of her friends were here and they were fighting. She could see them trying to corner both Regina and Lahuma, forcing the pair away from the main altar.

Another familiar face came before Evelyn. Dorian!

"These bastards, they butchered her!" he screamed in rage before turning sideways to blast away a couple of cultists running at them.

Immediately after that, Dorian ran toward her and together with Solas, they cast healing spells on her.

But for some reasons, the pain still didn't stop nor she felt any better.

"This blood magic, it prevents us from healing her!" Dorian growled in frustration, once again turned around to push back more enemies.

"But it's also the same thing that keeps her alive right now, I'll need to gradually remove this magic then cast my own healing spells for Evelyn's wounds to close," Solas said quickly and Evelyn could feel two different lines of magic running in and out of her.

"Vivienne, keep that woman mage alive until we finished healing Evelyn!" Dorian yelled to Vivienne who was releasing several streams of lightings at Regina's bodyguards.

"You don't have to say it twice!" Vivienne shouted back without looking away from her targets.

No more words were exchanged between the First Enchanter and the Atlus but with a rise of Dorian's hand, the ground underneath the bodyguards shook, knocking them off their feet or staggered them enough for Vivienne to run closer and struck them down with her blades.

The normal Inquisition soldiers, mages and Templars alike all continued their fights. Among the sounds of weapons, Evelyn could hear the shoutings of encouragement from them, telling her to keep fighting, to wait until they get her out of this.

As the fight continued on, she could see that her side was getting the upper hands and the cultists were getting desperate enough that a few of them actually starting to turn into Abominations.

If this kept going like this, there'd be a heavy loss for the Inquisition so Evelyn prayed that they would soon defeat Regina and cut off the will to fight of these blood mages.

But the blood mage was truly a formidable opponent, she was fighting against Dorian, Vivienne, and Blackwall all at the same time and yet the woman didn't show the same desperation as her followers.

There was a slight panic on her face but her movements were all very careful and precise. It didn't help that Lahuma was also next to her, constantly provide assistance and protection to cover up for his mistress.

But then, she made a mistake and her elf wasn't fast enough to prevent it, an opening finally appeared.

All it took was that and Cole was there, his dagger aimed straight at Regina.

That second lasted like an eternity and blades buried deep in the flesh in front of it.

"Lahuma?" Regina asked, her voice was like that of a lost child as the cultist took in the face of the person whose arms were around her. Even Cole was surprised by the turn of event that it took him a bit longer than usual to pull out his blade.

"R-Regina… run…"

It was the last thing the elf said before his body slumped down onto the ground. Unmoving.

The next thing they knew, Cole was thrown back against a large pillar near the altar. Her friend let out just a little gasp the moment he dropped down to the floor. He tried to get up but couldn't.

The cultist leader let out a scream as she blasted the rest of Evelyn's friends. An ice wall grew around her and Lahuma before the woman once again straightened her back and smiled like nothing wrong has just happened.

"Ah, that was quite a scare, isn't it Lahuma? Thank you for your help, you can stand up now."

She looked expectantly at her fallen servant and when he didn't respond, she commanded again, "Lahuma, stand up already. How long are you going to lie there?"

Regina giggled, looking at the unmoving body of her servant before something flashed in her eyes. "Lahuma? What's wrong? Why don't you answer me?"

As the ice around her broke, the Inquisition soldiers attacked her but the cultist kept asking as she fought them, deflecting their attacks as if they were just distractions while she called out for the elf.

"Lahuma, Lahuma, come on, get up. Do you even hear me? I order you to get up!"

Her calling for him grew more and more desperate until it morphed into a full blow rage that lashed out a storm of fire and lighting with the mage in the middle of it.

"How dare you, Lahuma! How dare you disobey me! Stand up right now!" Regina howled, releasing waves of blood mists that cut through everything around her but Dorian started to call out for more corpses to move in front of Evelyn and Solas, acting as shields along with the magic barrier to protect the two of them against the assaults of magic.

"Pay attention to your guests! Where are your manners?" Vivienne snarled and from where she was laying, Evelyn could see the older mage was trying to direct Regina's attacks away from her and Solas.

The blood mage and the Enchanter then engaged in a series of clashes between blood lances and spirit blades. Each contact released blasts of energy than pushed at both opponents.

Dorian still stood in front of them, constantly maintaining several barriers to protect their other comrades while simultaneously firing spells at far away enemies to keep them off his other comrades.

"How is she?" asked the necromancer loudly, his voice almost drown in the howling winds.

"We need more times. Keep that blood mage alive a little longer!"

"Keep this shite short. This loony bunch 'out to get us here!" Sera gritted her teeth and fired a series of arrows at the guards who were circling Cassandra and Blackwall and dodging a lance stabbed at her.

"Don't listen to her. Keep the boss alive. We've got this!" Bull roared from his corner of the hall, his ax swept a wide half-circle through some soldiers before he rose it up to bring down upon the head of a blood mage. A warrior tried to stab him from his blinded-side but that man was quickly put down by Varric.

"Guys, deal with that leader first! Let me cover for you!" Varric shouted as he took down another attacker who was aiming at Dorian.

With each second the blood magic within her body being pulled away, Evelyn found it harder to stay concentrate on everything, even her eyes were threatening to close permanently each time she blinked.

"Evelyn, try to stay awake!" She felt Solas's hand on her cheek, guiding her to look at him. "Try to focus on me, vhenan. Just a little bit more."

He pled at her but never once faltered in maintaining his spells.

"Solas… I'm… so sleepy…"

At least, she finally had enough strength to talk... it was a good sight, wasn't it?

The corner of his lips lifted up but his face was grim. "It means that the blood magic is leaving you. But try to stay awake at least until after I closed your chest."

"All…right…" She smiled weakly.

An ear-piercing scream echoed through the chamber, forcing the two to look at its source.

Regina was crying now, tears streaming down her face, mixed in with the blood on her cheeks caused by her nailed clawing at them. She kept screaming and screaming.

"This cannot be true. This is a dream. You're lying. He isn't dead! Nonononono!"

Blood morphed around her hand, turning into the shape of long claws and in a blink of an eye, those claws have slashed deep across Vivienne's torso, pushing her back. It was only thanks to Blackwall who ran up and covered her with his shield that the Circle mage escaped another attack.

Dorian, Bull, and Sera all ran toward Regina at once, trying to use the moment the blood mage was busying with their two other companions to push her back, but they too were struck with several blood spikes that suddenly grew from the ground.

Varric took the chance to launch several bolts at Regina but they were all consumed by a shield of red before they could touch her. Said shield then morphed into a blade that slashed at the dwarf, but he was quick to dodge so only his upper right arm was hurt.

It was a miracle that Evelyn's friends only got hurt at their non-vital parts despite those lethal attacks from the blood mage.

However, she could see that Regina was too unstable and erratic for them to predict her actions and plan proper attacks.

Regina still continued to scream and rant while deflecting any attempt of people getting close to her.

"This is wrong. This isn't real. Lahuma, where are you?" Then her eyes turned to Evelyn and something flashed in them.

"You, your blood, that's it! I can save him!"

At her words, red misty ribbon extended within the air, the bodies of the fallen fighters in the room started to stand up and ran toward her and Solas.

Her Wolf let out a curse in the old-tongue before cutting off his healing magic.

"Wait for me," he said, quickly let his fingers trailed on her cheek before moving in front of Evelyn.

With one hand, he created a barrier to stop the red tendrils from reaching them and with the other, he released blasts of wind that cut through the enemies at the front while pushing the ones at the back.

"Get out of the way! I must save him!"

Solas simply didn't say anything and just counter any attack with his own spells while looking for a way to push forward. The two powerful mages engaged in a flurry of spells exchanging that even lying behind a protective wall, Evelyn could still feel the effects.

Cassandra was trying to negate Regina's power too, but it seemed like the force was too great for the Seeker to do it on her own, especially when the other remaining cultists also tried to get at her.

"Where is the light? It's dark in here. It's hurt." Suddenly, Cole whispered, still trying to stand up from his spot against the wall. "A promise to stay, a shadow that will never be apart. The names that cannot be realized into red for father would part us."

"Cole?"

"I am a god's bride, that was my father's words. There is no elf who bear my name. I only have a shadow as I bask in the light. This shadow will stay as I follow father's teaching," he continued his mumble. "Where is my shadow, I'm incomplete without one. I can't be me without it. It hurt!"

He breathed in hard before saying, "She is hurt, terribly so. But this cannot continue because she will hurt others."

And with that, he ran forward to assist Solas and Cassandra.

But soon, it was clear that Regina's madness was too much for even Solas to handle, especially with his current state.

With her relentless but powerful hits, soon, the barrier around Solas was broken, and he – together with Cole - was thrown back near Evelyn.

With a blood lance in her hands, Regina stomped before Solas. Her face almost unrecognizable from before with all the madness in her mind. The face of a desperate animal being cornered.

"Stay out of the way, vermin."

_No. Not_ him _. I will not allow it!_

Fire rushed through her body as Evelyn struggled to push herself up. Each movement was a battle but she pressed on.

Her mind blurry from the pain but she concentrated to push through. Lifting her left hand, she aimed to place a Rift at an exact location and released the power of the Anchor, calling the Rift into this world.

The moment the Rift fully manifested, Evelyn fell down on her side, unable to move but not fully unconscious.

Just as she calculated, the force immediately pulled Regina off Solas without touching him. The blood mage screamed as energy ran through her, burning her body inside out.

And yet Regina didn't die, she was still standing when the Rift closed itself but it was enough for Solas and their friends to attack.

The first blade was from Cassandra, it pierced through Regina from behind.

The second one was from Blackwall who pushed from the right side.

The third one from Cole on the left.

And the final blade was from Solas's staff as he thrust it into Regina's stomach. His hand reached out to grab her face.

"Perish!" at his shout, fire engulfed the woman at the same times as Evelyn's friend pulled their weapons out and she burned.

Her screams echoed through the chamber, stunning the whole battlefield.

The burning woman stumbled around, seemingly without directions at first but soon, through her hazy vision, Evelyn realized she was trying to reach Lahuma's body.

Soon, Regina couldn't walk anymore but she has managed to reach her destination just in time her body was falling down.

It covered the loyal elf and through the burning sounds, Evelyn thought she could hear the woman whispered, "Lahuma…" before the fire wrapped around both of them.

The fighting sounds continued once against as the fire burnt, and Solas ran to her.

"Evelyn, Evelyn!" She thought that was what he said but she wasn't sure.

Her friends gathered around her too and despite their shouting, it was all completely silent to her.

Varric tried to pour something into her mouth and Solas, along with Dorian, was pushing magic into her. Vivienne attempted to do the same too but Cole stopped her. Good, hopefully, there'd be healers to care for her enchanter friend.

Looking back to Solas, Evelyn reached out to touch his cheek, seeing blood smeared on his skin and feeling his heat underneath her fingertips. Her Wolf looked at her with such a heartbreaking expression that she couldn't help but smile and comfort him.

"It's okay… Solas… you're… safe now…"

For some reasons, what she said just made him panic even more. He tried to say something, but she couldn't hear it.

He was safe, Regina was dead and Dirthamen would not come back premature to destroy Solas's plan, this was all she could ask for.

His face became blurry and soon, she couldn't see anymore.

_Ahh, so tired. I should sleep for a bit then._

xxXxx

She was floating in endless darkness, hovering between life and death, dream and waking.

It was neither cold or hot. There wasn't even the feeling of movement in the air. Completely emptiness was all that surrounded her.

She longed for something but couldn't remember. She wished for something but couldn't recall.

A giant wolf with six red eyes. An elf with a sad smile. A promise.

Something flashed in her heart and as darkness turned to gray, she found herself amid a foggy world and a sense of deja-vu.

Evelyn walked and walked and for each distance she covered, a bit of her memory came back. It was a gradual process and didn't shock her into pain like the first time.

Eventually, she was fully herself again with all the knowledge that made her 'her'. And once she knew where she should have been, it was only a matter of concentrating enough to open a path.

Here in the flower field that had been burned away to grow a great tree long gone in the passage of time, she waited.

Cladded in her blue dress, hair unbonded and bared foot, the Anchor still shone in her palm, Evelyn played with the flowers, making dozens and dozens of flower crowns and funny shapes.

She had tried to leave before but couldn't so she guessed her body still had not recovered enough for her to wake up.

Once or twice she thought about the possibility of her body dying and she would be stuck here forever but then she decided to discard those ideas.

If she had already died then Solas would have tried to keep her soul safe, but since nothing drastic actually happened to her, maybe she really had not died yet.

In the end, she chose to wait for him in between her attempts to leave on her own.

She blew the dandelions, she climbed the trees, she torn big petals into smaller ones or different shapes, she ran across the meadow, she played with her hair and tried on different braids and styles.

She waited and waited, once in a while, she tried to leave and when that didn't work, she went back to playing.

After sometimes, she was making flower crowns once more, intending to try again afterward.

But he came.

"Evelyn."

"Solas! You're here?" She turned around to look at him while still sitting, flowers scattering all over her lap.

"Am I dead yet?" she asked, intended to face the truth sooner than later.

"No." He shook his head, face unreadable, but his answer filled her heart with relief. "You are not, but if you are, I do not think I would let you leave that easily."

He then kneed down in front of her and said, "You've been sleeping for nearly a week but your most serious wounds have been healed so I believe you can wake up now."

"That's good to know." Evelyn exhaled. "How are everyone? Are they all okay?"

"Most of them have already gone back to duty. The worst was Vivienne but even she could leave her bed now. There's only you left now."

"What about the victims of the Red Scales? Have the Inquisition or your agents found all of them yet?"

"We did, they all escaped safely with most of them encounter my agents first, and the rest with the Inquisition. Thanks to you." His face grew darker as he spoke, "and that was extremely reckless of you, vhenan, what did I say about using yourself as bait to save others? I've heard from Belraj about what you did before you helped him run too."

"I had no choice, I couldn't let Dirthamen come back and destroy everything you've prepared." She raised her voice at his chiding tone. "And my escaping plan for the victims worked, didn't it? Surely, I get roughed up a little bit but it saved all of those people who otherwise would have been killed. You know better than anyone something must be sacrificed to achieve a goal and I've chosen the path with the least deaths!"

"Yes, but at the cost of yourself!"

"I had no choice, if Dirthamen comes back, it'll put your plans in jeopardy. My death will hurt you but you can live through it, and that's all I cared about!"

"You think your death would only 'hurt me'?" Solas gritted his teeth, looking at her like she had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world. "Is this a joke? Do you really think my feeling for you is only that much, vhenan?"

"Solas, I—"

"Do you know what it felt like when I first realized something wrong was happening to you? When I heard from Leliana that you've been taken? When I saw you lying on that altar with your chest being cut open?" He spat out. "Yes, if you die, my body will live on and do whatever it takes to fulfill my goal, but 'Solas' will die with you."

The anguish was so clear in both his voice and his face that even without the ability to feel his emotions as he did her, she could still feel the full impact of it.

Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes as he continued. "And then you tried to save me while your heart was still exposed and bleeding out from your chest, your magic being restrained, and the Anchor could very kill you in that stage!"

"I love you. I want to protect you. Just like your soul will die with me out of love—for you, I'd give everything, even my life. What's wrong with that!"

"Everything!"

He spat the word out like a curse, probably unaware that he had stabbed her heart with it. It was only when he looked at her again that he realized what he has done because his face now stricken with grief and horror.

It was then that she realized that the whole time they talked just now, he didn't touch her at all. As Fen'Harel, he had displayed his affection through his nuzzles and licks. And as Solas, as short as those moments had been, he has always liked to hold her hands—weaving their fingers and pressing their foreheads together.

With trembling fingers, she reached out to him, when he flinched away from her touch, it was like the tips of her fingers have been burned.

It hurt.

"Is my affection to you so wrong that…?"

"What? No, not you, Evelyn, you didn't do anything wrong, you never did. But I…" He hesitated, hands opened and closed, hovering between the two of them before he let them loose at his sides. "Because I tied you to me, you've become a target for all of those who seek power and control. And also because of me that you almost died. If it continues like this…"

He swallowed, face full of pain as if his thoughts were physically hurting him. "If it continues like this, one day, you may not- How could you give yourself to someone like me?"

"Because I love you and want to stay with you. Even if you didn't ask, I'd still do so. I know the risk of being with you."

"No, you are not. If you do, you would think twice before declaring your loyalty to me."

"I've endured isolation and hatred from bearing your name ever since I was born, I've been chased and fighting for my life several times for letting people seeing my soulmark," she growled at him. "Do not think that I don't understand what it means to be with you. You're letting your pride ruling you again. And don't act like you know everything, Solas."

"It's not that—" he snapped but stopped before finishing. He must have realized he just fell into his usual flaws again just like she had said moments ago.

Knowing that she was on the right track, Evelyn added, "And don't you think me being the Inquisitor, fighting against Corypheus is already life-threatening enough? I know what it's like to risk your life every single day. Andraste's ass, I'm living it right now! It's already too late for you to worry, Solas."

His mouth pressed into a thin line and his frown deepened. "And the reason you have to live like that in the first place was me."

"That was just an accident, you had no control over where I was and what Divine Justina would do to cause the Breach and everything happened afterward."

"True. But after falling for you, I have promised to protect you and yet I couldn't do that. I told myself to never make you cry and yet I failed that too. You were hurt this badly because I was too slow."

His voice was so full of self-loathing that if she didn't know him, she wouldn't be able to make the connection between him and the aloof and confident man he usually was. But this was him, fully open to her because he loved her enough to let her see him in his moment of weakness.

It wasn't until she opened her mouth to talk that Evelyn realized she was crying, her voice trembled with each breath. "But you did keep your promise, remember? You came to me, when I couldn't fight anymore, it was you who saved me."

"It wasn't enough. In the end, it was you who gave me a chance to win at the risk of your own life." Solas shook his head, his hands tightened enough that they were shaking as he went on, "I want to give you more, I want to do more for you. How could I ask you to stay with me, to endure with me when I can't be a man you can depend upon-"

"Solas." She cut him off, forcing him to look straight at her. Love and pain intertwined within her heart at his words and to stop him, there was only one thing she could do.

She smiled, tears still streaming her face as she held open her arms.

"Come."

His eyes widened and he seemed like he couldn't find a proper word to say. There was a moment where he looked so much like a child stuck between the choices of jumping in joy, wanting to cry his heart out, and running away.

But in the end, he simply closed his eyes and came to her.

She held him, feeling his nose rubbed against the side of her neck, his arms tightened around her as she did him, the warmness of their body seeped into each other.

She inhaled the scent of him, spices and woods and books, feeling the burdens of the world disappearing as she closed her eyes. Her blunt nails dug into his back.

Slowly, she laid back and eventually, he found himself lying on top of her, his ear pressed against her chest, listening to her heartbeats, her hands rubbing his back and shoulders or caressing the back of his head.

It was a little underhanded for her to take advantage of the fact that she knew he couldn't refuse her when she pressed for physical contacts, but it was the best way to make him stop thinking about everything, at least for now.

They still hadn't actually sorted out their differences, and she hadn't completely convinced him to rethink the idea that loving him was wrong either. But, for the moment, this was enough.

It was selfish of her to think this but she wished that he would forever be within her embrace.

They stayed like that for a moment of eternity, fingers found and laced together at one point neither noticed until he lifted himself up a little to press his forehead against hers.

"Let's go back now," he whispered and out of the corners of her eyes, the meadow was disaggregating into tiny fragments scattering like flower petals.

Cupping his face in her hands, she closed her eyes and replied softly.

"Yes, let's go together, my Wolf."

And so, they returned.


	11. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing was needed for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I've to cut a chapter in half because its length escaped me.
> 
> Revision date: 15/06/2018

Solas has thought a lifetime of seeing all kinds of horrors his brethren and their followers had inflicted on their people has prepared him for everything. He has thought that since he had seen Evelyn being injured countless times before from all the battles they had gone through, he could deal with what he would see when he finally found her again.

Fate had proved to him that he was wrong in the worst way possible.

What he has witnessed in that sacrificial chamber would forever stay with him. It would, together with Mythal's death and Shalelan's sacrifice, remained to be the most horrible memories of his long life.

But Solas couldn't let himself fall into despair. He did what he has always been doing. He pushed all emotions back and he fought.

He called out ancient magic to keep her soul within her body. He poured his life-force into her while simultaneously suppressing the Anchor from devouring Evelyn.

And in the midst of it, somehow, he still had enough of a mind to discreetly cast that glamour spell over her wrist, turning the brown color to black, and then waited for others to notice it.

"Fucking blighted bastards! Look—her mark's black! They almost killed her over some wrong information!" Varric cursed when he saw her soulmark. A sentimental definitely shared by others.

"I would hate to be that maid when Leliana hears this."

"Didn't know the Vints could be this stupid."

"Maker! How could some powerful mages like that make such a deadly mistake?"

"Frigging magic must've gone up to their heads and ate their brains."

Had it been any other circumstances, Solas would have smiled at this small victory, but he couldn't. Not while Evelyn's life was still in danger so he simply ignored their companions' angry rants and turn back to his work.

After another agonizing hour, the flesh between her breasts finally closed enough to cover her heart - and the outer skin could wait a little longer - for Solas turned his focus on the other open-wound that have been kept in near static by Dorian.

Once both of them had exhausted their mana, Evelyn condition had improved enough for them to lather her wounds with salves and potions that stopped the bleeding.

As he slowly wrapped her body and limbs in fresh bandages, the despair and shocks finally caught up to Solas and for a moment, he thought he was going to vomit by the sheer force of reality but he couldn't. His body has already gotten used to such a thing that it simply did what he had forced it to go through the past thousands of years.

It made him feel numb.

Time seemed to slow down around him and his mind was bland. He could observe his hands doing their job but it felt like he was looking at everything through a window from somewhere else.

It was only when he reached out to caress Evelyn's cheek that the world finally felt real again. Yet that hollowness in his head was still there, ringing an endless sound that made him unable to focus.

"Solas." A hand landed on his shoulder, forcing him to turn around to see Dorian.

"It's time for you to take some rest," said the Tevinter mage as he tried to remove Solas's hands from Evelyn.

"No. She needs me," Solas growled, fury rising at the ridiculous suggestion that he needed to leave his bondmate. "I shall not leave her."

"For fuck's sake, I didn't tell you to abandon her!" Dorian snapped back. "I told you to rest because I need you to be in best shape to take care of her tomorrow."

"I—"

"Sparkler's right. Right now, all Bookworm needs are just this stuff so let us and the other healers take care of that." Varric stepped into the room, carrying a tray of new bandages and bottles. "You're her best caretaker so save your strength for when she needs you the most. We don't want her to wake up only to find you pass out now, do we?"

At the thought of Evelyn waking up and he wasn't there for her, Solas reluctantly nodded. "Very well. But I will sleep here with her to make sure."

"Wouldn't have it any other ways, Chuckles."

And so Solas took his rest. The numbness from before has once again overtaken his mind, making him went through the motions like a golem following orders without any true emotions. It was the most obvious when he ate the cold dinner someone had brought in for him hours ago as the salted meat now tasted like ashes on his tongue.

After that, he spread out his bedroll in a corner of the room, deliberately placing it so he could observe Evelyn easily.

He had thought he would continue to watch over her without actually sleeping. But the moment his head touched the pillow, he was unable to stop himself from losing consciousness.

Solas hesitantly went to the Fade only to find Fear and Despair demons of all things waiting for him.

" _You failed her."_

" _She will die because you are powerless."_

" _You destroyed everything you touched."_

" _Your fault! It was all your fault!"_

They taunted him, accused him, reminded him by showing illusions of how Evelyn would meet her end, not just from what happened today but what would come in the future because of his failures.

In his rage, he had banished most of those demons and destroyed the stubborn ones that refused to leave.

After that, he wandered into the dreaming world to look for his lover but no matter where he went, he couldn't find her. It didn't take much for him to come to the conclusion that she was stuck in the plane between this world and the Void, where he couldn't reach her no matter how much he tried.

And then, when he first woke up, the first thing he recognized was the smell of her blood. It was only then that he realized he still covered in it. Even the bloody traces of her fingertips still remained on his cheek.

He poured several buckets of water on himself right after that. He scuffed his body until his skin burned bright red and yet the scent still lingered. It lingered even after they carried her back to Skyhold which was days after they destroyed that blighted place. It lingered on his body no matter how many times he washed himself to get rid of it.

Another constant reminder of his failure, along with the image of Evelyn lying there covered in blood, her chest cut open to show her still beating heart.

Even so, he couldn't let himself completely lost to despair. For everything he has been fighting for up until now. For her.

He spent his days healing Evelyn while secretly reapplied to glamour spell onto her wrist each night. The residue effects of blood magic made her wounds couldn't heal on their own so he had to apply healing magic on her three times a day, even then, her cuts only healed at a third the rate they should have been. At least, it was a comfort to know that each time he managed to fully heal a part of her body, the blood magic also disappeared, so if he could keep going at the current pace, she would fully recover by the end of the week.

Each time a bit of her body was heal was each time Solas gained a little bit of hope. But even if despair was leaving, the guilt still stayed behind, refusing to leave.

One night in the middle of the week, while he was walking the Fade again – with his body passing out next to Evelyn's bed in the real world, he felt it. Her present.

It was such a calming thing that Solas didn't know how much he missed it until he felt it again.

And her emotions, he could feel them now! A subtle calling for him from her that without thinking, he simply stepped forward and before he knew it, he was there. Once again returned to his beloved flower field.

Evelyn was sitting with her back to him, playing with her flowers like she always did and the familiar scene made his heart ached. Perhaps this would have been the last time he saw this.

He called for her and was prepared to say what was the right thing to do. He needed to take her back without touching her because doing so he would hurt her again. That was what he thought.

But everything after that happened in a blur and in the end, with all rational thoughts and reasonings simply disappeared despite his protest, he couldn't resist her at all.

Not when she opened her arms like that.

Not when her soul calling out for him to return home.

He should have known it has been a losing battle for him from the beginning.

xxXxx

The next morning right afterward, Evelyn immediately tried to work despite Solas's protest.

It had to take all three of the advisors—and Solas's own little promise of spending more time with her—for the Inquisitor to be convinced to stay in bed until she was completely healed.

And yet, somehow, she still managed to get people to slip in paperwork for her to do. That damn workaholic of a woman!

One of the first things Evelyn asked when she received the reports was a summary of how the Inquisition found and rescued her.

Officially, the story was that Belraj, after jumping into the river with Evelyn's help had managed to survive and run into the Inquisition's soldier.

With his assistance, they had been able to reach the hideout of the Red Scales with a considerable force since they hadn't need to spread out too thin for searching. The leader of the main force had been Cullen with Leliana leading a smaller group to infiltrate and open ways.

Meanwhile, a smaller group of soldiers had been dispatched toward the 'possible' directions the other prisoners had gone to and they had all been rescued safely and successfully.

The part that the Inquisition didn't know, of course, was that most of the other escapees had met up with Fen'Harel agents at specific points first. That had been why they all survived despite having cultists and slavers chasing after their tails.

With the instructions and just enough resources from the agents, the ex-prisoners had waited until it has been safe enough for them to reach out to the searching teams. Once they had been all gathered under the organization's protection, they all gave out a modified story of what they've talked with Evelyn in that prison to cover up for her.

Solas has had some concerns about the human prisoners since unlike the elves, the former group had no reasons to protect his lover or her secret, but so far, they have been quite cooperating—despite knowing what he and Evelyn were planning. Probably either from gratitude toward his beloved or because the agents of a 'god' had made sure to let them know what would happen if they said the wrong things.

But the Dread Wolf decided that he might have to pay them a visit later, just to be sure.

Evelyn also asked about what they have investigated about the Red Scales, knowing that even if they had killed their leaders and most of the important members, there must have been other cells still survived around the continent.

So far, from what they gathered from searching Regina Luxianus's office, the Inquisition had enough information to perform a couple of raids in Orlais and Ferelden. But since the main branches were in Tevinter, they've had to join forces with the empire and later would transfer the task completely to the Archon.

Either way, it was obvious that the empire would have to bear another favor from the Inquisition whether they liked it or not.

"Do we… have any personal knowledge about Regina and her servant, Lahuma?" Evelyn asked quietly after hearing the main body of the report from Leliana.

"Not much. As far as we know, the Luxianus's family used to be a prestigious clan within the magisterium a couple of hundreds of years back, but they gradually fell out of favor and for some reasons, couldn't produce enough powerful mages to carry the clan's name," answered Josephine.

"From what Dorian told me, and from other sources, that clan practices a combination of blood magic and inbreeding while shunning the use of soulbonding to increase magic, claiming that it relies too much on outsiders," Leliana said. "Ironic, really, when their main source of blood is mostly from elven slaves. But…"

"But?"

"According to our agents, when we attack Regina's mansion in Minrathous, the servants' reaction to their mistress's death have been different from what we've expected. They cried for her, said something about this world losing a kind and compassionate soul."

Solas frowned, trying to connect the words 'kind' and 'compassionate' to the very same woman who dared to hurt his bondmate, and while he actually could imagine such a person with multi-facets and personalities to exist, it gave him an unsettling heaviness in his stomach.

In the past, while it had been extremely rare for him to encounter such people. There have been more than one or two nobles who was infamous for treating their slaves with kindness and even love, and yet willing to butcher and torture the ones they didn't consider as 'theirs' just for entertainment's sake. Solas had thought that such extremeness only existed because of their long lives, the level of corruption and a sense of disconnection between the common elves and the noble who were closer to the elven pantheon; but perhaps he was wrong.

Perhaps people were just people no matter the ages or races.

"Cole, may I ask you something?" Evelyn looked at the young man who has been standing quietly in the corner. "When Lahuma died and Regina lost control, did you feel anything about their connection? Are they…"

"Yes, they were soulmates. Their link was strong even when they haven't been bonded together. He kept her sane and less hurt. Without him, she would have killed herself a long time ago." Cole nodded. "When he died, her world turned completely dark, everything hurt and so scary. The sounds were too much to bear, the air was too dense to breathe, no control, no direction, drowning. Father's curse was too strong. She must find him and be whole again."

"I see," Evelyn said simply. Sadness rose within her, along with anger, but Solas couldn't tell if she was angry at Regina, her father or the elf Lahuma. Nevertheless, she dropped the matter and got back to inquire about the current activities of the Inquisition.

"What happened to my old maid, Layla?" she asked.

"Turned out she wasn't spying on you for some great causes or anything—ust plain old golds," Leliana said coldly, "I've disposed of her myself. Do not worry, your new servants will be vetted by me personally. This kind of thing won't happen again."

Pity, relief and a bit of heaviness transferred from his lover to Solas's chest but she didn't show any obvious reaction. Simply nodded before continuing, "Then, who will lead the raids in Orlais and Ferelden?"

"I will lead the force in Orlais," Cassandra replied. "The Iron Bull and his Chargers will handle the one in Ferelden."

"And our spies will intercept the transferring points on the coasts of the Waking Sea. We shall leave them with no ways to retreat, and remove many slaver routes along the way," said Leliana as she spread out the map across the bed for Evelyn to see.

"What about the reaction of the Chantry? Have you heard any news? I think they would concern about the fact that someone almost released an Old God."

"So far, they've not released any statement. They know that we've rescued you but we haven't let the news that you've woken up out yet." Cullen crossed his arms. "We want to wait and see what how they react to different rumors concerning your fate. Depends on how they act that we'll change the way we approach them afterward."

"Very well. Please proceed with the plans then, and report to me right away if anything happens." Evelyn sighed, laying back on her pillow. She didn't look at Solas but he could feel her calling for him, and he understood that she wanted to talk with him later about their own side of this event.

"Of course, Inquisitor." the three advisors nodded.

xxXxx

Solas climbed the steps leading to her room, hands carrying more books and scrolls for his lover to help her spend the time. Among them were also plans and information about what he currently had in related to advancing his goals. It was at her request, of course, she kept demanding him to bring them to her, and after a couple of days, he had to relent since a lot of their talks would need these things after all.

"Oh, master Solas, you're just in time! We've just finished helping her Worships to take her bath," one of the new maids said when she saw him. The current servants who were allowed into Evelyn's chambers were quite attentive and pleasant, and as Leliana said, less likely to turn on their leader so he would them the benefits of doubt.

Evelyn smiled politely at him like she did to anyone else but her anticipation and yearning were throbbing in his chest. She had already laid on the bed. Blanket pulled up to her hips and her hair still damped with water. A thin shift covered her body but opened enough at the front for him to see her scar.

Despite his best effort, the main cut between her breasts—the one that has almost become the gateway to end her life—still left behind a mark.

It was a long, ugly thing in that stood out against her pale skin and Solas had a suspect that no matter how much healing cream or magic lathered onto it, the scar would remain as long as she was still alive. A constant reminder of how close death has managed to claim her.

But what made him even worrier was the Anchor. For now, it's been contained but he wasn't sure if Regina's magic would leave any negative effect on it or not. That blood ritual was designed specifically to penetrate through both the Veil and the Fade to reach the prison where he sealed Dirthamen so it was possible that it could cause the Anchor to consume Evelyn even faster. And yet there was a possibility that it would just make her develop new powers instead. There was no way to confirm yet.

Keeping his face neutral, Solas pushed away his worry to the back of his mind, noting to himself to apply another layer of barrier on the Anchor latter, just in case. Putting his items on the couch, he nodded at the maids, which they responded by bowing respectfully and left.

The moment right after the two of them both heard the door closed, Evelyn straightened up to reach for him. Desire, joy, and happiness brightened up even more, and they blended with his own, multiplied it to a hundred folds.

"Solas." She breathed out. Her hands that were holding her body up tangled clumsily into the soft fabric so she stumbled forward. But he caught her, feeling her arms wrapped around his neck, pressing her small body against his. He rubbed his nose against the curve of her neck, inhaling the sweet familiar scent and felt all of his worries melt away.

No matter how many times he did this, he still couldn't get enough of it, the happiness of finally be able to hold and love her in the form of a man instead of a wolf.

He was home now.

Solas pulled back a little to place a gentle kiss on her lips before settling her back, silently pleased that she could accept his touches so easily now. The first night after she first woke up, when he tried to hug and kiss her, Evelyn has reacted by flinching away from him and held onto her shirt tightly.

Belraj had told him about what Evelyn did that night to get them all out and while she initially had not shown any reaction during her run with the young man, Solas has believed it was only due to the pressure of the situation forcing her to block up her emotions. Once she has had the time to process everything, her shock has come back in full force, making her feel uneasy to a man touching her intimately, even if that man was him, her lover.

Evelyn had tried to apologize afterward, reassuring him that she didn't mean it and he did believe her. But it didn't make it easier to know that she had to use herself as bait to do such a dangerous thing, especially when he had promised he would come to save her.

But despite his initial fear, it was heartening to see her recovering so quickly after that little incident. At first, she had shyly held his hand to her cheeks to express her affection but as days passed, she has grown bolder and more confident to move onto hugs and kisses. And with each night came and went, she has grown more and more forward in her affection.

And now, she has gained back her ability to express her love. So strong and full of passion without any reservation.

Smiling lovingly at his bondmate, Solas weaved his hands into her hair and cast a warming spell to help to dry it up faster.

"I can do that myself, you know." Evelyn huffed, trying to do just that but he caught her hand.

"No magic until you're fully healed, remember?" he scolded her playfully, taking the comb on the drawer next to the bed.

She pouted but still turned around for him to start to detangle her hair.

They enjoyed some moments of peaceful silence before Evelyn asked. "Did you finish talking with all of the people I rescued?"

"I did," he replied, beginning to recount everything the has happened.

When he wasn't with Evelyn, he worked with the Inquisition to tend to their injured soldiers and the kidnapped victims. Since he was an elf just like most of them, Leliana has entrusted him to talk to them, trying to get more information about the locations of other Red Scales cells around Thedas those people had stayed before being transported to the Emerald Graves's sacrificial site.

The spymaster had been furious when the news of Evelyn being kidnapped had come to Skyhold and within just two days, she has already caught Layla, the maid who's seen Evelyn's soulmark. It hadn't taken much to make the traitor talk and lead them to her contacts and after Evelyn has returned, there was practically a purge within the Inquisition to flush out spies.

Unfortunately for the organization, and just as Solas expected, they only looked for the enemies they knew—Venatori, Red Templar, blood mage cultists, spies from other countries and the like—so they overlooked Fen'Harel's agents. Still, it would be wise for his followers—mainly the ones in Skyhold—to lay low for a while.

Even then, Solas couldn't let the opportunity of gathering more people for his cause to pass, especially when he has guessed correctly that Evelyn would have done something about it when she had the chance to. So, when he talked to the elven victims, he revealed himself as an agent of Fen'Harel and gave them the offer to join. Unsurprisingly, most of them jumped at the chance and the one that didn't, it only took them a few days to think and then agreed.

But there had been a few other unexpected things happened, so after Evelyn has finally woken up and was well enough for a long talk, he used the healing session after dinner, when there were only two of them in her chambers, to tell her everything.

"All of the elves I talked to want to follow you?" his heart asked after listening to his report, her right arm now laid on his lap as he tried to close the long cut that previous had dug near to her bones. "Will they work as independent agents or together with your other subordinates?"

"Us, they want to follow us. It was you who saved them and give them the motivation," he corrected her. "And for your second question, it depends. I'm planning to have only some of them work within the Inquisition, others will travel Thedas for other tasks. They're all indebted to you so I want them to spread good words that will help us once you officially come out as my bondmate. And when the day comes for you to take part in our war, I'll make sure to have them to stay under your command."

Her face flushed a lovely pink color at that and her words came out in stuttering. "You—Do you think your people will accept me?"

"They will resent the fact that you're human and you contribute to our cause, most of them will even be very vocal about us. However, I believe that some others might a have a more neutral stance or even support us, since soulmates is a very serious topic for my people, as you've already known."

Evelyn was silent after that, she didn't feel surprised, and there was a sense of sadness and acceptance in her, so he could guess that she had already known this answer a long time ago, it just that hearing it from his own mouth simply made the situation more real for her.

Smiling reassuringly, he held up her hand to kiss her palm. "Vhenan, there will be people who against the notion of us being together, but do not forget that you're the Inquisitor, because of you, many people were saved and the Inquisition is famous for accepting all people from all backgrounds, no matter their race, ages or past. We could play up the angle that our relationship was for the diplomatic benefits, and only a fool would want to dismiss that out of racism.

Feeling her confidence went up, he also added, "There are also other clans you had helped too, so they'd be more tolerant."

"Ever the calculating man, I see." She laughed without malice. Of course, she would find using pragmatic methods to a reassuring thing instead of just relying on good faith and luck.

Still, he wanted to show it to her, so he squeezed her hand and looked straight into her eyes. "One way or another, they will have to accept you and even if they don't, it doesn't matter because I shall not give you up."

Her happiness bloomed in his chest at his declaration, so open and inviting that he couldn't help but leaned forward to steal a kiss from her. When she first woke up, he had been reversed in his interactions with her, still being haunted by the thought of bringing her dangers just by being around.

But her soul has kept calling for him, pulling and screaming despite his efforts to block them. In the end, he had to return to her side despite the protest of the rational part of his mind.

"But I assume that there are other things you want to tell me?" Evelyn asked.

"Ah yes, there was this development…"

_Because most of them had met with Fen'harel's spies before they came to the Inquisition, the elves he talked to in Skyhold knew how to keep silent and what to say in front of Inquisition personnel. The same happened with the human victims—it pleased Solas as he didn't have to go through other 'drastic measures' while Evelyn was still recovering._

_But then, something unexpected happened when Solas talked directly to the humans in the infirmary._

" _For yourself and your loved ones' sake, I do hope that you will know what to say. Lord Fen'Harel will not be pleased if you betray his bondmate's sacrifice." Solas coldly said to the group. It was already past midnight so there wasn't anyone else in the Inquisition here to listen to them, but he has also cast a silent and alert ward around the place just in case._

_After his threat, there was silence followed by looks of horror when these people realized Fen'Harel was very real and have been observing them, but eventually, a pair of mages stood up._

" _We will not betray the Inquisitor, we own our lives to her but…" The man of the pair hesitated a bit before continuing, "We want to ask if your Lord would allow us to be part of his plan."_

_It wasn't a big surprise for him to hear this. Most of the humans were mages so Evelyn's explanation of creating a country where magic was accepted but people could live in equality certainly sounded attractive to them._

" _Are you sure this is what you want? If you join us, the rest of your kind, mages and non-mages alike may see you as traitors. Also, while lord Fen'Harel might welcome your contribution and your support for Lady Evelyn, there is no guarantee that the elves under his command will accept you."_

_His warning seemed to deter them a little bit after a few more moments of silence, another human mage came forward. "Even so, we want to do something. Lady Evelyn has done a tremendous job in giving the Circle mages a purpose within the Inquisition, but we simply don't know the freedom we had can last after Corypheus is defeated. The Chantry will never let us be free."_

" _What about the Tevinter empire? Surely mages like you could find a place there?" Solas pushed a little bit more._

" _Go there and prove to the whole world we are exactly like what they fear—blood mages and slave owners? To step upon my own brethren to advance myself, or be a slave because I'm not heartless enough to do so? No. Never!" the man exclaimed with his hand fisted tightly. His eyes burnt a flame of determination, not unlike to the slaves in the Dread Wolf's past who had taken up weapons to fight at his side._

_A woman spoke up from her bed. "We are from Tevinter, sir. And we know what life's like there. The people here may think that it's a paradise for mages but it isn't. Mages without the right bloodlines are just a different type of slaves. If given the right chance, I'm sure many of my friends there would love to run far away from that place."_

_Solas thought for a bit before nodding. "Very well, you may have your chance. But do keep in mind that we shall always be watching you. The cost of betrayal shall not be just death." He looked straight at each face in the room to emphasize his point. "The same also applies to anyone else who wants nothing to do with this."_

_When no one said anything, Solas decided it was time for him to leave but before he could walk closer to the door, a man who has been sitting in the back of the room stood up._

" _Please, wait," he said._

" _Yes?" Solas gazed at the man, recognized him as one of the non-mage human, a hunter, if he was remembered right._

" _I-I'm not a mage like most people here but I want to be part of this if it's possible?" the man said hesitantly._

" _You are not an elf and nor a mage. What exactly could you gain from this?" Solas inquired, seeing no point of dodging the obvious issue._

" _True, I'm a just a human with no connection to your elven gods or magic. But—I used to live in the Exalted Plains, you see. I saw my whole village got burned down because some Chevaliers thought we supported their enemies. Then there were the Rifts that spat out demons and spirits, and bandits are everywhere. I've seen elves who attacked us in revenge for the past, and I've also met Dalish elves who helped me."_

_He stopped a bit to regain breaths and to control his emotions before continuing. "I don't care about the Chantry, the War of Lion or anything, but I want to have a place where I can call home, I want to do something good and meaningful in my life rather than dying somewhere, catching in between the fighting of others."_

_The man looked down on his palms before tightening them._

" _Lady Inquisitor's spoken of a land where people could live in peace and equality, and she's told us stories about people who could be more than what they are. She's used herself as bait to save all of us and even delayed her own escape just to see us common folks departed safely before her. I-I wanted to do something for her, for myself. I want to see if I could be more than just a man who stood still to see his home burning down."_

_After his speech, a few more humans voiced their agreement and ask to join too. Naturally, Solas only had one answer._

"So you agree to let them join along with the mages," Evelyn said after he finished his story. It was more of a statement than a question.

"You are not surprised about this?"

"With the mages? No, not really. In fact, it's actually within my prediction. I know you won't let the chances pass since you'll need as many recruits as possible for your—our force. To compensate for the one you'll lose, you know. Not to mention we'll have to deal with many more human armies than you initially planned."

He had agreed with Evelyn about that. While he had originally agreed to do things the slower and safer way, he previously hadn't thought much about allowing humans to be a part of his people's new future. Yet, when the rescued victims told him about Evelyn and her vision of the new elven land, it made sense for it to have humans too.

The current world was filled with them as the dominated species, if he went with the original plan, most humans and other races would have died off, leaving behind a wasteland for his people to rebuild. However, because he would follow Evelyn's method, the whole would be mostly intact and still had enough humans in it to become an obstacle for his people.

"I'm glad." Evelyn squeezed his hand, pulling him out of his musing. "To be honest, while I don't think just living in Skyhold is enough for the Circle mages of the Inquisition, I had feared that they wouldn't want to consider about siding with us due to their upbringing. My predictions were just predictions after all, but now, hearing this news from you gives me hope. And you know, Circle mages don't really have prejudices against elves like the common folks either."

She was right. If he could add humans - namely the Circle mages who want to escape their prison—into his army, it'd create a considerable force for other nations to think twice about doing another Exalted March, and it could also compensate for the loss of the elves who chose to follow the other Evanuris.

"And don't forget the Circle mages could help with teaching the young children to control their power. Most Enchanters and Harrowed mages had experience in handling a large number of mage children, I'm sure the Keepers would not dismiss bits of help from outside to prevent magical accidents, even if they don't want to give up the main teaching position. We would need a lot of supervisions to make sure things won't escalate the wrong way, though." Evelyn added and he chuckled, one hand still steadily applying magic onto her stomach while the other reached out to caress her cheek.

"You have put a lot of thoughts into this."

"You know how I am. But what do you think about the normal humans who want to follow us?" She gazed straight into his eyes and he answered truthfully, simply no longer have any reason to lie to her.

"They could mean well like that hunter said, or they wanted to gather information to benefit themselves later. No matter what, I shall have to make sure to keep an eye on them."

Sure, he couldn't see the possibility of there would be a whole army of non-mage humans wanting to actually help his people build a new homeland and fighting for his end goal (at least, not without some benefits for themselves). But the fact that there actually existed humans who support his idea and a fewer ones wanting to contribute had made him realized that his previous view of this world was too rigid.

"That's good to know." Evelyn hummed. "What do you think about having the Grey Wardens with us?"

"The Grey Wardens?" His eyebrow raised at the mention.

"Their entire reason for living is to stop the Blights, if they know that by helping you, they could make Old God waking up before it being corrupted, I'm sure they would be willing to lend us their power. Or at the very least, they could voice their support to us, thus giving us more power and influence against the rest of the world."

"True. And that would stop them from trying to destroy the Archdemons' souls too." He grimaced at the thought of how the souls of his brethren had been destroyed and could never be recovered again. He tilted his head at Evelyn. "Did you plan this when you ordered them to serve the Inquisition instead of exile them from Orlais?"

"Partly. While I do intend to use them in the future, I wanted to give them a chance to fix their mistake. Their crime started with the good intention of wanting to get rid this world of the Blight and their fear of the Calling, I couldn't ignore that."

Evelyn was definitely a believer in redemption, Solas smiled. Perhaps it was that very trait that allowed her to accept him and his mistakes. Not that she's actually forgiven him for his deception, though. She's made that very clear from the first night that she was still angry at him but she wanted to try to make it work between them.

That was all he could ask for from her. And for his heart, he would try to better himself. Perhaps, he would first need to change the way he perceived mankind as whole in compared to his own people.

There were still too many biases in his mind about the two races for him to truly accept humans as his own. Humans didn't have the same potential in magic or an intimated bond with the Fade as his people so there were things that they probably would never be able to achieve on their own. Even so, they did deserve to be treated fairly despite their shortcomings. Perhaps, by first starting to treat them as he would the People, he could gradually learn to see them as the same or at the very least, an equal but different race.

"What are you thinking about?" Evelyn touched his chin, pulling his face up to look at her. "You were making a very serious face."

"I was thinking about the future. How I should change to deserve you. What I should do to create a new home where you can be happy."

Tenderness filled her heart and ran through him, compelling him to ask for another kiss from her which she happily gave.

After that, they forgo the serious talks in exchange for something more light-hearted until it was time for him to go.

"It's time now." He sighed, hand wiped over her wrist to recast the glamour spell. "I'll see you next morning, vhenan."

He placed his lips upon her forehead before standing up but she caught his arm.

"Solas, can you stay with me? Just tonight?" she pled, fingers tightened around the hem of his sleeve and for a moment, he seriously considered doing what she asked. But no, he had brought her enough trouble, he wouldn't cause more of it.

"Emma lath, we've already talked about this. You know that I cannot," Solas replied, gently unclasped her hand from his sleeve to hold them against his cheek. "If I stay, it would tarnish your reputation. You will attend the ball in Halamshiral soon and you would need all the power you could get for the Game."

"I don't care!"

"But I do. I've already caused a lot of troubles for you. I don't want to make your path any harder than this." He exhaled, shaking his head. This was one of the troubles with Evelyn being so much younger than him. His lover sometimes could be a little less restrained in the matter of the heart, especially when she perceived the situation as 'not that important'.

Sadness ran through his heart when he saw her pleading look but he had to do this. As Evelyn tried to say something, he cut her off first by casting a sleeping spell on her.

"Solas, what—?"

"Be patient, my Evelyn. Just a little more and we will never be apart again," he whispered, catching her slumping form and then tenderly leaned her back against her pillow.

It was a little underhanded for him to do such a thing, so, that night he didn't come to her in the Fade to avoid her wrath.

"Just a little more."

That was what he told himself.

Evelyn didn't act differently toward him the next day and the days afterward. Still the same proper lady Inquisitor by day and the same affectionate woman at night, but without the demand for him to stay like before.

In hindsight, he should have seen that coming.

xxXxx

He wiped at his brows once the afternoon healing time has finished, both of her arms and her body had healed now. From now on, he could turn his focus to her legs.

He nodded at Evelyn while trying to avoid looking directly as she put on her blouse again. It's important to maintain his cover, after all.

But she felt strange today. Like something was planning inside her but he couldn't read in further than that. As much as their link allowed him to know her, it didn't make him a mind-reader so he could only guess when her emotions were too complicated to dissect.

No matter, he had to leave now. If he stayed too long, that desire of touching her would come out and while he had no doubt he could control it, he preferred not to do it in front of her and others.

Speaking of which, why were there so many people in her room today during this time? Normally, before the incident, Evelyn has never allowed other officers to meet her in her private bedroom, but recently, since she couldn't leave her bed much, exceptions have been made so she could continue to work while still laying down.

But even now, she still had a rule of not letting any of them in when it was time for her healing since she hated to let them see her vulnerable.

Once he noticed this unusual occurrence, his instinct started to scream for him to run as fast as possible and Solas wouldn't be able to live this long without listening to it so he stood up quickly.

"That is all for now, Inquisitor. I shall come back after dinner as usual."

But before he could even step close to the stair, his love made her move.

"Why are you leaving, Solas? Didn't you promise to stay with me, my darling?" Evelyn asked loudly, while her room was full of servants and other Inquisition staffs.

Needless to say, the room was so quiet right after one could actually hear a pin if it was dropped.

"Pardon?" It was very uncharacteristic of him to react so but he couldn't help it.

"You said that you love me, that you would stay with me no matter. You even made me promise to stay with you forever," she replied in such a soft voice, but her true gaze underneath those tears-filled eyes was upon him like a wolf staring at its prey. "And yet now you simply come to heal me like I'm your job and then just leave like that. Am I just a toy to you?"

She let out a small little sniff at the end while her tears were now trailing down her pale cheeks.

Unsurprisingly, at the sight of their beloved leader, who always acted so dignified and stoic, being brought to such a state, her followers immediately turned on him.

"How could you, master Solas!"

"I didn't know you to be such a horrible man to treat a maiden like that!"

"Her Worship is crying and yet you can just walk away like that?"

"How could you trample upon her feeling like it's nothing!"

He tried to explain but to no avail, Evelyn had set up a perfect trap for him to fall into and she knew it. Her triumph was thumping inside him, the same feeling he always had when he knew an enemy has just fallen right into his hand.

"Everyone, behave yourself!" ambassador Montilyet said as she stood up from her spot on the couch. "Let Solas explain himself first before you attack him, will you?"

"Yes, yes, let the man probably say something first," exclaimed Dorian from out of nowhere. When did he come in the room anyway?

"I—"

"Just say the truth, my friend. Did you declare your love to our illustrious Inquisitor and asked her to be with you? And don't lie because many of us have seen your reaction toward her during the rescue." The Atlus smirked smugly.

If Solas told a lie now, it still wouldn't save him from this situation. In fact, it could only make things worse for him because he'd be known throughout the Inquisition as the man who broke the Herald's heart. But if he said yes, what he's been trying to avoid would come true.

Leliana smiled wickedly as she strolled toward him.

"Relax, master Solas. We know why you did it. The Inquisitor has told us that you were afraid for her reputation."

At Leliana's words, the little crowd in the room seemed to calm down a little. The spymaster then took the chance to resume her speech.

"But have you think about how your love for her could actually be a benefit for her Worship? Think about it. A woman who was destined to be bonded with a heretic god, but where was he when she was on the verge of death? He didn't appear, did he? No, the one who saved her was an elven apostate who dared to defile even his own god to protect the woman he loves."

If this was any other scenarios, Solas would have laughed hysterically at the irony of her speech but he couldn't. Instead, he kept silent to hear what Leliana wanted to say next.

"The Chantry may dislike the fact that the Herald is linked to another god beside the Maker. But now with a clear proof that not only that god hasn't touched her but also ignores her—and she too is willing to defile him to be with another man, that certainly would put the Grand Clerics' minds at ease, don't you think?"

Well, that certainly made sense, but he doubted most of the nobles in Halamshiral would be that religious to think about Evelyn in that direction. And yet…

A little gasp came up behind him so Solas turned around only to see Evelyn on the verge of falling off her bed, probably from trying to reach for him.

"Evelyn!" he shouted, quickly ran toward to catch her. So easily, she slipped her arms around him and held onto tightly.

"Solas, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have put you on the spot like this!" Tears still streaming down her face, regret was running through her heart, making his chest ached at the thought of causing her distress like this.

"No, it's my fault. I'm sorry for keep denying you like that," he said, fingers wiped at the tears on the corners of her eye.

"Seriously, why can't you two just get on with it!" Dorian sighed dramatically before clapping his hands, "All right, ladies, you know what to do. Time to move master Solas's belongings into her Worships' room!"

"Shouldn't we ask for his permission first?" Josephine, being the voice of reasons as always, held out a hand to stop the maids from running off.

"Let them be…" Hesitantly, Solas said, still holding Evelyn in his arms. "If this could make Evelyn happy then I shall do it."

"Are you sure?" Leliana inquired but obviously, she's already known his answer.

"Yes," he replied more firmly this time. "But please let me handle the moving on my own. There're many delicate artifacts in my room so I don't want people to touch them to wrong way."

"Of course. Now, everyone, perhaps we should leave the two lovebirds alone for sometimes now."

The people in the room, who have been watching everything played out with rapt attention, reluctantly moved on but not without sparing some more glances toward the couple. Solas was pretty sure that by noon, the entire Skyhold would know about this development.

Sighing, the elven god tightened one arm around his lover's back while caressing her hair.

"I'm sorry for causing you such distress that you have to resort to this, vhenan," he murmured, starting to feel her shaking against him. "Evelyn?" Was she crying?

She looked up to him but there were no tears in her eyes. In fact, she was smirking victoriously at him. Her lips curled up so smugly it could actually rival Dorian's or Vivienne's.

"Got you."

"Y-you!"

It was then he realized that the regret he felt just a little back then was fake. She could actually fake her emotion to trick him? Turning one of his advantages over her against himself?

The notion of him being tricked in such a simple way was so absurd and yet so entertaining that he couldn't help but laugh out loud. His shoulders shook and his belly ached at the force.

"Solas?" Evelyn tilted her head at him puzzledly, obviously confused by his change of demeanor.

"I can't believe I actually fell for that!" Solas said, trying to suppress his laughter to talk normally. "The Trickster being tricked by someone else! Unbelievable, isn't it?

"That was for daring to treat me like a little girl. You're lucky I only stopped at that and didn't try to get revenge on you for casting that sleep spell on me!"

"I know, and I am sorry, my heart." He sighed at the mention of his wrongdoing. "I shall not do it again. I can promise you this."

"I believe you. But you still have to pay for that night, just so you know." She smiled at him, tilting her head up for a kiss that he gladly reciprocated.

Perhaps it wasn't so bad to stay with her like this without having to hide and pretend, Solas thought. It certainly would cause some troubles in the future but maybe he had underestimated her ability to deal with them. Perhaps it was best for him to just simply wait and see what would happen next.

And so, by the next day, Solas the apostate has officially moved in the Inquisitor's room. An action certainly didn't go unnoticed by the rest of Skyhold's inhabitants.


	12. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were still a lot of things they can learn about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to have smut but the plot was too heavy to add that part in. Next chapter then!
> 
> Revision date: 15/06/2018

With the Inquisitor finally be able to leave her room, Skyhold itself returned to its previous state before she was taken, with energy and a sense of purpose.

Well-wishes and congratulations were sent from all corners of Thedas either through ravens or emissaries. Letters asking for favors and alliance once again filled up the bags of the messengers. Soldiers training with each other with visible efforts and goals instead of just going through the motions. The food tasted better. People talked more, laughed more.

In short, one could say that the fortress once against had a soul resided within it.

Of course, when people could once more be themselves again and have hope for the future, some other usual activities also returned.

Namely,  _gossiping_.

And their newest scandal to whisper about in Skyhold was that the Inquisitor had an elven lover who recently has moved into her chamber. At the "encouragement" of lady Leliana, no less!

"I've heard that he almost killed himself trying to protect her Worships against the cultists," whispered a kitchen servant to her friends.

"It was true, I was there. I saw it with my own eyes. The Inquisitor used the last of her strength the save him, giving him a chance to that down that blood mage. Then he held her in his arms like she was the most precious thing in the world and refused to leave her side our entire trip back here!" A man recounted the events to his fellow soldiers.

"So that's why her healing times at night were longer than the ones during the days! How bold!"

"An elven apostate and the Herald of Andraste who was meant for an elven god. Isn't it almost the same story as Andraste with the Maker and her mortal husband?"

"The Herald and an elf? That's just not right."

"Who cares? As long as they're happy."

"Lady Evelyn was crying for him and you should see the way they held each other. It was absolutely romantic!"

"I saw him in the chapel, swearing to Andraste and the Maker to forever forgo his elven gods and devote his life only to the Herald."

"What with female heroes and elves? First, it was the hero of Ferelden, then the champion of Kirkwall, and now the Herald of Andraste. Next, you'll tell me Empress Celene is in love with one too? And then there's that rumor about Andraste and Shartan!"

"Her Soulmark turned from 'Fen'Harel' to 'Solas'. The wrong name was a test from the Maker!"

Having been away from the spotlight for a few thousand years has made Solas forget what it felt like to be the center of rumors, but he remembered it now.

He absolutely hated it, especially now that he didn't have the power to stop people from pointing their fingers straight at his face or modifying the words into what he wanted. Ironic, really, when many of his accomplishments were made possible because of his extensive uses of rumor and gossip networks.

Case in point, he was now walking through a corridor to bring the last of his things to his new living space but it was more like he was going through a parade. People were whispering and pointing at him like he was some kind of circus freak.

Not to mention, with him being in his current positions - as both a member of the Inquisition and, technically, a follower of Fen'Harel - he has become a target to talk about not just for the normal people of Skyhold but also his own agents. After all, not even the followers of the Dread Wolf could resist gossiping. At least they were less divided in their opinions and rumors; either looking at him as someone who had committed a great crime for daring to touch their leader's bride or as a man who had taken on the greatest burden in the world.

Most of them kept a wide berth from him but just this morning, one of the newer agents had approached him.

She was an elf, who was one of the Red Scales' victims saved by Evelyn. "Just because lady Evelyn trusted you to do this job doesn't mean you can take advantage of it. Don't touch her if you can help it!" She had growled with a suspicious glare.

While he was a little annoyed to be threatened by such a child, Solas couldn't help but appreciated the fact that the young woman cared enough about his bondmate to give out warning.

Most of the modern elves usually were very scornful of him. The Dalish typically saw him as a city elf and thus distrusted him out of fear that he was trying to convert him to the "human masters". The city elves, meanwhile, avoided him due to his magic and educated demeanor. Not to mention, he usually tried not to get too close to them unless it was necessary since they constantly reminded him too much of what the People had lost.

In the end, Solas was always alone, one way or another… But, that thought was no longer true now, wasn't it? 'He Who Walks Alone' wasn't alone anymore. He had Evelyn now with her promise to always stay by his side.

For her sake, these unwanted looks and rumors were nothing but some annoyances along the road. In the future, his bondmate would have to endure far worse when she had to live in an elves-dominated land. And when that time came, Solas would have to deal with far more serious troubles than just gossiping.

Really, this wasn't even the first time he faced these kinds of things and yet now they were getting to him more than he previously has thought. He really has been away from his old environment for far too long. It was time to practice his old skills and get on with it.

With that thought in mind, Solas continued on his way, ignoring the unwanted attention he left in his wake. Yes, there were far more important things to worry about. He still had a list of tasks to be given to his newly-recruited agents, and maybe he needed to revisit and rework on the Veil-modifying rituals soon, too.

Walking into the main hall of the castle to reach his rotunda, Solas realized the place was in the middle of a redecoration process so there were only a few people here and most of the furniture had been moved away.

The hall has always been quite utilitarian in its presentation. Evelyn had filled it with weapons and simple tables and chairs, trying to focus the golds on other parts of their Inquisition such as food, military, trading, defense, and even to ensure a stable wage for all members.

"People need full stomachs, warm blankets and a safe place to sleep first before they care about ornaments," was what she had said back then.

Now, he could see the old banners were being replaced with newer, more expensive ones. And the empty spaces were filled up with Chantry decorations. As he went near the throne, he could hear Josephine talking with some artisans about putting Andraste's statues on both corners.

Then, he heard Evelyn's voice behind him and when he turned back, he saw that she was walking with a cleric- no, a grand cleric, to be corrected. His bondmate's face cold and impassive as she listening to the other woman's rant. The only thing indicated that Evelyn wasn't completely healed yet was that she was walking slower than usual with a slight gait.

"I must say, Inquisitor, I cannot imagine that you would wait this long to bring the Chantry closer to the people. I thought the Herald of Andraste would understand better than anyone what it feels like to be deprived of the Light of the Maker?" The Grand Cleric chided with a voice one would use with a child.

"I do know that very well, your Grace, but please understand for us. Previously, we really didn't have much chances or coins to spare for such things. With so many battles to fight and limited resources, as their leader, I had to concentrate on keeping my people alive," replied Evelyn with a frown, her eyes turning down to the floor with 'sadness'. "You just don't know how much it hurt me when I had to turn Skyhold's garden into an herb field to treat the wounded soldiers instead of a place to praise the Maker's glory."

Looking at her face, if he didn't have the ability to feel her emotions, he would have actually believed that she was really a devoted follower grieving for her chance of displaying her faith. But since he could do it, and also still remembered how eager she had been when she chose to build the herb garden, he knew very well she was playing with the grand cleric like a toy.

The woman clearly was taken back by the suddenly emotional words of Evelyn, stuttered. "Even so, surely you could spare some resources to ensure that Chantry's activities could happen?"

"Oh, but I did, Your Grace! Every week, there was at least a day where mother Gisselle organized for everyone to gather in the chapel to sing the Chant. I was there and I have seen how pious and devoted their hearts were even without ornate candles or beautiful murals. Ahh, it reminds me of that night after Haven when everyone sang the hymn together to ease our hearts after all those horrible deaths and destructions." Evelyn said with her hands over heart, a small smile on her lips, and a voice full of wonders.

The older woman was silent, clearly unsure of how to resume her lecture without making her the antagonist so Evelyn took the chance to make the final push.

"I'm sure Your Grace would know better than anyone that faith and devotion to the Maker is something that can remain and grow without the need for physical objects to pray to, wouldn't you? After all, what is the point of being surrounded by Andraste's images if one's soul doesn't truly look to the Maker?"

Solas smirked inward at that, seeing so clearly how ironic that statement of Evelyn was. But then a sense of sadness flashed through him and he frowned, realizing she wasn't really happy about using religions and lies to benefit herself, even if she wasn't actually a believer.

Looking back at his lover, Solas saw that the conversation had come to an end since the Grand cleric seemed to have accepted her defeat and be convinced by Evelyn as the woman let out a sigh and nodded.

"Very well, I understand now. Do forgive me for being so focused on the material aspect in worshiping the Maker that I had forgotten to consider your less-than-optimal circumstance."

"Of course, Your Grace. I do understand very well how important it is to spread the Chant of Light after all."

When the grand cleric turned around to leave, her eyes landed upon Solas and she huffed in distaste. "An elf of all people. Well, at least it isn't blasphemous but really, I thought you could do better than that?"

A flare of anger throbbed inside him, making Solas mentally winced as he stole a glance at Evelyn who was watching the grand cleric leaving. His bondmate's face was passive as usual but inside, what she was transferring to him felt like a small burn. Hot, scratchy, and bitter.

He reached out to touch her wrist with two of his fingers. They both knew not to display too much affection in public for various reasons so this was what he could do at the moment to reassure her that he was all right and she had no need to be angry for him.

Soon, her anger calmed down but not fully disappeared. It was still there, burning silently like an ember of a fire but for now, that was enough.

"I see that you have decided to provide some new upgrades for the hall?" he asked casually, hands still held his box of artifacts as he stood next to her.

" _A near-death experience caused the Inquisitor to seek out the Maker for comfort. A generous donation to the Chantry plus some display of devotion should keep them off our backs for a while,"_  she said dryly, suddenly switched to Elvish. Probably from wanting to communicate right away without sounding too blasphemous to the normal ears.  _"That makes me wonder, you think we should allow the Chantry to operate in the new homeland once we established it?"_

" _I'm afraid so, vhenan. We cannot make the same mistakes the elves of the Dales had made. Isolation and refusing door for the Chantry would invite the rest of Thedas against us. Better to allow them some token chapels to pray than to draw their resentment."_

" _Agreed. Giving people some hope and comfort in aspects that we can't is also a good thing. And you'd rather having elves praying to the Maker than to the Evanuris, wouldn't you?"_

" _You know me well, my love." H_ e smiled without humor.

" _It's settled then. However, we'd need to do something about who could be mothers and grand cleric." S_ he waved her hand in annoyance before opening the door leading to their chambers.

xxXxx

"This is the last of your things then?" She switched back to Common after making sure that no one else was in their room.

"Yes, nothing else is in my old room now." He smiled, pulling her over to wrap one arm around the small of her back. His other hand cupped her cheek. "I believe we shall have a lot more to talk about from now on. There are so many things I want to show you."

"I look forward to it." Her lips curled up sweetly, a small joy dancing in her eyes. Then, it seemed like she suddenly remembered something because she squirmed out of his hold to run to her desk.

Pulling out a package the size of a book, she opened it to reveal a rather thick stash of notes.

Hesitantly, she walked over to him and handed it out. She looked somewhat embarrassed, if he had to say, so he didn't ask her and instead, chose to read what in his hands right away.

He skimped through the pages and what he found surprised him. They were notes, diagrams, formulas, theories and even some result of experiments concerning the Veils and how to manipulate it in small isolated sections from both sides.

All had been written by Evelyn in Elvhen as he could recognize her penmanship. but the thing that baffled him the most was how old these texts were. Only a selection of these had dates on them, which started shortly after Evelyn joined the Inquisition, but most of the pages didn't.

However, Solas could see some of those papers had the grammar mistakes she used to make back when he has just become her mentor and many more, which implied that they were written long before the Breach.

Some others were in extremely clumsy Elvish mixed with Common words, indicated that the writer probably was a beginner of the language and didn't have an advanced vocabulary yet. The hand-writing also looked very childish, and there were even cute doodles on the corners! And the oldest pages didn't have any words in them, just simple pictures instead, probably because she hadn't known Elvish back then yet but wanted to avoid writing in Commons to not be discovered by others.

_Spirits, just how young was she when she first started these?_

And then there were some pages that were in full Common. The positions of the texts and diagrams on these pages were identical to some of the previous papers but the meanings were completely different. These ones just talked about regular Veil activities and spells instead. It was as if the writer wanted to throw off whoever was reading these documents by relying on the fact that no one these days could read Elvish to actually verify it.

And knowing Evelyn, that was most certainly what she was aiming for when she created these faked copies.

"You created all of these?" he asked in astonishment and Evelyn blushed.

"Yes. I'm sorry they must have a lot of mistakes but I wanted to show you some of my theories and methods of what we can do with the Veil."

He hummed and resumed skimping through the documents. Evelyn certainly has made good use of the Inquisition's resources. Some of these pages contained samples and notes gathering though several requisition projects which were then cooperated into her own tests, helping developed and corrected them. Unfortunately, it seemed that her Circle upbringing had hindered her ability to exploit the full potential of these materials.

But not him, his knowledge accumulated through thousands of years could do this. And once he taught her enough, she could do the same, what they simply needed were times and opportunities for some hands-on demonstrations.

"So, you proposed that we create three different barriers from both sides of the Veil, one to prevent spirits and demons to come into this world too suddenly, and the other to control the amount of magic pouring into the real world?" he inquired.

"Yes, if we could introduce magic at a reasonable rate, we can reduce the number of catastrophes while making sure the physical world adapting to the changes. The barrier in the Fade will make sure that no demons or spirits will die or be pulled through an opening when we create it," she explained passionately before slowing down. "And the final one…"

"To quarantine the Black City so the Blight inside it will not be pouring out," he finished for her. "And to slow down the souls of the Evanuris from returning to their physical bodies deep in the Deep Roads?"

"Yes, but…"

"But?"

"I'm unsure about the rituals to make this barrier, it'd require someone who could do it from the other side, which means dreamers or a lot of blood magic."

"There are other ways, vhenan." Solas smiled. "Not all ancient elves were dreamers or wanted to use blood magic so they have used many other solutions to manipulate the Fade. The Crossroad and the Vir Dirthara were just one of the results of those efforts."

"The current elves and mages aren't the same as your ancient elves, though."

"It is not a problem. With enough research, modifications and adapting to the current standards, I am sure I could teach our force to create their own rituals." He drifted away to think for a bit before resuming. "My seal around the Black City is not perfect, that was why the Red Scales could almost open it for Dirthamen by using your blood."

Evelyn could surely sense his anger as she closed the distance between them to hold his hand. "Solas?"

"The efforts will be enormous, but the third wall of the Black City will certainly require a new construction method to prevent penetrations from both sides." He took some parchments and coal before sitting down on the couch. "Come, let me show you some examples. Your formulas could use these changes."

The way her face and heart brightened at his invitation simply made him forgot all the troubles of the days and together, they spent the entire evening with each other. They talked about various subjects ranging from serious matters to silly topic and even Cassandra's romance novels.

Then they shared food and paperwork and when it was time, they took turns to prepare for bed.

As Evelyn was cleaning herself up in the bathroom, Solas, who had donned with only his sleeping trouser, all fresh and ready to settle in for the night, take a long look at his new bed.

Two pillows placing side by side, soft bedding and blanket that had been warmed up by his magic. This was the start of his life as a bonded man now, wasn't it? He didn't expect sex right tonight - he wouldn't touch her until she was well enough—but this new life, the Solas of the old days had never thought this was possible.

He chuckled, hand fiddled with his pendant that was placed on top of the drawer next to the bed. There was a lot about his current life that his younger self would find impossible to believe. In his youth, just the thought of settling down with someone irritated him—

_A flash of blue cloth._

_Fingers twiddling with the tips of the tall grasses._

_Sweet laughter under the sunlight._

_He wanted to be with her._

_It didn't matter if they would not have long with each other. He could fix that._

_It didn't matter that she had belonged to someone else's before him. He didn't care._

_It didn't matter that he would lose his reputation or his standing among his kind. They were nothing compared to her._

_All he wanted was to share his life with her._

The images rushed through Solas's head but they came as quickly as they went away, leaving an empty space in his mind.

What was he thinking about again? He tried to remember but something urged him to forget it and he did. It probably wasn't that important enough for him to remember anyway.

The door of the bathroom creaked, breaking him out of his musing to look at his bondmate. She has let her hair down, changed into a nightgown now and was standing there with her hands clasped behind her back. She didn't exactly look straight at him, instead, her eyes were darting around the room in between ill-covered attempts to glance at their bed.

She was nervous, and yet felt very eager, almost giddy so he took the initiative. "Come to bed now, Evelyn. You will catch a cold standing there," he said, opening the blanket to wait for her.

At his push, she instantly walked straight to the bed and tucked herself in without a single word. Knowing what she wanted, he quickly followed and pulled the blanket over them with one hand while the other reached out for her.

Once she had laid snuggly in his arms, with a flick of his finger, all candle extinguished, leaving them in the comfortable darkness.

He heard her giggle, muffed by her face pressed tightly to his chest. Her arms around him tightened and he couldn't help but do the same, letting her happiness and warmth spread through his soul.

"What are you thinking?" he asked with good humor, but what she said next completely turned his mood around.

"This is the first time someone holds me to sleep, I've never known it'd feel this good. It's amazing!"

She said it with such a childlike wonder that at that very moment, despite knowing what her past had been like, he finally saw the last piece of her. And this revelation arrived with such a force that he felt like his heart has been crushed.

_A child who had never been released from her prison, still being locked away from the world even after all these years._

As eventful as his past had been, he had received love and affection even as a child. First from Shalelan, then his other caretakers in Mythal's sanctuary and then from Mythal herself. Kisses, hugs, someone to hold you as you sleep or to tell you bedtime stories, friends to play with, mentors to guide and make you into an adult.

But Evelyn never had any of that. No warm, no friends, no mentors as those who had taught her only done it as a duty instead of love. She only had books to learn about how to be a person - books that contained knowledge and bloody histories that could contort the mind of adults who read them, let alone a child's.

It was only an inevitable end that she had become someone who was so full of kindness and love for the world and yet also so willing to break it. And in between all that, she was being torn between her craves for approvals by being what people expected of her and her need for distance to protect herself.

She was like this because the world has made her this way. Because she was born to be bound to him.  _He_  has made her this way, indirectly or not.

He crushed her small body to him, secretly glad that she couldn't sense his emotions like he did her. If she could feel him now, she would think that he only felt sorry for her and not love, but he didn't.

"My Wolf? What's wrong?" She lifted her head to look at him, and in the dark, he could see the way her eyes filled with care and concerns for him.

"Nothing," he lied. "It was just it is also the first in a long while for me to have hold someone in bed too. I have forgotten what it feels like."

She smiled and nuzzled her head against his throat before giving it a kiss. A sweet gesture to express her love that made him tightened his jaw.

He loved her still. In fact, he loved her more than ever, knowing that even after everything, she still found it in herself to accept him, the cause of all misfortunes in her life.

He loved her, so even if he didn't truly believe in the Maker or any of the greater forces in this world, he prayed that he could give her the happiness she deserved.

xxXxx

Solas spent the next several days convinced Evelyn to reduce her workload and save more times for herself. It wasn't an easy job but in the end, she did relent and used her spare time to be with him or their companions instead of seeking out more paperwork.

When she wasn't with him, he could still monitor her process through their connection, and what he found pleased him. She was happy, there were several emotions going through her at each different time – joy, sadness, understanding, anger, and more – and she was more than ready to share them with him as at the end of each day, she would tell him what she has discovered during her off-times.

She had tried to learn to carve from Blackwall to make toys for the few children in Skyhold with mixed results. The little ones thought her dogs were rats, and the rabbits were nugs.

She had read Varric's newest update with Cassandra and found it extremely puzzling with all the strange metaphors and characters suddenly dying all over the places. To be honest, Solas had also tried to read some of those books and he had to agree with her.

She had attempted to play chess with Cullen but ended up spending most of the time convincing him to write for his family instead.

The Iron Bull had shared with her his special bottle, but after Solas feeling his guts and throat being burned along with hers—and how was that even possible? They weren't supposed to connect physically!—he had strongly requested Evelyn to stop drinking strange things from Bull without testing them out first. She agreed.

Cole and Evelyn had shared a lunch in Val Royeaux and had some normal downtime. But Solas couldn't understand how on earth did they manage to go to the capital and then come back to Skyhold within a day? When asked, Evelyn wasn't sure how it happened either!

Vivienne had decided to update Evelyn's wardrobe with more fashionable outfits to prepare for her stay in the Winter Palace, and for once, Solas didn't disagree with her, those were some very lovely 'updates'. The First Enchanter, of course, still threw passive-aggressive comments at him whenever they encountered each other but they still all about him being an apostate and practicing different magic, never about his relationship with Evelyn. At one point, the woman even shut out some humans who were laughing at him and Solas decided that Vivienne certainly had earned some of his respect.

Dorian, in contrast with Bull, had managed to teach Evelyn the finer details about wine by persuading her to finally open her collection of Thedas's bottles – but why did she collect those if she didn't intend to drink them anyway? – and the result wasn't that bad. Solas certainly didn't complain when Evelyn stumbled back into their room to share a bottle with him. She would need to build up her tolerance to not passing out after half a bottle like that but he found her very adorable when she was drunk.

The only part Solas didn't like about Evelyn's new experience was her bonding attempt with Sera involved pranking everyone in the fortress. But he didn't have the heart to stop her when she first came back to him, eyes brightened and heart jumping with excitement and joy like a child. And after she promised to not prank him and would also stop Sera from targeting him, Solas decided that he would look the other way the next time those two decided it was their play time again.

All in all, it was a joy for him to see his love finally had a chance to enjoy herself but it didn't stop him to dread for the day all of these had to come to an end. Evelyn most certainly knew this too, because after each time she told him her stories of the day, even if she was smiling, there was always a great sorrow inside her.

No matter how many deaths she could prevent in the future with her methods, no matter how much sufferings she could reduce and how many long-term benefits she could bring to this world, in the end, she would still be a traitor to her friends and the destroyer of the world that they knew.

There simply was no guarantee that some, or any of them, would ever forgive her. This world just didn't work like the fairy tales children were taught from their childhood and Solas knew that Evelyn had learned this very well ever since she was a child.

But it just didn't make it any easier for his love to accept and endure it. Not at all.

xxXxx

Today was the day for Belraj, Helena and their friends to return to their village and Evelyn had personally seen them out of Skyhold.

Through Belraj, Solas had learned about the unique village and the ancient elf could see why his bondmate has been so taken with its people, Helena in particular.

But if he had to be honest, Solas had developed a certain dislike for the young woman as she was the reason Evelyn had been hurt so badly. It was petty and somewhat unfair for someone in his position to do such a thing, but just as the human female who could sacrifice someone to save her love, Solas too had his own bias when it came to Evelyn.

On the other hand, Solas had high hope for Belraj. He had volunteered to be an agent for Fen'Harel the moment Solas 'introduced' himself as a recruiter, and from what Evelyn had told him during their short escape attempt combined Solas's personal observation, the young elf could go very far.

Belraj was pragmatic, clever and skilled with his bow. But more than that, he was committed to the idea of building a place where both the former glory of Elvhenan and the unification of both humans and elves could co-exist together and that would be a much need thing for their force.

And as Belraj had intended to convince more of people from his village to join the cause, Solas started to prepare for the idea of creating a special group of agents to spread and enforce his new vision. After all, it would be better for him to plan the seed now instead of later when his force had grown too large for him to had total control.

Evelyn would definitely agree with his decision too.

Speaking of which, tonight, she has asked him to have dinner with her in their room again so after he finished his work for the day instead of turning to the tavern with her as usual.

Upon closing the door, Solas could hear her singing voice. Interesting, usually she didn't sing very much, only in the Fade when she felt very comfortable, and she's never sung in full words either, simply humming with no particular words or lyrics.

But now, even if her voice wasn't that loud but with his hearing, he could hear it quite clear enough to make out the words, and-

"… _Let me become the moon that holds you close._

 _Let me become the stars that shine your path_ …"

This song… it couldn't be…?

Quickly, he ran up the stairs, trying to hear more closely but when he arrived at the top, what awaited him was a scene straight out of one of his fantasies that he simply forgot what he wanted to do.

The empty space in the middle of the room has been replaced with a table and two chairs. On top of it was a complete meal with a small roast, a plate with some kind of cooked vegetables, and some fruits. The whole room smelled of something delicious and Solas felt his stomach growled.

He looked at the end of the room where Evelyn was. She has stopped singing and now was in the middle of stirring something into the small pot in the fireplace, her back turned to him but upon hearing him, she swung around to look.

She was wearing a simple blue dress, with a white apron covering its front, and her hair has been tied into a simple tail at the back of her neck. She looked neither like the Inquisitor of the day or from the girl playing with flowers in the Fade. She looked like—he swallowed—a woman waiting for her bondmate to return from work.

It was such a domestic scene that one could find anywhere and yet it made his chest tighten, a sense of yearning and regret clawed at his soul, knowing that this would be the closest thing they could ever have for a normal life without magic, scheming and politics.

"Solas, welcome back!" Evelyn smiled brightly, putting down her ladle to run toward him and without any hesitance, he let his arms snaked around her as she did him.

"I'm back, vhenan," he whispered into her ear, feeling her face pressed into his shoulder.

"Are you hungry? I've made some supper for us." She pulled back a little to speak.

Evelyn has always been a good cook, in Solas's opinion. Even if all the previous times she had the chances to do it were all very simple meals for traveling, he remembered them being quite enjoyable, especially her soups so now, upon hearing what she's just said, he couldn't help but laugh.

"I am famished, actually."

Just as he expected, the dinner was absolutely delicious. A roasted hare with garlic and herbs, braised vegetable with mixed nuts, and a stew of potatoes, onions, and bread. Everything was just simple ingredients cooked with rustic recipes and yet to Solas, they were better than any delicacies he had had during his years in Arlathan.

They reminded him of home. Of the life before Mythal and the Evanuris.

They reminded him of… Shalelan. Of the days he spent playing with other children before running back to their cottage, where she was waiting for him with a bow of hot food which he promptly devoured.

Solas touched his wolf-jaw pendant.

He remembered the days they traveled through Thedas, his small hand clasped tightly in hers. He remembered the cold nights where he clung to her, demanding she sang him to sleep.

It was strange, really, that these days he thought about her more often than he had done back when he was still leading the slave rebellion.

_Perhaps it's because I'm happy now._

He thought absentmindedly as he talked to Evelyn, taking pleasure in seeing her smiles, her various expressions as she described the events of the days to him.

Eventually, he finally finished his meal, but when he reached for the fruits, Evelyn stopped him.

"Wait a bit, I want you to try this first." This time Evelyn feel a bit nervous and unsure, yet there was still a strong eagerness in her.

She walked away to return with a lidded plate and when the cover was lifted away, Solas saw the plate was filled with little cakes decorated in colorful frostings.

"You made this?" he asked in astonishment.

"Yes, this… was the first time I do this so I'm not sure if they taste good to you or not. I-I mean I did try them out first but I could be biased!"

Deciding that action spoke louder than words, Solas simply took a cake and bit into it. The soft sweetness enveloped his tongue and he laughed. "It is delicious, vhenan."

Sure, there were some parts with burns on it, the texture could be fluffier, and the frosting was pipped quite clumsy, but he was telling the truth, the cake was delicious and he loved it.

Before he knew it, he has finished the whole thing.

His enthusiasm has certainly made Evelyn more confident in herself, making her laughed happily before sitting down to share the rest of the dessert with him.

It'd be wonderful if they could do this more often, and Solas was sure his bondmate shared the same sentimental with him.

He was gazing at Evelyn who was peeling an apple for him when he heard her humming again. And then the lyrics came out.

" _Oh, beloved of my heart,_

_Close your eyes and listen to this voice._

_Oh, the sun that shines my days,_

_Please close your eyes and hear me out—_ "

The memory—a pair of warm hands stroking his head as he was lulled to sleep by this melody—came to him like the strong waves of the ocean, pushing away all other thoughts and controls. Solas let out a small gasp but that was enough to stop his bondmate's song.

"What's wrong, Solas?"

"How did you know this song?"

"Helena taught it to me. She said that it was written by the mother of their first ancestor and Keeper, an elf named Datishan."

"Datishan…?"

Nostalgia filled his heart with the name he's never thought he would ever hear again. Visions of the past, of his youthful day where he enjoyed friendship blurred before his eyes. A young elven man with bright hair and an equally bright laugh.

"My Wolf? Are you okay?" Evelyn's voice snapped him out of his reminiscence to see that she had left her seat to stand before him. Her hands gently held his face, eyes filled with worry.

"Do not worry, I was just feeling a little nostalgic about the past. I've never thought I would be able to hear this song again." He pulled her into his lap.

"Really? You knew this song?"

"It was often sung to me during an important period of my childhood, I cannot remember who revealed its origin to me years later, but Shalelan always sang it to me whenever I was distressed."

"Shalelan?"

"My rescuer and very first caretaker." He tried to construct her in his head but no matter how much he tried, times had already erased her face from his mind, leaving behind a blank face.

"Really? What was she like?"

"I cannot remember her appearance, or where she came from, it has been too long. There was a lot of things about her that I have forgotten, or simply don't know, but… I remember her to be kind, warm, and soft, and always fought so bravely against the odds. And she was the one who taught me to read and write—well, at least the basic of it, since we didn't have much time which each other—and told me I am a dreamer."

"What happened to her?"

"She… sacrificed her life for me. Enemies caught up with us right before we reached our destination. She told me to run and the next thing I knew, a large explosion happened." Solas told his story with a faraway look in his eyes, losing himself in the memory. "When I ran back to her, the only thing left was a burning field. There were no survivors, even the corpses had been burned to ashes. She was always very throughout with her work, after all."

"Oh, Solas, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Evelyn's sadness and guilt coiled around him, leaving behind a bittersweet taste.

"Don't be. Even if it's painful, it's good for me to remember her. And I'm sure she'll be glad to know that her last wish has come true."

"What did she wish for?"

"She told me to be free, to choose my own path, and be happy. I've made a lot of mistakes in my youth to finally know why she said so. And now, I have you."

To emphasize his point, he placed his lips upon his bondmate's forehead before moving them to her mouth, capturing it.

"I have you now…" he whispered against her lips.

And then, they just stayed together like that until the two decided that it was time to finish their meal.

They cleaned up their table and leave the plates outside the door for the maids to take away later. Afterward, Solas and Evelyn spent the hour or so with each other, just simply talking and joking as a couple would with no concern for their works. That could wait until tomorrow.

Eventually, it was time for them to prepare for bed.

Solas came in first but when it was Evelyn's turn to use the bathroom, Solas noticed after a while that he didn't hear the usual sounds of water splashing she would make during her bath time—and she almost always took a bath before bed, unlike him, as he preferred to do so before meals.

Was the bath not prepared for her yet? Not, when he came in before, he did see it was filled with clean water.

Turning inward to check on their link, he realized she was feeling… nervous? She didn't have this emotion just before this so this new change worried him.

Getting onto his feet, Solas walked to the bathroom and knocked.

"Evelyn, my love, are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine, I was just…" She drifted off and there were a few silent moments before she opened the door.

His eyes widened as they fell upon her. She was wrapped only in a short white towel, revealing her milky white thighs and shoulders. Her hands clutched tightly at where the edge of the cloth was tucked above her chest.

With her cheeks pinked visible again her pale skin, Evelyn looked shyly at him, teeth biting her lower lip for a while before her mouth opened slightly

"Do you… want to share the bath with me?" she asked softly.


	13. Uniting*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two souls share one body. Two bodies that share one soul. A union.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revision date: 17/06/2018

There was a long silence after her question, and Solas could feel Evelyn's anxiety rising with each second passed until, eventually, she turned away to reach for the door's handle.

"I'm sorry, I—"

He stopped her mid-sentence. One hand held onto her lower back, he guided her head upward to look at him.

"I would love to. If you still want to have me, that is," he whispered, thumb stroking her cheek.

Evelyn's mouth pressed into a thin line before it curled up into a shy smile as she nodded. Hand laced into his, she slowly led him through the door to where the bathtub was waiting for them. The water has been heated by her magic, and he could smell the faint scents of lavender and spices within the air.

Let go of his lover's hand, Solas gently closed the door before looking back at Evelyn, waiting for her next move.

Without taking her eyes off him, Evelyn pulled loose the towel wrapped around her body, letting it fall down onto the floor around her feet.

She was now completely bared before him. Her arms fell loosely at her sides, allowing him to drink in the full sight of her.

The last time Solas has seen her naked, Evelyn was covered in blood and he was too traumatized by the notion of losing her to care. But now, after everything had finally settled down enough for him to think clearly, there was nothing could stop him from once again fully appreciate her as a man and as a lover.

Slender neck and shoulders, strong collar bones beneath the pale skin lightly peppered with freckles that hid harden muscles from countless battles, round and soft breasts he knew would fit easily into his hands, a small waist followed by round hips and slender but strong legs. New and old scars scattered along the sensuous curves of a woman who has done the impossible paralleled an innocent heart

He tried not to look too long at the junction between her thighs, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable but he couldn't help but try to memorize her whole form as if it was the first time he did this. Even so, he could still detect her nervousness and saw the way her fingers flexed and twitched next to her thighs.

She was trying so hard to not cover herself for his sake and Solas felt a strong desire to reciprocate her effort.

Wordlessly, he untied the string of his trousers before pulling it down and stepping out of the pile of clothes.

Straightened up, he let Evelyn fully looked at him.

At first, her eyes widened in shock but it only took her a few seconds to compose herself before she let her gaze wandered.

He tried to suppress a shiver as he felt Evelyn tracing his body with her eyes. He was not shy or feeling shame about his physic as he has lived for too long to care about such trivial thing. And this was not even the first time he'd done this in front of a woman.

But then, the one in front of him wasn't just any woman. She was Evelyn, his bondmate, his partner, the only one Solas had and would ever call by the name 'vhenan'. His body was hers and he wanted to give her everything that he could give. He wanted… to know that she wanted him just as he did her.

And from the way the blue of her eyes seemed to light up as she took him in, it seemed, no, it was certainly to be the case that Evelyn liked what she was seeing. The realization made Solas wanted to puff his chest up with pride but he tried not to show it, opting to avoid distracting his lover from her observation.

Solas tried not to laugh when her eyes dropped to the lower part of his body and stayed there a little too long. He was definitely her very first naked male body and he would more than happy to stand here all night just so she could sate her curiosity.

But when she looked up and gazed straight into his eyes again, what he saw took his breath away.

It wasn't just appreciation that was she was carrying on her face but also gratefulness, understanding, happiness, and love.

Unable to stop himself, Solas closed the gap between them to embrace his bondmate and place a light kiss upon her lips.

"We should get into the water soon. You must be very cold now," he said, his lips curled up when she smiled.

A few moments later, they were already in the bathtub. The water was hot, almost scaling when they first got into it, but soon the heat settled in and now, with his neck leaned against the edge and Evelyn leaned against his front, Solas felt like he was in heaven.

Letting out a contented sigh, he reached for a sponge, soap and hair oil before gently pushed away Evelyn's hands from her hair.

"Here, let me do it," said Solas as he started to warm the oil in his palm.

Evelyn glanced back at him just a bit before closing her eyes and hummed, letting him do his work. He first massaged the oil into her scalp, making sure to rub the liquid into her hair roots before washing her head thoroughly with soap. In between, he took time to detangle the knots and massage her scalp.

"You know a lot about taking care of hair," Evelyn commented after a while.

"I used to have hair, you know, and back then—just like now—I prefer to take care of my body by myself." Solas chuckled.

"Ah, sooo… that night when we first laid together, you made your hair grown back? Or did you change the age of your appearance?" She grinned. "Either way, that was a good trick. I couldn't make a connection between you and 'Fen'Harel' before because I've never considered the thought about 'Solas' having hair. Silly me!"

She mentioned his deception in such a casual and lighthearted tone and yet it was like a punch to his stomach, making his breath hitched. Evelyn instantly felt his discomfort and turned around to look at him. "My Wolf?"

Gritting his teeth, Solas murmured, "I am so sorry I lied—"

He didn't manage to finish it because Evelyn quickly pressed a finger against his lips. "I don't want to hear it."

Solas took hold of her hand to lift it away from his mouth and frowned. "But I did wrong you, vhenan. Not talking about it does not make it any less true."

"Yes, but I don't want to hear you talk more about it not because I'm denying it. I'm still angry at you, but we both know you will always carry that mistake with you without me reminding you so I don't see the point of speaking about it," she said plainly.

"Evelyn…"

His bondmate sighed and held onto the back of his head to pull him down, pressing their foreheads together.

"If you want to pay for your wrong doings against me then you should make me happy. And nothing could make me happier than knowing that you could stop beating yourself and instead focusing on the future. I want you to focus on us, on our life together from now on."

A strong, determinate feeling flown around Solas's heart, pushing against it with a bittersweet joy and he nodded. "Very well. As you wish, my Evelyn."

"Good." She pulled away from him to smirk before turning around again and held up the sponge. "Now, keep pampering me like you did."

He barked out a laugh and resuming his job, he did. Solas helped Evelyn washed out the remaining soap in her hair before turning to her body and limbs. He tried not to make his touches too rough on her, finding pleasure in the gently rubbing against her skin, feeling her softness underneath his fingertips.

After a while, Evelyn turned back to him again. "Let me," she announced, taking the sponge and soap from him and started to wash his body. Obeying her request, Solas sat back and simply observed his bondmate taking care of him.

He tightened his jaw lightly when her nails racked lightly across his nipple and chest, then enjoying the sensation of her fingers sliding along his shoulders and arms.

He loved this, being the center of her attention and care. He loved the way she looked at him with a deep concentration, knowing that he alone was the only one who could have this kind of treatment from her.

Absentmindedly, Solas let his fingers play with Evelyn's wet hair, stroking her soft cheek with his knuckles. She stopped for a moment to look at him before resuming her work, humming gently under her nose with a smile on her face.

Then, she giggled.

"Something on your mind?" asked Solas.

"I tried to image you with dreadlocks. I just can't—" She laughed out loud mid-sentence. "You're always so serious, and I've always thought people with that hairstyle are often the opposite of you!"

"Well, I used to be quite a hot-headed youth, always ready for a fight," he replied, trying not to look embarrassing but failed. "It was just a usual part of growing up. I outgrew that, as you can see."

"You've turned into a grumpy old man, you mean?" Evelyn stated with a smirk.

"And you've fallen for this old man," he deadpanned.

"True. But really, sometimes I do wonder if I would fall for you had you were younger."

"I am quite sure you would. Just because I was a bit more uncontrollable back then didn't mean I did not have the same interests as I do now. And you have a weakness for men with knowledge."

"If it's just intelligence, I'd have chased after every single Keeper, mage, and professor I've met. But in the end, I fell for both Fen'Harel and Solas, didn't I? Even if you acted different in each persona, your wisdom, your kindness, your determination was still all there. I have a weakness for  _you_."

Evelyn paused for a bit before smiling tenderly. "So you were right, even if you were younger and more reckless, I'd still love you."

The way she said it like an absolute truth had quite an effect on him more than he had expected. Didn't know what else to throw back at her, Solas could only murmur while cupping her cheek, "Thank you."

With her lips still curled up in that smile he loved so much, Evelyn closed her eyes and held his hand, lips kissing his palm.

Eventually, she spoke up again, "But… you know, I was wondering… what it was like for you to always feel my emotions?"

The question threw him off a little bit so it took a moment for him to pounder for an answer.

"It is hard to explain," he said. "You could say that, to me, it is now just like breathing or walking. If I don't focus on it, I don't really notice how you feel unless your emotions are strong enough to jolt through me. But if I pay attention to it, I could pick up a lot from you but not your actual thoughts or physical sensations you feel."

"Does it bother you, to have your thoughts being distracted by me like that?" Evelyn bit her lower lip, her gaze lowered. "I know I'm not that hysterical or anything but still…"

"It is not." Solas emphasized by moving her gaze back at him. "Do you know that no matter what kind of feelings I pick from you, I could always feel your love directed to me? It is… an indescribable joy to live each day knowing that someone always loves and think about you, and I would not trade this for anything else."

He paused for a bit before continuing. "However…"

"However?"

"…I am more concerned about you, about your privacy. I have already taken from you too much—your freedom, your life as a normal human and soon your relationships with our companions. I have already made you promise to always stay with me so—"

Images and emotions flashed through his mind.

_A voice full of sorrow and despair._

_A woman singing in a flower field._

_He made a sound and she turned back. Blue eyes wide-opened, she clearly didn't expect him to be here._

_Blood was pouring from her eyes, nose, and mouth, but it was clear that she was crying._

_He knew her. Her names, so dear and precious, laid just on the top of his tongue and he called out to her._

_But she ran away._

_He couldn't let that happen, couldn't let her escape from him, not when he's finally found her again._

_He would not let her abandon him! Never again!_

"Solas? Solas! Are you okay?" Evelyn's voice shook Solas out of the flashed memory that soon disappeared without a trace, leaving him stumbling.

"Evelyn? What's wrong?"

"Shouldn't I be the one who asks that question, you were talking and then you just drifted off like going into a trance." She leaned closer to hold his cheek. "Are you all right?"

"Did I—yes, I am well. Do not worry about me, vhenan." Solas breathed out, feeling a strong urge to dismiss what had just happened and forget about it. "I am an old man so sometimes, old memories come back and consume my thoughts, that is all."

"Really?" She narrowed her eyes at him, voice full of doubts.

"Yes, truly. You will get that a lot too once you are old enough." He smirked teasingly.

"Stop reminding me that I'm growing old. No lady wants to hear that from their bondmate!" She squatted his chest playfully, seemed to have accepted his explanation. Then, her face turned puzzled again. "You were talking about…?"

Remember their previous conversation, Solas's face grew serious again as he talked. "As I said before, I have already taken so much from you so, to be honest, I do feel uncomfortable about my ability no matter how much I love waking up each day knowing that you love me. I did try to prevent myself from checking on you every time—but on many occasions, I slipped up but that was no excuse, and I am sorry."

Evelyn kept silence for a few moments before replying. "While I don't really mind that you read my emotions since you couldn't fully stop it, I do understand what you mean."

She thought for a bit more and then tilted her head at him. "How about from now on, we research for some ways to limit this ability of yours? Or maybe I could learn to block you out? This issue comes from the fact that you're a dreamer but since I'm a mage too, maybe we could find out something no ones had done before?"

Smiling, Solas caressed Evelyn's lips with the back of his fingers. "You are having new ideas," commented Solas without any malice.

"I'm just being me." She gave him a mock pout and he had to pull her closer for a kiss.

"I know," he whispered before capturing her lips with his own.

After that, they continued to enjoy the bath until the water became lukewarm.

Solas got out first, taking the chance to grab a towel to cover Evelyn as she stood up in the tub. Without a word exchanged between them, his bondmate simply wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing Solas to hook his arms under her knees and over her back to lift her up.

Just like that, he carried her out to their bed before gently placing her down on the soft mattress. The candles in this room had already gone out, leaving the only source of light to be the fireplace but that didn't matter to him, he could see well enough even without any light at all.

Kneeling on the floor, he started to use the towel to dry her up, taking good care not to be too rough with her hair.

"We can use magic to dry faster," Evelyn said but made no attempt to stop him.

"I prefer taking care of you like this," he replied gently without pausing his hands.

They remained in silence for a while like that until Evelyn grabbed his face to make him look up.

"You know, when I asked you to join me for a bath, I was hoping for something more. Not that I don't enjoy being spoiled like this by you." She chuckled.

"I know, but I prefer to make sure that you are comfortable in your bed when that happens instead of in cold water."

"And now that we are in bed?"

"Now? Now I hope that I can make you happy."

"You've already made me happy, Solas," Evelyn said as she took his hand and pressed it against between her breasts, letting him feel the thumping underneath her skin. The tips of his fingers touching her red scar.

"Do you feel it?" she asked, her eyes closed. "This is the beatings of what was my heart?"

"Was?"

She finally opened her eyes to gaze straight into his, and her next words stole his breath away.

"It's not mine anymore. It's yours. I love you, Solas."

He knew he should have said something, but he couldn't. Instead, he just leaned forward to replace his hand on her chest with his head.

Pressed his forehead against her bosom, feeling her heartbeats and her arms wrapped around him, he asked slowly, "Evelyn, Ar lath ma."

"Say it again," she demanded softly.

"Ar lath ma."

"Again."

This time, he let go to look straight into her eyes.

"Ar lath ma, ma vhenan."

Once again, just like that night, the overwhelming love surged through his soul and devoured all other emotions. It felt unreal and yet at the same time, weighted inside his chest heavier than all else of this world.

Her eyes shone in the dark but he didn't need to see to feel her happiness flowing in him.

Pulling toward each other like gravity, their lips touched and the sweetness spread, she still tasted vaguely of the sweet wine they drank during dinner despite having already cleaned up for the night.

Wanting more, he pushed toward to get more tastes out of her and she opened for him. So willing and confident, thanked for all the nights they have "practiced" with each other.

Tongues moving and exploring, pleasure ran in waves through each wave and flicks.

He wanted to leave marks on her, wanted to have proofs that she was finally his so he let go of her mouth and move to her neck.

There, right where he could feel her pulses the most strongly, he bit down and sucked, and her moan was music to his ear.

Evelyn pulled at him, pressing his head closer to her neck but he pushed her back and chuckled at her eagerness.

"What? Why did you stop?" She pouted.

"I was thinking about how pretty your neck will look tomorrow." He smirked, taking pleasure in seeing her face became even redder while he stroked the spot he's just bitten.

But that didn't make her shy away from him. Instead, he could feel her determination rose up and right away, she yanked him toward her.

The next thing he knew, a sharp pain came from the side of his neck. Before he could react, her lips have already replaced her teeth to set him on fire.

She marked him without any hesitation and her desire burnt inside and upon his skin. The pressure was too much so he had to pull her off and claimed her mouth, hoping to release some of the fire before he lost controls.

Nips, and bites, and teases, and caresses, and touches, he wanted all of her.

But amid the dizziness of wants and needs, he still knew that she deserved better than to be taken by a man who only thought for himself.

No, she deserved to be worshiped, to be loved because that was what she was born for.

He wanted to love her.

That was why he halted their frenzy kisses before moving her further into the center of the bed, making sure that she would be comfortable and ready for what would come next.

Leaning her back against a pillow, he took the time to look at her to commit this memory into his heart.

This was it, wasn't it? The final moments of him as a free wolf? To think that there this day could finally come to him, it felt almost unreal.

She gazed at him, understanding in her eyes and heart as she took in his expression. And then, once again, she opened her arms just like that day.

"Come, Solas."

And came to her that he did. Lips upon lips. Arms enveloped around bodies. Skin against skin. And the fire burnt with the newer, stronger fuel.

He couldn't stop moving his hands. Her face, her neck, shoulders, breasts, waist, hips, thighs. He held them, groped them, caressed them to rediscover her body, to remind himself that this was real.

Solas peppered kisses upon her face, ears, and neck, giving bites and nips as he moved down to her breasts before attacking them like an animal hungered for living flesh. Hands groped at the underside to knead at the soft orbs, he lapped at her nipples until the nubs hardened enough for him to suckle on one while hand pinching and playing with the other. It drew lustful moans from her that only pushed him farther to the edge.

He pawed at her thighs, kissing their insides from her knees up to near her groin before climbing back to devour her mouth. Solas could have tasted her like he had done that night but he had decided not to. He knew how to please her, still remember so very well how she had cried out for his tongue and fingers. He longed to taste her again, to have the sweet flavor of her on his tongue.

But not this time.

This time he had to see face the moment she reached her peak. He needed to see clearly how she would look when she cried out for his name and knew nothing else but him.

So, he remained next to her, one hand wrapped around her back to grope and play with her breast, and to crush her side against his front while the other exploring her lower body. With the other hand and a great deliberation, he traced the tips of his fingers from a nipple down the curve of her breast, passing over her navel and damp curls to where her clit was waiting for him.

Solas let his hand stroked her slit, feeling her dampness but didn't actually push inside yet. Instead, he cupped her and rubbed firmly, using his thumb to tease around her nub but not really touching it.

"Solas, more, please," his lover whined but he just chuckled, distracting her with a light bite and tuck on her ear before he teased with the tip of his tongue.

He was an immortal, after all, and he knew very well how rewarding a slow opening could be. She was still too young and inexperienced to truly appreciate this, but she could learn, and he would take great pleasure in being her teacher in this aspect just like he had in everything else.

Yes, he would teach her a new world of experience and pleasure that she could never dream of on her own. The thought filled Solas with great anticipation, edging him to prolong his teasing even further.

He stroked and squeeze her mound with great care, only pushed in one knuckle here and there to gather some of her wetness for her clit. Then, he would focus his attention on the little nub by spreading the skin around, forcing it to reveal itself.

He gave it featherlight touches and flicks that made her hips bucked but as he expected, Evelyn didn't try to close her leg or squirmed away from him. She trusted him enough to simply accept whatever he had in store for him without questions.

Of course, sometimes the pressure was too much and she would keen, pleading him to hurry up. Each time that happened, he would stop her by suckling on her nipple or devouring her mouth, using his tongue and teeth to make her forget. Her pleasure echoed in his mind and body, making him dizzy with lust but for her sake, he prevailed and forcing himself to not succumb to his desire. Not yet.

Eventually, it was time for him to delve into her and he did so with a careful finger at first, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

She was so hot and tight and soft, and then she clenched around his finger- The images of that night suddenly flashed back to him, reminding him what it was like to one with her and he swallowed, trying to focus himself on his task instead.

He stroked inside her for a while until it was enough for her to take the second one, and then, it was time. He sought out that spot within her and use his best tricks to push Evelyn over the edge. His thumb still playing with her clit, doubling the force.

She keened, moaned, and cried into his mouth. Her hands clawed at his shoulder and the bedding beneath them and he had to use his other free arm to hold her still, preventing her from thrashing around.

Her was clenching tighter through each second and he knew it wouldn't be long before she reached her peak. Solas let go of her mouth to look at her face fully, and he discovered that the pleasure was too much for her to hold her eyes open. But that wouldn't do.

"Do not close your eyes, vhenan. Look at me," he pleaded, hand never stop its work.

"S-Solas, it—"

"I want to see you. Do not hide from me, ara'asha. Let me see you."

At his words, with great efforts, she slowly opened her eyes and what he saw rendered him breathless.

Her eyes were glazed over with lust. Pupil widened to the point that her blue eyes now looked almost black. Her desire was boiling inside him, wanting to devour him from inside out. And yet, amid all of those overwhelming thirst, there was a clear love and yearning within those eyes.

And then her climax hit her with full force, making her cried out his name. But true to his request, she didn't close her eyes. She looked at him as it happened, and she was bared to him in every way.

He could feel pulses of her orgasms ran through his mind, making him even harder than he thought possible. Each pulse accompanied by a breathless moan or shiver. Her fluid overflown around his fingers as he kept up his stroking through all that.

Eventually, it came to an end and by then, she was boneless against him. Her hands couldn't even find the strength to hold onto him so she let them lay between their bodies. Evelyn's eyes had now finally closed for her to find her breath again and throughout all that, he didn't once remove his gaze from her face.

Flushed skin damped with sweat, slightly-opened lips swollen from his kisses, bite and kiss marks decorated her skin, she far from her usual proper self, and yet she was far lovelier than ever.

When Evelyn finally looked at him again, love was the only thing he could read on her face and it was impossible for Solas not to pull his hand out from inside her to hold her close, to kiss her deeply and to whisper his love for her.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, pressing his forehead against her.

"Wonderful!" She breathed out before chuckling. "But honestly, that really surprised me, I didn't know you could do that with just fingers in such a short time."

"Seriously? You actually thought I lived this long and only have one trick in my pocket? Even after how many times I showed you what I could do to the female nobles of Arlathan?" He huffed good-naturally. "Do you not remember, vhenan? I did say last time that I will teach you a lot more. This? This was just the beginning."

To emphasize his point, Solas dipped two of his finger into her lower lips—her breath hitched at that—to pull out some of her come. With great deliberation, he looked straight into her eyes as he sucked his fingers clean, letting the taste of her envelop his tongue.

The effects he had on her was immediate. A rush of fire spread through his chest and groin which certainly wasn't his. And in a blink of an eye, he was pushed on his back, her mouth upon his, stealing his breath away.

"Let me touch you," she whispered against his lips and he complied.

Pulling her to sit astride on him, Solas sat up and take Evelyn's hands to put them on his chest. At first, he just let her explore him by herself, letting her touch him in any way she wanted. He used words and his expressions to let her know what he liked and disliked, where it would feel sensitive and what not.

But of course, sometimes she would halt her exploration out of fear of hurting him and he would help her by guiding her hands with his owns or giving her kisses of encouragement to spurn her on.

And then, her hands touched his cock. It was a tentative, gentle action but he couldn't help but let out a strong sigh that almost a groan, releasing his pleasure for her to hear. Just as he expected, this gave Evelyn enough confidence to continue on.

Her fingers grew bolder as they wrapped around him, stroking and squeezing and rubbing everywhere from the tip of cock down to his sacs below. They were a bit clumsy and unsure but knowing that it was her who was giving him pleasure created an effect on him that as great as if he was with some high-class courtesan of the old Elvhenan.

If this was what it felt like when Evelyn was still a beginner, Solas couldn't wait for what would come in the future once she had more experience.

Her stroking of him had become much smoother and soon, Solas knew he had to stop her. "Stop, vhenan, please." He held her hands still at where they were, knowing that if he let go, she would yank them away.

"Did I hurt you?" asked Evelyn quickly, but her hands remained still under his.

"No, the opposite, in fact." He leaned forward to kiss her, sliding his tongue inside to stroke the roof of her mouth, leaving her breathless. "You made it feel so good, but I want it to come when I am inside of you."

A tender and understanding look appeared on Evelyn's face upon hearing his explanation and she nodded. Wordlessly, Solas removed his hands around hers to reach for the junction between her thighs.

She was still so very wet and he trembled in excitement. More loving kisses were exchanged between them before Evelyn made her move.

With one hand on his shoulder for purchase, she moved her hips above his cock as her other hand guided it to her opening. He didn't push her, instead, he chose to simply hold her waist, intending to assist his bondmate when she needed it.

In agonizing slowness, Evelyn gradually moved down, letting herself envelop him one part of the time until she had seated on him completely - her arms looped around his body in a tight embrace, her head against his shoulder.

Solas found it so hard to breathe with the feel of her all around him. Holding her against his chest, he stroked her hair and back, murmuring sweet nothings into her ears until she had gotten used enough of him.

When she pulled back to look at him, it was like the entire world had disappeared, leaving nothing behind but the two of them. Never once letting her gaze leave him, Evelyn started to move.

Pleasure gradually built up within Solas with each time she lifted herself up then down. He tried to resist his baser instinct but soon found it to be a futile action. Unable to stop himself, he started to thrust up into her, quickly found a rhythm for both of them.

His hands groped at her backside, kneading and pulling at them and he could feel her growing even wetter, dripping down to his thighs. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh echoed around him that could only be pushed away by the sound of her moans next to his ears.

Lips never stop kissing, teeth couldn't stop biting and nipping, he felt like his soul was fragmenting until—

"Solas?"

—until he felt as if he was her and she was him, and they were a soul inhabited two bodies and a body that carried two souls.

"Evelyn?" Eyes widened, Solas asked in a voice that almost feel like it wasn't his.

"I can feel you," she spoke up in wonders, seeming like she was seeing the world for the first time. "I can feel everything about you!"

"And I can feel you too, vhenan. Everything." Solas whispered and it was all he needed to say. After that, there was no need for words anymore.

They continued to rock against each other. Bodies pressing tightly together, lips devouring, not wanting to be separated. There was a need for them to stay connected but the strongest knot of that link had not yet appeared.

_Stay with me!_

He pleaded within his mind.

 _Always_.

Came her answer.

Their movements grew erratic and soon, Solas knew that Evelyn wouldn't be able to keep up her pace, but they were not there yet, just a little more.

Without leaving, he held her tightly against his body and quickly flipped both of them over. The sudden move didn't give Evelyn a pause, the link between them had allowed her to simply act accordingly by wrapping her legs around his hips and held onto his neck.

Not wasting even a second, Solas once again thrust into her, his hands laced with hers, pressing them against the mattress. He tested the angles, easily found out which one could hit that spot inside Evelyn that would drive her over the edge.

He watched as his bondmate drown in ecstasy, mesmerized by the way her breasts bounced with his strokes, the way her eyes glazed over and yet so focused on him, the way her lips opened but unable to form words.

It was coming closer and closer, and soon, it arrived.

Evelyn came with loud keen that sounded vaguely like his name. He could sense waves and waves of pleasure assaulted her. They pulsed through her body like electricity, making her inside contracting around him, forcing him to follow her. Her eyes wide-opened throughout it all, never once leaving his face.

Heat coiled through Solas's lower stomach and soon, his thrusts turned frantic and then into jerking movements. Finally, with a groan, he found himself spilling deeply into her, mixing their essences together until it overflown out of her.

Solas kept coming and coming, but never once stopped moving his hips or looked away from her. His mind was strangely empty and yet also full of Evelyn's images and for a moment, he actually thought that he has always been born this way, knowing only about her.

They remained in this gently rocking position for some more times until the strongest sensation had finally subsided along with that out-of-body feeling, leaving them both feel fully like themselves again.

Knowing that she wouldn't want him to leave so soon, Solas carefully rolled to one side, pulling his bondmate with him so they both ended up laying on their sides and still connected. His movement caused a whimper in Evelyn who was still very sensitive.

The two of them held onto each other for a long while, feeling the sweats on their skin gradually dried away until Evelyn shivered.

Reluctantly, he retreated himself out of her and call for a small patch of warm air into the bed. Then, he pulled loose the bed curtain – he'd prefer to have a barrier to cover them when the maids came next morning.

Using the towel he had left on the ground, Solas carefully cleaned away the mess on their bodies—momentary caught his breaths when he saw the way his white seed smeared over her lower lips.

"My Wolf, could you…?" Evelyn asked but let her question drifted away mid-sentence, knowing that he could understand what she meant.

His mind flashed back to when he and Evelyn were still mentally fused – during that period, he had delved so deep into her mind that he could see the dream that she buried away underneath all her other wishes. She wanted a world with magic, where mages and elves could live equally with other races, where spirits could roam free and not bringing along with them the danger of possession, and yet all of that was actually spawned from a little wish for a world where she could make a family for herself in peace without the fear of persecution.

With a heaviness in his chest, he pushed his hand just below her navel and cast a contraceptive spell. But even when doing so, Solas couldn't stop himself from envisioning the future that Evelyn wished for. A family, children, happiness.

The first time he would get to hold his eldest-born.

The days he would use to teach his daughter how to read and perform magic.

The nights where he would carry his son to bed, promising to see the child soon in the Fade with his siblings and mother.

The outdoor trips where, in his wolf form, he would spend hours playing with his many children and Evelyn.

The years all of them would stay together until the day—if they could survive everything else—he and his bondmate decided to enter their never-ending sleep and headed for the place beyond the Void. And their children would live on in a better world their parents have made for them.

A painful hunger clawed at his heart and he bit his lips to bring himself back to the present. This was not the time for it. Not yet. And he didn't want to think about how many years would have to pass until those visions could come true, or if they could ever have a chance to do that.

Restraining himself from letting a sigh, Solas returned to Evelyn's waiting arms. The tenderness of her warmth spread into his skin as he inhaled her scent. Lovingly, he kissed her sweet and slow before he heard she whispered. "Don't worry, I'll start taking morning tea from now on."

He smiled sadly, reaching out for her hand to lace their fingers together while his other hand woven into her hair.

"I promise, vhenan, I shall build a home for us. One day, I promise you, one day you will be able to sing that lullaby to our children."

She blinked at him before smiling back and nodded. It was a little brittle thing but there was a hope building inside it and that was enough for now.

Eventually, Evelyn let go of his hand to silently lift up her wrist above them, he knew she couldn't really see it within the dark but he could, and Solas marveled at the bright red mark on her wrist.

He raised his arm to place his wrist beside her, revealing his own red mark. They stared at the marks for a while until he cast his spell, changing one mark to black while the other disappeared.

Satisfying with the result, Solas once again wrapped his arms around his bondmate and closed his eyes.

As they gradually fell into sleep and departed together into the Fade, they both knew that their bodies would spend this night and many nights after held onto each other tightly.

Until the demise of Corypheus signaled that it was time for a long separation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the last but after that, there'll be an extra update for delete scenes/funny (or at least attempt to be funny) snippets.


	14. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Together, a wolf and his bride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of the main story of this fic. But after this, there'll be another chapter consisting of extra/deleted scenes, some will give hints about other plots and details of this fic and its future sequel, but most of them will mostly be my attempts of writing humor.
> 
> Revision date: 06/07/2018

People cheered at each step she took. Praises, congratulations, and well-wishes blended together with the joyous screams and songs.

Half of Evelyn's heart felt like it wanted to dance together with the happiness of those around her, it wanted to celebrate with them the victory they have achieved after so much blood, tears, and sacrifices.

The other half meanwhile, was heavy with sorrow when the reality was gradually setting in. This was the first step to the end of the Inquisition. Soon, her companions would have to leave, being called by whatever duties and goals they have had in their mind from the beginning, and if even some of them decided to stay with her, once all of her deceptions coming out, they would…

Mentally shaking her head, Evelyn tried not to dwell on that thought for too long. Even if this all were to end, even if in the end all of this would be remembered as false and lies by her friends—just for this moment, please let her enjoy the sweet taste of victory and companionship.

Tightening her fists, Evelyn continued to walk with confidence into the main hall of the fortress. Just as she expected, Solas was waiting for her right at the front door. Just like her, his moods seemed to be switching between joy and sadness but there was an inclination toward the later. She couldn't really tell, to be honest, since her reception of his emotions, something she has developed after their bonding night, along with the ability to block her own 'door' to him, wasn't as clear and strong as he toward her unless he actively sent them to her.

But at least, the heaviness she felt from him back after the destruction of the Orb was no longer there. Back then, right after that had happened, she had furiously apologized for her action, feeling extremely guilty for destroying a powerful tool that could help shorten their quest.

Solas had stopped her, saying that they could still do it even without the Orb since they didn't need to rip the Veil in one go anymore but it was obvious to her that he was upset. Yet now, seeing him smiling at her with tenderness and love, and felt that sadness within him so similar to her own, Evelyn could tell that he had finally let that set back of them behind to focus on the present again.

Holding out his hand which she gladly took, he led her inside. They didn't exchange any words about their own feelings because of other people's presence, but she knew that later, they would talk about it. For now, it was more important for them—and for him, especially—to enjoy the celebration with their friends before  _that_  happened.

The two of them mingled in the ball, trying to feel happy for their companions over whatever plan they had for themselves next but apparently, Evelyn still wasn't a good liar as she thought because when she was dancing with the Iron Bull—this time, no foot-stepping—he suddenly commented with a thoughtful voice.

"You're sad, boss."

Evelyn found no reason to deny it as there was no use in lying to the ex-spy so she just nodded. "It had finally come to an end—all of this, I mean."

"Yeah, it'll be a little lonely not see all of you guys, but I sense there's more, correct?" He asked as he twirled her around on her toes.

"I'm afraid of the future."

"Why? You just killed a would-be god. I think even if the end of the world comes, you'll be the one who scares it to death."

"I was able to kill Corypheus because you and everyone else were with me. Before Haven, I was basically a hermit. I avoided pretty much everyone unless it was for my research, I knew nothing about politics, leading or wars, and I had no friends."

"And now you're afraid that without us, you can't do anything?"

"More like I'm afraid of going back to that life where I'm all alone—well, mostly alone. You are all important friends of mine but sometimes, I feel like I wouldn't have you guys here if it weren't for the circumstances—I mean, the reason you were all here was that, back then, we had a hole in the sky and a maniac ancient magister, so…"

"Relax, boss, and stop looking down on yourself. If you were that shitty of a person, no amount of holes-in-the-sky and crazy mages we had could keep us here with you, and I wouldn't agree to dance with you like this."

"But—"

"No 'but', even if we're not here anymore, the moment you need us, we'll be there for you. And just because the world isn't ending doesn't mean you can't make new friends anymore. You'll never know—look at me, years ago I wouldn't even think about becoming a Tal-Vashoth, but here I am!"

Only years of learning to hide her emotions had allowed Evelyn to not wince at Bull's words. They were all so kind and yet it felt like she was being stabbed by several blades. The moment all of this came down, when she and Solas brought magic fully back to this world again, Bull would probably be one of the firsts to try to kill them.

But even so, this moment when Bull declared his friendship for her was still a precious memory that she wanted to keep. So, she swallowed her tears and laughed as he lifted her up for the final spin of their dance. Their laughter echoed through the large room, attracting the attention of everyone in it.

Once they had finished and it was Dorian's turn to be with Bull, Evelyn went back to Solas's side as he was talking with Varric and Abelas. The Sentinel's participation in the party was a surprise to her since more often than not, he and his subordinates preferred to keep to themselves even after they had agreed to join the Inquisition, or to be corrected, her and Solas's force.

"You sure you don't want to stay?" Varric asked Abelas.

"Our purpose here is finished. The one who destroyed Mythal's temple has received his punishment so there is no reason for us to remain here anymore," the elf replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "Furthermore, perhaps there are other elven ruins of her that could still be saved and preserved."

At least, that was part of the reason for him to leave, the other part was for the Sentinels to carry out missions for Solas without alerting the Inquisition. The whole time they had spent here would allow them to know how to operate outside Leliana's notice.

After some more small exchanges, Abelas nodded and left to return to his own group in another corner. Evelyn then heard Varric murmured under his breath, "Sooner or later, you'll have to meet  _her_. No use to run like that. At least Broody won't be able to kill you in another ten years or so."

Evelyn and Solas glanced at each other at that. Ever since Varric's first meeting with Abelas, something had been going between them but every time she or Solas asked, both men vehemently refused to disclose it. However, since Abelas had confirmed that nothing would interfere with his mission, she and her bondmate had agreed to let the issue slide.

And so, they spent a few more moments in the party before excusing themselves for a short break in their chamber.

Upon returning to their quiet sanctuary, Evelyn slowly walked to the balcony to stare at the sunset, feeling as if its light was the sign of the arriving ending.

A pair of warm arms circled around her from behind and she sighed, leaning against Solas's chest as they looked on.

"It has finally come," she said.

"Indeed," her love simply replied but she needed no more explanation from him because they had talked about this many times before.

In another month, Solas would leave Skyhold with a group of mages and soldiers that had been carefully 'chosen' for a special expedition to research about the Veil's activities after Corypheus's defeat. But they would never come back. An attack and explosion would happen, killing most of the members of this group, including him, and a few 'survivors' managed to escape would report it to be the work of remaining Venatori.

Evidence would eventually lead the Inquisition to the rogue Tervinter mages' hideout, and in her 'grief' and thirst for revenge, the Inquisitor would massacre them, leaving no witnesses or prisoners. After that, the leader of the Inquisition would fully devote to her role as a leader, nevermore talking about Solas, seeking out another lover, or touching the topic of soulmates.

Without being tied to her and the Inquisition, Solas would have the chance to operate more freely and Evelyn would make sure to keep others off his tail to hide away his organization for as long as she could. The physical separation from him would be hard but knowing that no one could come in between them in Fade gave Evelyn a small comfort to accept her task. Instead, it was the knowledge that what Solas was going to face during his future journey that pained her more. After all, it would be him who had to endure a permanent farewell to a loved one. And all of this started so suddenly when Kieran first disappeared into that Eluvian...

_Evelyn reached Morrigan as the hysterical mother—as much as Morrigan could be—was in the middle of confronting the boy's kidnapper. But the moment she arrived, the old woman took one look at Evelyn and recognition appeared on her face._

" _You?" the old woman asked in astonishment but quickly collected herself again and smiled, this time with understanding on her face. "Ah, I see. So that's how it is."_

_Evelyn didn't have much time to react to that because Morrigan quickly threw a tirade against the old woman, who soon revealed to be her mother, Flemeth the Witch of the Wild, and most unexpected of all, Mythal._

_The moment she knew the truth, fear and regret grew within Evelyn as she realized that by letting Morrigan drank from the Well as Solas had advised her to, she had inadvertently pushed her new companion into an eternal shackle._

_Through the whole thing, Evelyn's mind was racing through possible plans and ways to convince Mythal to let her daughter go but before she could find a solution, everything had already come to an end._

_As she departed, Mythal simply left behind a reassurance to her daughter without sparing Evelyn a single glance. But the moment the old woman disappeared, a voice echoed through Evelyn's mind._

" _Take care of our Wolf, will you? Just like you have always done so?"_

_That was the last she would ever hear from Mythal._

_Solas had reacted to news just as she expected: furious, happy and full of sorrow. There was so much had happened between her Wolf and the Allmother that Evelyn doubted that she could ever truly understand their bond and it saddened her to think that once again, he would have to endure a second farewell to his dear friend._

_He didn't say much afterward but for a few nights, Solas didn't come to her dream like he always did and instead, he went deep into the Fade to seek out his friend. But eventually, one morning, he told her that at some point, he would have to leave her side to find and meet face-to-face with the goddess. Evelyn had accepted it without needing him to explain anything else. Her beloved deserved it, after all._

_Abelas also had a similar reaction to the news but upon hearing from her bondmate of what he planned to do, the Sentinel had simply accepted it, saying that he would receive any order Mythal would pass to him through Solas._

_In the end, this event was the final push that forced them to come up with the solution of having both Abelas and Solas to leave the Inquisition permanently._

Looking back at the present, even though Evelyn had prepared herself for a long while now, she still found it hard to believe that time could have flown so swiftly and now, here they were, celebrating the defeat of Corypheus.

"I will miss you," Evelyn whispered. "Funny, really. When we could still be together in the Fade."

"This world has many things that cannot be replaced with dreaming, vhenan." His hold around her tightened. "But no matter if it is the Fade or the real world, know that I will always protect you.

"I know."

And with that, there was nothing more needed to be said. Silently, the couple allowed the sunset's dying light to shine upon them until it was time to return to the party in the main hall.

xxXxx

In the two years that followed shortly after Solas's 'death', Evelyn poured all of her being into the job of hunting the remaining of Corypheus's force and rebuilding. Even with the death of the magister, his followers were still a dangerous threat that needed to be exterminated, both for the good of the common folks and for Solas's own army in the future.

With Leliana had become the Divine, the spymaster position had been shared evenly to Evelyn, Cullen and Josephine and some of the senior spies of the organization.

Just as she had expected, no matter how good they were, none could actually match Leliana's ability and thus, it allowed Evelyn to install some of her own spies from Solas into her troops. With him constantly sending her news and intelligence, Evelyn found herself possessing a spy network that was just as expansive as when Leliana was still around, and yet it had the advantage of being much more elusive.

Of course, aside from her duty on the battlefields, Evelyn also had to deal with diplomatic missions and ever since the news of the Inquisitor's lover being killed, countless letters from suitors all over Thedas had once again poured endlessly into the mail room of Skyhold.

If she had to be honest, this issue angered and frustrated her even more than just dealing with the normal politicians. It was especially nerve-grating whenever one of those suitors proclaiming his eternal love for her and then declared that he could erase and replace Solas from her heart.

Even if Solas was actually dead for real, no one could ever replace him. No one.

Thankfully, each time she encountered such letters like that, Evelyn could find solace in her bondmate's embrace within the Fade right when night came. But of course, occasionally, she had to endure the night alone when he was too busy as Solas was collecting dreamers and training other mages to move around in the dreaming world.

And tonight, it was another reunion in her bed within the Skyhold of the Fade.

"Can you believe he has the nerve to say that? While we were in the courtyard with all the nobles around us!" Evelyn ground her teeth together as she recalled the earl who pulled a little 'stunt' that involved him proposing to her in public and then basically declaring that he would kill himself if she didn't accept his 'love'.

"Ah, that would have been quite a sight to see." Solas chuckled, kissing behind her ear while hand stroking her bare shoulder. The sweat of their previous activity was still covering her skin while the bed cover tangled around her thighs, hiding away the mess between her legs.

"You can laugh because you didn't have to be in my spot." She pouted at him.

"I doubt that Earl wants to propose to a man." His teasing earned him a light swat on the shoulder.

"You know what I meant!" Evelyn crossed her arms and glanced. "If you don't take this seriously, I won't let you touch me anymore."

"Oh, vhenan, even if I do not, we both know very well you cannot resist me." He hummed smugly and before she knew it, she was on her back with him looming over her. "In fact, was it not you who had been screaming for me to touch you just moments ago?

Evelyn had to bite back a moan as he bit her neck, giving her little nips that made the fire in her lower stomach burning up again.

One hand clawing at his back and the other stroking his cock to harden it again, she instinctively wrapped her legs around him, letting his groans and pants filled her ears before he muffed them away by biting at her breast. His joy and pleasure once again enveloped her heart like a stream of pleasant water that washed away her troubles.

But then, something suddenly hit her mind, making she stopped.

"Evelyn?"

"I just remembered, there had been reports about my troops having some small conflicts with Ferelden's soldiers."

"Again?" He frowned and then sat up, pulling her along to once again hold her against his chest.

"Ferelden has been quite antsy with us for a while now. I fear something may happen soon," stated Evelyn. "That and your reports about Qunari spies…"

"We can only deal with that once those Qunari make their move." Solas sighed. "Exposing them now would make people suspicious of you and our agents since you are not supposed to have that much reach."

"I know." She nodded. "But knowing that those spies are lurking in my ranks and could endanger people at any moments bother me."

"If you want, I could arrange false evidence and force them to come out for you."

"Perhaps not now. You still need to find out what they're after first so—"

Evelyn didn't get a chance to finish her sentence because the Anchor suddenly flared up. It hurt a little bit before it could get any worse, Solas had already calmed it down.

"Thank you, my Wolf," Evelyn murmured, wiggling her left hand to test the feeling.

"It would be better if I am physically there with you." He sighed, fingers tracing her hand. "There is only so much I could do in the Fade when the Anchor is still bounded to your real body."

"Even if you were with me, you can't really take it off me in one go, that process takes time which you, a supposedly dead man, don't have." She pointed out plainly and smiled. "It will be okay, Solas. As long as I'm not using the Anchor excessively, your ward on it will hold."

He mulled over her words for a short moment before sighing again, "If you say so. But please, the moment it acts up again, you must contact me immediately."

"Of course."

xxXxx

And then, just as usual, fate had to choose the worst turn for everything.

First, the Inquisition was called in for an Exalted Council, then Solas's ward on her hand rapidly evaporated leaving the Anchor to act up,  _then_  she barely managed to stop the Qunari just in time thanks to her Fen'Harel agents.

And now Evelyn was chasing after the Qunari once more, hoping that she would be able to stop them before they starting to babble about the Dread Wolf and such.

Solas had known about the condition of her hand a few days ago and had arranged a meeting place for them through one of the Eluvian after all of these ended so he could place a much stronger ward and do a more extensive scanning on her. But seeing how the current situation went, Evelyn feared that by the time she could go and meet him, her hand would already beyond saving.

Her, Dorian, Bull and Varric reached the Viddasala just right after the woman had finished activating an Eluvian.

The moment her eyes set on the mirror, Evelyn's heart instantly beat faster. It was the one that would lead directly to Solas!

And then, of course, the Qunari leader had to mention about Fen'Harel but thankfully, by firing an ice blade at her, Evelyn had managed to stop the Viddasala from revealing anything more. She would not let Solas's name be revealed that easily.

"We cannot let her run back to Qunari, they will have access to these Eluvian!" she said to her team and right away, the pursuit continued.

She wasn't lying about not wanting to let the Viddasala spread information about the mirrors but it was more important to her that Solas's identity would not be revealed this early.

Ans so, she ran, this time with even more reasons to not allow herself to fail. Let the Anchor consume her if it wanted to. She had to protect Solas!

The fight with the Saarath was absolutely brutal and by the time their opponent had finally fallen down, her whole team was no longer in any shape of running.

Secretly glad that this meant that they couldn't follow her or at least be able to go through the mirror for a while, and with her mind clouded by the thought of protecting her bondmate, Evelyn ran.

"Evelyn! No!" Dorian shouted after her and so did her other friends.

"Don't, boss!"

"Come back, Bookworm!" Varric screamed. He tried to stand up to chase after her but the wound on his leg made him fall down.

She wanted to tell them that it would be okay, but she couldn't. She needed to go through the mirror first and sealed it from the other side, then after meeting with Solas, maybe they could figure out a way to settle all of these.

When Evelyn finally came through the Eluvian, the sight that greeted her wasn't really a surprise aside from a slight startle.

Her beloved truly didn't waste much time to deal with a threat.

Then, she heard his voice, speaking in Qunlat and she quickly followed it to where the Viddasala was confronting him.

Standing in the armor that she had only seen he worn once before in that dark future of Redcliffe, the sight of Solas was so different and yet so heart-achingly familiar and soothing, even if he was looking at the Qunari with an icy stare.

"Your forces have failed," he said with a cold voice subtly laced with annoyance and disgust. "I am waiting for someone more important than you so leave now, and tell the Qunari to trouble me no further."

His dismissal simply enraged the Viddasala on even more and she attacked. But of course, it was a foolish decision because, within seconds, she soon shared the fate of her fallen subordinates.

Letting out a sigh, Solas turned to Evelyn's directions. Instantly, his frowning lips curled up and his face softened when he saw her.

Lovingly, he called out for her, "Vhenan."

She smiled weakly and stumbled forward. But within a few steps, the Anchor soared up again and this time, it was so painful that she couldn't even stand, let alone holding back her scream.

Solas's expression quickly changed to that of horror and he immediately ran to her. Pulling her against his chest, he held up her left hand. Light shone through his eyes and Evelyn could feel the Anchor's force being pushed down, though just barely.

"Why? Why is this happening?" Solas breathed through his teeth. Even so, his hold on her hand and shoulder was still surprisingly gently despite his obvious panic. "The Anchor was not supposed to be active to this level this. I have made sure of it!"

"I-I'm so sorry, Solas!" she stuttered out her apology. "I had to use it to deal with the Saarath, maybe that's the reason."

"No, it wasn't your fault. Something else is affecting it and undoing my work—" Realization formed on Solas's face and he quickly cast a scanning spell over her. It felt much deeper and stronger than his usual one which probably had something to do with his additional power from Mythal.

After some moments, Evelyn felt his hands on her tightened as his face grew darker before, with a shaky breath, he said, "The ritual the Red Scales performed on you back then, its residues are still within you, pulling magic from the Fade to feed Anchor while eating away my barrier…"

Knowing that he was likely blaming himself for such an overside, Evelyn quickly gripped his face and forced him back to the present. "Solas, this isn't your fault. Is there anything we can do to stop this?"

"The Anchor had rooted too deep into you…" He gritted his teeth, unable to finish but she could already guess what had to come next.

"I'm going to lose my arm?"

Mutely, he nodded.

She was scared. By the Maker, she was terrifying even when she had thought many times about the possibility of losing her left arm! But this wasn't the time to lose her wits here! She still had her life, she still had Solas and a future for both of them.

Took in a long breath to still herself, Evelyn looked up to Solas who had also calmed himself down and was looking at her intensely.

"You will have to cut my arm."

"I know." His reply was short but its heaviness was clear.

"It isn't your fault."

"I have failed you," he said it with such a self-loathing voice that, just in an instant, it felt like he was regretting everything about  _them_.

"No. You are the only reason that I will survive this." She grabbed his chin to force him to look at her again. "And if you are at fault then I also have mine because I should have watched over my own health rather than waiting for you."

"Evelyn…"

"It's okay, Solas. It'll be hard but I'll still be alive. And you will make me a new arm, won't you?" She tried to say it in a playful tone, wanting to lift some of the burdens off him and it worked, just a little bit, because he smiled even with the pain still on his face. "It wouldn't be so bad if I could get an entirely new arm made by Fen'Harel himself."

"Of course, I shall give you the best replacement you could ever dream of."

"I know you will." Evelyn laughed before pulling Solas down to capture his lips. They were so sweet and even more addicting than the last time they kissed in the Fade.

Perhaps no matter how real the dream world could make things seemed to be, there was something about the physical world that the Fade could never fully emulate.

This warmth of being with him and physically within his arms, she could never have enough of it so even after they have let go of each other's mouth, she still held tightly onto him, inhaling his familiar, comforting scent.

"My love…" Solas said but didn't finish so she pulled back to look at him. His face was now full of sadness and determination.

"What's wrong, my Wolf?"

He looked straight into her eyes and said, "Evelyn… I think it is now the time for the Inquisitor to die."

"Solas?" She stared at him.

"The Inquisition has grown too large that even with my own force backing yours, there are still spies compromise your works." His lips pressed together before he continued, "And with the name of Fen'Harel had been revealed to the Qunari, most of Thedas would soon learn about it too—I am sure you know its implication."

She didn't answer straight away but mulled over his proposal. Her love was right about the Inquisition has grown out of her total control. It didn't help with other countries were breathing down her neck, there would be a lot of limitation of what she could do in the future too.

And then, there was this new issue of her going to lose her arm too. If she went back after this, people would demand her reveal more about Fen'Harel and his agents, plus the discord about her supposedly non-existent soulmate would rise again, and this time she probably wouldn't be able to bluff her way through it like the last time.

Sensing her hesitance, he added, "And… if I have to be honest, I do not want to be parted from you anymore. This arrangement between us, I have grown tired of it. I want to be with you again, vhenan."

His pleading resonated through her soul and she reached out to see. What she found when he opened his 'door' was such a profound loneliness that she couldn't help but wonder why she didn't notice it before.

But… she hadn't had a chance to say goodbye to her friends yet. She still hadn't had a chance to make up even a fraction of all the wrongs she would do to them in the future. The crystal Dorian had given her was still in the pocket on her hip, wrapped carefully in layers of cloth out of fear she would dirty it. And now, with her going with Solas, she probably would never have a chance to use it!

It wasn't the first time Evelyn felt scared about the looks that she would receive from them after everything came out, but now, the fear felt more real and heavier than ever.

"Evelyn?"

Solas called her name, forcing her back to reality and she looked at him, looked at the man she loved to remember why she was here today.

Everything she has done was to pave the way for their dream, their people, and their own selfish happiness. There was no turning now, wasn't it?

"I understand, Solas," Evelyn said. "The Inquisitor truly needs to die today."

Solas nodded but didn't say anything but instead, he reached out to stroke right underneath her eye and it was only then that Evelyn realized she was crying.

Letting out a sob, she held onto his hand. "I'm okay, it hurts now but it's going to be okay." She tried to smile through the tears before sitting up and wiped her eyes.

"Help me take off my armor," she requested and Solas immediately complied. "We'll need to blow up this place so they will think that my corpse had burn along with everything else. Can you turn some of these Qunari back to normal too? We'll need some burnt flesh and just my arm isn't going to be enough. But you need to make sure that your explosion won't be too weak or too strong, it must be just right-"

Fear and guilt clouded her heart, making her spoke constantly as she removed her armor with Solas's help, and the moment she finished her task, he pulled her into his arm.

"I am here with you," he whispered into her ear, hand gently stroking her hair and back. "Even if this world were to end, even if all were to turn their back to you, I am here for you."

Shallowing a shaking hiccup, Evelyn allowed herself to be once again soaked in his presence, to be reminded that she wasn't alone in this. She sobbed for a while into the soft wolf fur on his shoulder before lifting her face to look straight at Solas.

"Do it," she said firmly.

He nodded before pulling her back for a kiss, and then she felt it, his magic within her body.

It dulled her senses, blurred out the thoughts in her head and she could barely feel the way his fingers sliding on the skin of her left arm.

And then, he did it.

A sensation of something being removed from her arm, leaving her body lighter and emptier on her left side. It didn't hurt as much as she thought but it still felt like a shock, forcing her to leave his mouth to gasp for a breath.

All of Evelyn's strength left her body so she slumped against Solas, leaving him to wrap the stump of her arm with a piece of cloth—even with his magic, some bleeding was still happening.

With a heart that beat wildly in her chest, she glanced down to look at her fallen arm that was lying on the ground, part of the residue magic from the Anchor was still flaring around it. It still felt so surreal but she didn't have much time to look at it because soon, Solas's fingers were upon her eyes.

"Sleep now, my love, and leave the rest to me," he requested gently and Evelyn numbly answered with a nod. Instantly, her eyes started to flicker with all thoughts gradually leaving her mind.

Faintly, she felt him gather her into his arms and lifted her up. Through her foggy vision that was still wet with tears, Evelyn sensed more than see Solas's magic as he turned around.

The last thing she heard before Solas carrying her through the large Eluvian was the sounds of several explosions behind them.

And then, she knew no more.

xxXxx

In the months and years after that day, the entire Thedas would talk about the death of the Inquisitor. There would be many theories about who had killed her, the remaining rogue Qunari force that she chased after, or her supposing soulmate Fen'Harel, or someone else altogether, no one knew. But with her death, The Inquisition would have no choice but to disband, especially under the pressure of other countries and organizations.

Her loyal friends and subordinates, saddened and enraged by her sudden departure, would find themselves scattering across Thedas, either trying to search for the culprit or attempting to change the world for the better in order to honor their fallen friend and leader.

Meanwhile, the reports about the disappearances of elves, mages, even normal humans and Grey Wardens who had cut off their ties with Weisshaupt all over the world would soon come to the notice of many.

Even so, when an unstoppable army along with a massive Rift that somehow didn't release spirits and demons into the world appeared in the Dales, all would still be taken by surprise. Elves and mages with ancient magic would soon sweep their way throughout the eastern Orlais, forcing Briala to retreat back to her empress's side.

The new force would conquer each and every region they passed, but instead of indulging in pillages, rapes and destruction and leaving no survivors, they would only demand the complete surrender of the defending army of the place.

Those who accepted to bend the knees would be treated with respect. They would be left alone in peace under the guard of a small but strong force to ensure their compliance. They would even receive resources, protection and helps from this army. Villages or cities that did not do so, instead, would find themselves being completely overrun and a new leadership forcefully installed, but the civilians would still be spared, protected and allowed to leave if they wished so.

These acts of mercy and kindness would be one of the main forces for this new power to gain more supports through each step it took. It would be a known fact that soldiers in this army who did the opposite, daring to indulge in their baser desires or thirst of revenge against humans would find themselves to be set as examples for all to see by being publicly judged with the harshest punishments by their generals and leaders.

By the time anyone in Orlais could get their act together to gather a big enough counterforce, a new country would have already on the way to be established and by then the name of the one who made all that happened would already be feared through all Thedas: Fen'Harel.

With other countries either refusing to help—either due to their fear of magic and demonic possession when going near the magical army, or wanting to wait until both sides had been weakened enough to be taken advantages of—Orlais would have to fight Fen’Harel all by itself.

Countless resources and blood would be poured into this war by Orlais that even with a ‘god’ and magic on their side, the army of Fen’Harel would have to suffer great loses and damages several times.

Eventually, the Tevinter empire would agree to join forces with Orlais and people would think that perhaps it was time for this budding country to be stomped down like the Dales of old.

But no one would have the time to engage in this great war between the Dread Wolf and the Alliance of Orlais and Tevinter because soon, there would be another powerful army appeared from Anderfels, leading by the two newly awakened uncorrupted Old Gods, Rakizale and Lucasan, or if one had to call them by their original names—Dirthamen and Falon'Din.

These Old Gods and their army of elven mages and Darkspawns would be a force of nature that burnt and corrupted through every inch of land they crossed. Their atrocities and destruction against those who dared to fight back would forever be remembered by Thedas as if they were the Blight itself. Or perhaps, it  _was_  a new Bligh because, during that times, the number of Darkspawn attacks soared sharply all across the continent.

Unable to fight them after years of losing almost all of their resources to the war with Fen’Harel, and to avoid the fate of total annihilation, Orlais eventually would have to ally with the Dread Wolf, who had the backing of the Grey Wardens. A new Alliance would be made in exchange for the complete independence of the new elven and mage homeland. On his part, Fen’Harel would have to agree to compensate for Orlais through various agreements that would affect his own country’s development for years to come.

At the same time, the Tevinter Empire, which would be suffered several horrible attacks from the elven gods due to its proximity with Anderfels, would also have to join this Alliance at the cost of releasing half of their remaining elven slaves to Fen’Harel. A move that would be organized by Magister Pavus.

However, just three countries would only be enough to barely halt the advancing force of the Old Gods and the Alliance would have to expand. Several meetings and events would happen and eventually, lead to many important revelations, one of which would be the identity of Fen'Harel's consort and second-in-command: the supposedly long-dead Inquisitor Trevelyan.

With her suggestion, the Alliance would arrive at the solution of gradually remove the rest of the Veil, allowing more spirits and magic into this world to create more mages and to assist the normal armies. This was because spirits had a natural resistance to the Taint that wasn't coming directly from the Black City, thus allowing them to fight against the normal Darkspawns effectively just like the Grey Wardens.

This decision, of course, would be met with furious criticism and refusals. But in the end, with the choice between death and the acceptance of magic for a chance to survive, the members of the Alliance had no other way but to agree.

Loses and victories, debts and repayments, vengeance and forgiveness would all be needed but no matter the outcome, the world as people currently knew it would change forever.

But for now, after what had happened with the Qunari force, for the next couples of days in the headquarter of the Elven god of Rebellion, his subjects would only talk about the unbelievable thing they had witnessed when their leader came back through the eluvian.

The Dread Wolf had brought back his bondmate with him—a human with the name Evelyn.

**The End**


	15. Extra scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lame attempts at humor and plot expansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the final chapter of 'This Was My Heart'! It has been an unbelievable journey for me. I started this fic expecting something around 6 chapters with 20k words or so, And here we are 15 chapters, with 100k words. Wow!
> 
> Thank you, everyone, for your support until now. The planning for the next stories of Solas/Evelyn was still going on since I need a lot of research to make it works, but I have a lot of hope for it!
> 
> Revision date:17/06/2018

"This is your assignment, it is mainly about collecting and drafting Dalish clans and elven ruins' locations, their overall description and opinions so you can do it while traveling with your clan," Solas said, handing over the scrolls to Belraj.

"May I ask why do we need to know more about the clans?" the hunter asked, skimping through one of the pages.

"Fen'Harel has decided that our future country will allow humans to be a part of it so he needs to know which clans can be trusted around humans and which are not."

He has promised Evelyn to create a place where they could all live together so this would be the first step for it. With his people has lived too long in darkness, it was obvious that many of them wouldn't want to share or be at peace with other races. And he knew for sure a lot of them would want revenge too.

"I see."

"Any other question?"

"I want to ask more about lord Fen'Harel if you don't mind?"

"Ask, and I shall answer what I can."

"I… heard from lady Evelyn that our Lord is very… cuddly, and he looks good with flower crowns, is that true?"

That. He had no answer to  _that_.

"I am afraid I cannot answer that question," Solas replied through gritted teeth and a stoic face.

"I understand."

"Anything else?"

"No."

"Good, dismissed."

Solas decided he needed to talk to Evelyn once she was well enough.

xxXxx

Turned out the glamour spell was harder to perform than she previously thought. But really, who could have thought just changing the color of your soulmark would be that hard?

It took her two whole days to successfully cast it but once it was done, it definitely made her feel better. Solas had to feel the same too because he was stroking her wrist and smiling.

Then something hit her mind.

"Solas, why is this spell called glamour spell when the only things it can do is hide away or add tattoos, marks, and scars on your body?" She lifted an eyebrow at him. "I mean, glamour implies that it can change your whole appearance, making you look like another person completely. This spell can't even add elf ears to me or make me look fatter or thinner, shouldn't it be called cosmetic spell?

"…'Cosmetic' doesn't sound as good as 'glamour'."

"Really?"

"Really."

xxXxx

Solas hummed in appreciation as he drank in the sight of his beloved. It took him, Dorian, and Vivienne quite a considerable effort to persuade her to not wearing the normal Inquisition uniform but the result was definitely worth it.

Of course, with her personality, Evelyn has specifically designed her ballgown to prepare for what they all expected to happen – namely, fighting and bloodshed. However, no one could deny that she was very lovely in this dress no matter how serious and solemn she looked.

The outer layer of it was basically a black samite coat that covering her neck, shoulders, and arms. Its whole length reached enough to her knees while hugging tightly to her body, only flaring out around the hips and wrists. Simple gold line decorated the edges of the sleeves and the four flaps created from the cuts on her sides, front and back.

The coat was buttoned right beneath her chest while leaving the above space empty to fully reveal her lovely bosom, which was clothed in blue silk and chiffon. Similar fabrics also spilled out between the four splits around her hips, giving the impression of water streaming out of the dress to flow to the floor. The only skin she exposed was the small triangle created by the coat and her blue straight neckline, showing a hint of cleavage and her collarbone.

When the time came for them to fight, Evelyn would only need to rip off her blue skirt to reveal the legging underneath and right away, she would have a form-fitting suit to fight. Dagna had sewn several runes on the inner fabric to increase protection – nowhere as good as a real armor, of course, but definitely better than the normal delicate outfits one would wear to a ball.

Their weapons had been sneaked into the palace by their agents but just for extra safety, Evelyn had everyone strapped small arms onto their person. For himself, Solas had decided to hide his own in his boots, even if he didn't really need them and for Evelyn… well, currently he was helping her to tie some small knives onto the side of her thighs and later, he would need to hide another small blade into the loose braided bun on her head as a disguised hairpin, too.

"You look very happy. As if you are the one who wears this dress," Evelyn stated dryly from above him, making him look up from his task. Ah, from this point of view, her bosom was even more inviting than usual.

"It is always a man's great pleasure to enjoy beauty. And there is nothing more beautiful than the woman that he loves." He smiled, fingers stroking her clothed knee, sending shivers through her. "And now, with her shines even more brilliant than usual, only a fool would not be happy."

"Even when I am very likely to be covered in blood soon? Blood of innocent people, most likely." Her face suddenly turned serious and he knew what she meant.

"Any blood that was going to be spilled tonight will be by other people's hands first." Solas quickly corrected her. his hand suddenly took hold of hers. "And I know that you do not take lives without a good reason."

"Doesn't make my hand any less bloody, though," murmured Evelyn.

Fingers lacing with hers, he said firmly, "Any blood on your hand is and will always belong to me too. We are in this together."

The feeling of sadness was very apparent within her but at his declaration, Evelyn gave him a determined smile before nodding. Suddenly, she changed the subject. "So, you intend to take the passcode from Briala but still allow her access to the Crossroad?"

"Indeed." He nodded. "For now, I will simply put surveillance to make sure our spies will not encounter Briala's. Let her use the Crossroad while we take information from her. There is no need to announce to Orlais that someone else can also control the mirrors."

"And when the time comes, we will close it to swiftly cut off her force. By the time she recovered, we would have already advanced too far to be stopped," Evelyn finished the rest for him.

Clever girl, she knew him so well.

"Exactly, and tonight will be a great chance for us to start all of that. Briala will try to focus on the throne and her grasp on the security around the eluvian will slip."

"I will make sure to keep her off your back, don't you worry. But, Solas…" Her hand cupped his face.

"Yes?"

She pinched his cheek. Hard. And gave him a scolding look. "Leave that silly hat in our room. I know what implication you want to throw at the nobles there, but this is not the time for that. It doesn't even fit you properly!"

Solas mentally frowned and then exhaled. It wasn't really a surprise that Evelyn could find out about his little prank. But what a pity, really, he had gone a good bit to acquire that thing and now it was all for naught.

Yet, perhaps he could use this as an excuse later to ask for a 'compensate' from Evelyn. Hm, a good idea.

Suddenly, he saw rolling her eyes at him before sighing. "Yes, yes, I will reward you later for your good behavior."

"What? I did not say anything yet."

"You have  _that_   _look_  in your eyes that is exactly like Bull's whenever he's planning to do something  _unmentionable_  with Dorian. You men are all the same!"

And so Solas started his entrance into the Winter Palace with a very grumpy mood for not only being denied his little prank but also because he was compared to the Iron Bull of all people.

Lucky for him, he did get his 'reward' later, along with a little sweet revenge on Evelyn on the side too.

xxXxx

"You made Florianne into a court Jester. Why?" Solas asked.

"Killing her would be too easy and she doesn't post that much of a threat compared to a Venatori leader." Evelyn smirked. "I could have sent her to work in the field but that will require soldiers to make sure she wouldn't run off into the wild. Making her a jester will ensure she stay within our view, and give some fun for people in Skyhold. And when it needed, I could make use of her for our missions."

Solas just stared at Evelyn after her long explanation for a moment before deadpanning, "You just want to have a clown in this castle and an example to the Orlesian noble not to cross you."

"...Yes."

xxXxx

"You are in a good mood today," Solas commented as he was laying his head in Evelyn's lap. The two of them had spent the entire evening in the rotunda to finish up some research about Rift's activities and were now taking a break on the couch near his desk.

"I have finally managed to get Varric to update his novel and gave them to Cassandra. She scolded me for ratting her out to him but the end result was good. I've never seen Cassandra that happy, Varric was glad too."

"It is good to see them get along, but I am sensing you are not quite satisfied yet."

Her fingers stroke his ear and jaw, sending pleasant chills down his spine as she hummed. "I will be once I've heard the announcement of the birth of their first child. But just a wedding invitation would do, too,"

"...You are very invested in this matter. More than I previously thought, in fact."

"How could I not, did you see how adorable those two are when they're together? Sparks just fly everywhere."

"All I have seen up until now were sparks of a completely different dynamic. The kind that if those two were mages, demons would come to make deals with them just to get rid of the other."

"Why are you so unromantic?" Evelyn pouted. "Is this how old people are? Or just you?"

"And my courtship with you was not romantic enough, vhenan? Flowers, songs, plays, dancing, waterfalls, my very personal skills? I remember quite well that you have enjoyed them very much."

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe I need more than just your recounting to jolt my memory."

"Perhaps you need some demonstrations? Right now, maybe?"

"That sounds nice, very nice actually," Evelyn murmured, then leaning down to kiss him, but before their lips could touch, there was a loud whistle from the above floor.

"Talk louder so we up here can hear you!" From above, Dorian shouted down at them. "And while you're at it, please pull that couch to the middle of the room too! We need a better view!"

They both groaned in frustration and Evelyn leaned back but still let him lie in her lap. For the rest of the evening, Solas started to entertain the idea of asking Sera for a favor but in the end, he had decided not to.

At least, not this time.

xxXxx

Their encounter with Imshael, the so-called Spirit of Choice, went as much as Solas expected with the demon suddenly froze all of their party except for Evelyn before sweeping her away.

Thankfully, Dorian was also presented so it didn't take much for all of them to escape the trap and run to the direction Imshael has taken Evelyn to.

When they arrived, it was just in time to hear the demon's booming voice.

"—Think about it, Inquisitor, a much shorter path to reach your dream. A wonderful world where your people can be happy!"

Solas tried to fly a stream of lightings at Imshael only to be stopped by a barrier. Their whole group all screamed and yelled at Evelyn, who was on her knees, to wake up and not listen to that demon.

But she didn't pay attention to them, instead, she lifted her head to look at Imshael.

And then, his bondmate opened her mouth, "I'd like to be showered with virgins!"

Wait! What?

Everyone all stopped what they were doing to stare at her, even Imshael was clearly taken back by the very-unexpected wish that he just stood there looking at her with widened eyes.

But just right when he was opening his mouth to reply, the ground underneath the demon's feet exploded into a pillar of fire. In an instant, the barrier separating their group from Evelyn disappeared and they all went straight into attacking Imshael.

After they have finished their extremely exhausting battle, and while demon blood still covering all of them, Solas had to turn to Evelyn and gave her the most ridiculous look. "Really, vhenan? Virgins,  _really_?"

"No, not really, I just blurted out the first outrageous thing I had in mind to distract him." She laughed embarrassingly. "I've asked Michel beforehand about what Imshael had done. Not much, but they were enough to let me know that Imshael can't actually make a fully human being comes out of nowhere. So, I took the chance as he couldn't make my wish come true."

"And what would happen if he actually pulls out some virgins for you?" The Iron Bull asked, hand still swinging his ax to get rid of the blood.

"The moment he shows any sight of actually being able to do that, I would blast him before he could fulfill the contract." She grinned. "Why do you think there's suddenly an explosion beneath his feet right before he could attack us first? He was so focusing on trying to turn me that he didn't notice my trick."

"Hah! That's a good one, boss!" Bull roared out a laugh before sighing. "But seriously, pity he couldn't give us virgins, I'd love some right now to warm me up."

"What? I'm not enough for you?" Dorian nudged at his lover with the end of his staff.

"I didn't say that I won't share, Kadan!"

"I can help you getting warm too," Cole chimed in from the other side which prompted both Bull and Dorian to let a groan.

"No, Cole, thanks but no."

While the couple continued their bickering with Cole standing in the middle, Solas came to Evelyn who just finished reeling up the flag of the Inquisition to heal a cut on her shoulder. In the middle of it, he huffed out a small chuckle. "I have never imaged that one of the Forbidden One could be brought down because my bondmate wished to be drowned in virgins."

She giggled. "Even if there were several virgins to appear here, I doubt I could do anything with them." Her eyes turned sly as she gazed up at him. "After all, I like experienced men with great skills that know the right way to warm me up, not some bumbling beginners."

Puffing his chest in pride, Solas smirked, hand now stroking the bare but healed skin on her shoulder. "Ah, then perhaps, you would love to have one in your tent tonight?"

"I would be very sad if he doesn't come," she said and place a kiss on his lips.

Among the deaths and destruction of this place, her kiss still tasted as sweet as the victory wine he used to drink thousands of years ago, and he couldn't help but smile.

xxXxx

"Your name is Abelas? Abelas? As in 'Sorrow'?" Varric basically squeaked out his question as he looked at the Sentinel leader, who recently joined their cause (mostly for avenging Mythal, actually) as if the elf was growing a second head.

Abelas looked at the dwarf with narrowed eyes. "Yes, is that a problem?"

"No- Yes, I just want to confirm something," her friend said and then whispered something into Abelas's ear which made the elf's eyes widened.

Abelas just said, "Yes," then quickly left the room, leaving behind Varric who quickly turned to her.

"Bookworm, no matter what, do not mention anything about Abelas in any of your letters to Hawke. We don't need a glowing, overprotective, murderous elf waving a giant sword at Skyhold's gate."

"Huh?"

"Just listen to me. You don't want your new ally to get killed, do you? That guy has already pissed enough about Hawke, I don't want any of us to get the magical fisting treatment!"

Evelyn didn't get to ask more about it and just nodded, but she could hear Varric mumbled to himself as he walked away - Something about "How to keep secrets until the little Robin is old enough," and "Didn't think he'd be  _that_  old. No wonder the older papa Broody was so mad when they talked about Betty's soulmate."

xxXxx

As Kenric realized he had forgotten the other 'F' in the elven pantheon, Evelyn's bondmate said with a very offended tone, "Most people do."

If Evelyn was drinking something at that moment, she would surely do a spit take but since she didn't, she just had to bite her lips not to laugh out loud.

Once the others had gone out of earshot, she squeezed Solas's hand. "It's okay, I don't forget Fen'Harel."

He huffed, face turned into what was almost a pout. "You  _always_  remembered my name first so you are not counted."

"Now, now, don't be so mad. How about I compensate something for you tonight? We haven't tried out the new fur mattress the Avvar gave us yet. And I can warm you up, without my clothes too." Evelyn said gently, hand stroking his jaw before kissing it.

"Perhaps it is a good thing to have only you remember my name first." Solas hummed, making Evelyn grinned like a cat in her head.

Too easy!

xxXxx

The night right after Solas had brought her back to his headquarter, Evelyn had asked him if he knew how to isolate a magical item from being tracked since she still had the crystal Dorian gave her.

Knowing it that it had too much sentimental value to her to throw away despite the risk, Solas immediately called upon an old elvhen spell to do so for Evelyn since she was still too weak to perform magic. Once he finished, Evelyn just murmured a quiet thank while fiddling the crystal in her remaining hand.

He knew the sorrow of today was still too much to her so he didn't say anything more, simply sat there which his arms around her until he heard her asked, "You don't want to borrow this and replicate the magic for your agents?"

He shook his head. "There is no need for that. I have already had knowledge about this kind of device and had also made some for my top spies."

After some thinking, he added, "And even if I need it, I could do it later. Right now, you are more important."

Evelyn let out a long sigh before snuggling even closer to his chest. "Stay with me," she whispered, voice had the barest shake in it.

"Always." His hold on her tightened and there was nothing else needed to be said that night.

xxXxx

"Just… a… little… more!" Evelyn gritted her teeth, trying to stand on the tips of her toes while pulling out that giant book with one hand.

Right now, she was in Fen'Harel's general library. Since her new arm had not finished yet, she could go on field-duty yet.

Since many agents in this hideout were still wary or suspicious of her, she didn't have any companion to help with... Well, she had some a few days before—her own recruits from the Red Scales incident. They were wonderful to her and had tried their best to help her settling down and learning about how things worked around here. But since they all had their own duties, after a while, she had asked them to not worry about her and go on with their work.

Thinking about it, the same thing had happened with Solas too. During her first three days here, he had basically glued to her side, trying to baby Evelyn to the point that she had to remind him that she was still waiting for her new arm to shoo him away. Solas had acted almost like a kicked puppy but he did relent and now, during the day, aside from his main work with the organization, he spent most of his time in his lab/study to work on his new project.

He didn't allow her to leave his side at night though, but Evelyn wasn't going to complain about that part.

But right now, it was still during daylight so she was all alone, trying to get a book without pulling out the rest with it. She could not use the ladder because she had only one arm! Just who did the design of this library anyway? Why were there only long benches and no chair for her to use?

Preparing for her third jump, Evelyn didn't notice someone was approaching her until a hand reached over her head, grabbed the book, pulled it out and placed it into her hand.

Immediately turning around, Evelyn saw the elf she had seen lurking around the headquarter a few times before. She knew him and had also noticed him from Solas's memories about Arlathan before.

His name, if she remembered right, was Felassan.

"Thank you." Evelyn smiled with an incline of her head. "I thought you had gone on some new mission for Solas."

She noticed his ear twitched a little when she said 'Solas'. Hm, probably he wasn't used to hearing anyone who called the Dread Wolf so casually like that. Another thing to remind how different she was to everyone around here. This must have been how it felt for Solas when he was among the Inquisition's members and humans in general.

"I'm surprised you notice me," he replied but didn't quite answer her question.

"Solas mentioned you a couple of times before. And I do know that you were from Elvhenan just like him unlike most others here." Evelyn smiled politely. "But you still haven't answered my question."

"Well, Lord Fen'Harel did give me a new mission but I declined. Instead, I asked him to be transferred to work for you."

Evelyn blinked. "Why?"

"For one thing, I believe that by working with the one who has caused the Dread Wolf himself to pardon and release me from my stone prison, I could show my gratitude and loyalty better."

Ah yes, she remembered now—Solas has been gathering Dreamers and other talented mages from around the world to prepare for his new barriers so even the ones deemed traitors like Felassan were given a second chance - with a tight leash on them, of course, but still a second chance, nonetheless. And Felassan's reason to approach her made sense. And yet…

"I assume there's another reason," she asked honestly.

"Indeed. I have a feeling it'd be more fun to work for you. I mean, who wouldn't want to get to know the one woman who can call Fen'Harel 'cuddly'." The elf smirked mischievously. "I have seen him in his wolf form many times and I've never dared to think about him that way. Now thanks to you, I couldn't get the image of our great Lord wearing flower crown out of my head."

"Ehhhh, h-how did you…" Evelyn stammered, feeling her face burned bright red.

" _Your_  agents are a very chatty bunch." He shrugged, smiling ear-to-ear. "Very eager and driven. Good with their job, too. But they need to rein in their gossiping habit."

Maker damned her and their loud mouths! Next time when she had another meeting with her group, Evelyn would have to have a very serious talk about that with them!

xxXxx

Stepping out of the Eluvian, Solas looked around to find that the person he wanted to see the most wasn't here to greet him. Strange, Evelyn was always here to welcome him whenever she didn't have a mission that forced her to travel away.

"Where is my bondmate?" he asked a nearby servant.

"Lady Evelyn is in your room, my Lord," the servant answered with a confused voice. "From what I know, she was very happy that today's mission was a success but when I brought her meal to her, her mood has completely changed. She looks… traumatized, my Lord."

Frowning, Solas quickly returned to his and Evelyn's chamber. Upon going through the door, he found her curled up on their bed, hugging a pillow tightly to herself.

He ran to her side to stroke her hair, making Evelyn looking up to him. "Vhenan, are you well?"

"I know I did many bad things but even I don't deserve  _that_!" she whispered in a shaking voice.

The lines between Solas's brows deepened at her comment. Holding her up to help her sit between his legs, he cooed at her gently, "Talk to me, vhenan. Tell me what is wrong."

"You probably have known that my plan of guiding Bull to save Dorian from being assassinated was a success?" asked Evelyn.

He nodded and she held out her communicate crystal, which had been placed inside a pendant.

"I used this to check on Dorian, and as usual, I have to do that covering spell to make sure Dorian wouldn't know that my end is active?"

From the beginning, Evelyn has always been using her crystal to observe their Tevinter friend and has developed a specific spell to prevent the other side knowing that her end still existed and working.

Of course, all magic has some kind of trade-off, and since Evelyn was still quite inexperienced in developing her own magic, she couldn't minimize the downside of this spell—it required a fifteen-minute cooldown while the magic device was still active, and Evelyn had to hold the thing in her hand the entire time.

In short, once she used the crystal and activate the magic ward, she could not turn it off for at least fifteen minutes nor place it somewhere else away from her.

Suddenly, Solas had an inkling of what had happened to his soulmate.

"So, Dorian…" he started.

"He was doing  _it_  with Bull when I checked on him." Evelyn sobbed into his shoulder. "And Bull had  _all_  his toys with him! And I heard  _everything_!"

Solas tightened his jaw. His shoulder trembled. His stomach started to hurt.

"The things they did in just fifteen minutes, those  _are_  not meant to be used in wars, let alone bedrooms! Why did the Maker do this to me? I know I'm not a good person but why did He have to punish me so!"

Couldn't contain himself anymore, Solas doubled over and laughed out loud. His whole body shaking from the force.

"Stop laughing, Solas!" Evelyn pushed him backward and pounded on his chest with her fists. "Or you will sleep on the couch tonight!"

Between his laughter and tears and her attacks, Solas somehow managed to squeeze out an answer to her threat. "Do you need me to make a new spell for you that does not have a cooldown or need you to hold the pendant?"

Her fist stopped mid-air.

"…Yes, please."

That night, he didn't have to sleep on the couch.

xxXxx

After nearly ten years, Evelyn has finally returned to the Halamshiral, which would soon to be renamed as Tuarlathan by Solas. It was surreal, to say the least, but she didn't have much time to ponder on her feeling since tons of works were still waiting for her.

She would need to manage the trading agreements from various guilds and companies, oversee the application of the new tax system, fix the damages the previous battles have inflicted on the city, provide resources for the new migrants to settle down, compensates for the original citizens while mediating the two factions and more.

But right now, during one of her less stressful time of the day, Evelyn was looking over the plans to help the leaders of her force into their respective residents around the Winter Palace.

They were generals, advisors, researchers, teachers, professors, and the like. All with their own specialty to contribute to the war not with just in the battlefields but also in the rebuilding efforts. They would lead, meditate, teach and help people to accept each other regardless their races and ability in magic, and Evelyn needed them to start in Tuarlathan since it had the biggest population and would be the central economy of this new country.

"This place is for the Warden-Commander Amell, and next to it will be for the Hawke family. The children in those two houses are all Half-elves so they will need live near where the main school is. Their presence there along with other Laleal's children will show others that the two races could live and learn together," said Evelyn while pointing to two locations on the map.

"You also mentioned that Hawke's husband will handle training the city guards?" Abelas asked. Was it just her or was his frown even deeper than usual?

She nodded. "Yes, you will soon to be on the battlefield again so someone else had to handle the training duty for you. Marian will mainly stay in this city to help train the mages and she couldn't stay away from Fenris for too long so he needs a job here too."

Abelas didn't say anything so Evelyn added, "In fact, tomorrow, you will need to meet with their family to help them move in and guide them around the academy and watch posts."

The Sentinel stiffened at her order but he still didn't comment anything and just nodded before leaving.

After nearly ten years, Evelyn was really itching to know what was his problem with the Hawke family so maybe she would need to ask him directly soon.

But she didn't need to because the next day, she finally learned everything when the news of how the meeting between Abelas and the Hawkes went finally came to her.

Apparently, Marian's husband had tried to murder Abelas by literally sticking his hand into the latter's chest immediately upon hearing the Sentinel's name.


	16. A Sequel!

The first chapter of a sequel for "This was My Heart" called "The Body of a Complete Soul" has been posted on Ao3!

This story doesn't have much of a complete plot and more focus on explaining some plot points to build up more foundation for the next sequel, as well as to explore and develop characters. And smut! Mostly for smut and fluff with a dash of angst!

Finally, that story is still un-beta so if anyone interested, please feel free to contact me.


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